deernet | [ video -> voice

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[ video -> voice | un: keith ]

[The video was brief, kind of like that moment when you activated the camera on your phone and forgot it was in selfie mode. The omni shook and rotated, leaving the viewer with a dizzying array of scenery that was kind of blurry and hard to make out. It was dark, though, like the person broadcasting was in a closed room with no lights on.

As the video shifted, glimpses of a person could be seen. A hand... the fingernails-turned-claws bitten down short as if trying to cover the transformation... a burn scar on the right side of a face... dark, almost black, hair with a purple tint, long-ish, shaggy looking, a thin white streak with a extremely slight violet hue to it near the left temple... pale skin... deep cobalt eyes that looked exhausted with dark tired bruises underneath from lack of sleep...]

Shit-...

[And the video was gone. It was just voice now, Keith's voice, but raspier than usual, worn sounding, loaded with regret and guilt and just... sad.]

I um... [He was hesitant. Unsure.] I wanted to... apologize. [His tone faltered, like he was searching for words, having trouble forming them and getting them out.] I... I did a lot of stuff last month. Just um... Yeah. The Reckoning took care of it.

But... if you still want... you know. Fine. I understand. I won't stop you.

[And then the feed shut off.]

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[Kosmo looked up at Shiro from where he stood, pressed against him, and gave another small wag of his tail. It was all the warning Shiro would get before-

FLASH

-they were in the loft.

Keith didn't even look up.

Kosmo whined a little, lowering his head and going over to give Keith a nudge in his side.]

[You know, that never gets any less disorienting. But hey, at least now the clothes come with them. He staggers for a second, reaching out a hand to brace against a beam before continuing.]

[A couple steps, and he drops down to sit cross-legged next to Keith.]

Hey. You don't have to talk yet... but I'm here. When you're ready.

[He didn't deserve it. People were right back then. He was just a troublemaker, just a failure. He wasn't worth saving. He was broken. Why else would these things keep targeting him, keep using him? Clearly, it was because that was what he was suited for.]

It doesn't matter. I'm not worth it. I don't know why you still care. I just keep fucking it up.

Stop.

[In that calm, steady way of his. No anger. Just a firm command, in a quiet voice. It hurts, honestly, hearing that. Hearing someone you care about say those things. Like how much you care, how much you believe in them, doesn't matter.]

[... is this how people feel when he does it - ]

I wouldn't be here if you weren't worth it. You haven't done anything close to screwing up 'too much'. There's no such thing.

Not to me.

[Keith let out a sharp breath and clenched his jaw, unintentionally baring his teeth. His hands clenched in his hair as he shook his head.]

Everyone has a limit.

[At least, everyone he'd ever known. His rattled nerves had him convinced that it was only a matter of time before finding Shiro's at this rate. There had to be one. Teachers, social workers, classmates, they'd all had limits. They'd all stopped putting up with Keith's issues a long time ago.

Next to him, Kosmo moved closer, pressing himself hard against Keith's side, and rested his head across his shoulders. The wolf peered up at Shiro. Hugs were good, right? He lifted a paw and put it on Keith's back. Like this?]

And you really think, after all this time, after everything we've been through... you're going to hit mine?

[There's disbelief there, honestly. Very, very few people have ever managed to hit Shiro's 'limit'. A high number of them he only discovered in Deerington, and then Trench. Keith has never come close. Not even once.]

[His shoulder leans into Keith's. The opposite one from Kosmo. Look, they're both still here. They're not going anywhere.]

I've been in this place way too long to start blaming individual people for what they're forced to do. [He pauses, waiting. Then goes on, just as quietly, just as calmly.] Someone else I was really close to... back in Deerington - she was like a sister, younger sister I never had, you know? The town made her want to kill everyone close to her. It preyed on her. Twisted her feelings up until she didn't have a choice.

This place does the same thing.

It didn't stop me from looking after her. Being there for her. And neither is this.

