deernet | Video; UN: Spider-Man

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Video; UN: Spider-Man

Hey, everyone! Spider-Man here — AKA your favorite Peter! Sorry to all the other Peters, but them's just the breaks. I've worked too hard the last three years around here to not get top-billed spot as Peter! ... Alright, alright, maybe I'll share with Peter Graham. But only because he's as old and tired as me. We're like a thousand years old in spirit, right? Right. The Peter Pack old boys.

Anyway, I used to give people informational packets, back when we lived in, uh... Deerington. You know, in Maine? You remember that old chestnut? Yeah, me too. Lucky me, my house and lab came with me! A little less furbished, but I do what I can. I'll be starting up my new job as a teacher here at the school soon, because old habits die hard, but I suppose I don't mind doing some teaching outside of the school, too, sooooo...

If you wanna know anything about the world that existed before Trench, I can answer questions as best I can. You guys all deserve that. And, uh. If it helps — I've attached a copy of the PPPP(S). Yup, that's right! The original! The O.G., as the hip kids call it.

[FILE ATTACHED.]

Super sorry if anything's confusing; I can fill out any of the weird blanks or things that don't quite make sense. And for everyone who doesn't need this info because they swam their little squid tuckuses behind me.... Hey! How's it going! Tell me a good joke, if you've got one. Let me know how you're settling while you're at it. I've been pretty good, personally. Lots of fighting, y'know. Creepy monsters away from the outskirts of town.

So basically nothing's changed.

Well, nothing other than the month, I guess! Wow, wait, is it already a new month? Can't believe...

[He trails off, and seems to realize, belatedly, loudly, and with great concern:]

OH NO, NOT OCTOBER!

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Varian.

UuuuhhhH.
Do you want a super honest answer, or a comforting one?

Call me that ever again and I will take off a finger every time you do.

[Maul himself has trouble keeping his mouth shut, but really, Peter just seems to be wanting to encourage these threats by now.]

...

Aren't you inflicted with a complicated time-out curse that hurts you when you hurt people?

Sounds like a real bummer for your hobby in fruitless, unrewarding violence.

Force, gossip travels fast around here...

[Maul mutters, more to himself than to Peter. He's annoyed those witches seem to have felt the need to tell the entire population about what they'd done. He was going to get them back for this, oh yes. Maul was patient. He could wait.

But getting back to the matter at hand:]

I survived being cut in half, you arachnid nuisance. You think feeling pain at the amputation of a few digits is going to stop me?

Ah yes. Another "Moral Lesson" from nosy Pthumerians. I recall. They're not quite as bad as Mother Superior was, but they're still invasive about it all, which is as irritating as ever.

[She paused and glanced out the window at a ghostly shade that seemed to float by.]

I think... this month may be different, Peter. Not pleasant per se, but not what we're used to. Something feels strange about it.

And of course. Yours was easily the most widely read. I tended to be a little too wordy.

Don't sugarcoat things
That doesnt help anyone does it?

yep I said spit
we tested it and everything so there’s little vials of spit now
apparently it’s a superpower
which you know what is not even the weirdest fuckin superpower I’ve ever heard

also
half the town can set shit on fire now

Lab pals!

[He won't leave you hanging, Peter- he'll do an air high-five.

And then, with a smug grin. ]

You said you wanted a joke. Though honestly, I could use a little more work on it. Given how many more...fluids there are in this place now, it wouldn't hurt to try and make it a little more watertight.

Like for real, not one of those guys dressed up in L.A. who wants money for a shitty polaroid with him?

Sorry. Sorry, that's just so cool.

Uhm. Why are you guys all shitting your pants over October? It's just... October.

[ A lot of things change.

But Peter apparently doesn't, and Ange is so much more amused than she would like to let on to in this moment. Sure, she too feels the October dread, but it's so hard to focus on that part when Peter is saying it like he's carrying out some sort of one man comedy act.. ]

What are you going to teach? [ She asks, futilely trying to ask about the one thing she thinks might keep her from bursting out into laughter right here, but Ange still can't fully suppress a smile. ]

I don't know- Peter Graham is a really good Peter.

