deernet | text | un: anonymous

text | un: anonymous

( This is not Peter Graham, though of course, posting anonymously takes away that possibility. The user didn't want to use the boy's network handle, to inevitably be seen through the filter of "Not Peter."

The user is trying to define his own identity. )

why did you choose your title here on this THING
what is the meaning
?
?

( ...Texting is still something he struggles with, though the demon has been watching and learning and forming his own conclusions on how to do it. Autocorrect is a life-saver. Two questions get two question marks. ....Even if they go in the wrong place. )

i will grant you a
GOLDEN COIN
if you
RESPOND

( ...For those who know Paimon fairly well, that particular offer of exchange might betray who he is. But the demon of Knowledge is curious to hear reasons, and within them: perhaps stories, memories, self-perceptions. There is a meaning to everything, whether simple or complex.

And perhaps by the end of it, he will know what title he would give himself, here on the network. )

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because i dont want to be dovahkiin anymore

( Once again, he's asking questions.... Sorry, Melius. )

why do you not
?

because i just want to be an alchemist

what if you be both
two things instead of one
?
?

I I don't want that I want to be one thing only.

does one take away from the other
?

if im dovahkiin then then i cant be anything else there isn't time to be anything else

i see
it is a burden for you
being dovahkiin

( He doesn't know what "dovahkiin" truly means or the full situation here, but he can see that much. Something of it does.... remind him of Peter, in its ways. And so he asks... )

are you afraid that it may consume you
some day
?

yes

[The answer to the question, to the statement of burden. It's "yes". He is miserably huddling in a corner as he types this. Or under his blankets. Or in his plant pile. One of those.]

[Paarthurnax's voice is in his head, as always, but for once, the old dragon's words don't bring any comfort. Dov wahlaan fah rel. We were made to dominate. The will to power is in our blood. You feel it in yourself, do you not? No, no no. No he doesn't want that. He's never wanted that.]

( Ah... So it is like that. It's a bit strange, speaking to someone and being on this side of it — as the thing meant to consume.

But he has things he can offer. )

i see

a fate that lurks in shadow

there are some who believe this place will allow one to escape ones fate
there are others who believe this place will push one further into it

how ever
either way
there are answers to be found here
and i am also a being of answers
if ever you would seek help with being dovahkiin
i am here

[He doesn't answer for a while. It's what he was hoping for, honestly. Hoping being here in this "new life" would mean he didn't have to be the savior anymore. Would mean his dragon blood wouldn't take over his sense. He could just be an alchemist.]

[That's all he ever wanted, anyway.]

how can you help ? it's in my blood

( There may be no true help, at least not in the form of... a "cure", if that's what it would be called. But there may be help in other forms. Ways to... appease whatever "being dovahkiin" means for him. Or at least to find answers as to how to make it work with him, not against, in this place. Like how Peter has to find ways to more easily live with what "afflicts" him — something he is deeply struggling with. )

even if it can not go away
per haps there are ways to stop it from

becoming you

there are different magics here
and things to find in the archives of the school
and i can look inside of a person and see what lives within

( Learning more about it, researching — knowledge. He's meant to help others like this. )

[Oh. Magic. Well, of course it'd be magic. Why wouldn't it be? Magic was the root of everything, apparently. But could it really be done? If he has a dragon's soul, then... can anything really be changed?]

[An uncharacteristic display has his omen draping around his shoulders like a shawl, in mute support (for once).]

they say they say it's a dragon's soul dragon's blood that is what dovahkiin means dragonborn

( Ahhhhh..... Now that is interesting. A dragon's soul dwells within this person. (And upon further reflection, he might sort out that this is Melius... but he still barely knows the reptilian being he'd encountered in the alley once, and there have been others to speak of dragons.) For now, this person remains an Unknown, but one that Paimon is extremely intrigued to learn more about.

And there is deep interest in that dragon's blood they speak of. The dragon's soul. He would very much like to encounter such a spirit himself, if he could. )

dragons are beings of great power
ancient
mystical

( There's a deep respect for such things. )

to have such a soul within you
you must be very special
powerful

but i dont WANT TO BE

[The typing stops. For a good long while. Because Melius has to collect himself (and totally not because he just yelped fire across his room or anything). That's it though, isn't it? "You're very special" - because he had fancy blood? He didn't want that. He never earned that.]

[Special, powerful, that placed way too much responsibility on your shoulders. Placed too much temptation on you. Who was to say the dragon blood wouldn't take over one day, and end up with him trying to conquer a hold? Or worse?]

im sorry i just want to have my shop not be a dragonborn

[And the last Dragonborn, at that.]

