video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

[megatheorem]

[Good day, Trench, and welcome to... whatever this is going to be. Here is one Palamedes, sitting at his desk in what may be broadly recognizable as his office in the Sanctuary, whether or not one has been in it before (it has, these days, a distressing worm-on-a-string curtain in place of a door). Palamedes shuffles through some papers, tsks, and gets up to simply walk off screen, although this is not an accidental post, for he does call back:]

Damn my filing system! Hold on, don't look away.

[So now: the sounds of shuffling, and also, footsteps on a ladder? Then the eventual soft thump as he hops back down, and finally his several layered cardigans masquerading as a torso coming back into view, before he sits back down in the chair with a hearty squeak of rusty metal.

He has even more papers now. A small pile of notebooks, actually, which he folds his hands atop before properly regarding the camera.]

So! I wrote a book. Are any of you in the publishing business? Here, locally, or otherwise? My wheelhouse is firmly the academic, and literature— while a passion project— is a field I know far less about. As such: publishing. Any tips welcome.

I am also in the market for some cover art, I think. My artistic talents leave a lot to be desired, but I've produced some helpful mock-ups, somewhere around here...

[Just kidding they're right here ready and waiting, and so he holds them up side by side:



...So, yes. His handwriting is, of course, perfectly legible.]

Like I said: I'm an academic, not an artist. I'll pay you in whatever you like, blood or stone or- [and he leans briefly off camera again, to mutter, then he's back] -or scones! Good ones, for people into that kind of thing.

[Yahoo... Draw him a horny squidmance cover page... This is ordinary.]

Obviously, children need not apply.

Oh, and the working title is Ceasefire of the Senses: A Treatise on the Juxtaposition of Passion and Reason, unless you happen to be my cruelest critic and dearest spouse, love of my life, in which case "that title is ridiculous" and it's actually called "that story in your fifty notebooks." Regardless.

[He pats the pile of notebooks, like, his title is good actually? This might be a thinly veiled opinion poll about the title.]

And as it's the season, again, if anyone needs a professional hand with their lockjoint, come down to the Lumenarium- or Sanctuary- and ask for Palamedes. I'll take care of it with a silk touch; you get to keep the stones. Drawings of squids entirely voluntary for that one.

Comments

[action]

[mehanizovati]

[sometimes you just hang out in your boy's office in an attempt to avoid being force fed by the scary sanctuary chef. and also because he likes pal, that's part of it. in this case it means he gets to see all of this in real time, which is fun.

he makes a variety of flat expressions as pal works, so enjoy. when it's over:] The title is ridiculous, you are the only person alive who can somehow manage to merge a melodramatic bodice ripper title with a dry academic paper. It's an abomination.

[he supports you though.]

[megatheorem]

[thank god viktor likes him or the fact that these squids/OCs are overtly the two of them might become awkward]

Well, I can't call it 'that story I wrote,' can I?

[He reaches for a pen with one hand and shuffles around his papers for another, retrieving A List.]

Where does it rank on your approval rating; above or below Passions: A Beginner's Primer?

video; un: ghostking

[umbraportation]

First off, even after months being your library assistant, I still cannot read the squiggles you seem to think pass off as letters and I'm absolutely positive it's not my dyslexia that makes it impossible. Maybe I should make you write everything you want me to read in Greek letters.

[ hi dad, Nico is sitting in the Sanctuary library during his break because this place is quiet and usually not filled with hoards of people. ]

Secondly, I'm in agreement with your husband and vote for "that title is ridiculous" as the finished one. [ He smirks at this part. ]

Lastly, guess our drawing skills are about the same because I certainly couldn't do much better than you.

[megatheorem]

[Oh no, this family has succumbed to the curse of "video chatting while in the same building... smh.]

Thank you, Nico, for your contributions. Earnestly; I'm putting a tally with your name on it on the list of allegedly failed titles, despite the fact that you're both picking on me.

[But watch: he is definitely scribbling something in his atrocious handwriting on a piece of paper, ta-da.]

There's nothing to be done about the art, so far. Is my handwriting better in Greek? Earnest question.

[mehanizovati]

[here's viktor, clearly in the same room as pal] Thank you, Nico. You are doing important work in not encouraging his titling conventions.

un: aweful, video

[necroprince]

There's a lot to unpack here.

[She had no idea he was even here, for one. Let alone married and writing what seems like smut? She has several questions but first of all...]

Anyway, I'm with your mystery spouse, that title is abysmal. [...] Is that supposed to be a squid wearing glasses?

[megatheorem]

[Oh, look who's here. There's a pause, because it's been well over a year since he's seen either Tridentarius, and things have been all levels of wack since. And also he's writing squid smut, yeah, she's doing the math right on that one.

He looks at the squid picture again, as it is topical.]

Yes. Squid are severely lacking in unique features for differentiation that is simple enough for our clunky human brains to understand at a glance; it's visual shorthand. That's not where the eyes go.

