Video; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul was sitting outside on his roof, the snow softly coming down around him, hood up so they didn't land on his head. There was a soft, contemplative look on his face that he didn't often wear. For those that knew Maul, they'd realize there was one big change. His eyes, which had constantly been a golden color before, were now instead a grey-brown.

Next to him, looking perfectly fine with this cold weather due to the fur that made him little more than a ball of fluff, was his Mankey, named rather fittingly Cranky. Though Maul seemed unaware of it, the Pokémon was imitating his master in body language perfectly right now, sitting down with his arms folded and staring off into the distance. Mankey see, Mankey do and all that.

There was a long pause before he began the video. He was woolgathering and trying to put everything together, saying it in just the right way.]

For anyone I teach, classes will commence again now that I am back. [There was a pause.] In case you were unaware, I made a long journey to my home galaxy for about three years, though I understand I was only gone for about a week here. I had....quite the experience just before I came back with the Dark Side of the Force. I had to face a great many things about myself and learn some hard truths. But while I could not accept what it had to offer me then, I think I am ready to now. To let go of the past, to put some of my pain behind me, to gain more power than I ever thought I could.

[Always with the search of power. He couldn't help it, such a thing was ingrained into him by now.]

It taught me to let go of fear and pain and instead learn to care about others, to keep anger close, but never to let it turn self-destructive. Things many of you have told me here but which I did not want to listen to. But who am I to deny it when the Force itself tells me such things? [There was a soft laugh.] Well, I have returned and don't plan to go anywhere, much to the misfortune of some of you.....But this has proven an interesting experience, one I shall take heed of going forward.

Comments

audio | un: duty

[martyrofduty]

I'm glad. It's fortunate for all.

[survivalthroughhate]

Thank you. I will still need a good measure of support. Feeling this way.....it's not entirely natural-feeling to me.

text | un: rin

[offinventory]

Oh good, does this mean less murder? You understand how killing lots of people causes problems for yourself?

[survivalthroughhate]

Yes and yes. I had an experience recently which forced me to have some long-overdue revelations.

[Video][UN:A_Wesker013]

[subject_013]

[The tall, blonde female humanoid clad in a tan lab coat over a black Oxford shirt a size large for her who appears on screen likely doesn't look familiar. However, the red-gold feline eyes are a give-away.]

Well. I had heard rumors you had vanished. Some of the sharper tongues hinted that you had returned to the sea. Some of your followers had started to lament and despair.

[The voice is feminine yet low-pitched with a hint of a throaty husk. Something in the accent and the confidence to the point of arrogance sounds familiar.]

However, I wasn't one of them.

[survivalthroughhate]

[Indeed, it was the eyes and the particular cadence of the accent that told Maul who this was.]

I see you have....changed a bit in the time I was away. This is a good look for you.

[He smirked at his brother (sister?).]

Not hardly. I'd make much more of a fuss if I was to end back up in the ocean so that my followers could properly mourn. I've merely been stuck in my home for a while in one of those dreadful cocoons. Savage was watching over me the whole time to make sure nothing happened to my body.

[Text][UN: JustLuke]

[faithfulson]

[ Luke wasn't one to gloat, despite having all the reason to, considering all the good he'd done in the Rebellion. This, though? This deserved an "I told you so". ]

I sensed good in you before, but it was buried deep; something you didn't want to acknowledge. Now I can sense it from here.

[ See? He told you so. ]

Text; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

Yes, yes, you were right about me. I doubt you'll ever hear those words again, so treasure them young Jedi.

[There was a pause. Luke commenting at all meant that he was back to normal and clearly didn't resent Maul for the role he'd played in the whole Sidious affair. Still, his nascent conscience is niggling at him....]

We need to talk, you and I, about what happened.

[demonicbeauty]

[There's a lot to parse out here, between the change in his eyes and the fact that he was gone for what felt like three years.

But the most overwhelming part of it all is Maul--Darth Maul--talking about caring about others. The very thing she's been stressing more than anything else.

It's hard not to smile too much in her reply, especially since there's still a lot of heavy information in there.]

Well I, for one, am glad you're back.

[survivalthroughhate]

I am sure you are not the only one. [He grinned.] And I am sure there will be just as large a number who wished I had stayed gone.

video; un: mob

[centile]

[hey maul, reinforcing his whole mindset that anyone can change for the better.]

I'm really glad for you.

So... the power you're tied to, it communicated with you?

[survivalthroughhate]

Thank you. That makes at least a few who are.

[With probably more to come. Maul had a lot of people here who were fond of him, whether or not he wanted to admit it.]

Yes. I learned there was a place where great power in the Dark Side could be found. I went through a series of trials there, and while I wasn't able to pass them, coming back here I realized what I was meant to learn from them.

[ voice - un: keith ]

[tempredmental]

[Keith watched and listened to the whole thing before responding, considering what Maul had said.]

You know some people aren't going to believe you.

[survivalthroughhate]

Yes and they don't matter.

[Maul said bluntly. He was pretty much done with those who were never going to believe he was capable of change. That was more mental energy than he wanted to expend upon people any longer.]

Video | Clickclickbloom

[onekindsoul]

Oh my gosh.

Our baby boy is all grown up.

It's so beautiful to see.

