deernet | video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

[Good day, Trench, and welcome to... whatever this is going to be. Here is one Palamedes, sitting at his desk in what may be broadly recognizable as his office in the Sanctuary, whether or not one has been in it before (it has, these days, a distressing worm-on-a-string curtain in place of a door). Palamedes shuffles through some papers, tsks, and gets up to simply walk off screen, although this is not an accidental post, for he does call back:]

Damn my filing system! Hold on, don't look away.

[So now: the sounds of shuffling, and also, footsteps on a ladder? Then the eventual soft thump as he hops back down, and finally his several layered cardigans masquerading as a torso coming back into view, before he sits back down in the chair with a hearty squeak of rusty metal.

He has even more papers now. A small pile of notebooks, actually, which he folds his hands atop before properly regarding the camera.]

So! I wrote a book. Are any of you in the publishing business? Here, locally, or otherwise? My wheelhouse is firmly the academic, and literature— while a passion project— is a field I know far less about. As such: publishing. Any tips welcome.

I am also in the market for some cover art, I think. My artistic talents leave a lot to be desired, but I've produced some helpful mock-ups, somewhere around here...

[Just kidding they're right here ready and waiting, and so he holds them up side by side:

...So, yes. His handwriting is, of course, perfectly legible.]

Like I said: I'm an academic, not an artist. I'll pay you in whatever you like, blood or stone or- [and he leans briefly off camera again, to mutter, then he's back] -or scones! Good ones, for people into that kind of thing.

[Yahoo... Draw him a horny squidmance cover page... This is ordinary.]

Obviously, children need not apply.

Oh, and the working title is Ceasefire of the Senses: A Treatise on the Juxtaposition of Passion and Reason, unless you happen to be my cruelest critic and dearest spouse, love of my life, in which case "that title is ridiculous" and it's actually called "that story in your fifty notebooks." Regardless.

[He pats the pile of notebooks, like, his title is good actually? This might be a thinly veiled opinion poll about the title.]

And as it's the season, again, if anyone needs a professional hand with their lockjoint, come down to the Lumenarium- or Sanctuary- and ask for Palamedes. I'll take care of it with a silk touch; you get to keep the stones. Drawings of squids entirely voluntary for that one.

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[well he gets hands in his hair again for that, comfortable with this terrible display of affection. in front of the worm curtain? unbelievable.

he's tempted to flick pal for that, but decides to be merciful.] If you tell anyone so the consequences will be dire. [he'll convince rio to sit on pal more than usual.] I was thinking the stars would be good. Maybe some paper chains. I'm making the tree.

[normal christmas stuff.]

Hm, it's hard to beat the mug. [dumb squidsona mug] I have an idea for you, though I'm uncertain if you'll enjoy it. I was thinking of using tweaking some of the bloodtech to cast an illusion on a window to look like the space view you'd be more used to. Is that misguided?

[these are supposed to be surprises, they're good at this.]

[The worm curtain will endure. Palamedes relishes the mercy of affection-sans-flick, so once again he's learning how to get away with anything. Truly, Viktor is the softest man to ever live... besides how pointy his elbows are, zing.

"Making the tree" sounds wrong, but Palamedes doesn't know enough about holidays to question it, so:]

Sure. I'll have the kids from Koz's come over and make chains. They have been trying to hint at something, which I'm guessing now has been this holiday thing all along.

[Kid! Time! And now a beat, while he conceptualizes this gift idea... hold on...] Like a Sixth view screen?

[That's so - astoundingly soft, and also hits him in the nostalgia for the Sixth that he hasn't really thought about in a while. That's on purpose; being as the Empire has One Good Thing and it's the Sixth, it's fairly easy to put all those feelings in a box. But aw, a view screen!]

I do miss the barren wasteland sometimes. A view screen would be phenomenal. Or, well— a blood screen? A Hex Screen. [ha ha ha]

[what could possibly be weird about making a tree, he can be so normal about it too. cue several nights of viktor spending all his time in the lab making a tree that looks like the grungy, unhinged version of what someone things a christmas tree should be.]