[it's also definitely not in any way a squid-pal]

I didn't know you'd turned up. Hi.

text post; un: peerless_hobo

[xiaoxiuya]

[Live from the same nerd that fanatically hate-read Proud Immortal Demon Way comes...an opinion.]

Don't listen to the haters, that title is amazing. Are you in the market for a beta-reader? Early access reader? Small bribes for readers? I suddenly need to lay my eyes on this book.

video always

[megatheorem]

Well, wait until I've gotten it typed up, evidently my handwriting is atrocious.

[Ha ha it is though. Anyway, what are some of those words...]

Anyway: are any of those things like an editor? Is that what you're talking about?

voice: un: vi

[faceblocks]

That top one's squids, right?

[it's the glasses that really give her any clue - the glasses on the ...shape she initially thought was a hair comb, but then they're repeated on what is unmistakably a humanoid figure sitting on the ground, she 'gets the picture'. kind of.]

What about just calling it "The Senses Are Ridiculous" or "My Story in Fifty Notebooks"? I like the part about passion and reason, though. That's good, it makes me wonder "hey, what about passion and reason"? Which is probably what you want a title to do, right?

But how come you can't get up? Why does Viktor have wings? Is that my name above the grass? Is that grass? [does that even say grass? maybe?]

[megatheorem]

[oh no he's been called out]

Alright, let me tackle these in order. First, yes, those are squids. The features are meant for distinguishable visual shorthand, not accuracy. Second, I will write those titles down on my list and let Viktor be the final judge, because he's enjoying himself far too much and I'm encouraging him.

[gross. they're terrible.]

Third, that's right! The title is supposed to offer at least a little intrigue, hence the juxtaposition... [you don't have to say juxtaposition, palamedes. sigh.]

Fourth, that is a drawing of grass, labeled "grass." I can see where it might be misleading; this is why I need a real artist.

[he skipped the part about how these drawings are objectively himself and viktor, huh....... yeah.]

text: un: tenskulls

[stayscared]

[mike thinks the art is cute. he will defend the art, but maybe not as the cover? fuck it, though, that's a hell of a cover, it just needs to be legible.]

Back home it'd have something to do with agents, dumb luck and too many rewrites, but here, there's probably a way to bypass all of that with a blood ritual, or leaving a copy as an offering to one of the Patrons? (Patron as agent?) Maybe just binding it and taking it to the Archives? Submit it for review or just shove it on the shelf? It's possible you could partner with one of the bookstores.

[he is thinking way too much about this, but ...who knows what it's like in trench.]

I agree the title needs work, (I also sympathize. My wife was a hell of a critic, but she was almost always right.) but the art is a 10/10.

permavid

[megatheorem]

Literature and academia are closer cousins than I thought, if that's the case. They both let just about any hack put their works out there and make it everyone else's problem, don't they? Scholars.

[Tut tut. Anyway, he isn't a hack in either field, for sure. One of those is even true.]

The Archives is an embarrassment and I probably shouldn't sully the Sanctuary library with this sort of content; maybe a local bookshop? Remina is my patron, she might be interested in the historical significance of a Sleeper-written novel...

[maybe. possibly. anyway, finally someone with taste--]

You really like the art? What would you call the book, then?

video; un: lady

[dohaeris]

[sansa is back in the rookery, bundled in a thick wool dress with a padded collar, sewing various winter clothing items. her brow furrows gently as she examines pal's, uh, thumbnails. she knows a little about how books are made...in westeros, which as yet has neither movable type or paper.

she has been trying to get some copies made of books she's found in the archives about dragons from her world for allen for christmas, so she thinks perhaps she might be able to help a little here.]

Well, there are bookbinders in Willful Machine. Are you looking for a scribe?

[it's only that his handwriting is hard to read. she pauses briefly.]

Vi is very good at figure drawing, and so is Sharon. You might ask either of them for samples, and choose which you like best.

[another careful pause.]

Is it meant to be a novel, or sort of treatise? I did think that they were different, but I only learned about novels here, so I'm sure someone else would know better. Only, I thought a treatise meant you were explaining something to the readers, instead of telling a story. They're much more common in my realm than novels.

[maesters love to make an incredibly specific argument about some obtuse feature of history or geography and then make a bunch of other maesters copy it out!!! he may have noticed this in the ponderous tomes she's lent him to read to ghosts.]

[megatheorem]

It is— both!

[Tada!! He shan't explain; doesn't everyone want to read a story that is also, for some reason, an academic paper throughout? He does.]

As for getting it copied, probably not a scribe, no; I need a typewriter. Have you seen any in the shops? I don't care if it's broken; Viktor will have a field day over one, like as not.

[His handwriting is, indeed, very bad, bad enough that he wouldn't subject a scribe to it? And also he wants the ASMR typewriter clicky sound experience, for himself.]

