deernet | video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

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video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

[Good day, Trench, and welcome to... whatever this is going to be. Here is one Palamedes, sitting at his desk in what may be broadly recognizable as his office in the Sanctuary, whether or not one has been in it before (it has, these days, a distressing worm-on-a-string curtain in place of a door). Palamedes shuffles through some papers, tsks, and gets up to simply walk off screen, although this is not an accidental post, for he does call back:]

Damn my filing system! Hold on, don't look away.

[So now: the sounds of shuffling, and also, footsteps on a ladder? Then the eventual soft thump as he hops back down, and finally his several layered cardigans masquerading as a torso coming back into view, before he sits back down in the chair with a hearty squeak of rusty metal.

He has even more papers now. A small pile of notebooks, actually, which he folds his hands atop before properly regarding the camera.]

So! I wrote a book. Are any of you in the publishing business? Here, locally, or otherwise? My wheelhouse is firmly the academic, and literature— while a passion project— is a field I know far less about. As such: publishing. Any tips welcome.

I am also in the market for some cover art, I think. My artistic talents leave a lot to be desired, but I've produced some helpful mock-ups, somewhere around here...

[Just kidding they're right here ready and waiting, and so he holds them up side by side:

...So, yes. His handwriting is, of course, perfectly legible.]

Like I said: I'm an academic, not an artist. I'll pay you in whatever you like, blood or stone or- [and he leans briefly off camera again, to mutter, then he's back] -or scones! Good ones, for people into that kind of thing.

[Yahoo... Draw him a horny squidmance cover page... This is ordinary.]

Obviously, children need not apply.

Oh, and the working title is Ceasefire of the Senses: A Treatise on the Juxtaposition of Passion and Reason, unless you happen to be my cruelest critic and dearest spouse, love of my life, in which case "that title is ridiculous" and it's actually called "that story in your fifty notebooks." Regardless.

[He pats the pile of notebooks, like, his title is good actually? This might be a thinly veiled opinion poll about the title.]

And as it's the season, again, if anyone needs a professional hand with their lockjoint, come down to the Lumenarium- or Sanctuary- and ask for Palamedes. I'll take care of it with a silk touch; you get to keep the stones. Drawings of squids entirely voluntary for that one.

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[Only if his literary career kicks off-!!]

Fair point. It's been— busy? I'm now officially allowed to put 'replaced two whole lungs at once' in my work history. Got lost in the woods later on, you know how it goes.

[But oh, Kainé— sounds like that conflict resolved itself, which he is privately pleased to hear but he won't push about it here in this public post. He does smile a little, though.]

I don't know enough about music to say much, but - I'm happy for you. How was the show?

The show was good! I've known she can sing for a while now, and I'm really glad she felt confident enough to show other people.
It's totally gonna embarrass her if she sees this, but I missed a few cues 'cause I was distracted looking at her having the time of her life up there.

Two lungs at once, though, dude? Fuck. Hope it was for, uh, good reasons? I guess? Man.
It wasn't 2B's lungs, was it? Is my little sister going around collecting other body parts to go with her heart without telling me?
(That's mostly a joke.)

With respect, Anna, to both you and she: that's so fucking cute it's going to knock me out.

[This he delivers with the utmost serious, because it's seriously true. Check out these ladies and their supreme talent and their high tier affection... gosh.]

That said: no, they were Viktor's. He helped; there's video. [of course there's video. don't. don't judge.] Should I keep an eye out for your sister pulling an organ donation scam...?

I know. It's adorable. We're adorable in ways previously thought impossible by most leading scholars.

[listen, she doesn't get to genuinely preen like this very often. she'd rather do that than the alternative.]

Oh, she's not pulling any scams. She's just been the recipient of a human heart to replace the one that she came here with.
Thought it would be a weird sort of coincidence for it to happen to two people.
Is Vik okay now?

As a leading scholar myself, I have to agree. Good for you; I mean that, genuinely.

[this is wlw/mlm solidarity]

Viktor's well now, though, yeah. I'd call it the end result of a pet project of ours, except it was a touch more urgent than that. He's great; I'll tell him you asked.

Now, does she need help with the heart, or...?

Yeah, emergency lung replacement isn't really something someone does for funsies. But I'm glad he's doing well now.

2B, though, I don't know if she needs more help with the heart?
She got it from Woe, if that's a name you recognize. But it might not be, since even people who know her don't recognize the name, apparently.
Given circumstances, though, I'd trust you and Vik way more than I would trust Woe with my sister's internal organs.
So if anything comes up, I'll ask her to go to you two. I think she already has a professional relationship with him?

I don't know any Woes, but with a name like that and a habit of handing out hearts- for purposes noble or otherwise- I'm fairly okay with that, I think.

But sure; does she? I'll touch base with him and confirm. Between the two of us, we've all the organic-and-not-so-much bases covered, absolutely. And discretion, if she prefers it that way.

Yeah, I pointed Tubes his way when she said she had a "breach in her physical system", which I think was a polite way of saying "I got fucked up big time".
That was a little bit ago and she seems to be holding up pretty well now, so I guess either he patched her up or she's real good at hiding it.

