video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

[megatheorem]

[Good day, Trench, and welcome to... whatever this is going to be. Here is one Palamedes, sitting at his desk in what may be broadly recognizable as his office in the Sanctuary, whether or not one has been in it before (it has, these days, a distressing worm-on-a-string curtain in place of a door). Palamedes shuffles through some papers, tsks, and gets up to simply walk off screen, although this is not an accidental post, for he does call back:]

Damn my filing system! Hold on, don't look away.

[So now: the sounds of shuffling, and also, footsteps on a ladder? Then the eventual soft thump as he hops back down, and finally his several layered cardigans masquerading as a torso coming back into view, before he sits back down in the chair with a hearty squeak of rusty metal.

He has even more papers now. A small pile of notebooks, actually, which he folds his hands atop before properly regarding the camera.]

So! I wrote a book. Are any of you in the publishing business? Here, locally, or otherwise? My wheelhouse is firmly the academic, and literature— while a passion project— is a field I know far less about. As such: publishing. Any tips welcome.

I am also in the market for some cover art, I think. My artistic talents leave a lot to be desired, but I've produced some helpful mock-ups, somewhere around here...

[Just kidding they're right here ready and waiting, and so he holds them up side by side:



...So, yes. His handwriting is, of course, perfectly legible.]

Like I said: I'm an academic, not an artist. I'll pay you in whatever you like, blood or stone or- [and he leans briefly off camera again, to mutter, then he's back] -or scones! Good ones, for people into that kind of thing.

[Yahoo... Draw him a horny squidmance cover page... This is ordinary.]

Obviously, children need not apply.

Oh, and the working title is Ceasefire of the Senses: A Treatise on the Juxtaposition of Passion and Reason, unless you happen to be my cruelest critic and dearest spouse, love of my life, in which case "that title is ridiculous" and it's actually called "that story in your fifty notebooks." Regardless.

[He pats the pile of notebooks, like, his title is good actually? This might be a thinly veiled opinion poll about the title.]

And as it's the season, again, if anyone needs a professional hand with their lockjoint, come down to the Lumenarium- or Sanctuary- and ask for Palamedes. I'll take care of it with a silk touch; you get to keep the stones. Drawings of squids entirely voluntary for that one.

Comments

[action]

[mehanizovati]

[sometimes you just hang out in your boy's office in an attempt to avoid being force fed by the scary sanctuary chef. and also because he likes pal, that's part of it. in this case it means he gets to see all of this in real time, which is fun.

he makes a variety of flat expressions as pal works, so enjoy. when it's over:] The title is ridiculous, you are the only person alive who can somehow manage to merge a melodramatic bodice ripper title with a dry academic paper. It's an abomination.

[he supports you though.]

video; un: ghostking

[umbraportation]

First off, even after months being your library assistant, I still cannot read the squiggles you seem to think pass off as letters and I'm absolutely positive it's not my dyslexia that makes it impossible. Maybe I should make you write everything you want me to read in Greek letters.

[ hi dad, Nico is sitting in the Sanctuary library during his break because this place is quiet and usually not filled with hoards of people. ]

Secondly, I'm in agreement with your husband and vote for "that title is ridiculous" as the finished one. [ He smirks at this part. ]

Lastly, guess our drawing skills are about the same because I certainly couldn't do much better than you.

[megatheorem]

[thank god viktor likes him or the fact that these squids/OCs are overtly the two of them might become awkward]

Well, I can't call it 'that story I wrote,' can I?

[He reaches for a pen with one hand and shuffles around his papers for another, retrieving A List.]

Where does it rank on your approval rating; above or below Passions: A Beginner's Primer?

un: aweful, video

[necroprince]

There's a lot to unpack here.

[She had no idea he was even here, for one. Let alone married and writing what seems like smut? She has several questions but first of all...]

Anyway, I'm with your mystery spouse, that title is abysmal. [...] Is that supposed to be a squid wearing glasses?

[megatheorem]

[Oh no, this family has succumbed to the curse of "video chatting while in the same building... smh.]