Given the subject matter, it seemed more polite to let artists come to me first. [smut.......] Bookbinders, though, for when I've got proper pages ready— I'll take those names!

video; un: kolckek

[hearuthinking]

The fuck do you mean, "spouse"? You and Vik got married?

[Yes that is the one piece of information in all this he focuses on]

[megatheorem]

[Palamedes blinks, then looks off camera to someone who is very obviously Viktor, with a gesture like 'oh my god we forgot to tell everyone.' Oops--]

—Right, we did, yes. Not long after Viktor's surgery, actually. We should have sent a card, maybe? That's on us.

text; username: grollschwert

[hauntedsavior]

I think Ceasefire of the Senses on its own is actually a pretty baller title.
If I were into romance, I'd probably pick up a romance novel called that just on principle.
The subtitle's a little much, though. Makes it sound like an academic paper instead of a squid love novel.

Mazel tov on the marriage, PM.

permavid

[megatheorem]

Would you believe me if I told you it was, in fact, both? It might be an in-character academic paper. Call it an experimental style.

[Ha ha, that's a pun, because-- no, alright, he's done. Anyway, on to things with actual serious life consequences,]

Thank you, though. We've been informed we forgot to mention it for longer than I'll publicly admit, but I'm pushing through. How are you, Anna? You've been well?

video | un: sds

[fogsong]

Wow. [ excuse her she's having some trouble processing all of this. ] All right, I'd offer my services for the cover art but... [ she squints again at the images ] We gotta chat about what the fuck is going on. The first image is obviously squids, squids are easy peasy, but... Is glasses-dude gripping not-glasses dude's dick or am I misinterpreting things here?

[ look she can't unsee what she sees! she's never given romance covers a second look in her whole life! ]

[megatheorem]

[This is a fair hit, honestly. All of it.]

Thigh, actually. The balls are hands, not, you know, actual balls. I did say my art leaves something to be desired.

[...]

That said, full disclosure: it is a romance novel. If the content behind the artwork matters for your decision-making process.

voice | un: deku

[wannasmash]

[ So that's what that list of salacious words on the board were for... ]

Uh, [ uh... ] congratulations on finishing your project! And being spouses!

[ Nailed it. ]

...Squids can wear glasses?

[megatheorem]

[thanks buddy]

No, of course not. [A beat.] Probably not; I don't see what the point would be. In any case, it's visual shorthand— the features squids would use to differentiate amongst themselves for something like mating wouldn't make automatic sense to our humanoid brains. So: glasses. Now you can tell them apart.

And thanks.

text (un: aquila)

[grice]

[ . . . oh . . . passion. and reason . . . . . . . . ]

Is this a romance, Mister Palamedes?

permavid

[megatheorem]

[FALCO NO... don't look at his sinful ways......]

It is, yes. And also kind of an academic study.

(text)

[stilljustyou]

( Frisk silently sends a text with their own art attached to Palamedes. They'll draw for him!! )

[megatheorem]

[Oh— almost certainly a child sending this, he thinks, so—]

You've given me an idea for a brand new book with far more adventure than mine. I could use more talent like this for something like that.

text | un: wheninlanling

[poorlittlesange]

[this is--delightful, actually. Jin Guangyao might be smiling down at his omni. absurd.]

Greetings, Palamedes-xiansheng. Congratulations on completing your book.

My sworn brother is an artist of peerless talent. Perhaps this one could facilitate an introduction? Please let me know.

[also Lan Xichen needs a real job.]

permavid

[megatheorem]

Oh, hey. Thanks; it's been a process. I think I started this back in April...?

[On the back of a bar napkin and mostly as a joke-and-also-flirting, but here he is, project completed. It's the rush of productivity, of course.]

I'd love to meet him, but first: is he alright with tasteful eroticism? Nothing nude, but I'm trying to make the subject matter clear to the artists up front just in case. My sketches are barely comprehensible, after all.

video; un: an.exorcist

[likethelight]

[ What's wrong with using these as cover art? Allen thinks it's perfectly fine if... ...

...are those squid and a crotch-hugging man? ]

Oh! You finished it, Palamedes?

[ tact ]

[megatheorem]

[Thanks Allen for not asking the obvious questions. Attaboy.]

I did! Now you'll hear far less about character motivations and slightly more about typesetting, which I'm excited to fool around with.

[Once he acquires a typewriter... As for the tact:]

Don't worry, you're not allowed to read it. Viktor would kill me.

text | un: shithog

[foulhussy]

is there fucking in it

[megatheorem]

Should I take that directness as a sign of tacit approval upon the affirmative? [palamedes.] It is a romance novel, so of course.

un: AskMalice, video

[slayerskiss]

[She's been squinting at this for like five minutes.]

What does that title even mean? That's just... way too many words.

[megatheorem]

[That's longer than it deserves, frankly. The effort is appreciated.]

You can think of it as solely the first half, if you like; everyone else already has. It's— you know, passion overtaking reason in the most dramatic of moments, and so on. Like that. For the length of a novel.