( It's so much like Peter that it startles him a little. The words would be changed around a bit, but it's the same. He's said it before, many times — I don't want this. To be this. To be the role that was given to him, to have a great power within, to embrace what it could mean.

If Paimon had a relationship with the boy that involved speaking to one another, perhaps he would tell him what he tells this person. More gently now, than he once might have; he has learned how much of an ache it is within Peter, how much of him it takes away from. Clearly, it's the same for this person. )

but that does not change what is truth, dear one

( As unpleasant as it may be. But he did mean what he said about there possibly being ways to assist with such things. )

how ever there are ways to make the truths easier
to learn how to exist easier
you do not have to face it alone
do you have others who know of your dragon's soul
friends
?
?

[It doesn't change what is truth.]

[But he's here now. He has different blood. Paarthurnax said as much, through the portal. Shouldn't that count for something? Anything? He doesn't answer for some time. He needs to figure out what to say. How to say it. Something that doesn't sound like a petulant child.]

no i don't want them to because because i just want to be an alchemist to them

( It's true, this place.... changes things. Presents more opportunities. What was known in one world may be different here, and Paimon fully meant it when he'd said that he believes there to be answers here.

But the Truths... at their barest forms, those cannot be changed. The soul of a Dragon. The spirit of a Demon. It doesn't have to be an ending, something that traps. An outcome may be shaped past those unpleasant Truths — it's something he's still trying to help Peter to see, but his vessel is so... stuck on denying his own Truths, the things that he wishes weren't so, that he becomes stagnant. If Peter could get past being so upset and afraid of the demon's spirit within him, there are ways he could exist more easily with those Truths still there inside him. Perhaps grow past them, in ways.

And... once again, what this person says reminds him of Peter, of his fears. To be seen as... something different, something he doesn't want to be known as. )

i see
i am
familiar
with it

there is some one i know
some one who does not wish to be what he was born to be
but it is difficult to carry alone
you must be very tired

( He doesn't know this person (or he thinks he doesn't), but he is still sensitive to their plight. To be at such a state of unrest within one's self.... )

how how does he what does he do?

[How does this other person deal with it? Do they deal with it? Melius' questions probably come off a little desperate, and, well, he is. If there's a way to just be the weird Argonian alchemist, then - he'll listen. If there's a way to deal with it...]

[No one ever offered that. Maybe they didn't care - or maybe, what he was, maybe that was just too heavy of a burden to put down. Maybe they all knew that. Preventing the end of the world was kind of a big deal, wasn't it?]

i dont know what i am except scared

he
hides
from it
as much as he is able

( It's been some years by now of living with the demon within him, and Peter hasn't accepted that fate. Can't accept it. But he doesn't... fight it, per-say. He just buries his head in the sand, closes his eyes. He's afraid, always. )

how ever
there is some one helping him with it
and that does make it easier for him
so that he does not feel so alone

i under stand that you do not wish to tell your friends
to have them see you as your fate
but
per haps having others to help may make it easier

if you do not wish to tell them
i do not mind if you ever wish to speak to me about it
when you are scared
i am not human
i am bound to keep secrets

oh I understand that I hide too

[As much as he is able. Which, most days, isn't a whole lot. But he does try. He tries very hard. And... it's true he doesn't want anyone to really know. To see him as something other than the weird lizard with the potion shop. That's all he wants. Just to be left alone to do alchemy and make a few friends.]

[Bound to keep secrets.]

[It makes him wonder if he somehow ended up talking to a daedra. But none of them would do something so altruistic - none of the ones associated with secrets, anyway.]

okay that might help Im not sure if it will or not but that is something to try

( It's likely a strange proposition, a heavy one, perhaps could even seem suspicious — but the demon doesn't grasp things like social norms or the awkwardness of offering help to someone who doesn't know him. He is a being meant to Assist, and here is a soul in need of assistance. Clearly not someone human, but someone connected to such ancient and important beings as dragons. If anything, Paimon can certainly listen to this person if ever they need someone to talk to, and if they wish to talk to him. He won't force it, but he'll be there. )

i will find you again some time
when i have forged my title here on the NET WORK

you do not have to be alone
even while hiding

( Unfortunately, Peter will soon be shoved into a goo cocoon, and Paimon will get all Scrambled and Weird, so much so that he won't exactly be able to reach out to people on the network for awhile, but.... he won't forget. Sometime, he'll speak to this person again. )

okay I am um I am easy to find because I am the only one with this name

[The only one with the username dovahkiin. Which he's tried to change. Repeatedly. But his omen keeps reversing the changes. She is, after all, part of his soul. The dragon part. The one that isn't afraid of destiny or opposition, or anything, really.]

[He'll wait. As long as it takes. Melius is an alchemist, after all, and that involves a great deal of patience.]

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