Thank you, Nico, for your contributions. Earnestly; I'm putting a tally with your name on it on the list of allegedly failed titles, despite the fact that you're both picking on me.

[But watch: he is definitely scribbling something in his atrocious handwriting on a piece of paper, ta-da.]

There's nothing to be done about the art, so far. Is my handwriting better in Greek? Earnest question.

[mehanizovati]

[here's viktor, clearly in the same room as pal] Thank you, Nico. You are doing important work in not encouraging his titling conventions.

[mehanizovati]

[imagine if they had been a slower burn, that'd be a funny way to realize your bud is into you.]

I don't know, I believe it would be a marked improvement.

[ah, he's making a list. his lips quirk fondly, damnit.] Eh... above. 'That story you wrote' is above both still.

[megatheorem]

[Oh, look who's here. There's a pause, because it's been well over a year since he's seen either Tridentarius, and things have been all levels of wack since. And also he's writing squid smut, yeah, she's doing the math right on that one.

He looks at the squid picture again, as it is topical.]

Yes. Squid are severely lacking in unique features for differentiation that is simple enough for our clunky human brains to understand at a glance; it's visual shorthand. That's not where the eyes go.

[it's also definitely not in any way a squid-pal]

I didn't know you'd turned up. Hi.

[megatheorem]

[as if this novel didn't originate as a vague self-insert romance written on a napkin]

Viktor, I'm not calling it 'that story you-slash-I wrote'. [Fondly, although he rolls his eyes a little, he still dutifully marks up the list. And, hmm, actually--] Well, hold on. Is 'you-slash-I' anything? You would have to pronounce the slash.

[Local man describing what he thinks might sound cool, actually just describing shipping.]

[umbraportation]

[ To be fair, it is a large building and they all have stuff to do in different places. ]

Always glad to give my opinion on something weird. [ At this point, he's so used to Pal taking notes when he says things. ] Just saying what I think. I'd look at a title that long and put the book back.

[ Not that he'll be reading this squidmance in the first place. But if Pal wants anyone reading the book... ]

I'm sure someone will jump at the chance to get you some pretty cover art. Yeah, it is. Maybe because you're still new at it and some of the letters are more boxy or definitive.

[umbraportation]

[ Not surprised at all, tbh. ] Just calling it like I see it. Maybe if it was a non-fiction book, something like that would be okay.

[megatheorem]

We are very different people and I respect your taste in titles, although I do not agree.

[The more words the better!! He knows what kind of nerd he is and it's this kind. The squid smut kind, specifically.]

You mean I haven't had the chance to adapt to it enough to ruin it. I apologize in advance for the day my Greek handwriting suddenly disappoints you.

[It is something of an inevitability, really...]

In the meantime, while I wait for my artists, what are you doing in the library? Do you need a hand?

[mehanizovati]

[fair, the cringe remains alive and flourishing from the start.]

You aren't, perhaps. I can call it whatever I'd like. [he walks over to loom a little, mostly look over the list as pal writes it, a hand at his back. and snort softly.] Too unfocused and meaningless. Below.

[sorry shipping.] Vi and her sister may be able to draw your nonsense. I still think the squid one is fine as a cover as it is.

text post; un: peerless_hobo

[xiaoxiuya]

[Live from the same nerd that fanatically hate-read Proud Immortal Demon Way comes...an opinion.]

Don't listen to the haters, that title is amazing. Are you in the market for a beta-reader? Early access reader? Small bribes for readers? I suddenly need to lay my eyes on this book.

video always

[megatheorem]

Well, wait until I've gotten it typed up, evidently my handwriting is atrocious.

[Ha ha it is though. Anyway, what are some of those words...]

Anyway: are any of those things like an editor? Is that what you're talking about?

[mehanizovati]

[all just talking over the phone in the same house. powerful.] His academia is showing, as always. He's making a list of possible titles now, to warn you. I suspect you'll be subjected to it soon enough.

[necroprince]

I'm certainly glad. I was just about to give you a scathingly condescending lecture on squid anatomy, you'd have hated it I'm sure.

