deernet | video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

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video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

[Good day, Trench, and welcome to... whatever this is going to be. Here is one Palamedes, sitting at his desk in what may be broadly recognizable as his office in the Sanctuary, whether or not one has been in it before (it has, these days, a distressing worm-on-a-string curtain in place of a door). Palamedes shuffles through some papers, tsks, and gets up to simply walk off screen, although this is not an accidental post, for he does call back:]

Damn my filing system! Hold on, don't look away.

[So now: the sounds of shuffling, and also, footsteps on a ladder? Then the eventual soft thump as he hops back down, and finally his several layered cardigans masquerading as a torso coming back into view, before he sits back down in the chair with a hearty squeak of rusty metal.

He has even more papers now. A small pile of notebooks, actually, which he folds his hands atop before properly regarding the camera.]

So! I wrote a book. Are any of you in the publishing business? Here, locally, or otherwise? My wheelhouse is firmly the academic, and literature— while a passion project— is a field I know far less about. As such: publishing. Any tips welcome.

I am also in the market for some cover art, I think. My artistic talents leave a lot to be desired, but I've produced some helpful mock-ups, somewhere around here...

[Just kidding they're right here ready and waiting, and so he holds them up side by side:

...So, yes. His handwriting is, of course, perfectly legible.]

Like I said: I'm an academic, not an artist. I'll pay you in whatever you like, blood or stone or- [and he leans briefly off camera again, to mutter, then he's back] -or scones! Good ones, for people into that kind of thing.

[Yahoo... Draw him a horny squidmance cover page... This is ordinary.]

Obviously, children need not apply.

Oh, and the working title is Ceasefire of the Senses: A Treatise on the Juxtaposition of Passion and Reason, unless you happen to be my cruelest critic and dearest spouse, love of my life, in which case "that title is ridiculous" and it's actually called "that story in your fifty notebooks." Regardless.

[He pats the pile of notebooks, like, his title is good actually? This might be a thinly veiled opinion poll about the title.]

And as it's the season, again, if anyone needs a professional hand with their lockjoint, come down to the Lumenarium- or Sanctuary- and ask for Palamedes. I'll take care of it with a silk touch; you get to keep the stones. Drawings of squids entirely voluntary for that one.

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What if I wrote the long titles in Greek? That takes care of both handwriting and length, right? I could try.

[Nico should get the full scope of making fun of Pal's titles, he thinks. He's already leaned in to being heckled about his true literary genius.

Anyway, hmm, library chill time--]

Let's have a Greek session, then. Fully casual; you do your thing, I'll practice my various handwritings off to the side. You can correct my pronunciation.

[ Hang on, he has to go back to listen to the title again so that he can do... this: ] Κατάπαυση των αισθήσεων: Πραγματεία για την αντιπαράθεση πάθους και λογικής. That's your title in Greek. Not really shorter, but it could help with the handwriting.

[ Family privilege, Nico gets to heckle his adopted dad about the name, but like he told Viktor - it's a good title to keep Nico from reading this squidmance about his dads.

Library chill time will be happening a lot the next two months. ]

Okay. That works for me. Though pretty soon you're not going to need my help with Greek.

[Hmm, a little cursed that his beloved son would just say this title out loud, even if in Greek... so this is fatherhood... Palamedes snorts, shaking his head.]

I'll do my best; getting all of that down without fumbling the letters will be my next little project.

[During library chill time, likely with guest appearances by Viktor with snacks. Not a bad way to spend two months.]

Give me maybe five minutes and I'll be there. And— what's your next big language? You'll just have to show me that one.

[ They're both a little cursed for Nico saying it out loud, in either language - because they both understand it now. It's not like this is the first time he's far too aware of his parent's intimate life. Hades has plenty of stories about him. ]

I can at least check that much to make sure it's all good. [ Definitely not going to be reading this book, though.

Nope, it's a good way to let his birthday - in January - pass by with no one being any wiser. Just hanging with some of his most liked people. ]

Yeah, I'll be here. My next big one is Italian, it was on the list I gave you. It's my mom's native language.

[The first and last times they need to say this title aloud, stamped and official.]

Sure; pretend it's purely an academic paper.

[And oh, but if Palamedes finds out about this birthday somehow... he will respect Nico's wishes to quietly observe it with a handful of people, but he'll also get him a funny shirt of his own. He understands the appeal of not making a big deal of things - particularly birthdays, although that one is because he's mostly dead back home. Oop.

Same difference...]

Is it? Then I'll draw up a study schedule today, even. That's what my mother taught me.

[ Awkward conversations to have with your adopted son-father. ]

Can do, I'll just let the words go in one ear and out the other.

[ That's a good son-trait to have in this particular matter. The quieter the better when it comes to his birthday, and maybe he'll tell a couple of people, seeing how Pal and Viktor are both good at respecting that sort of thing. Mostly dead isn't completely dead, at least.

A soft sound of amusement. ]

Yep. [ On all accounts of it being on the list and his mom's language. ] She taught you how to draw up study schedules? That's not surprising. What else did she teach you?

Attaboy.

[.......pfffhaha] Sorry; I was compelled.

