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[ video -> voice | un: keith ]

[The video was brief, kind of like that moment when you activated the camera on your phone and forgot it was in selfie mode. The omni shook and rotated, leaving the viewer with a dizzying array of scenery that was kind of blurry and hard to make out. It was dark, though, like the person broadcasting was in a closed room with no lights on.

As the video shifted, glimpses of a person could be seen. A hand... the fingernails-turned-claws bitten down short as if trying to cover the transformation... a burn scar on the right side of a face... dark, almost black, hair with a purple tint, long-ish, shaggy looking, a thin white streak with a extremely slight violet hue to it near the left temple... pale skin... deep cobalt eyes that looked exhausted with dark tired bruises underneath from lack of sleep...]

Shit-...

[And the video was gone. It was just voice now, Keith's voice, but raspier than usual, worn sounding, loaded with regret and guilt and just... sad.]

I um... [He was hesitant. Unsure.] I wanted to... apologize. [His tone faltered, like he was searching for words, having trouble forming them and getting them out.] I... I did a lot of stuff last month. Just um... Yeah. The Reckoning took care of it.

But... if you still want... you know. Fine. I understand. I won't stop you.

[And then the feed shut off.]

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[She sighed and smiled, resting her elbow in front of her. Seemed apologies were making the rounds this month. Not surprising.]

Fortunately, dear Keith, you caused no harm to me at all. I had more than my own share of things to deal with. Just... know that even if you had, I would have forgiven.

But... I should hope nobody takes you up on that last offer. Your mind was addled, like many of ours.

[ .. well, that certainly is a very troubled message, isn't it. Even without knowing any of the context behind it, Daniel can obviously still tell that much. ]

What do you mean, the Reckoning.. 'took care of it'?

[ He has an idea of what the other could mean.

It's just not an idea he'd like to be true. ]

'if you still want' what, Keith?

[Sir you are doing him a heckin concern!!!]

I feel like I dragged a whole bunch of people down.

[Frankly, he didn't even remember half of it. It was fuzzy and hazy and he knew he fought some people and broke a lot of things, but it was the details... the faces of people he'd affected, the items he'd destroyed... that were hard to recall.]

She's one of the Pthumerians.

Bent on justice and retribution.

She caught up to me. Carried out her punishment.

[Keith wasn't sure he could actually say the words, "The Reckoning killed me," yet.]

[It took a long time for Keith to be able to really come out with it. Especially to Shiro.]

Revenge Retribution Whatever

I... want to say that you did not. Because this happens. Because you regret that it happened. Because you can't control all of these things. You can never fully control them. No matter how much you prepare. Sometimes it happens.

[She dragged her hand through her hair and she sighed.]

Would you like to talk with someone who you didn't lose it towards for a bit? I know that you need to talk with them, but sometimes... it can be good to get away from that whole situation. And besides, we haven't talked in a while, and I've been meaning to apologize for that.

Question: what is it you want to get out of this post?

No. That's not happening. Who said they want that?

[Some people might offer compassion or a caring nature. And then there is.....Maul.]

If you looked any worse, I'd assume you'd soon be on your way to quickly perish.

[ Well, the reality behind that idea sure caught up with him quick there, didn't it. It's exactly what Daniel imagined, especially with the ~~rants and ravings of the townspeople~~ stories he's heard about that being from people.

His tone softens. ]

I'm sorry.

[ Some might assume the Reckoning only did what was right, but her sense of justice seems.. a little too rigid, perhaps. Especially since this guy is out here apologizing for what happened, in a way that seems too genuine for it to be some bad guy manipulation play. ]

It's good of you to apologize, but.. you should also take it easy for now. I can't imagine any of that was easy to get through.

[Keith wasn't sure if he was feeling up to be social, but... was this really 'social' in this case? He wasn't sure. Honestly, being alone probably wasn't the best thing. And maybe just... sitting somewhere else... might help. He sighed a small huff.]

That's probably not a bad idea. Just... not... wallowing... I guess.

Exactly. The feeling of remorse and loathing, it's normal. But don't let it overwhelm you. As hard as it sounds, you have to be able to forgive yourself. [Fidget, fidget.] It's important that you forgive yourself, Keith.

[She might have put a little too much stress on it when she said that. She did remember how much Keith could get very hard on himself when something went badly like this...]

Would you like to get something to eat? To take your mind off of things, just the two of us?

...

I'm not sure what... you're asking?

What else would I get out of this? I just wanted... [He sighed.] I wanted to apologize. So, I'm doing that.

Shouldnt it tho No one said it specifically But its there I fucked up shiro I need to pay for that

Well Im coming back from having already done that So maybe this is me getting better

You could want absolution—whether forgiveness or punishment.

You didn't apologize.

[ Duty plays the audio of the original video clip. Keith's voice says ]

Shit-... I um... I wanted to... apologize. I... I did a lot of stuff last month. Just um... Yeah. The Reckoning took care of it. But... if you still want... you know. Fine. I understand. I won't stop you.

[ Duty pauses a few seconds. ]

I don't know what you did or who you hurt or how they feel. If you want to apologize, you still need to.

I guess.

[In general, Keith was thinking he should be out there getting shit from people, so taking it easy felt like the wrong thing to do.]

I just... want to make things right. Some people said that there was something... something evil possessing people... or good? Or just, I don't know. [Words were hard. Things were fuzzy. He was recovering from death.] I know that... maybe it was just some... exaggerated thing. But, at the time, it felt... I wanted to do them. I don't now. It wasn't normal.

[Keith was still coming to terms with the idea that this place, Trench itself, just messes with a person's head.]

[Keith was definitely the type who was painfully aware of his own flaws, and tended to really take things on himself in harsh ways. Though, he was also highly defensive when he knew he didn't do something wrong and someone claimed that he did... which really often ended up being the opposite side of the same coin.]

Uh... [He had no appetite, really, but he knew he should eat. He took a deep breath.] Yeah. Okay.

[He'll just avoid the actual topic of forgiveness for now...]

[She breathed a sigh of relief, reaching up to run her hands through her hair and nodding. Ok, food was good. Food was avoiding problems, but that was nothing new. She did that a lot.]

There's a nice little restaurant in Cellar Door. I'll send you the address and meet you there in, say, a half hour?

You already said 'the Reckoning took care of it'. That's enough. No question.

.....

But... I did?

[Okay, so Keith was confused. He listened to the playback.]

How is that not an apology?

[Honestly, Keith didn't remember everything he did or everyone he hurt, either, so that was also part of the problem.]

[Half an hour. Probably just enough time for him to attempt bathing, putting on cleanish clothing, and then immediately talk himself out of going, but he'd give it a try.]

Yeah. That sounds... [Good? That was too optimistic.] Okay.

And people who dont feel the reckoning acts for them

[Part of this was Keith seeking something more... direct... than just some Pthumerian justice for what he did while possessed by something evil.]

What about them

Edited 2022-08-17 06:01 (UTC)

[The feed switches, then. Abruptly. Because this isn't something that he wants to be left in text. Let it be out there for anyone to read.]

Then then can deal with me.

[There is no arguing with that particular Shiro tone.]

Any of them who have a problem, they deal with me. I've been in this damn situation for four years, Keith. I have seen what the Dream, what this Waking World, can do to people. And it has never been their fault they fell under some spell, some compulsion.

I'll tell them the same thing.

So they can deal with me.

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[ video -> voice | un: keith ]

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