video: un; makes.it.count (CW: death, emotional abuse)

[nothinglikea]

[Johnny's letters have put her in a melancholy mood, wondering about paths taken and those refused outright. wondering what she could have done differently, better. even before she came here.

would Cal have been so cruel if she had opened her heart to him as he requested? or would it have made matters worse for everyone, her having to split her affections? in such a competition, only one could win, even if it wasn't herself.

but she would have accepted it if it had meant that Jack and Cal could have come to terms, even if it were over her corpse? yes. yes, she would've]

I assume we all have our...regrets. Things we wish we could have done differently, solutions we did not see in the heat of the moment. How do you all cope with those regrets or do they haunt you, still?

You needn't identify yourself. Such confessions almost demand anonymity and will hold no sense of judgement on my part. It's not for me to confirm or condemn for in the end, we're all answerable to ourselves.

Comments

[Voice] un: secondtolast | cw: genocide

[icanhearscreams]

[He considers making this anonymous, but... well. It'd be obvious who he was anyway to anyone who knows him.]

I killed an entire world to save my own. I don't regret that part - there was no good answer. But I do regret being stupid enough to let the enemy escape... it made the battle much longer. And instead of it instantly being over for people they had to be afraid and watch people they cared about die.

I suppose I don't cope with it. I still hear the screaming sometimes. But I did what I had to. They would have done the same.

(cw: genocide, Titanic deaths)

[nothinglikea]

[as Rose figures she'll stand out like a sore thumb to anyone who knew her]

...that's terrible for them. I can't--well, actually I can understand how that feels.

[the screams of the dying after the Titanic sank from under them, unintelligible at first, then growing weaker and weaker as time passed. an instant death would've been a mercy]

It's easy to judge. But that's not what I'm doing. I...understand something of what you went through, though it was by no design of mine.

Is there anything you would have done differently, should you have had the chance?

[Text] [Anonymous] | cw: Japanese internment, racism

[hachitaro]

I had a family who took me in. They didn't know I wasn't human.

I should have stayed with them until the end. Just... pretended I was one of them.

At the every least I should have arranged for them to escape their 'detention camp'. I shouldn't have let their lives be ruined by racists.

(CW: Japanese internment, racism)

[nothinglikea]

A 'detention camp?'
Those words alone make me shudder, given what people thought of certain other people when I'm from.
I think it is something in the nature of the majority to make sure the minority doesn't have any paths out, much less bring opportunities to those who need them most.
Do you think they would forgive you?

text | un: cleansingsong

[baiyueguang]

I have come to find that the ways of coping with such things that would be expected are probably not the best means of doing so. If you struggle with regret, I understand well the urge to isolate oneself, or to try to bury those feelings to not be seen as excessively grieving. But they do little to help.

If there are those here close to you that you can speak to about these things, it can be painful but it is like drawing poison from a wound. It does help. Even reaching out like this can give some catharsis.

[nothinglikea]

That's the thing. The man I loved encouraged me to survive, to find love elsewhere when he was gone. And I've done so. He even managed to meet the young woman I've set my affections on through an odd trick of Argonaut.

But I suppose I should be grateful to him. He met Snow and approved of her entirely. No worries or fears of what it would mean for me to fall in love with another woman, all he wanted was my happiness.

And I do have those I'd trust under such circumstances, should all be equal. However, they all seem to be in the midst of their own troubles and I'd see them a way through for them before I'd ask for myself.

voice: un: vi

[faceblocks]

I don't think they'll ever stop haunting me. And maybe that's what I deserve? Not in the "oh pity me" way, but maybe it's just something I have to live with. It's part of me now.

Wishing it were different won't make it different. The only thing I can do is never do it again.

[nothinglikea]

Vi. [she says in a tone of relief] It's so good to hear from you again. I...lost most of the part of a month, so there's a great deal of catching up I need to do.

[private]

I know how that feels. Back home, someone died to ensure that I lived. I'm not sure I was worthy of it, but he didn't seem to hold it against me when we met after he passed.

If I can be forgiven, you can too.

text: anonymous

[stayscared]

Almost every day. Sometimes I drink too much. Sometimes I think too much.

I kick myself all the damn time for being such an idiot.

[nothinglikea]

If I may?

Why do you consider yourself an idiot?

video; un: taka

[retsuden]

I vowed to try to make amends for my mistakes by never repeating them and always protect those I love rather than hurt them. I can not change the past or right the wrongs that I did, nor will I ever forget them. I can simply do everything in my power to not succumb to that darkness again.

[nothinglikea]

Is it easier some days than others? Coping with what happened in the past.

[Video] un: justanadventurer

[aetherweaver]

... One of the people I knew taught me a phrase. "For those we have lost. For those we can yet save." It means that we keep moving after a loss and focus on those that are still within our power to help. Do I have regrets? Of course I do. I just... try to not let them bog me down.

Here, it's... a little easier because I don't have so much riding on just me.

