Video; un: MrMurdery

[charlastan]

[Stan is broadcasting from what some might recognize as the interior of the Murder Hut. Throughout the month Stan's been working on repairs because it's a good way to get rid of all that bloodsport energy and also the humming endless anxiety about how October is coming.

But when he gets on camera, he's grinning! He's kind of tired around the edges, but he's chipper at least!]

Hello, Trench! It's your local Mr. Murder-y here!

[He waves, like it's an infomercial!]

Mark your calendars, folks! The Murder Hut is returning November 1st! That's right; we're absolutely not messing around with October here at the Hut. Once whatever's gonna happen happens, we'll be open for business!

[The windows directly behind Stan are pre-emptively boarded up, in fact. You know...just in case. It's fine.]

Anyway! I'm looking for unpaid labor to help me fix up the Murder Hut to get ready for our grand reopening. It's still pretty busted from that time I got eaten by a giant worm. Now, where are all those teenagers I've come to know and tolerate?

[He mimes like he's squinting out into an audience. Surely someone will turn up to help him with a pitch like that, right?]

Comments

[charlastan]

That's what the Hut's here for! Puns, fireworks, overpriced souvenirs - it's got everything!

[shiro2hero]

Think you'll really end up selling things?

Honestly curious.

[charlastan]

Sure! There's dumb people in every crowd.

Have I ever told you about the Sack of Mystery?

[shiro2hero]

[SNRK]

No. No, you have not.

[charlastan]

It's an attraction I had at the place I ran back in Gravity Falls, the Mystery Shack! It was a big burlap sack with a question mark on it, and I'd show it to the crowd and go--

[And he puts on his best salesman voice, as though that will make it more believable.]

"You put your money in the sack, and it magically disappears!"

People ate it up like candy, and I made a killing!

[shiro2hero]

[Oh space lions help him but he's laughing. He barks out a noise that's sharp, brief. But it's a laugh, for sure.]

No... no way.

You're kidding me.

[charlastan]

Nope! It actually happened! I saw suckers every day at the Mystery Shack! That entire town was as dumb as a sack of rocks. Or I guess a sack with nothing in it that they chucked their money in!

[He laughs at his own dumb joke! They're so dumb it's hilarious!]

[shiro2hero]

[What is it about this family? How do they actually get him laughing? It's kind of amazing, even if Stan is basically describing casual theft.]

I can't believe it. You - have some really interesting characters back in that town.

[charlastan]

Heh. That's one way to put it. Everyone in Gravity Falls is just weird. I knew a guy that married a woodpecker. Legally! Because that's apparently a thing you can do there!

[THIS IS A REAL THING HE HAS BEEN FORCED TO ENDURE KNOWING ABOUT.]

[shiro2hero]

...



Wait, what? You're kidding. Please. Say you're kidding.

[charlastan]

Last I heard it was going poorly. Gee, I can't imagine why.

[He is absolutely not kidding.]

[shiro2hero]

Suddenly... I wish I liked alcohol.

[Stan why would you say this to him.]

[charlastan]

[Stan snorts out a laugh.]

Yeah, Gravity Falls brings that out in anyone with half a braincell. I've got stories like that for days.

[shiro2hero]

Hey, if you ever get tired of running your murder house, you could always take up storytelling.

[charlastan]

That's already half the job! Telling goofy stories about horrible things I've "found". The other half is making them buy souvenirs!

[shiro2hero]

Now I absolutely have to come by. I was already looking forward to it - and now? Have to.

[charlastan]

Great! I'll see you there, bud!