video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

[megatheorem]

[Good day, Trench, and welcome to... whatever this is going to be. Here is one Palamedes, sitting at his desk in what may be broadly recognizable as his office in the Sanctuary, whether or not one has been in it before (it has, these days, a distressing worm-on-a-string curtain in place of a door). Palamedes shuffles through some papers, tsks, and gets up to simply walk off screen, although this is not an accidental post, for he does call back:]

Damn my filing system! Hold on, don't look away.

[So now: the sounds of shuffling, and also, footsteps on a ladder? Then the eventual soft thump as he hops back down, and finally his several layered cardigans masquerading as a torso coming back into view, before he sits back down in the chair with a hearty squeak of rusty metal.

He has even more papers now. A small pile of notebooks, actually, which he folds his hands atop before properly regarding the camera.]

So! I wrote a book. Are any of you in the publishing business? Here, locally, or otherwise? My wheelhouse is firmly the academic, and literature— while a passion project— is a field I know far less about. As such: publishing. Any tips welcome.

I am also in the market for some cover art, I think. My artistic talents leave a lot to be desired, but I've produced some helpful mock-ups, somewhere around here...

[Just kidding they're right here ready and waiting, and so he holds them up side by side:



...So, yes. His handwriting is, of course, perfectly legible.]

Like I said: I'm an academic, not an artist. I'll pay you in whatever you like, blood or stone or- [and he leans briefly off camera again, to mutter, then he's back] -or scones! Good ones, for people into that kind of thing.

[Yahoo... Draw him a horny squidmance cover page... This is ordinary.]

Obviously, children need not apply.

Oh, and the working title is Ceasefire of the Senses: A Treatise on the Juxtaposition of Passion and Reason, unless you happen to be my cruelest critic and dearest spouse, love of my life, in which case "that title is ridiculous" and it's actually called "that story in your fifty notebooks." Regardless.

[He pats the pile of notebooks, like, his title is good actually? This might be a thinly veiled opinion poll about the title.]

And as it's the season, again, if anyone needs a professional hand with their lockjoint, come down to the Lumenarium- or Sanctuary- and ask for Palamedes. I'll take care of it with a silk touch; you get to keep the stones. Drawings of squids entirely voluntary for that one.

Comments

[mehanizovati]

[all just talking over the phone in the same house. powerful.] His academia is showing, as always. He's making a list of possible titles now, to warn you. I suspect you'll be subjected to it soon enough.

[umbraportation]

[ It's like he's on speakerphone with his parents. This is a completely new thing to him. ] When isn't it showing? He probably already had a list going after hearing you reject his working title. Honestly, if he wants me to stay away from reading it, he'll go with his pick.

[mehanizovati]

[i am enjoying the mental image of hades on speaker phone though.] I think he rejoices in the chance to make lists to begin with, so you're likely right. In truth I'd also like to see just how much worse it can get, so let's see. I'll make a list of my own of the highlights to tell you later.

only half here, for the gag

[megatheorem]

[But through the background of Viktor's omni comes Pal's faux-disgruntled, half-shouted comment, in true speakerphone with parents style:]

For the record, none of that is constructive criticism!

why did you do this to yourself?

[umbraportation]

[ Shaking his head over here. ]

Your title is too wordy! How about two-thirds of that whole thing?

[umbraportation]

[ He would probably use the loudest voice possible without actually shouting. ] Or having lists made for him. Which I've done before. [ This isn't an actual complaint, he just likes teasing. ] We could bet on how many words he can get into a title?

Looking forward to it. [ Please spare him some of the more risqué titles, Viktor. ]

[mehanizovati]

[enjoy seeing viktor roll his eyes at pal in real time, lips quirking when nico speaks. holding his omni so pal can hear him, thanks.

anyway.] We'll have to set up a bet properly where he cannot hear, he'll game the system otherwise.

This reminds me, we're throwing a winter holiday party at Sanctuary, if you'd like to come. Do not ask how I got involved, it's a mystery. [it isn't, he's a busybody.] I do not know any winter holidays personally so do not expect much.

[umbraportation]

[ Ah the way his parents act is funny. Maybe this is the way parents are supposed to be, and not the way his dad and stepmother are around him. ]

Oh yeah, definitely. Can't have him doing that.

[ Oh, Nico clearly pauses at this bit of information. ] Not really a winter holiday party sort of person, but I can at least swing by the kitchen for a while. To see you and Palamedes.

[mehanizovati]

[definitely how nerd parents act apparently. viktor gives offscreen pal an eyeroll before glancing back.] I'll find you later. I've been hiding from Abigail again.

[he's not too proud to admit it. that scantuary chef is scary.]

