text | un: anonymous

[possessum]

( This is not Peter Graham, though of course, posting anonymously takes away that possibility. The user didn't want to use the boy's network handle, to inevitably be seen through the filter of "Not Peter."

The user is trying to define his own identity. )

why did you choose your title here on this THING
what is the meaning
?
?

( ...Texting is still something he struggles with, though the demon has been watching and learning and forming his own conclusions on how to do it. Autocorrect is a life-saver. Two questions get two question marks. ....Even if they go in the wrong place. )

i will grant you a
GOLDEN COIN
if you
RESPOND

( ...For those who know Paimon fairly well, that particular offer of exchange might betray who he is. But the demon of Knowledge is curious to hear reasons, and within them: perhaps stories, memories, self-perceptions. There is a meaning to everything, whether simple or complex.

And perhaps by the end of it, he will know what title he would give himself, here on the network. )

Comments

[faceblocks]

but i didnt. mean them.
you might think you know that. you might believe it.
i know you believe it.

but i never did. i was scared and angry and grieving.
i was a mess and i was a dumb kid but i was still responsible
for myself and you
and i failed
i fucked it all up too and if you really look at it
its all my fault
all of it
i called the shots and i made a bunch of bad calls
and then you got stuck with the fallout
i wasnt even there to tell you different
to say sorry right away
when you still might have believed me

i know theyre just useless words
maybe they mean something maybe they dont
but sometimes theyre the only thing we have
unless we want to just guess at everything and probably be wrong about it

every day im scared of doing it again and not even knowing it
of fucking up and being a bad sister
so if i can get a "good so far" thats probably the best i can hope for
those words just meant something
to me anyway


[but she's still sorry. and she'll double down on trying to be better, to help things be better for jinx, who rose out of powder's ashes thanks to ...well, what are sisters for, eh? she could list some things just now, but they are all bad.]

[opheliac]

fear haunts us all.
- silco

u can say u were scared, gireving, angry all u want. i was too. but what i felt didnt matter to u.
family stick together.


unless i mess up right? until bad things happen?

[faceblocks]

you think i dont know that? how could i not know that
?

you can say it didnt matter to me but you cant know that at all. you cant know if thats true. it isnt. what you felt mattered to me more than anything. its the whole reason i walked away. staring at your blood on my hand like hey i just did that. vander's dead and everyone is dead and shit's on fire and this is what i did.

i was right around the corner trying to stuff it all down so i could come back with my head on straight and get you out of there. i never got the chance and that part isnt my fault but you didnt know

how could you know

all you were left with was a bloody nose and the dumb shit i said

why lie about it
you know thats not me
the last thing i saw was silco walking toward you
didnt even get a chance to yell

youre wrong about that too
im still here if you mess up
especially when you mess up
and when the bad things happen
especially then too

[opheliac]

right.
so why did u make this public big sis?
so u can get a pity party going so everyone can be on ur side if i dont accept ur apology?


btw no. i dont know who u are anymore. we are diff ppl now.

[faceblocks]

i dont know
couldnt decide
still cant

started public made it private that felt wrong too
why not
im not going to hide it like some dirty secret

already did that and trench made other people look at it and it didnt change anything

what good is a pity party
does nothing
why would i care if they cared? doesnt help anything. doesnt do anything or fix anything.

i wasnt really putting it out there for you to accept
wasnt asking you to
im still not

really? so im willing to put the work in and meet you where you are but youre like
i dont know u

ouch but fuck it ig
still here

[opheliac]

what the fuck do u want? a round of an applause?
CONGRATS VI. FOR GIVING ME A HUG AND CHAT W/ ME SOMETIMES
WOW.
WONDERFUL.

ALL IS FORGIVEN.

and its b/c i DONT know u. ure still some girl that things all enforcers are good when theyre not. btw im trying TOO u know!!

ugh this talk is dumb.

1/2

[faceblocks]

does the capslock mean u mean it more

ig u dont then
bc i never said or thought that ever

said as much here too
but blah blah blah words dont count actions do
why are u so convinced u know whats in my head when u say in the same breath u dont know me

i never said you werent trying
why would you think id think that
all youre DOING is trying

yeah it is and so am i guess
but here we are

2/2

[faceblocks]

yeah so congrats to me again for failing to meet expectations?

???

if theres something u want that im not doing
you need to tell me because i cant read ur fucking mind

just like u cant read mine
i can read INTO IT and get my panties in a big bunch but thats not gonna do sh it
either

I SEE U TRYING

save the applause for something worth it

[opheliac]

i hate this convo!!!!!
ive already TOLD U U WERE DOING GOOD SO FAR.
why ARE YOU UPSET!!

just
go back to talking to everyone else ok?
forget i said anything!!!

1/2

[faceblocks]

FINE


IM NOT ANYMORE I GUESS
IDK

yeah sure

2/2

[faceblocks]

[like an hour later]

i love you

[opheliac]

(no answer. too busy being a germlin ass w/ other people on this nerwork and will probably rage later over the comments in private. probably ran away from her home again or something.)