[Honestly? Yes. Keith did think that. After all, it was there, right? So, he had to hit it some time. But, of all the people in his life to hit limits with, Shiro was one of the ones he was most afraid to do so with. He didn't want to hit Shiro's limit. It would tear him apart if he ever did.

He felt that pressure, sandwiched between the two of them, simultaneously trapped and comforted. It was a strange feeling, but he was conscious enough of his feelings at this point to realize which was real and which wasn't. He was close, and Shiro's story pushed him closer.

His breath hitched, and he turned, burying his face against Shiro's side and clinging tightly to him. Kosmo shifted enough so he could lay down with his head on Keith's legs.]

It's just... you turned, and... I thought... I thought it was because... what I did... 'cuz I got myself-...

[He's quiet, in answer. Sure, he has a limit, but it's so far away from anything Keith has ever done that it may as well not exist. Keith is family. You forgive, you work with, family. His arm slings around Keith's shoulders. Letting him speak. Letting him get it out, before he answers.]

I can't lie to you. It... probably contributed. [He hates to say that. He absolutely hates it, and wishes he could say almost literally anything else. But Keith deserves the truth.]

[All of the truth.]

But I ... lost someone else, before it happened. [As in, lost them to the ocean.] Finding out was the last thing I remember before - you know. So it wasn't only you, okay?

You came back.

[Will Byers... didn't.]

[There was honestly logic there. This place was crazy, and Keith was aware of the death thing on some level. He'd seen it happen with Yuri. With Blue. Sure, experiencing it first-hand was a hell of a lot different than having it happen to someone else you knew, but the concept was still the same. So, the idea that his death would be the only thing to trigger Shiro's transformation was really kind of selfish. And Keith had to catch himself on that.

It didn't stop the idea of it being a contributing factor from making him still feel guilty, though, because he really did still blame himself for getting himself and Lance killed in the first place.]

Yeah...

[Yeah, he'd come back because, no, death wasn't permanent here. When people went back to the sea, it was usually a transformation back into a squid, not a death.]

I'm sorry you lost someone else, too.

[He'd just... focus on that for a moment, staying solidly stuck to Shiro's side with his arms wrapped around the other man's torso. He honestly felt ridiculous on some level, but it was comforting, even if he was old enough to drink now. This wasn't exactly a small thing to deal with. Sometimes, even adults needed to just... hug.]

Yeah. Me too.

[If it were anyone else, he probably wouldn't have mentioned it. If he'd tried to hide it from Keith, he'd be called out immediately. And just make this whole conversation harder than it had to be.]

[So instead, he'll just agree, he'll just be truthful, and keep his arm around him. There's nothing weird about it. Not to him. Sometimes you just needed the pressure of another person's grasp. Sometimes you just needed someone to be there.]

[And for all the failings, all the failures - Shiro can, at least, do that much.]

Glad you're still here, though.

[Keith squeezed tighter for a second. And then, with a small sniff, he sat back up to rub at his face a bit. He sighed, resisting the urge to curl back up into a ball.]

Thanks...

Hey, that's what I'm here for.

[He hasn't budged. He is not going to budge. He'll be here as long as he's needed, as long as Keith needs him.]

[This is his family, after all.]

[Keith shifted, leaning his back against Shiro. Kosmo moved his head to Keith's lap, and Keith automatically just put his hand on the wolf, burying his fingers in the thick fur on the back of his neck. He closed his eyes, taking a few breaths to just get himself settled. Shiro had always been a calming presence for him. Keith knew he'd be there. Sure, he had doubts; he always had doubts. His life had taught him to be careful who he let himself get attached to. But he knew Shiro would do everything in his power to be there for him. And it meant the universe to Keith to have someone like that in his life.]

I'm glad you're here.

[Though, he felt like he had to quantify that a bit.]

Not like... here, you know? This place sucks. But... I'm glad we're together, at least.

