deernet | [ video -> voice

[The video was brief, kind of like that moment when you activated the camera on your phone and forgot it was in selfie mode. The omni shook and rotated, leaving the viewer with a dizzying array of scenery that was kind of blurry and hard to make out. It was dark, though, like the person broadcasting was in a closed room with no lights on.

As the video shifted, glimpses of a person could be seen. A hand... the fingernails-turned-claws bitten down short as if trying to cover the transformation... a burn scar on the right side of a face... dark, almost black, hair with a purple tint, long-ish, shaggy looking, a thin white streak with a extremely slight violet hue to it near the left temple... pale skin... deep cobalt eyes that looked exhausted with dark tired bruises underneath from lack of sleep...]

Shit-...

[And the video was gone. It was just voice now, Keith's voice, but raspier than usual, worn sounding, loaded with regret and guilt and just... sad.]

I um... [He was hesitant. Unsure.] I wanted to... apologize. [His tone faltered, like he was searching for words, having trouble forming them and getting them out.] I... I did a lot of stuff last month. Just um... Yeah. The Reckoning took care of it.

But... if you still want... you know. Fine. I understand. I won't stop you.

[And then the feed shut off.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Her hand definitely reached out to rest on his wrist while she listened to Keith. Vira-Lorr didn't need to fill in the blanks. He, Lance, Allura, Hunk and Shiro were all so closely attached that, if something happened to one? it didn't matter if it was directly tied at all? They felt responsible. She'd seen it several times, though each of them coped differently. Pidge... just shut people out. She'd experienced that first hand.

Closing her eyes, she breathed out.]

And no matter what I say, even telling you that you didn't cause that, that it is something that happens here. You still feel responsible, because it's Shiro. And he's one of your best friends.

He's more than that. [The words came out like a breathy whisper as Keith let out a breath of tension. He put his face in his free hand, not pulling away from her touch as he rested his elbow on the table to support his head.] He's my brother.

[Well, not really. But damn close enough. The closest thing Keith had to family here without either of his parents somehow showing up... and having his dad here would be another weird timeline thing anyway. Shiro had become Keith's family when he didn't have anyone else, when he'd been alone and scared and angry at everything.]

Of course he is. And the thought of him in pain is almost too much to bear.

[She sighed, drawing her fingers up and clasping his hand while the two of them talked. For her? Not taking the pain of her friends personally was such a hard thing she'd had to learn in this place. It wore on the soul every time. Even knowing Shiro would be back whole?

The memories were still there. It was part of why some of the oldest residents like she and he didn't always spend lots of time together. Or at least it was for her. So many painful memories. She didn't want to push them on Shiro anymore.]

And even if you know he wouldn't want you to feel like this, it can't change your heart. Because every time it happens, we hurt more deeply.

[Keith just nodded, quiet for a moment.]

He blames himself... for what happened to me an' Lance... but it wasn't his fault.

That sounds like exactly the sort of thing he would do, which I would chide him for, but I know he won't want to hear it from me.

[She'd... uh... tried to mother Shiro several times in the past. It almost never actually went well. He didn't really react well to her telling him how to handle his problems, so she'd learned to try and ease off of that.]

But as hard as it is, please don't blame yourself either. It's none of your faults. It's something that happened. If anyone is responsible, it is the Reckoning. A victim of a storm is not to blame for the storm being there, ruining their life.

[Keith swallowed hard, closing his eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath. He knew she wasn't wrong. Logically, it was all right there. He'd been possessed, the Reckoning was strictly black and white with no extenuating circumstances in her judgements, Shiro's corruption into beasthood was likely caused by a lot of factors and bad timing, Lance had stepped in of his own choice knowing that getting in the way of the Reckoning would just make him her target as well.]

I want to believe that.

[He did. He didn't want to be saddled with this crushing guilt of having so much go wrong in such a short time. But the logical brain rarely was able to talk down the emotional one. Keith was stuck, and he was having a lot of trouble digging his way out.]

And today, you are going to have a great deal of difficulty in doing that, but that's why you are with a friend. Time... helps.

[Several things, but help and support were always helpful when it came down to it, at least as far as digging oneself out of that bitter, deep hole the heart could find itself in at times like this.]

This place puts us in very ugly positions at times. It can be hard.

[Keith managed a tiny nod. He'd learned that. He'd been put through the runner a few times already. But this one had been the worst so far, by far. He felt unsteady, shaky, though he wasn't trembling. It was him, in his soul, that he felt ready to collapse. He took a few more deep breaths.]

It sucks.

It does. But just know that you're never alone in the middle of this.

[She shifted and drew closer to offer him a hug because right about then? It kind of felt like he might need that. Sometimes physical comfort could be very powerful.]

You'll never be alone in this, Keith, so if you ever need to unload you can always call me.

[He kind of just... leaned into it. Because, honestly? Yeah. Yeah, he needed that. As much as he tended to not be good at them, sometimes he just needed a hug, and he was slowly getting better at accepting them.

He finally nodded a little, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut for a second, but accepting her support.]

Thanks.

It's nothing. You're a friend, Keith. I'm only sorry that I've been a little awkward lately. You deserve better.

[She smiled over at him and sighed softly.]

This doesn't really get that much easier, but I imagine you know that all too well. Still, time can help.

[Keith nodded.]

Yeah. [He rubbed his face, taking a heavy breath, but not pulling away just yet.] I know. [He'd been through the grief cycle a few times in his life already. Having the guilt tossed in was what got him this time. But he knew that would start to fade a bit, too, especially as he started to work on making amends... or, at least, trying to. He knew that someone might not be so open to it. But he was willing to try.

Though, he was starting to feel a little less like offering himself up as a sacrifice to alleviate someone's sense of vengeance. That was a small improvement.

That was when the server came back with Vira-Lorr's order. The smell of the food hit him hard, and his stomach suddenly reminded him it existed... kind of loudly.]

[The food was set down and she grinned up at the server gratefully. As it was laid before them, she looked across to wink at Keith, reaching up and tapping at her chin before digging in.]

Time helps, but I also find that a little bit of food in the stomach also helps some. It makes things feel normal. The simplest of things can help, wouldn't you agree?

Yeah. I guess I'm hungry after all.

[He actually did give a weak chuckle at that. So, he managed to eat. And Vira-Lorr wasn't wrong. Keith definitely started to feel a little more normal with food in his stomach. It was a good distraction to focus on that, focus on getting a drink now that they actually had food to make sure things didn't go too badly, just... trying to feel normal.]

Exactly.

[And honestly, sometimes the simplest solutions were the best. It was easier to face the difficult times in life on a full stomach with the companionship of a friend, after all. Or at least that was Vira-Lorr's cunning plan in htis entire endeavor, and it seemed to be working like a charm.]

(OOC: If you want, we can handwave this one, unless you have something you want to make sure to cover here.)

I think this is a good spot to call it. ^_^

[ video -> voice | un: keith ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

OOC