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[ video -> voice | un: keith ]

[The video was brief, kind of like that moment when you activated the camera on your phone and forgot it was in selfie mode. The omni shook and rotated, leaving the viewer with a dizzying array of scenery that was kind of blurry and hard to make out. It was dark, though, like the person broadcasting was in a closed room with no lights on.

As the video shifted, glimpses of a person could be seen. A hand... the fingernails-turned-claws bitten down short as if trying to cover the transformation... a burn scar on the right side of a face... dark, almost black, hair with a purple tint, long-ish, shaggy looking, a thin white streak with a extremely slight violet hue to it near the left temple... pale skin... deep cobalt eyes that looked exhausted with dark tired bruises underneath from lack of sleep...]

Shit-...

[And the video was gone. It was just voice now, Keith's voice, but raspier than usual, worn sounding, loaded with regret and guilt and just... sad.]

I um... [He was hesitant. Unsure.] I wanted to... apologize. [His tone faltered, like he was searching for words, having trouble forming them and getting them out.] I... I did a lot of stuff last month. Just um... Yeah. The Reckoning took care of it.

But... if you still want... you know. Fine. I understand. I won't stop you.

[And then the feed shut off.]

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[The feed switches, then. Abruptly. Because this isn't something that he wants to be left in text. Let it be out there for anyone to read.]

Then then can deal with me.

[There is no arguing with that particular Shiro tone.]

Any of them who have a problem, they deal with me. I've been in this damn situation for four years, Keith. I have seen what the Dream, what this Waking World, can do to people. And it has never been their fault they fell under some spell, some compulsion.

I'll tell them the same thing.

So they can deal with me.

Shiro-...

[Keith's voice was shaky and raspy. No. No. This wasn't supposed to happen.]

You can't. Okay? You can't... I can't...

[His voice got muffled as he put his head in his hands.]

I don't... I don't want you to do that for me.

Because you'd rather beat yourself up for something out of your control?

[Sir do you hear yourself?]

Edited (wording) 2022-08-19 04:42 (UTC)

I'm not. I'm letting others get what they need out of it.

[He was letting them beat him up, Shiro. See? It's different.]

And what if what they need is you, alive, unharmed?

You're not doing this, Keith.

Obviously, I'm not gonna stay dead, so I don't see why it makes a difference!

[Okay, that came out stronger than intended... Keith physically recoiled from the Omni, even if Shiro couldn't see it. He'd surprised himself with the venom in his own voice.]

It -

[He pauses, dragging his hand down his face. Through his hair.]

So then it wouldn't make a difference if I decided to do the same thing. Would it?

That's-!

[Keith cut himself off with a choked sound.

That wasn't fair. He wanted to say it wasn't the same, but... well, it was, wasn't it? Or... was it? Keith clenched his teeth for a second.]

You're a different person. [His voice came out as a rough whisper, shaking.] You're not me. You're better than that. It would make a difference. More people care about you.

So much "better" that I let myself turn into a monster?

[Another silence. A steadying breath.]

Because 'more people' care, it means the ones who do want to see you safe don't matter?

No... [Keith sounded close to crying. There were a few heavy breaths.] It just means less people would be affected, so it's not as big of a deal. [He sniffed.]

That doesn't make it any better. Or right.

[He's still as firm as ever, but his tone is quieter. Gentler.]

Where are you right now?

[There was a wooden thunk as Keith dropped his omni on the floor. He didn't disconnect, but he just had both hands wrapped around his head right now as he was trying to keep himself from falling apart.]

In the barn loft...

[His answer was quiet.]

Okay. Okay, stay put. I'm going to come see you, all right?

[A moment's pause, before he adds:]

And I'm not angry. Not with you. Trust me on that?

Mm-hm...

[That was about all he could muster in the way of a response at the moment...]

Stay put. On my way.

[Hauling himself out of bed, out of the house. He could take the bike, but that requires more balance than he actually has right now. So - the Lion it is. If the robot has a problem with it, there's no sense of it. Especially since it's Keith who needs a hand.]

[It... takes longer than it probably would otherwise, but eventually, he's at the barn. Edging the door open.]

... Keith?

[Keith honestly had no intentions of leaving. He curled up into a ball, pressed into the corner of some haybales. When Shiro came in, Kosmo teleported down to meet him. He wagged his tail slowly, kind of weakly. He was concerned for Keith. The wolf nudged at the door to get Shiro to come inside before pressing against the man's leg, ready to teleport him up to the loft if he needed it.]