[nothinglikea]

Yes, that seems to be a normal enough sentiment. That we're somewhere we can be ourselves, we can live our lives as simply as we wish to.

voice | un: levi

[dirtdevil]

A long time ago I made a poor choice that ended up costing the lives of two people I cared about. It was a stupid decision on its own, but I never thought it would get anyone killed.

[ there's a quiet, tired-sounding sigh, like it's taxing to talk about even after all this time. ]

I regretted it so much that I decided I didn't want to regret anything like that ever again. That I'd choose whatever I'd regret the least. That's the way I've been living ever since.

[nothinglikea]

I'm so sorry. That must be difficult to live with.

[and to this day, she wonders if Jack really could have fit on the door. but she'll never know]

Has it been easier that way? To tell the difference between what you would and wouldn't regret?

voice. un: erwin.smith

[theomachy]

It's difficult to account for the number of regrets I hold.

[ his voice sounds just as exhausted as that last guy's, actually. weird. ]

I sent many good soldiers to their deaths from sheer stubbornness and one of my noted skills as a leader was drawing out impassioned emotion that inspired my soldiers to head into battle with their heads held high. Most of them never came back.

[ a thoughtful hum. ]

I don't think I'll ever be able to let go of that haunting regret. But there are other things I don't regret at all, and as late I've been more able to focus on those rather than the alternative. It helps to have help, really. There are some things people just can't handle alone, no matter how strong they are.

(CW: PTSD referred to)

[nothinglikea]

Have help? From a psychiatrist? I know that much of it was still a theory when I'm from, but I've been told there have been great strides ahead in understanding and helping people who're suffering...what modern term was it called? PTS?

Text; un: anonymous

[survivalthroughhate]

I once killed a man and didn't regret it for many years. Indeed, at the time I was actually quite proud of my skills in being able to defeat him in combat.

Then he showed up in Deerington and the warrior I'd formerly known nothing about was now an actual person to me. And he.....was kind to me. He should have hated me for what I'd done to him and it would have well been within his right to do so. Instead, he showed me understanding and compassion. Alas, he did not make it here to this new place but I cannot forget what he did for me. His face is etched in my mind. Now I don't feel quite so proud of having killed him anymore.

[nothinglikea]

There's a phrase that comes to mind, given what you've said. Turn the other cheek. I suppose it's best explained that if someone wrongs you, you're to show them forgiveness rather than recrimination. It's possible he felt that holding a grudge would harm both of you and it's quite likely it would have.

And it's easy to remain angry. Far harder to let it go. This, I know from experience.

video; un: darth imperius

[drawsghosts]

I was warned repeatedly that my master was going to do me harm, but I ignored them and placed my trust in her, because she was one of the few people who had treated me well. She then betrayed me and it nearly cost me everything.

I also tried to take more power than I could handle and it nearly killed me.

I learn from my regrets and learn to do better. Otherwise they'll only eat me alive.

[nothinglikea]

That's terrible, to have someone you trusted behave in such a way! Did she ever apologize for such a thing, or at least explain why?

Yes...that is the only real way to approach things. As painful as it is sometimes.

[Text][UN:<Blocked>] CW: Abnormal psychology discussed (maybe some fourth-wall leaning as well)

[subject_013]

I don't sense regret, at least not the way most people do, which can be said for the rest of my emotional range. However, there are moments in my life which, had I the chance to relive them, I would have chosen a different route, with - I hope - a better ending to the path of events.

CW: Abnormal psychology discussed (maybe some fourth-wall leaning as well)

[nothinglikea]

I think we all feel like that, that there were paths we could have or should have taken and maybe our circumstances would improve. It's a never-ending torment, not helped by the fact that Trench seems to like to dredge up such memories.

un: eudaimonikos | text

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, I have tortured like, SO many people.
Obviously I don't feel great about that, but I try not to dwell on it. That would be counterproductive to making the kinds of changes necessary - I'd just wallow.

[nothinglikea]

[...what?]

Yes, that's certainly something to regret.
What kinds of changes are necessary?
Ones which don't involve torture?

Video UN: glyphywitchy

[imaglyphwitch]

It depends.

Some of them you can face. You sort of have to take it as you can, deciding what you could not do, and make peace with the things that you couldn't change.

Some of it, because we have no psychiatrists, you have to resolve you can't fix. There are just things that are going to stay there, and yeah, they'll haunt you. But they can help you be stronger, even if you don't see it right away.

And some of it is just. Sometimes better to be saved for another day, because even the human mind can get overloaded. Places like Trench and Deerington can really test you at your worse.

Incense helps.

[nothinglikea]

...Luz. [Rose says, full of compassion]

I've...heard about what I missed. That must have been terrible. But if only we did have psychiatrists. I've studied as much about it as I can, but I wouldn't feel qualified analyzing someone.

What about a Night Walker? That's what they're supposedly there for, to listen to us as we release our emotions. I personally haven't tried any of them before, but I know they're out there and willing to help.