Video; UN: Spider-Man

[quipsandthwips]

Hey, everyone! Spider-Man here — AKA your favorite Peter! Sorry to all the other Peters, but them's just the breaks. I've worked too hard the last three years around here to not get top-billed spot as Peter! ... Alright, alright, maybe I'll share with Peter Graham. But only because he's as old and tired as me. We're like a thousand years old in spirit, right? Right. The Peter Pack old boys.

Anyway, I used to give people informational packets, back when we lived in, uh... Deerington. You know, in Maine? You remember that old chestnut? Yeah, me too. Lucky me, my house and lab came with me! A little less furbished, but I do what I can. I'll be starting up my new job as a teacher here at the school soon, because old habits die hard, but I suppose I don't mind doing some teaching outside of the school, too, sooooo...

If you wanna know anything about the world that existed before Trench, I can answer questions as best I can. You guys all deserve that. And, uh. If it helps — I've attached a copy of the PPPP(S). Yup, that's right! The original! The O.G., as the hip kids call it.

[FILE ATTACHED.]

Super sorry if anything's confusing; I can fill out any of the weird blanks or things that don't quite make sense. And for everyone who doesn't need this info because they swam their little squid tuckuses behind me.... Hey! How's it going! Tell me a good joke, if you've got one. Let me know how you're settling while you're at it. I've been pretty good, personally. Lots of fighting, y'know. Creepy monsters away from the outskirts of town.

So basically nothing's changed.

Well, nothing other than the month, I guess! Wow, wait, is it already a new month? Can't believe...

[He trails off, and seems to realize, belatedly, loudly, and with great concern:]



OH NO, NOT OCTOBER!

Comments

[armd]

(he sure did...

abby sighs, long-sufferingly,) I dunno. What.

[quipsandthwips]

Thanks for nothin'!

[AND THEN HE SNORT-LAUGHS AT HIS OWN JOKE, OF COURSE!]

[armd]

(honestly it's more the snort-laugh than the punchline that does it, but hey. you got her.)

Wow. (she's pretending to be soooo offended. it's barely working,) You're such a goober.

[quipsandthwips]

I am cool and suave and you know it!

Would this face lie?

[And then suddenly it's on video, and Spider-Man is leaning on his hands all innocently.

(This face would lie.)]

[armd]

(she has to take a minute to compose herself before she also switches to video, just to lean in really close and tell him:)

Yes.

(you can't fool her!!)

[quipsandthwips]

Hey!

You're not supposed to say it that confidently! I'm supposed to inspire a little uncertainty!

[armd]

No, (she replies, suddenly playful,) I know you, so.

[quipsandthwips]

You don't know me completely. I could have some really cool secrets!

I'm mysterious.

[this motherfucker trying to say he's batman]

[armd]

What, cooler than the whole moonlighting as a superhero thing? Doubt it.

Tell me one, I'll be the judge.

[quipsandthwips]

... Yeah, I guess I kinda put all my eggs in one basket giving away my superhero identity, huh?

Well...! Uh!

Did you know I used to get paid as a photographer?

[armd]

(... please note her surprised pause,)

No, I didn't.

You can get paid for that?

[quipsandthwips]

Sure you can! There's all sorts of ways to be a photographer.

... Some more financially secure than others.

I worked for a newspaper! Took the photos, occasionally wrote some editorials. Occasionally. I was super big on taking them back then, but I kinda ran out of leisure time for it the last few years in New York.

[armd]

Is there? (perhaps she's more interested in this than he'd been bargaining on but abby, of course, is thinking about manny and his photographer clutter, thankfully contained over on his side of their shared room back in the WLF stadium. he used to develop the film himself.)

What did you take photos of?

[quipsandthwips]

Whatever they were covering for a news story at the time, really.

But I did... make a lot of money taking pictures of that elusive 'Spider-Man' dude.

[He'll let you digest that yourself.

What a dweeb.]

[armd]

- Oh. (a sputtery laugh,) I get it.

Didn't know you were a model on the side.

[quipsandthwips]

[Spider-Man apparently decides this means he needs to strike a pose.

While standing on the side of a building!]

Well? Don't you think I look like a total Spider-Stud?

Of course I was gonna sell my selfies!

[armd]

(hey, so long as he doesn't point the camera down and show off just how high up he is, that's fine by her.

ish)

You're gonna look squished if you don't pay attention to what you're doing, you know.

(don't fall while she's on video chat with you she doesn't wanna see it!)

[quipsandthwips]

[He huffs, amused.]

You know I spent a huge amount of time freefalling through thirty stories on a daily basis back home, right?

Do I look squishable?

[armd]

(shudder. don't remind her.)

No. You look soooo big, and soooooo strong. (swoon)

[quipsandthwips]

Oh!

Thank you so much for noticing!

[;)]

[armd]

(pbpbpbpffptpbt)

Yeah yeah.

(she glances away, but she looks a little pleased with herself all the same.) Well, I'd better let you get back to all the hard work you're doing. Call if October is too tricky for you to handle alone, okay.

(she's teasing, but also she means it. she cares about him, and wants to help if she can.)

[quipsandthwips]

[He salutes, because of course he does.]

Aye, aye, madam captain! Don't hesitate to call if you need an Uber deliveryman!

[peter she probably has no clue what an uber deliveryman is]

[armd]

(... madame captain?)

Uh huh. (like... the best deliveryman? whatever. that tracks, she won't comment.)

Bye.