deernet | text | un: anonymous

text | un: anonymous

( This is not Peter Graham, though of course, posting anonymously takes away that possibility. The user didn't want to use the boy's network handle, to inevitably be seen through the filter of "Not Peter."

The user is trying to define his own identity. )

why did you choose your title here on this THING
what is the meaning
?
?

( ...Texting is still something he struggles with, though the demon has been watching and learning and forming his own conclusions on how to do it. Autocorrect is a life-saver. Two questions get two question marks. ....Even if they go in the wrong place. )

i will grant you a
GOLDEN COIN
if you
RESPOND

( ...For those who know Paimon fairly well, that particular offer of exchange might betray who he is. But the demon of Knowledge is curious to hear reasons, and within them: perhaps stories, memories, self-perceptions. There is a meaning to everything, whether simple or complex.

And perhaps by the end of it, he will know what title he would give himself, here on the network. )

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hey anna
as youve read im vi

now you know me better that my own sister does apparently
👏👏👏

its not hitting as hard as it would if she wasnt here to argue with
i dont even know if that makes sense
also yes its hitting

it sucks

the whole thing was a mess and i maybe should have kept it private
i'm sorry about your sister. is it like this? a big mess with her too?

nah a bad way would be stealing my lunch or throwing a beast through my window
putting glue in my boots
that kind of shit

Worse with Beth.
I haven't seen her for over a decade. We haven't spoken.
I didn't leave because of her, but I did leave her to deal with my shitty parents all by herself.
Probably right when she needed me most, but there's no way to know, you know?

Anyway. I'm not really a solutions girl when it comes to this stuff, but it sucks. Big time.
I've heard Trench is good at fixing stuff, but sometimes that stuff has to break really bad first before Trench gets involved. And I hope it doesn't hit that point.

fuck that super sucks

and its kind of familiar
the first time weve really spoken in years was just before here and it was a bad time
like a hostage situation with accidental death and maybe not so accidental death
and a war probably started

can i ask why u dont speak
i can guess at it (the parents?) and im sorry they were bad
parents are
idk
i hear stories

ur right u do know this dance
its a shitty dance

i think they broke that bad at home already
its why i dont care about going back
most of why
theres nowhere to go but up here but its like were starting in a hole
been trying to dig us out since before she got here

Yeah. The dance sucks big time.
I meant to talk with her more, honestly, I really did. But I left home in a hurry and needed time for things to cool off, and then...
Well. Lots of stuff happened, but the city I moved to getting cut off from all external contact for a year and change probably didn't help.
And then when it all got restored, I guess I just never made the time.

[hm. well, that doesn't feel great to admit.]

Anyway, that's one of the things people like about this place.
Lots of time to work through shit you might never have gotten the chance to do at home.
Wouldn't exactly WISH Trench on anyone, but sometimes it's better than the alternative.

thats the shit isnt it
u have a plan u think u know whats coming and then
poof
bang
splat
nothing goes to plan and its all
like you said: stuff
happens

sometimes we just make bad calls
doesnt make it suck less or feel better but
u did what u did and im guessing hurting her was never on the list

i like that about this place
i know some people would say im crazy but sure sign me up if i can maybe unfuck it even just a little

have u ever seen her here
ur sister

[what anna wants to say is that she never even knew whether she'd hurt beth. she doesn't know if her sister is in pain, or if she's living her life just fine without the burnout of the lehmann family, or if she's in a coffin same as lillian. she doesn't know any of these things. but what she responds to is something different.]

There's a girl with her face here.
It isn't her, but I see her every time I look at 2B.
And even if that makes sense to me in its own weird little fucked up way, that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I guess all I can do is hope that my actual sister never washes up on the shores and enters the squid game or it's gonna get real confusing, real fast.
Don't even know if she'd recognize me anymore. Probably not. I had two eyes and blonde hair the last time we saw each other.
I'd just be a weirdo who keeps trying to save her life, to her.

[a girl with her face. that's ...she can't really imagine how that would have made her feel, had she found someone the looked just like jinx, or ...just like powder. sure, there had been people that reminded her of both in small ways, but that's not the same at all.]