Hey, buddy. [There's a real flicker of a smile, seeing Kosmo. And Shiro leans into him for a second, reaching out to scratch those ears.] Good boy.

Here to give me a lift?

[He'll bring you some treats for this, pupper.]

[Kosmo looked up at Shiro from where he stood, pressed against him, and gave another small wag of his tail. It was all the warning Shiro would get before-

FLASH

-they were in the loft.

Keith didn't even look up.

Kosmo whined a little, lowering his head and going over to give Keith a nudge in his side.]

[You know, that never gets any less disorienting. But hey, at least now the clothes come with them. He staggers for a second, reaching out a hand to brace against a beam before continuing.]

[A couple steps, and he drops down to sit cross-legged next to Keith.]

Hey. You don't have to talk yet... but I'm here. When you're ready.

[He didn't deserve it. People were right back then. He was just a troublemaker, just a failure. He wasn't worth saving. He was broken. Why else would these things keep targeting him, keep using him? Clearly, it was because that was what he was suited for.]

It doesn't matter. I'm not worth it. I don't know why you still care. I just keep fucking it up.

Stop.

[In that calm, steady way of his. No anger. Just a firm command, in a quiet voice. It hurts, honestly, hearing that. Hearing someone you care about say those things. Like how much you care, how much you believe in them, doesn't matter.]

[... is this how people feel when he does it - ]

I wouldn't be here if you weren't worth it. You haven't done anything close to screwing up 'too much'. There's no such thing.

Not to me.

[Keith let out a sharp breath and clenched his jaw, unintentionally baring his teeth. His hands clenched in his hair as he shook his head.]

Everyone has a limit.

[At least, everyone he'd ever known. His rattled nerves had him convinced that it was only a matter of time before finding Shiro's at this rate. There had to be one. Teachers, social workers, classmates, they'd all had limits. They'd all stopped putting up with Keith's issues a long time ago.

Next to him, Kosmo moved closer, pressing himself hard against Keith's side, and rested his head across his shoulders. The wolf peered up at Shiro. Hugs were good, right? He lifted a paw and put it on Keith's back. Like this?]

And you really think, after all this time, after everything we've been through... you're going to hit mine?

[There's disbelief there, honestly. Very, very few people have ever managed to hit Shiro's 'limit'. A high number of them he only discovered in Deerington, and then Trench. Keith has never come close. Not even once.]

[His shoulder leans into Keith's. The opposite one from Kosmo. Look, they're both still here. They're not going anywhere.]

I've been in this place way too long to start blaming individual people for what they're forced to do. [He pauses, waiting. Then goes on, just as quietly, just as calmly.] Someone else I was really close to... back in Deerington - she was like a sister, younger sister I never had, you know? The town made her want to kill everyone close to her. It preyed on her. Twisted her feelings up until she didn't have a choice.

This place does the same thing.

It didn't stop me from looking after her. Being there for her. And neither is this.

[Honestly? Yes. Keith did think that. After all, it was there, right? So, he had to hit it some time. But, of all the people in his life to hit limits with, Shiro was one of the ones he was most afraid to do so with. He didn't want to hit Shiro's limit. It would tear him apart if he ever did.

He felt that pressure, sandwiched between the two of them, simultaneously trapped and comforted. It was a strange feeling, but he was conscious enough of his feelings at this point to realize which was real and which wasn't. He was close, and Shiro's story pushed him closer.

His breath hitched, and he turned, burying his face against Shiro's side and clinging tightly to him. Kosmo shifted enough so he could lay down with his head on Keith's legs.]

It's just... you turned, and... I thought... I thought it was because... what I did... 'cuz I got myself-...

[He's quiet, in answer. Sure, he has a limit, but it's so far away from anything Keith has ever done that it may as well not exist. Keith is family. You forgive, you work with, family. His arm slings around Keith's shoulders. Letting him speak. Letting him get it out, before he answers.]

I can't lie to you. It... probably contributed. [He hates to say that. He absolutely hates it, and wishes he could say almost literally anything else. But Keith deserves the truth.]

[All of the truth.]

But I ... lost someone else, before it happened. [As in, lost them to the ocean.] Finding out was the last thing I remember before - you know. So it wasn't only you, okay?

You came back.

[Will Byers... didn't.]

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