deernet | Video; UN: Spider-Man

Hey, everyone! Spider-Man here — AKA your favorite Peter! Sorry to all the other Peters, but them's just the breaks. I've worked too hard the last three years around here to not get top-billed spot as Peter! ... Alright, alright, maybe I'll share with Peter Graham. But only because he's as old and tired as me. We're like a thousand years old in spirit, right? Right. The Peter Pack old boys.

Anyway, I used to give people informational packets, back when we lived in, uh... Deerington. You know, in Maine? You remember that old chestnut? Yeah, me too. Lucky me, my house and lab came with me! A little less furbished, but I do what I can. I'll be starting up my new job as a teacher here at the school soon, because old habits die hard, but I suppose I don't mind doing some teaching outside of the school, too, sooooo...

If you wanna know anything about the world that existed before Trench, I can answer questions as best I can. You guys all deserve that. And, uh. If it helps — I've attached a copy of the PPPP(S). Yup, that's right! The original! The O.G., as the hip kids call it.

[FILE ATTACHED.]

Super sorry if anything's confusing; I can fill out any of the weird blanks or things that don't quite make sense. And for everyone who doesn't need this info because they swam their little squid tuckuses behind me.... Hey! How's it going! Tell me a good joke, if you've got one. Let me know how you're settling while you're at it. I've been pretty good, personally. Lots of fighting, y'know. Creepy monsters away from the outskirts of town.

So basically nothing's changed.

Well, nothing other than the month, I guess! Wow, wait, is it already a new month? Can't believe...

[He trails off, and seems to realize, belatedly, loudly, and with great concern:]

OH NO, NOT OCTOBER!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You really just want me to cast you into the Pun Prison, don't you? I've done so much time in there. It's your turn to carry the torch. Or, I don't know. Maybe lob you into the ocean with my webs, which are nightmarishly organic now.

What are the meals like in the Pun Prison? I want to know how good they are in case resisting arrest isn't worth it. Please don't lob me in the ocean, it's gross out there.

...Wait. nightmarishly organic like they're...attached to you like a real spider now?

... Y-yeah, maybe a little.

They don't shoot out of my butt, in case you're immediately envisioning that.

[A look of horror crossing his face.]

Well, I wasn't until you said that!!!!

[His poor eyes, his poor mind!!!]

Ugh. Maybe it's something to do with the bloodtype? What did you get?

... Uh. Warmblood.

I guess this is just some kind of rude minor adjustment. Most Warmbloods don't have a lot going on with powers — but they do have some upgrades, I've heard. Either way, I guess I've got web... glands? Web reserves? I have no clue. If I turn into a giant spider, please just throw me into the ocean?

Oh, yeah I've heard that. I think Shiro has that bloodtype? It's the one type we don't have in my house so I haven't got to see it in action a lot.

[The Disaster House is one down from the full set!]

I think they're called spinnerets. [Every day is a learning day, Peter.] And yes, I absolutely promise if you turn into a giant spider, I will immediately throw you in the ocean.

Yeah, it's apparently the less cool bloodtype.

Which is unfounded, because me and Shiro are super cool, so I take offense.

... I was kinda hoping you'd say something like "no, Peter, we'd love you even if you were a giant spider!"

I don't know about that- it sounds like there's way less trouble that comes with them. I wish I had that bloodtype.

And yes, you are cool- you and Shiro.

[...

So flatly:]

No, Peter, we'd love you even if you were a giant spider.

Aw, see! So glad to hear that from you, and without any prompting whatsoever!

[he's so annoying

But after a moment:]

Are you having trouble controlling it? Your blood magic?

Nope. No prompting at all, I just spoke what was in my heart.

[He sighs softly, nodding.]

I'm not exactly used to having magic myself- it usually just happens around me. Mako and Korra are helping me with it, at least. They know plenty about firebending, so at least there's that.

Edited 2021-10-11 20:20 (UTC)

That is good. From what I've seen of them when things get dicey, they're great at what they do.

If you want, we could always do a little science, huh?

Try our hand at power dampening equipment. Things to make it easier to manage.

They really are- they're good people to trust.

[That's... not an option he'd considered before and he brightens at the thought of it.]

Oh wow, yes, please! That would be great. If I could make it less likely that I randomly set things or people on fire that would be ideal.

... Been having that rough a time with them, huh?

Yeah, it's really rough. I um... kinda set Fern on fire by accident.

... Oh.

[Sorry, he's blue screening on a proper answer at the moment.]

[Thanks, Pete, you're an inspiration. ]

He's fine! I uh... pushed him into the canal so he's...okay? But still, I'd rather...avoid that again.

Thank god for that canal, I guess.

Hopefully you didn't have to then rescue him from the canal?

[that happens sometimes, okay, people get fished out of them by rescue teams]

I'm really glad for the canal! And I kind of had to scoop him out afterwards? He doesn't do so great with big bodies of water. But it was still better than burning to death.

[Staying alive >> crippling phobias, clearly. ]

Anyway, that's why having some sort of dampener on these powers would be really ideal.

... Now that you've told me that horrible no good very bad day, I'll get right on it.

[lorT give him stuhRANGTH]

Sorry for the inadvertent trauma! But thanks.

[Sorry, Peter, sometimes life is just helping a teenager deal with the fact he accidentally sets his boyfriend on fire. ]

Hey, Inadvertent Trauma was my maiden name!

But it's all good. Just take care of yourselves, try not to get into deadly situations!

[........ fat chance of that]

You know what, I could actually believe that.

...Peter, you've lived in the Deerington...area? Universe? Whatever we're calling this- long enough to know how deeply unlikely that is.

Yeah, but wouldn't you guys be worried if I said anything otherwise?

...Yeah, fair, I probably would. You try to stay safe too?

I know you absolutely won't but let's pretend just for now.

Video; UN: Spider-Man

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