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[ video -> voice | un: keith ]

[The video was brief, kind of like that moment when you activated the camera on your phone and forgot it was in selfie mode. The omni shook and rotated, leaving the viewer with a dizzying array of scenery that was kind of blurry and hard to make out. It was dark, though, like the person broadcasting was in a closed room with no lights on.

As the video shifted, glimpses of a person could be seen. A hand... the fingernails-turned-claws bitten down short as if trying to cover the transformation... a burn scar on the right side of a face... dark, almost black, hair with a purple tint, long-ish, shaggy looking, a thin white streak with a extremely slight violet hue to it near the left temple... pale skin... deep cobalt eyes that looked exhausted with dark tired bruises underneath from lack of sleep...]

Shit-...

[And the video was gone. It was just voice now, Keith's voice, but raspier than usual, worn sounding, loaded with regret and guilt and just... sad.]

I um... [He was hesitant. Unsure.] I wanted to... apologize. [His tone faltered, like he was searching for words, having trouble forming them and getting them out.] I... I did a lot of stuff last month. Just um... Yeah. The Reckoning took care of it.

But... if you still want... you know. Fine. I understand. I won't stop you.

[And then the feed shut off.]

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My hair was even normal at the time, ouch.

[Instead of grey, or, you know, like it's gone and done now.]

Yeah, well. I am basically thirty. May as well be dead in the ground.

Yeah, but I was like, what? Thirteen? Everyone old enough to be out of school is old to a thirteen-year-old. [Keith snorted a bit.] Mine's not normal anymore, though. [He reached up to his left temple, pulling forward the section with the white streak. Though, it looked almost lavender. Then again, most of Keith's hair had started taking on something of a subtle purple tint to it at this point.

But the tone had changed when he said that. He went kind of still, staring for a moment at the strands he'd pulled into his sightline, then shuddered a little at Shiro's comment about being dead. He shook his head sharply, releasing his hold on his hair.]

No. [His breath started to get a bit faster.] No. [He pressed his hands against his face.] I can't... I can't do that again.

Ouch. Just ouch, man. [He tilts his head slightly, trying to see what Keith's looking at. And... yeah. There's something more there than the usual black, there. Aside from the obvious white.] You want to see if we can do anything about it?

[Though maybe squid-ink dye wouldn't... be the best thing ever...]

[Except the humor in his tone dies instantly, and his grip tightens.] Hey. Hey, easy. It's okay - focus for me. All right?

[He shook his head. Keith honestly didn't really care about the color anymore. Purple, white, black, whatever. What had set him off was the comment about Shiro being dead, and it just... hit a bad nerve. Too much death. Too much loss. He couldn't do that again. He sniffled hard as he felt himself starting to tremble a little.

Focus. Right. Focus on what? He couldn't get the thought of everyone around him dying out of his head. That was what he was focusing on. And it was just sending his anxiety through the roof. He tried to get his breathing to settle back down, at least. He didn't want to hyperventilate, but he felt like he was losing control.

He clung tightly to Shiro's arm where it was wrapped around him, trying to use that physical touch to ground himself.

Shiro was here. He was with him. He was alive. He wasn't missing. Keith wasn't alone. He had to just focus on that...]

You're here. You're here... [He was whispering.] You're okay...

I'm okay.

[He tightens his grip. Since that seems like it's important right now. Okay - don't bring that up. Not that Shiro really wants to think about it, either. But that's a subject for a different day and time. A different situation.]

[He hesitates, before speaking again.]

Focus with me. What's the name of the North Star? [That's one option. Reciting stars. Constellations. The order of the planets in the solar system. Heck, he'd even used the routine of preflight checks to yank himself out of the memories. A squeeze of his arms.] Remember it?

[It's worked before. Maybe it'll help Keith right now.]

[Keith was just trying to breathe as Shiro affirmed that he was okay, holding him tightly. There was a moment as he practically panted, shaking in Shiro's hold. His chest started to hurt.

And then-...]

What?

[The question caught him off guard, and his voice squeaked a little in surprise as he responded. Who didn't know the name of the North Star? Keith was pretty sure that was way outside the scope of their conversation at the moment.]

Shiro... what are you...? [He was confused, and his brain scrambled to catch up, to switch gears... pushing through and away the triggers of death and loss and back to simple things like star names.] Y-yeah... I... I remember it. Of course, I remember it.

[He didn't get what Shiro was trying to do, but it was having something of the desired effect of redirecting Keith's thoughts away from the trigger and towards something safer.]

[There it is.]

[That's what he was looking for. That sudden derailment of thoughts. Stopping the spiral right in its tracks. Exactly what the question was meant to do.]

What is it?

[He has a whole bunch of these kinds of questions saved up. And will be keeping the pressure of his arm around Keith's shoulders while they talk. See? Everything is fine. We're talking about normal, safe things here.]

Tell me.

[Keith actually did struggle for a moment, not because he didn't remember, but because his head was still recalculating from that sudden and unplanned change in direction. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.]

It's-It's Polaris... [Getting him to talk, though, wasn't just moving his head into a different subject area, but it was making him try to force himself into more normal breathing in order to be able to get the words out... a convenient side effect.]