You're welcome to come before or after the party, of course. [he notes that pause though doesn't press. just a quiet tick of 'hm'] Would you prefer no gifts then? I'm not entirely sure the protocol there. I'd like to make you something.

[umbraportation]

[ Nico will take his nerdy parents, even if they someday embarrass him. ] If you want, I can show you some of my hiding places.

[ She is, and he knows it. Viktor has been here longer, so maybe his hiding spots are more known. ]

Okay, thanks. [ Maybe soon the teen will tell Viktor why he's not into winter parties. But it will definitely not be over the network. ] Gifts are fine, since I was planning on getting you and Palamedes something.

[mehanizovati]

Nico, you are a good young man. [dry, and actually grateful. please show him hiding spots, staying here for his recovery just doubled her efforts...

very fair, definitely not something for casual romance novel art posts.] Ah, good. It's supposed to be a surprise, I assume? If not you're welcome to tell me what you'd like.

[otherwise he's making him cool shit as per usual. as though he wouldn't anyway.]

[umbraportation]

Everyone needs a good place where they can get away. [ He absolutely will, and Nico doesn't mind sharing his spots with someone he likes.

They can have a hot drink and chill in one of the quiet places for the talk. ] Yeah, it's usually a surprise, unless someone is struggling to pick a gift to give. I can't think of anything off the top of my head that I'd like, but I can give it some thought if you need.

[ There are all kinds of "gift lists" out there, even for the holidays. It's all cool shit and Nico likes it. ]

[mehanizovati]

Especially from Abigail. She's relentless. [sigh. learn from his mistakes and eat like a normal human being, nico]

I'll think of something then. I suppose it's more eh... sentimental that way. [gross.] I don't understand all these winter holidays. It seems so consistent between worlds.

[umbraportation]

She is, but honestly, sometimes it's needed. [ Eh, Nico already made that mistake. One time he ate one single grape and that was it for the day. He worked up to an apple! ]

Honestly, people of Earth are fond of saying "it's the thought that counts" so the gift itself doesn't have to be overly sentimental. [ feelings, ew ] Christmas is pretty big across the Earth, but that's only one holiday. Having a celebration in winter is a common thing because back in the old days, winter is harsh and plenty of people died from cold or lack of food. So getting together and sharing became a thing. Or they're celebrating some god.

[ Here, allow Nico to be a nerd for a bit. ]

In ancient Greek, they used to celebrate Haloa, or the month of Poseidon. It would start somewhere around the sixth and go into the next month. It actually celebrated a few gods, mostly ones over grains and vegetation, but I hear it was a pretty wild party that mostly women attended.

[mehanizovati]

[it's too late for nico then... truly their son.]

Ah, I see. Piltover certainly has holidays similar, though I never celebrated them. Zaun eh... not so much. [though that was another matter entirely.]

Poseidon is the ocean one, yes? [he's learning!] If I remember the goddess most spoke of when I was growing up was a wind goddess. Janna, though if she had any holidays I couldn't tell you.

[umbraportation]

[ They all have their things. Nico tends to lean his nerd into myths and monsters. ]

Does your world have a lot of holidays? Earth has a ridiculous amount, though some are specific to region or religion. [ Such as not everyone celebrates Thanksgiving. Christmas was pretty big, though. ]

Yep, Greeks loved being on the water in various ways. [ When talking about the Greek gods, Nico definitely would have talked about the Twelve Olympians first. ] Sky deities seem to be pretty popular in a lot of pantheons, I've come to realize. Apollo had the most, but he's the god of so many things.

[mehanizovati]

Depends. Piltover has several, in fact one is about the bounty of the sea. Jubilee, it's called. There aren't really any globally celebrated holidays though, and the undercity is such a melting pot of different cultures it gets muddled who celebrates what. [earth was wild with holidays, in his opinion.] People from Earth seem far more centralized when it comes to holidays.

Apollo... [another long pause and a shake of the head.] That one I don't remember, refresh me? Yes though, for Zaun the air is eh... a large matter. It's heavily polluted and has been for a long time, I suppose it makes sense sky and wind deities would be popular.

[umbraportation]

Food tends to be one of the big things to celebrate, I've found. Whether it's farming harvest or any kind of fishing or hunting. [ Winter celebrations when finding food is the hardest, to brighten spirits and make it through. ] Only the big ones like Christmas. Though, it's not the only one celebrated at this time of the year.

Apollo is the god of the sun, oracles, healing, archery, music and arts, knowledge, herds and flocks, and protection of the young. [ And the father of his boyfriend. ] Yeah, sounds about right. Pretty hard to do much of anything if you can't breathe for some reason.