Hah. [Shiro reaches over with his free hand, and drags a knuckle through Keith's hair. Improvised noogie.] You mean you're not glad I'm part squid with you now?

[He gets it, though. He really does. He remembers being in Deerington alone. He remembers waking up here, alone. The isolation was painful, after so long working with a team, working with people who were family. And it helps, having familiar faces nearby when things fall apart.]

[Like right now.]

[Keith reached up and pushed that hand away, though the resistance wasn't exactly strong enough to be completely serious. And he actually did chuckle just a bit.]

As if. I don't like being part squid myself. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. [Man, had that been weird. His memories of it were still a little bit fuzzy, but, what he did remember? Was just honestly bizarre.

But, in all seriousness, he was just going to soak up whatever support he was getting right now. Leaning against Shiro like this was really helpful.]

I appreciate this. [He was gradually starting to feel better, at least. It wasn't going to be something easily let go of, but, for now, this was good.]

Yeah. Kind of ruins calamari, huh?

[He puts up a token resistance to Keith's hand pushing his away, too. Almost going for another muss of Keith's hair before relenting, and dropping his hand, actually grinning this time.]

[Squid Time was ... weird. There's no other word for it. Best to try and put it out of your head, really.]

What am I good for, if not coming to the rescue, hm?

Uuugh. [Oh, that thought just... oof. Definitely ruined calamari.

Keith pulled his head back a little from the teasing threat of a second hair tussle before leaning back in again when Shiro put his hand down.]

You're good at being the annoying big brother.

[And that was followed by a small smirk. Yeah. With his support, Keith was going to be okay... for now. Honestly, he'd really only held it together as long as he did because he'd been worried after hearing about Shiro's beasthood thing. He'd felt like he had to be strong for Shiro. Funny how that whole brother thing worked, huh?]

[This is a lot better. So much better than when he'd first walked in. Or even first responded. This sounds so much more like Keith. Doesn't mean it's fixed - Shiro knows that better than anyone. He doesn't expect to fix the big, overhanging problem with one conversation.]

[... and he's still determined to intervene, if anyone tries to take their frustration out on Keith.]

Good to know I didn't lose my touch.

[Keith nodded against Shiro's shoulder.]

I don't know if you could. It seems so ingrained for you to be the Dad Friend.

You joke, but - there have been a couple people here who didn't even bother with the 'friend' part.

[Meaning, they'd just called him "dad".]

[That actually got a chuckle out of Keith.]

That really doesn't surprise me.

[Keith took a deep breath, letting it out in a more relaxed huff before closing his eyes. He shifted a bit, just to settle in better against Shiro's shoulder. Kosmo naturally adjusted again, staying close and pressed against Keith on the other side.]

So you won't be surprised if you have a couple nieces and nephews out there?

[Laughing is good, no matter how quiet it might be. The slight relaxing he's feeling is also good. So he'll just... keep talking. To help.]

There's a reason I work at the orphanage, you know. Keeps me from actually taking them all home.

And yet you're basically admitting that you already have at least a few, huh?

[Keith definitely sounded amused, though.

It was nice. The easy conversation between them was helping to get his head into a steadier place. He was grateful.]

But, no... I'm not surprised at all. I think, if you'd been older when we met, that would have been more of the case for us, too. That's okay, though. I like having you as a brother.

Yeah. Mostly boys - not sure how that happened. Will, and Eddie. If they wash back up here... you'll have to meet them.

[It's not a pleasant thing to talk about, but, he'll make it light, for Keith's sake right now.]

You don't think I was old when we met? Old and creaky?

[Keith nodded.] Yeah. That would be cool.

[And, yeah, he'd leave it at that. It was easier. But he chuckled a little at the 'old' thing.]

I did at the time, yeah. Old timer. [He chuckled a little.] But now? I'm the same age now that you were when we met. I don't think I'm an old timer. You still are, but I'm not.

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