deernet | un: trienemybest; video

[The video feed opens in Varian's creepy basement lab where health and safety regulations go to die. The boy himself isn't looking that great, his skin has a grey-ish tinge to it and he looks more exhausted than usual. But that's fine, he's fine. He turns the camera around to take in some sapphires on his workbench. Some are soaking in various chemical substances, some are under a microscope, some are in various steampunk-y machines: it's clear some testing has been going on. ]

So, Flynn was kind enough to give me some of the crystals that grew on his corpse during...whatever weird new thing death is here. [He doesn't sound as excited about this as his usual projects and anyone who knows about his deeply unfortunate past will know why.] I have experience in creepy, magical death rocks -no...no I'm not going to elaborate on that- so I decided to study them. They seem to be crystalising the actual cells of the body- so not just a separate coating. I also found traces of warmblood within the crystals themselves, which I think is what Flynn is? A-anyway, it seems they're working on a cellular level, like they're what jumpstarts the reversal of the cell degeneration after death- so- so it's possible they're what reverses then entire process.

Anyway, moral of the story is, they're probably super important in resurrecting people so maybe don't mess with the process when it's happening? Of course, without having any other samples to compare this to, it's all conjecture right now.

[A beat, he turns the camera back to himself, grimacing.]

Sorry, I forgot who I was talking to. Please don't take that as encouragement to get yourselves killed in the name of science.

[Another beat, then he waves a hand airily.]

Thaaaaaat said, this is October, so statistically, there's a high chance that a not-insignificant portion of the population will be dead by the end of the month. So...if you wanna donate your death crystals for science then, that would be less...morally grey. Probably? Probably.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Give him a second while he listens to this song for the first time in his entire existence.]

Oh. You were referencing a song. [Said in the same way someone might say "oh, it's raining". ] And I'm glad my confusion from being over a hundred years behind everyone else gives you joy.

[Snark snark snark.]

Still. That was a pretty good song. What else does he play?

Dude, I was talking about how magic makes you mad, aren't you supposed to be a genius?

[Teasing teasing. But he'll still answer the question.]

I dunno, he was kind of a one hit wonder.

[WHINE WHINE BITCH WHINE.] Oh my god, you're just the worst.

...

I'm not quite sure what that means?

[Can you tell he has a lot of siblings?] I think you mean the best.

And it means he made one song and then disappeared never to be seen again. Some people hundreds of years later claim they can hear 'bad to the bone' echoing from nowhere on long desert highways.

[So very much. Varian was not prepared for this. ]

No, definitely the worst.

[He blinks. Lance this is so cruel. He's going to assume that's what this is. He doesn't know any better, bless his heart.]

...Didn't anyone think to go looking for a missing person? Or...did he just... die?

[Lance smirks in an obnoxious smug way siblings do when they are more than ready to dig in and fight this battle.]

Best.

[Then he crosses his arms and shrugs.]

Well, if anyone did that or knew for sure then it wouldn't be a legend!

It's...no, I really do mean worst.

[They are going to be here all day.]

...So they just. Let him vanish in the desert? To become a legend.

Mejor.

[Yes, because saying it in Spanish makes it more true.]

Yep. Had to be done, it's tradition.

I'm gonna ask Luz what that means later.

[So there!!!!]

That seems weird. But the entire future is weird so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Oh come on, you're a genius, you can't take an educated guess?

[He snickers teasingly.]

You've got some weird traditions where you're from. Didn't people back in your time use to put pigs on trial in a human court for like chewing off arms and stuff and then hang them?

It really could be anything, it could be weird future slang in Spanish as far as I know.

[For a genius, he sure does suck at not-dead languages! ]

Uhhhhh no? That's never happened. That's weird, Lance!

[...]

Though they did put that horse on trial once for trying to steal from the Crown. He went to a prison barge.

[Corona, why are you so fucking weird with horses???]

[He snorts.] Yeah, you got me, it's crazy Spanish slang from the future.

[Well, can't be good at everything!]

See? That's even weirder than the pig thing! A horse can't even speak to defend itself at trial, it makes no sense!

[He's going to genuinely believe Lance on this one. Until he asks Luz and probably butchers the pronunciation anyway. ]

Well, they might not be able to speak human words, but we can still understand them. A horse is the second in command of the royal guard back home. He outranks all put one human there.

[Seriously, Corona. Why aren't you invaded more?]

[Lance just sort of stares for a second]

…Varian. That's even weirder.

Is it? I mean...that's pretty normal for us. Honestly, Max is like...the most competent guard there is.

Yeah, it is. Animals don't have jobs in practically every other reality. At least I'm pretty sure. This guy we know back home, Slav, would know better but even you would probably wanna strangle him once he gets going on that stuff.

Yeah, I've noticed. But then my home world is...really weird compared to other realities in more ways than that.

...I think Shiro mentioned Slav. His eye got all twitchy about him.

What's weirder than a horse being captain of the guard?

Oh yeah, his eye only twitches like that when Slav is brought up. Me, Shiro and Pidge rescued Slav from a Galra prison, pretty sure I've never seen Shiro blow a fuse like that since.

Literally anything in Fern's world. Do you know they have candy people there, Lance? Candy people. People. Made of candy.

[Fern is literally made of grass and was formed from two swords but apparently, candy people is where Varian's line is. ]

I don't think I can even imagine Shiro blowing a fuse. Like...repressing bad feelings? Sure. He does that all the time. But flipping out? Slav must have been awful.

…Okay, you got me there.

[His last memory of Fern is roasting him alive as a dragon, so he's just going to gently side-step that…]

Eh, there was a lot going on at the time. [Like Slav delaying their departure from the prison and Shiro being a P.O.W., a fact that went over Lance's head at the time, but he understands in hindsight.] Slav isn't a bad guy. He's just really really annoying. He always goes on and on about how every little choice could lead to disaster, the guy can't even get out of bed in the morning without worrying if he gets up on the wrong side, is it gonna mean his death.

[Yes, "btw I'm the guy who caused your boyfriend's first death" is definitely never a great conversation opener. Even if Varian is the one who caused the two that followed. ]

Oh wow, that's...uh. Well, I can see how that would get really old, really fast.

[Definitely not suitable for smalltalk.

Lance nods and crosses his arms.] Ooooh yeah. Trust me, whatever you're imagining, just dial it up like a hundred notches and you've got Slav.

un: trienemybest; video

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