But trust me, dude. Not knowing Woe is, like, the best thing that can happen to you.
Easily the most miserable of John's little posse.

Oh, them. Don't tell me anything else, I'm trying out plausible deniability as a self-defense mechanism. We are on the same wavelength about not knowing.

[How long will plausible deniability work out for him? Anyone's guess! He should probably stop saying it out loud in public posts, oopsie doodle Palamedes.]

That aside, you know Viktor; I'm inclined to believe the former. Is it polite to ask how different you and your sister are? Speaking of course about 'physical systems.'

[Which is why he has to ask if it's a fuckin weird question, because it is. Necromancers.]

[plausible deniability can only work for so long, she thinks, but she shuts her mouth (or her... fingers) all the same. probably best not to invoke any of their names lest they appear and take a gross nasty dump all over this conversation. respectfully.]

You're definitely asking it more politely than other people have.
But yeah, it's no big deal. Me and her are more or less the same. I'm a little older as far as machinery goes, but the important stuff is all there and pretty much the same as each other.
Except for our heads, and I guess now her heart.
Hell, I've seen what A2 used to look like and even cosmetically, she's basically 2B's twin.

[Or worse, make fun of his squidsona. He'd never recover.]

That still makes you the big sister, doesn't it? [cute...] And the heart functions, completely integrated? Viktor will have a field day; those lungs took us months of preparation.

[He holds up his hands though, like, oop, he's entering too many nerd questions mode.]

I'll ask her about it if and when she stops by.

[it takes anna a second to recover from someone else calling her 2B's big sister. oh, palamedes, you have no idea how right you are. she smiles at her screen while she types out her reply.]

Hey, don't cut yourself off. Ask as many in-depth questions as you want.
Just know that she's definitely the nerd of the family and she'd know way better than me how all her new stuff works.

But yeah. She's my little sister. :)
And she's just as eager to help out others as me, so I'm sure the two of you are gonna learn a lot from her.
But I'm definitely the one who knows more about culture in the family, so if you ask her about your novel you might not get much.

As someone who was raised in a cramped metal box and then washed up here, I think my exposure to culture might be closer to hers than previously thought. I absolutely will get her opinion on my title, at the very least.

[He still only has about a year's experience with Real Trees, for example. Memes? Shoyo tried to teach him memes, once upon a time...]

As for the other parts... I did have to do a lot of guesswork about how swordfighting actually works, for the sword parts.

[Of course there are sword parts.]

Hold on, what's the emoji the kids are doing these days?
<>_<>

That's like when your eyes sparkle to attention once somebody says something that's especially interesting to you.
It's from anime. You know, that thing I still don't watch.
But anyway, the sword parts, you say? I'd be glad to lend some of my expertise in the name of realism.
And in the name of really cool sword fights.

Right; no one watches anime, I'm sure. You're welcome to help with the sword parts— I know those are my weakest sections. If Camilla were here, she'd tell me I'm either too technical or not technical enough, but all I've got is what I remember from books on technique back home.

[so it's as goofy as that sounds, of course.]

Let's meet up. I can read through the sword parts and do a live demo on how I'd do it with a training dummy or something, and you can watch and take notes.
Could be fun. Assuming you're not gonna make me tilt up the dummy's chin with the tip of my sword and lean in for a kiss.

Oh, no, the romantic subplot with the aggressively competent swordswomen doesn't start until the second installment. Whenever you're free, let me know.

[A beat.]

That wasn't a thinly veiled "anime" suggestion, was it? Should I leave the room when you're with the dummy?

Ew, gross.
I practice kissing with my girl-shaped body pillow like a normal person, thanks.

Oh, they come in shapes? What about with little outfits?

Nah, those cost extra and the lingerie options are way too cheaply made for what you're paying.

Okay, I need to make it clear that I'm going too deep into this bit. I'm not actually an anime pervert.
Dated one for a bit, though.

So no fun-shaped pillows? I'm almost disappointed. Don't worry; I won't spread any "anime pervert" rumors.

Let me know about the sword demonstration. We're not that busy right now, but given the weather and the coming shedding season, who knows.

Oh yeah, Madam G's party and the shed and stuff. Could be fun.
Hopefully this year I won't turn into a shriek-singing death machine with swords for hands.
Then again, could add to the sword demonstration experience. Maybe it won't be the worst.
I'll table it for now and we'll see what happens, but I will absolutely get back to you as soon as I can, 'cause I've got some Stuff with my new roommate that probably needs my attention a little more than most.

I spent a few days being only a hand, which was irritating. I'm not sure how well Viktor would handle it if it happens again, pun not intended.

[Maybe a little intended. But Viktor does not Enjoy reminders of how Palamedes has historically exploded, so he hopes not to be a hand again this year. Resolutions, etc.]

But yes, of course, matters of the house take priority; I understand completely. I'll be around, regardless of how many hands I am; maybe we'll add a sword-hand death machine as a villain.

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video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

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