deernet | [ video -> voice

[The video was brief, kind of like that moment when you activated the camera on your phone and forgot it was in selfie mode. The omni shook and rotated, leaving the viewer with a dizzying array of scenery that was kind of blurry and hard to make out. It was dark, though, like the person broadcasting was in a closed room with no lights on.

As the video shifted, glimpses of a person could be seen. A hand... the fingernails-turned-claws bitten down short as if trying to cover the transformation... a burn scar on the right side of a face... dark, almost black, hair with a purple tint, long-ish, shaggy looking, a thin white streak with a extremely slight violet hue to it near the left temple... pale skin... deep cobalt eyes that looked exhausted with dark tired bruises underneath from lack of sleep...]

Shit-...

[And the video was gone. It was just voice now, Keith's voice, but raspier than usual, worn sounding, loaded with regret and guilt and just... sad.]

I um... [He was hesitant. Unsure.] I wanted to... apologize. [His tone faltered, like he was searching for words, having trouble forming them and getting them out.] I... I did a lot of stuff last month. Just um... Yeah. The Reckoning took care of it.

But... if you still want... you know. Fine. I understand. I won't stop you.

[And then the feed shut off.]

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Mm.

[Honestly, Keith's only previous experiences with alcohol involved cheap beer at dorm room parties in those last couple of years at the Garrison. And, yeah... that sucked, too. It had been one of the main reasons he'd never actually gotten drunk at any. Well, that and the fact that he rarely went unless someone dragged him along for some unknown weird reason (probably a dare from another classmate to see if they could get him to be social or something). But, either way, it was crappy beer, and one of the worst types of alcohol that you could have a crappy version of was beer. Even more so when it was warm because they'd been hiding it under a bed or something and not keeping it cold.

He wrapped his arms back around his legs, looking off to the side away from Lance as he leaned his head forward to rest his chin on his knees. Kosmo was pressed up against his side opposite from Lance, just being a warm physical presence as best he could at this point.

If Lance did fall asleep, Keith wasn't going to wake him. But he also didn't exactly get up and leave, either.]

[It's not easy for him to sleep, even if he feels like he could, the best he does is doze a little, half in and half out before a flash of nightmare jolts him back. After a bit of silence, he opens one eye to glance over at Keith and his body language. He heaves a breath through his nose and reaches a hand up to lightly pat him on the back a couple times.]

Wanna go in now?

[Keith had eventually closed his eyes, but he didn't sleep either. More of the memories from that encounter on the beach were coming back... the things they'd done and said to each other right before...

But Keith wasn't sure if he could talk about it, yet. He wasn't sure if Lance could talk about it, yet. A lot had gotten pulled out here tonight already, and their feelings were pretty raw from that alone. They needed a break. He felt Lance's hand on his back as he patted him a few times with a light touch, and he opened his eyes a little, shifting them to look over.

He shrugged at the question.]

I guess.

[At least, he didn't feel the need to hide anymore. So, there was that. Though, whether he was ready to do anything else other than numbly follow Lance's lead at this point, he wasn't sure.]

[Lance frowns in concern, but he also understands completely. He isn't exactly feeling too great after everything they just talked about and shared. A large part of him is still ready to combust or disappear or crawl out of his very skin over the fact that Keith saw one of his most shameful and traumatic memories. But Keith hasn't shunned him or treated him differently. Yet. And also Keith needs help and he's not rejecting it from Lance so far, so he'll be here for him first and foremost and swallow all the shame and doubt.]

I promise the couch is way more comfortable.

[He says, trying his hardest to stay conversational, normal… everything is fine. He stands, sways a bit and then holds a hand down to help pull Keith up.]

[Keith shifted his head to watch Lance get up and then looked at the hand being held out to him. After a moment, he reached up and took it to stand.]

I don't know... it's not a great couch.

[He was trying to sound normal. Did it work?

Kosmo stood as well, ready to teleport them down to the door if they wanted.]

[Lance snorts lightly and then looks to Kosmo… maybe it'll just be easier to use his help.]

Hey Kosmo, wanna give us a lift right to the not great couch?

[The wolf gave a soft wag of his tail and moved closer. Hang-on, bipeds, it was time to go.

Keith put his hand on Kosmo's back and, once Lance was touching him, the wolf teleported them to the house. It wasn't right to the couch, but it was in the room, at least.]

[Lance shoots Keith a slight smile that doesn't really reach his eyes as he's pretty drained and still feeling rough. Then he gestures to the couch and nudges Keith's shoulder in the direction of it.]

Get some rest, man.

[Keith sighed.]

Yeah.

[The blanket and pillow he'd been on those nights he crashed at Lance's place during the reconstruction of the house were still there, at least. Sometimes, if they'd worked late or something, he'd just stay. He rubbed the back of his neck as he walked over and kind of flopped heavily on to the couch. He looked like a weight was pulling down on him as he sat there for a few moments before finally pulling off his boots. Then the jacket. Then the gloves.

He looked almost embarrassed or ashamed for a moment before he finally said something again.]

Thanks.

[For all of it. For trusting him. For supporting him. For helping him. For opening up to him. All of it.]

[Lance didn't need to be an empath to catch on to the fact that Keith felt ashamed. It was… strong in him as well. And he doesn't feel like Keith should be thanking him, but they were tired, and…

He looks down.]

You don't… have to thank me. [He fidgets his fingers together a little and glances to the side before hesitantly asking,] D'you… want me to stick around?

[The memory of how Keith had stayed with him after his meltdown about Hunk leaving is stark in his mind. If Keith needs and wants him to be nearby, he wants to be there for him too. It's just hard for him to feel confident after all of… that.]

[Keith hesitated, visibly torn. He didn't really want to be alone, but he also didn't want to ask Lance to stay in a situation where he might feel uncomfortable. So, he shrugged, and decided to leave it up to Lance.]

If you want. I wouldn't... say no to it.

[He had Kosmo, at least, and Keith was starting to realize that he relied a lot on the wolf for support... even back home. It did help, though. He pulled his legs up underneath himself on the couch, wrapping up in the blanket in an attempt to try combating the raw feeling he still had inside.]

[It's his empathic ability that allows him to pick up on the fact that Keith isn't trying to awkwardly shoo him away. Even despite all evidence in front of him and all the things he told to Keith himself, he can't help but feel like he's going to be shunned after Keith saw what he did to Allura. He's kept it bottled in his heart for so long out of fear and shame that it's hard for him to believe that it's just being accepted so easily.

For this moment, though, he can tell that Keith would appreciate the company and he's also hurting over his own struggle. So he swallows all of that turmoil and gives the slightest, trembling smile as he comes over to sit down on the ground with his back up against the couch like Keith had done for him a few months prior now after Hunk left.]

[If anything, Keith was certainly grateful Lance stayed. And, while he couldn't fully process everything they'd shared in the barn right now, he would eventually. For now, though, it was enough to just curl up on the couch knowing someone else was there... and that was what he did.]

[ video -> voice | un: keith ]

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