2b is the name of the girl?
are u friends or

no that sounds like it would be a whole new kind of hurt

[it's not entirely unrelatable when she digs at it. yes, she's decided to embrace her sister for who she is now, to no longer chase the ghost of a child that doesn't exist anymore. but sometimes - she has so many good memories of powder to counter the one terrible one - and time's tempered that, too. sometimes it's like she's seeing two people, and she can't quite reach either. sometimes she feels like the ghost is all she'll ever have. it's easy enough to understand the implications of had two eyes, but...]

ur hair changed?

sometimes i feel like i am that weirdo already

do you want her to wash up tho?

Edited 2022-10-31 01:47 (UTC)

Right, okay. Uh.
Long story short, I have the soul of an android from a dead world living inside me, and I inherited most of her body.
2B is from that dead world, but it's still alive for her! Which I don't get, but whatever.
The android I've got (A2) has white hair and she's from the same line as 2B. They're basically sisters.
And I always thought that if my actual sister ever really did make it to the city where all this stuff happened, she'd get 2B's soul inside her chest.

[that's not the best way she's ever explained it, but that's the rundown. she just has to be okay with that, she thinks.]

Whether she recognizes me or not, though, the important part is still being the person who saves her.
That's what sisterhood's about.
We screw up a fucking lot sometimes, but we're always here trying to make things better for our little sisters, even when we're the problem.

But I don't think I want Beth here.
I think there's better ways for us to repair whatever's wrong with us without adding her into the land of blood and squids.
Maybe. I don't know.
Kind of given up hope that she'll ever show up anyway.

[that's ...a bit confusing at first. not in the way it's stated, just the 'how' and the 'what' of it all. so ...that's a partial body switch? and two souls one body? she can wrap her mind around the concept, but has a hard time imagining what it might be like. her only reference for a similar problem (besides peter, and she barely knows about that beyond paimon broke my arm but he didn't totally mean to) is jinx, and that's ...a different issue.]

thats really complicated. not that you explained it bad or anything its just a lot of things together. i think i understand the part about the world not being dead. times so weird here.

yeah that is the important part. one of the most.
even when were the problem.

^^^ that sure is a truth

you know better than me what shed handle
or not
its kinda fucked up to wish people were here considering
but still
hopes weird too
as soon as i feel im better off without it some shit comes along to prove me wrong

God, that's the bitch of it all, right? It'd be so easy to go full on blackpilled doomer when everything's crashing down around us.
But then you see some stupid glimmer of light in the distance and you're like "wow, maybe it's worth trying again" and you get up and keep walking.
Total bullshit. Wish I could give up on people as easy as some people think I do.

I guess all we can do is keep trying to get better ourselves, you know?
If we're the problem and we know we're the problem... like, even if they're never gonna see us again, we gotta put in the effort, right?
We gotta at least try.
And I know I don't know jack or shit about what's really going on between you and your sister, but based on all of this?
I can at least see that you're trying. A lot.

whats a blackpilled doomer
(i think i get doomer but what are the black pills)
is it like black bc no color in the world everything is black so DOOM?

y u p
thats it thats the drill here
and i keep doing it bc i asked for this
i cant give up either
its just not in me even if that were easier
cant
wont

yup total bullshit
im not the fastest at it but im working out my shit
and when i find new shit i work on that
i asked mariana to bring her here
i asked for a trade for someone else and idk if thats what happened but
i gotta try harder now bc shes here

some of what she said is true
shes not lying she just got a raw deal and some bad intel
and too much weight on any kids shoulders
i was part of that even if i didnt mean to be

i can tell ur trying bc of what u said
its like almost talking to myself u know

Blackpilling is like.
Listen, there's a lot of dumb internet bullshit caught up in it, but ultimately it just means that you're beyond the point of hope for anything whatsoever.
So like, yeah, you basically got it.

You asked Mariana and she listened...?
I didn't think she did that kind of thing, but, well, I try not to fuck with her much.
Now that she's here, though, yeah, I think you have the right idea of it.
I keep finding out about how many kids have to deal with endless wars and shit like that where they come from, and I'm like... god.
Fuckin' tears me apart, you know? That's not the way it should be.
Let us handle that shit and they can go back to, like. Growing up. Being happy.

But yeah, I'm getting the feeling you and I are on the same page.
If you ever wanna hang out, I'm pretty sure I'm the only Anna around here.
If you hang out around Cellar Door, you can ask around and find the bar I play at, if you're into music at all.

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