[Anyway, dad moment over. Instead, let's talk about moms some more.]

My mother made Scholar at fifteen— and you can rest assured, that's a big deal where we're from. Even to me. She taught me scheduling, research, plenty of her top necromantic theories... and hubris, but not so directly.

[Normal mom things!]

Wow, this is what it's like having a nerdy dad.

[ Just going to call that out. Hades knows a lot, but he doesn't have dad moments like that one.

Nico likes hearing about Pal's mom, she sounds like a badass librarian. ]

What's the usual age for Scholar, then? Sounds like she taught you a lot. I don't remember much about mine. Her language, a couple of her recipes, and songs.

[ His mom is a fuzzy memory that he has to push himself to remember anything about. ]

[Stop, he's going to have feelings about being called dad so blatantly... That makes him laugh, anyway, shrugging and waving a hand like, listen... This is what Nico has chosen.]

I deserve that hit. Anyway, it's usually... older. I mean, not for me, but I was Master Warden at thirteen, so I'm a poor metric to use for anything like that. Rough estimate, I'd say most of our Scholars are about nineteen, twenty... It's one of the lowest-ranked titles you have to test into.

[What did he get from mama: nerd stuff.]

Recipes? You know I'm useless in the kitchen, but we could try to make some, if you want.

[ Might as well get used to it, because it'll probably happen again in the future. It is sure what he's chosen, to have these nerdy dads. ]

I'm used to it. [ His boyfriend likes to be a little nerdy and cheesy, too. ]

Huh, so it's kind of like graduating from High School. Since college means a higher degree of education that branches into various fields of specialities.

[ A nod of his head. ]

Various varieties of pasta dishes, mostly. I've been getting cooking lessons since I got here, so we could probably manage to not burn the kitchen down. We'd have to make them at your place or the Sanctuary, there isn't really a kitchen at mine.

[He'll adjust, give him like a week. He'll practice his "Hi x, I'm Palamedes" and everything.]

I— want to say yes! I've been told plenty of you go to school for a set number of years and not based on your individual time-to-accomplishment, is that still true of 'higher' education?

[Note, also, that he is gathering his Greek Study notebooks in the background here and about to set out to the library, but one does not simply hang up the omni--]

You know you're welcome at our place anytime. Let's start there; I'll ask Viktor when, and he'll go all out overpreparing.

[ Nico can practically feel the dad jokes incoming. Plenty of other kids at camp talk about them, but it's different when dad is the godly one. ]

I mean, people can skip grades or even get held back, so it's not only a set number of years for the younger years. If someone is ahead of the others their age or struggling, there is some wiggle room. As far as I know, college is basically a set number depending on your profession. Some professions require seven to fourteen years, and others not so much.

[ Don't ask about his education, Pal will be horrified. Nico will just relax in his chair while Pal gathers his stuff and makes his way over. ]

I know, but it's not a big deal. [ Between Abigail, Chizuru, basic stuff he can make in D's place, and eating out... it's probably more often than he was eating back home. ] I'll bring all the ingredients, so tell him not to worry about that.

Not for nothing, but I'd argue that if someone isn't good at their profession inside of fourteen years, they should probably pick something else.

[But then, he's a wizard, so again: probably a bad metric for judging anything, with only his own experiences to compare to.]

And I'm right there with you, but he likes doing it. Maybe we can let him prepare some... side dishes.

[palamedes knows what a side dish is, absolutely]

The ones going that long are specialized doctors, who don't get fancy powers like you do, so they have to do things the hard way. I think it's something like four-to-five years of school, a couple of years as a basic apprentice, then several more years as a specialized apprentice while being a certified physician in basic medicine. It isn't the fault of the student how long it takes, just the way the system as a whole is set up.

[ Pal is a wizard compared to these poor people who have to jump through hoops to be able to do the things Pal can. ]

I guess we could use some vegetables or something. Garlic bread is pretty much a must with most Italian food.

[ This is said light-heartedly, he won't really protest Viktor making side dishes or dessert. ]

In that case, I rescind my criticism for a new one: the system is dreadful. For doctors? Someone has to streamline something that important.

[Palamedes is a wizard on a mission to revolutionize med school, look out world!! Also it should be FREE!!! He doesn't even know college costs money, it's going to ruin his day.

Anyway, wizard privilege aside, "garlic bread"... Well, bread is a thing he can eat? Hmm.]

I can probably eat whatever garlic bread is. I'll let him know.

Yeah, I can't really say anything about it, having not gone through the process. It probably used to be faster, but medicine wasn't as advanced either.

[ Higher education, free? What does that look like? A scholarship, he supposes. Maybe New Rome has better schooling, but Nico didn't look into it.

Shaking his head. ]

Garlic bread is one-handed, yeah. It's basically toast with garlic.

Well— fair enough. Necromancy loops us back around to not taking very long at all, although the field is hardly completely developed.

[Never mind, he supposes. He shakes his head, with no free hand to dismissively wave away the perils of higher education. He is Approaching the Library, howdy, allow him to shoulder in with his armful of study materials and so still not hang up the omni, oop.

As for garlic bread, "toast" is fine, it's "with garlic" that worries him. Flavors...]

