[ video -> voice | un: keith ]

[tempredmental]

[The video was brief, kind of like that moment when you activated the camera on your phone and forgot it was in selfie mode. The omni shook and rotated, leaving the viewer with a dizzying array of scenery that was kind of blurry and hard to make out. It was dark, though, like the person broadcasting was in a closed room with no lights on.

As the video shifted, glimpses of a person could be seen. A hand... the fingernails-turned-claws bitten down short as if trying to cover the transformation... a burn scar on the right side of a face... dark, almost black, hair with a purple tint, long-ish, shaggy looking, a thin white streak with a extremely slight violet hue to it near the left temple... pale skin... deep cobalt eyes that looked exhausted with dark tired bruises underneath from lack of sleep...]

Shit-...

[And the video was gone. It was just voice now, Keith's voice, but raspier than usual, worn sounding, loaded with regret and guilt and just... sad.]

I um... [He was hesitant. Unsure.] I wanted to... apologize. [His tone faltered, like he was searching for words, having trouble forming them and getting them out.] I... I did a lot of stuff last month. Just um... Yeah. The Reckoning took care of it.

But... if you still want... you know. Fine. I understand. I won't stop you.

[And then the feed shut off.]

Comments

[martyrofduty]

They'll seek it regardless, and you will return again if they succeed in the same position.

[tempredmental]

But they'd've gotten something from it, right? So, that would be that. It would be even.

[martyrofduty]

There is no guarantee of that. For some people, yes. For others, there will never be enough.

[tempredmental]

Mm... Yeah.

[Keith knew that. He'd seen it among the Galra under Zarkon. Heck, he'd seen it in Zarkon himself with the way he expanded the Empire and in Honerva in her never-ending quest to harvest quintessence. That kind of desire to have it all could extend to anything.

He sighed.]

I don't know... [He didn't know what else he could do.]

[martyrofduty]

There's no perfect answer. Not knowing is the first step.

[ Duty knows there isn't always a satisfactory answer either. ]

Not repeating it goes a long way. So much as we are able.

[tempredmental]

Trust me. I don't want to repeat it. And, if I had my say, I wouldn't.

[Yes, Keith was a troublemaker and had a temper, but he wasn't inherently bad. Random wanton chaos like what he'd done, breaking things, beating people up, it wasn't in his nature. Hence the problem he was having at the moment with all this guilt.]

[martyrofduty]

You have your say. It's called backup plans. Talk with people you trust to stop you and make sure they can.

[tempredmental]

[Oof. That hit a sore spot. Keith almost growled under his breath.]

I've been the backup plan. [Not in the sense of what happened here, but close enough. Thinking about having to be the one to step up and take over when someone died was still a backup plan.] I don't want anyone else to have to think about that.

[martyrofduty]

Death is temporary. None of us can be our own backup plan.

[tempredmental]

That doesn't make it easier for someone to think about doing.

[Keith's voice was quiet. He'd come close once. Even knowing later that it wasn't quite what he thought it was, it was still painful.]

[martyrofduty]

You cannot rely on The Reckoning.

[tempredmental]

I don't know. She seemed to do a pretty damned good job of finishing me off this time.

[Yeah, that came out kind of snappish...]

[martyrofduty]

What if she approves of it next time?

[ Slow, steady words. Unrelenting. ]

[tempredmental]

Approves of what? Random destruction? Somehow, I don't think that's her jam.

[martyrofduty]

Who knows how you'll lash out? Killing a wrongdoer is.

[tempredmental]

Mm.

[Keith was quiet for a moment, considering that.]

I guess.

[It wasn't like he'd been judging anyone he went after. At least, he didn't think he had. It was still kind of murky.]

[martyrofduty]

No one solution can be relied upon. This place is unpredictable. All we can do is learn and do better.

[tempredmental]

N-no... I know. [He rubbed his face.] It's... good to have a back up... [He took a breath.] I just... I need to figure out who.

[martyrofduty]

You do. People you trust to do what you need them to.

[tempredmental]

[Keith nodded.]

I think... that's the hard part. The trust. And being willing to find someone who you can put that burden on without guilt for making them do it.

[martyrofduty]

You can offer the same for them, if you're able. You can only trust them to know how much burden it is and that they can handle.

[tempredmental]

I just don't want someone to have to face the idea of killing me. Most of the people I can think of are people I wouldn't want to have to do that.

[martyrofduty]

The point is to minimize harm. There isn't a no harm scenario.

Most means not all.

[tempredmental]

Yeah, well... the ones that I'm not as concerned about, I'm not sure if I trust them. [Pickle...] But I know. I can't protect everyone all the time. I just don't want anyone to... [He sighed.] I'll figure it out.

[martyrofduty]

No one can protect everyone all the time. That's reality, not a failing.

Good. You can do it.