[She smiles. It's about as pleasant as her smiles always are.]

Hello, Warden. I see you have your body back.

[megatheorem]

[Damn, big L for shipping... He jots it down at the bottom. Sad, for like two seconds the world of weird typesetting was vast and open. Now there will never be a horny House of Leaves in Trench.]

I'll put your title in the dedication, which is for you. [Because of course it is, for both sappy and 'can't embarrass anyone else like this' reasons. He looks up at Viktor, head bumping against his arm. Hi.]

Vi's sister is an artist, too? [...] If they're interested, maybe they could collaborate?

[Or... compete?? Despite having a thousand blood relatives, Palamedes does not have siblings, how do those work.]

[umbraportation]

We are, but I'm still gonna make faces and complain about your super long titles that I'll never be able to remember the name of.

[ That's exactly the problem for Nico!! Too many words. At least trying to read them on the spine or cover of the book. He could memorize it if he really tried. ]

Exactly, I just didn't want to be completely rude and point that out first. We'll see how well I can read it when it starts going downhill. I'm hoping it'll be fine, since everything in Greek is easier for me to read.

[ He won't hold his breath, though. ]

Just hanging out, mostly. Maybe continuing our endeavor to have a better library than Never Mind after my break. You can come if you want.

[megatheorem]

I'm sure I could have found some merit in it. I've got my red pen around here somewhere, for metaphorical critique.

[Ah, yep, that's Ianthe (tm). He can't say he missed her, like, at all - things from home keep making him like home a little less, regardless of who turns up, but. Familiarity.]

I've a body back consistent with the old one, yes. The squid mind-body problem is so old hat; have you heard?

[do you want to hear. squid theories. ianthe.]

[umbraportation]

[ It's like he's on speakerphone with his parents. This is a completely new thing to him. ] When isn't it showing? He probably already had a list going after hearing you reject his working title. Honestly, if he wants me to stay away from reading it, he'll go with his pick.

[megatheorem]

What if I wrote the long titles in Greek? That takes care of both handwriting and length, right? I could try.

[Nico should get the full scope of making fun of Pal's titles, he thinks. He's already leaned in to being heckled about his true literary genius.

Anyway, hmm, library chill time--]

Let's have a Greek session, then. Fully casual; you do your thing, I'll practice my various handwritings off to the side. You can correct my pronunciation.

[necroprince]

A little bit. I only arrived a under a week ago. But any idiot can tell we're different now.

[In other words, yes, she would like to hear squid theories. Because she might dress it up differently but she is ultimately just as much of a nerd as he is.]

[mehanizovati]

[viktor would find that a win though he's objectively wrong, horny house of leaves deserved its chance in the sun. he takes this moment to scroll pal's post again, making a mental note to ask about the necromancer-ass looking blonde later.]

That is sweet and will not stop me from using it as the primary title. [dry, but yeah he is going to take a moment to run his hand through pal's hair when he looks up at him like that.]

Yes, she drew all over my lab when she broke in. Very colorful, cartoonish. It may not be your preferred aesthetic. [though again, would be pretty funny.] I can ask Vi, if she doesn't find this post herself. I think she could use a project of some sort.

[given the two of them a little bit of both. frankly viktor doesn't get it either, he just sort of watches their drama from the sidelines and hopes no one bombs anyone about it. that's siblings, baby]

voice: un: vi

[faceblocks]

That top one's squids, right?

[it's the glasses that really give her any clue - the glasses on the ...shape she initially thought was a hair comb, but then they're repeated on what is unmistakably a humanoid figure sitting on the ground, she 'gets the picture'. kind of.]

What about just calling it "The Senses Are Ridiculous" or "My Story in Fifty Notebooks"? I like the part about passion and reason, though. That's good, it makes me wonder "hey, what about passion and reason"? Which is probably what you want a title to do, right?

But how come you can't get up? Why does Viktor have wings? Is that my name above the grass? Is that grass? [does that even say grass? maybe?]