Hm, we'll need gifts then. I suppose Allen is already working on that. Maybe I can make your team little toy birds. [piltover has metal butterflies flying around so why not.

and viktor nods to that assessment, exactly like a sixth viewscreen. when it's received well his lips quirk.]

I'll call it the HexScreen just to annoy you. [this is love.] I'm glad, I've already started working on the basic idea of it.

I think they would love birds. Can we paint them the team colors?

[Eh? Eh? A bunch of little hot wings, literally?? They can sit on the horrible metal tree until they get given to the kids, it will be a whole production.

Viktor gets a kiss on the hand for his awful, terrible HexScreen. If he gets to put a hex on everything, Palamedes gets to title his book with a full paragraph. Them's the rules.]

It's already killing me; I'm going to love it. Will it be Rio-proof, for when she inevitably bonks her whole face into it? Maybe I'll get her a nice hat to wear.

[A soft hat... a squid hat, match Viktor's mug.]

Of course. I believe Shōyō would insist on that. [pour one out for sleeping in the ocean volleyball lad.

they are truly the ying and yang of titling thing. boring and over the top, uninspired and ridiculous. where is the balance.]

She'll try to eat the window, no doubt, but it should be fine. [hopefully. he can dream.] Will that be your gift for her? That is how this works, yes? Or are animals excluded from the tradition?

[what the fuck is holidays, help.]

[Hot wings eternal........]

She'll— really? I've never seen her try to eat a window before. [does she Know it's called HexScreen, is this her protest... if only.] Either way; I don't see why she shouldn't get any gifts. If I can't find a nice enough hat, I'll get her some new and improved toys to chew on.

[You know. Instead of the window. He holds up a hand-]

And on my honor, they won't squeak this time.

She'll lick it. [with her way too many tongues and muck it up. viktor suffers every day.] I choose to believe that is her attempts to eat and not her attempts to annoy me.

[he loves her deeply though.

the fact he says they won't squeak makes viktor's lips quirk as he leans in to give pal a kiss for that.] How generous. If only you could see the same sense with your titles.

I'm going to guess it's both, actually.

[But she's the best giant lizard ever, such a good girl, etc, that she can get away with it! But also shouldn't lick the screen... Possibly this is the same exact logic that nets Palamedes these kisses: not doing the annoying thing, but only sometimes. He hums, picture-perfect innocence with great naming sense.]

Some people have liked my title. I think it's very sexy.

[Bit? Not a bit? Who can say.]

She is good at multitasking. [especially when it comes to his suffering or getting pal's attention.

pal though, he gets a fond roll of his eyes as viktor pulls his omni up to scroll the post.]

Yes, such stunning reviews as 'what does that title even mean.'

I'm choosing to interpret those reviews as curiosity.

[See, so it's fine... He reaches over to put his hand on the omni and slooowly push it down, stop looking at that? Look, instead, at Palamedes, who leans in at the same time to snag another kiss, yet again rewarding Viktor for roasting him all the time. True love.]

Regardless: I still don't have a cover artist. At this rate, I'll be doing it myself.

I find your delusional positivity equally admirable and worrying.

[well, he wins, this is a much better use of viktor's time as it turns out. the omni gets put away for now even. he's made his point, because it was funny.]

Eh, put up an ad here if you get no one, maybe a native coming through will be interested. I still believe your squid drawings would do just fine.

The network wouldn't lie to me.

[Ha ha yes it would, but that just means he can interpret these confused replies however he wants!! Viktor gets one more kiss for his efforts at not making fun with receipts anymore, thanks dear husband, the regular roast is his preferred style.]

That's an idea. Some of our visitors are here often enough to be interested, I should think... You don't think the squids are at least a little misleading about the overall squid to human content ratio?

Of course, it's known for being reliable and impartial.

[and annoying in viktor's opinion, but this post has been pretty fun so he'll allow it. time to give serious thought to the question of squids though.]

It's metaphorical. For what I do not know, but you are the writer. I'm sure you'll figure it out. [the squids are a gay metaphor i guess.]

video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

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