Maybe we should actually put it to a vote to see who the best Peter is? Or have all the Peter's go at in an arena and whoever's left standing is the One True Peter.

And don't think you'd just win in that case. Can you imagine fighting Peter Graham. Physically you could do it, but imagine the emotional toll.

Edited 2021-10-03 01:19 (UTC)

Why hello there, Peter! It's so nice to meet you! My name is Snow White.

Let's see a joke... hmm... Oh! I have one! This one a seagull told me! [Yes, you heard her correctly.]

Why is a fish easy to weigh?

Because it has its own scales!

[Nope, he's going to sweat it. He's going to sweat it until the end of time.]

It... can't be as bad as the Nightmare, can it?

Wait... how old are you?

( He's never really known, just assuming his teacher was ambiguously maybe in his 20's, maybe 30's. But there's a grin, a little more relaxed; it's hard to be too anxious when talking to someone as chill as Mr. Park— Peter. )

Yeah, it's uh... they use quills there. Like at the school? They use quills and ink.

( Said with the slightly scandalized air of someone telling on a bully to their big brother. But they write with fucking feathers and ink bottles! It's weird and hard! .......Not that Peter does much note-taking anyway. )

[He'll just... watch that bubble for a while. Patiently.

After a few beats of time, Peter figures he'll go first.]

Mike?
You there?

[... Maybe he should just rudely appear at Mike's house, if the kid's too nervous to talk.

What better way to get this over with for you, little lanky dude?]

We didn't meet officially, no, but I know who you are! Spider-Man's kind of gotta know the people he's watching out for, you know.

[Learning names and faces despite never talking, that's his bread and butter. In NYC, and here.]

Honestly, I've been thinking about it. Archiving a few things. I'll be working as a teacher at the school they've got going on — the... School of Mutter? Ugh, what a terrible, unwelcoming name for students...

[he's still grumbling about that okay]

[That's your fault!!! He's trying to politely match you!!!!]

Hey!

My voice is super fun and exciting! I bet you'd learn a ton if you'd been in my chemistry class! That, and you would've heard some of the best science jokes you've ever heard in your life.

Okay, but did you enjoy being cut in half???

Pretty sure not!

[Folding his arms, he sighs.]

We got along just fine at the cliffs. Has it occurred to you yet that being on good terms is more pleasant and helpful for you in the long run than chopping off someone's fingers?

I could definitely do without any moral lessons, yeah. No thanks.

[He frowns behind his mask, and somehow exudes concern despite his face being hidden. You know him, that's just a talent.]

Something strange about it? Just a feeling, or...?

[Did something come up that made you think as much?]

It helps candied apple sellers, I've heard.

I don't know, honestly. I'm nervous out of habit, but I also know this place has a lot of darkness in it. The regret river, the fighting in the arena, the monsters on the outskirts of town... There's a lot of Deerington touches to this place.

It's not the quiet, peaceful world I was hoping we'd get.

I guess that was too optimistic of me, but you can't fault a guy for trying, right?

You just let him SPIT on a cut????
You've turned him into a truly gross gremlin!

I guess I've had my own weird effects going on, too.

I'm not sure if I'm happy or deeply concerned that the Sleepers have extra abilities.
That sure is a whole lot of potential for arson! 🙄

You really just want me to cast you into the Pun Prison, don't you? I've done so much time in there. It's your turn to carry the torch. Or, I don't know. Maybe lob you into the ocean with my webs, which are nightmarishly organic now.

... I mean, I wouldn't have minded taking pictures for money. Maybe then I could afford to be Spider-Man and have a normal life. But hey, that's just how it works when you're a vigilante in tights!

[He appreciates the recognition, though! It reminds him a lot of home, whenever people actually get all giddy about it. Gives him the ol' warm and fuzzies in his chest.

After a moment's pause:]

You ever learn about the other place? The dream from before this — Deerington.

[He puts his gloved hands on his hips.]

I can't believe you'd ignore my traumatic October episode to ask me such a thing!!

[... He settles almost immediately, folding his arms.]

Chemistry, of course.

Kids still need to learn how to dangerously mix chemicals here, too, after all!

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