I hope you're ready to get a crash course in the rest of my food-related neuroses. You have my word that I'll try your mother's recipes, of course, but... [food... yuck.]

Hm, it sounds like a long time for us, but we have cheats that most people don't. Before coming here, I thought I knew pretty much all I needed when it comes to necromancy, yet I've learned a lot by having others around.

[ Nico looks over when the door opens, not surprised because he could see the background of Pal's video. The man may not hang up, but he will once the other's in better range. His table doesn't have anything on it, so it's ready for Pal's armful of supplies.

There's a soft hum at that. ]

Guess the good thing about garlic bread is controlling how much garlic is on it. Viktor can always set aside one that's completely Pal-approved, though. Dare I even ask what sort of food you had at the Sixth House?

[Allow him to get Settled and put all his things down, and only then will he put his omni away and stop holding it like he's still on the phone. Okay. He's ready for study hour.]

Fair point. I didn't know what a squid was before coming here, not really, so it stands to reason that works every which way.

[If only everybody was a necromancer... Alas. He begins to shuffle his things, to find his most recent episode of Study Notes.]

On the Sixth: nutrient-rich. Very textured. Imitation meats, exceedingly fibrous vegetables- lab-grown- and so on. Don't mistake my upbringing for ruining my palate, though; this is just an aside of being me. [He just doesn't enjoy the Experience of Food, it's fine. He's come around to the soppy emotional parts of sharing mealtimes, by now.] Who knows, maybe I'll go nuts for garlic bread.

[ That's fine with Nico, he'll make sure nothing slides off the table as it's set down. He idly wonders if Pal would use a bookbag if someone got him one. ]

Nothing in your archives about the creatures of Earth? I'm no expert on all of the animals, but I can practically name every Greek monster.

[ If only. Not that Nico's powers work that way, he certainly could give someone a new pair of lungs. ]

Sounds gross. Probably a quick source of sustenance, though. [ He may not eat a lot, but Nico does still enjoy the Experience of Food. Nico watches Pal for a moment. ] It's fine if you don't like it. But I reserve the right to capture your expression through video or photography.

[He's more of a one-strap satchel kinda guy, but has he thought about getting a dedicated one? Absolutely not. Today, like all hasty trips to the Archive, is a precarious stack of Stuff. He adjusts his glasses, shrugging.]

Well, we didn't know it was called Earth. The Powers That Be aren't much fans of letting us know what's going on out there or what went on back then, you know?

[Gods, right. Fuck 'em. He settles down in a seat, thumbing at his sheet of notes while he considers Garlic Bread.]

Sure, I'll allow it. There's a photo of me somewhere out there that's supposedly a 'meme' already— so why not. [And after a beat, more seriously:] I am going to try it. But let me try your mother's recipe first, so I definitely get the important part done.

[ Exactly the kind of bookbag he was thinking about. Something that Pal could just drop things in with quick, easy movements and not have to struggle with a backpack. ]

Okay fair, the word earth lost part of its meaning somewhere along the way by someone who thought numbers were better than names. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the question of "why do some of you have Greco-Roman names, but God tossed out the Roman names for the planets?"

[ Maybe because the planet names were godly and Jod wanted to be the only one remembered. He doesn't say that, though. ]

It's a deal. Maybe you'll actually like spaghetti, it's pretty much all plant-based foods. [ Nico won't lightly season it but will leave out any sort of meat, since Pal wants to try the recipe. ]

[If only he hadn't ruined a bag by taking it straight into the sea already... one day, a new bag.

He laughs, propping his chin in his hand and giving a heart eyeroll for God Doing Anything.]

Stop, you're going to make me an even worse blasphemer than I already am with that kind of sensible question about logical things. Heretic? Deserter? I don't know what word he'd prefer I use, and I intend to never actually find out. [putting 'empire dni' on his carrd asap] But who knows! Maybe he wasn't good at astronomy.

[Anyway.]

My favorite kind of food is 'not a mush,' which is a shockingly smaller field than it sounds. I've seen spaghetti before.

["seen"]

[ Time to get him something more waterproof, like the Welcome Bags. Even if Palamedes never goes into the ocean again.

Nico leans forward with a twinkle in his eyes. ]

I don't see anyone here that would tell him anything said here, and he's not omniscient. [ He's only met a small handful of people from the empire and doesn't really talk empire business with them. ] Or wanted to get the old gods out of the picture.

[ 'Not a mush'. ]

So no mashed potatoes, cream corn, or creamy anything like oatmeal.

[ Also remembering the conversation about cheese, so probably a lot of milk products like yogurt and maybe even ice cream which is a shame. ]

[Son... Truly, Nico understands him on so many levels.]

He wishes. [To both of those things, maybe. Probably. Palamedes makes a face, like, he would absolutely spend several hours talking mad shit about God just for the hell of it, but - hmm. But... did he not just tell Anna he's trying to stay in his lane... the temptation is too great.] I guess we'll never know, unless someone wants to sit through a self-important speech about how murder is okay when he does it.

[ok just that little thing. NOW moving on,]

"Cream corn" is the worst phrase I've ever heard. Absolutely none of that.

video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

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