Why are you...? [Though, he was definitely confused.] Why are you asking me that?

Good. Good job. How about the Great and Little Bears? Remember those?

[Keith already talking himself through one question is a good start. An encouragement. Enough for Shiro to decide to forge on with the next one.]

[The breathing, the speaking. They're all very good signs.]

Just trust me. Focus on the questions for now. Just think about the answers.

[They can talk about the whys once he's sure Keith isn't going to start spiraling again.]

Mm-hm... [Though, he was still pretty focused on his breathing, because that was the technique he was more familiar with, even if it wasn't really working great at the moment.]

O-kay...

Um, they're... they're a couple of names. The Dippers. Big and Little. Or Ursa Minor... and Major.

[He sniffled a bit, still shaking, but he squeezed his eyes shut again, deciding it was too much to deal with the visuals of where they were right now... just focusing on Shiro's voice instead.]

Good job. You got them all.

[He's got a whole bunch of questions here, bud. He will talk you through them until you come out of this.]

What's KBO stand for? Remember that one?

[One of the few times Shiro's space nerdery comes in handy.]

K... [Okay, so this one Keith had trouble with. But, it was good to ask him a challenging question, because that pushed his mind further from the trauma faster.] An object... in the... the belt... the... second one. Further out. By uh... Neptune.

[He couldn't remember the K. Why couldn't he remember the K?]

Kuiper Belt. Good job. That one always gave you trouble.

[No problem, buddy, there's fondness in the words. And pride, as usual.]

Remember how many of them we've identified? And which planet got grouped into them?

A lot? [Keith considered that for a moment.] We've named... Albion, Charon... [Okay, this was helping... focusing on the names.] Eris, Haumea, MakeMake... [Though the follow up question got to him a little.] Pluto... [Part of him wanted to chuckle a bit, but there was still enough of a lingering thought from earlier that he couldn't help but shudder a little. Kerberos orbited Pluto. Kerberos almost took Shiro from him.]

And some people were really... really mad about Pluto not being a planet anymore.

[We're just going to steer the conversation away from Pluto in general now.]

Trivia. How many Earths fit in Jupiter's spot?

[The most basic question. But on the bright side, Shiro's a fountain of these kind of trivia bites. And Keith seems more like himself... bit by bit.]

Heh... yeah... [But moving away from that, something that was close to what triggered this whole thing in the first place, that was good.]

Like three or something. [Keith didn't know the exact number, but he never had to.]

Three or something. Close enough.

[He sounds genuinely amused at that, though.]

Feeling any better...? I've got more trivia.

[Keith sniffed a little, and then nodded.]

Yeah... yeah, actually... I think I am...

[His breathing at settled immensely, and he no longer felt like everything was going to fall apart around him. He was still pressed against Shiro's side for support, but he was definitely calming down.]

I'm glad.

[He's not going to move, though. Staying put right here at his side until Keith makes a move to leave.]

Didn't want to have to start reciting Jupiter's moons until you made me stop.

[But I would have. If it would have helped.]

[That got a small laugh.]

No... no, it's fine. I don't need you to do that.

[He still felt shakey... drained, weak... but he felt more in control now. His chest still hurt a bit, but he could breathe again.]

I don't know what that was... [There was a part of his brain that wanted to dive back into it, figure it out, find a way to prevent it from happening again. But another part screamed at him not to, to just avoid it right now.]

All right, all right...

[He falls quiet for a bit, after that. Waiting for Keith to finish, to work out what he wants to say.]

Panic attack. [He says it as gently as he can. But sincerely.] It happens. Especially here... especially after you've been through a hard time. Or more than one. You're probably going to feel like crud for a while after, that's normal.

Good to know... [And he really did feel horrible. His chest ached, he was exhausted, he felt like he was out of breath.] It really sucked. [Part of him felt like it was vaguely familiar, like from a long a time ago before he met Shiro, from around when his dad had died, but he wasn't sure. That had been a really rough time, and some of it was a bit spotty. The stress and grief had messed a bit with his memories, but he'd been young, too. Handling a trauma like that was a lot for a kid.

Either way, this was pretty darn clear on what had happened and how it felt, and he'd really like to not repeat that again, please... even if he had a feeling it might not be the last in a place like this.]

Sleep, or rest, hydrate... that's about the best thing you can do in the aftermath.

[Only one of which Shiro could ever do. Sleep seemed impossible, even with as tired as those episodes made you. He usually jumped into the next thing until he passed out.]

[Right now, though, it's about Keith, and making sure he gets comfortable.]

Need to go lie down?

[Keith tried to take a deep breath against the ache in his chest, and then nodded.]

Yeah... Yeah, I think I do.

[Hydrate, too... right. So getting some water into himself and hopefully trying to take a nap.]

I just don't know if I can sleep right now.

[There was still a lot going on in his head, and he had a feeling he might not get the kind of sleep he needed.]

That's okay. You don't have to sleep. Just rest.

[Sometimes people can absolutely crash after these times. Sometimes they can't. But laying down, taking it easy and getting your body working again - that's what's important. More than anything.]

Want to come back to the house? Kosmo can help.

[ video -> voice | un: keith ]

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