[survivalthroughhate]

Quiet, you, or I will give you a fight to be reckoned with.

[His eyes flickered back to their usual golden color with those irritated words.]

(VOICE) — UN: BOMBSHELL

[opheliac]

Hold on a tick-tick boom, I gotta few questions!! Are ya telling me you're all super goody-goody now?

( does she sound disappointed? of course she is! he is pretty much the only person in trench she can relate to. who will she have a casual conversation with about the desire of murder and wrecking havoc? does this new him mean those will stop? it better not, she thinks. if so, she will find some way to shove him right back to the ocean and reverse time. )

[survivalthroughhate]

Of course not.

[His eyes flicked back from grey-brown to their usual golden color. Well, he'd tried. For a whole day and a half he'd managed to be at peace with himself. Well, his anger had been bound to come back sooner or later, so now seemed as good a time as any.]

I will still gut anyone like a fish who dares to oppose me.

[This was said in a very casual manner, the same way he'd order lunch at a restaurant.]

What I had to learn about myself were things that were a long-time coming. I just refused to face them head-on until now. But the Dark Side promised me that by doing so I could gain more power than I ever had before.

[His eyes gleamed at the thought. Look, Maul's reasons for doing this weren't all just altruistic. As always, he wanted some reward for doing the very basics.]

Who wouldn't want that?

video | un: sds

[fogsong]

Oh, has Lord Maul gotten a little soft in his old age now? [ But her smile is soft; unjudging. He deserves to have some of that storm within him quieted. He might even deserve some softness. ]

I'm glad you're back.

[survivalthroughhate]

The day I go soft-- [The one word said with the most contempt and derision Maul could muster.] --the beasts can drag me to the woods and eat me.

[Then his face softened up.]

I am glad to be here again. I missed you.

Video | UN: jaya

[forcechanic]

So you're going to start using the Force to help people?

[Like it wants?]

[survivalthroughhate]

I'm not going that far just yet.

[Look, he was still going to be a selfish bastard a lot of them time, just less of one actively.]

Coming to these revelations was a process unto itself. Being selfless is another thing entirely and not something I'm sure I want learn.

audio; un: endless

[manyone]

Welcome back, then. I'm glad your journey proved so educational.

[survivalthroughhate]

..........Thank you?

[The awkward pause and questioning tone came from the fact Maul wasn't entirely certain if she was being sincere with him or not.]

[Text] un: secondtolast

[icanhearscreams]

Too bad the past never lets go of you even if you try to let go of it.

And caring about others gets you hurt when they leave.

[He was going to do this anonymously, but guess who forgot to hit that button?]

[survivalthroughhate]

[Ah, Maul remembered that username from when all the misfires had been going out.]

I used to think both of those things myself. I thought that even as recently as just a week or two ago. But the recent experience I went through has finally shown me that thinking isn't always the right way to go about living your life the best way it cane be lived.

Not Here

[in_loveless_memory]

[Ritsuka has a whoooole bunch of things to say to this.

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"So glad we had to wait for you to be a fucking adult and stop throwing your endless tantrums."

"Good lie, but not falling for it."

But his policy has always been "non-engagement" when it comes to Maul and unlike Maul, he plans to actually MAINTAIN their distance. So he merely mutes this post and goes about his day.]

Voice; un: lothrat

[ezra_of_lothal]

I'm glad you've found something closer to the balance you once told me you were seeking.

[He's pretty confident it's not a lie; he can see the changes in Maul's eyes and that's evidence enough, for him.]

[survivalthroughhate]

It took a long time to listen to what the Force was telling me.

[Because even if Maul refused to listen to a single person in his entire life, he'd always listen to the Dark Side as it guided him through his life.]

un: eudaimonikos | audio

[eudaimonikos]

Boy, you finally chilled out a little?

[That took a hot minute, didn't it? At least Michael's old enough to be patient.]

[survivalthroughhate]

It only took a few decades to get to this point. That's, what, the equivalent of a long nap for you?

text | un: deku

[wannasmash]

Welcome back.

Balance is tricky. Someone in the past told me it was okay to feel anger, to control and make use of it for the sake of others.

But what about sadness?

[survivalthroughhate]

That is exactly what anger should be used for, though I've more often used it for myself than the sake of others.

Sadness can be used as well. You can sit and wallow in the emotion or you can get up and use it to your advantage. Sadness can make you stronger just like courage can.

video; UN: seeingtheworld

[schoolingfish]

Good! I'm glad, and I hope you'll be able to make more friends now.

[Because he's very much aware of how distrustful many people are of Maul, even if he himself has had good experiences with him.]

And I noticed your eyes changed color. Is that a normal thing that happens sometimes with your species?

[survivalthroughhate]

I'm not so sure about that. I have enough friends as it is.

[He was just being his usual contrary self. Maul had learned, if with a great deal of awkwardness, how to make friends there in Trench. But he knew his personality was off-putting to a great number of people.]

No, that is a Sith trait. Sith who are angry have golden eyes. Otherwise, their eyes stay whatever color they are naturally.

[The fact Maul's eyes had always been gold up until now made for the slightly awful knowledge that he'd been so angry at all times, for years and years on end, that they'd never had the chance to change back before now.]

Video: un: justafarmlad

[justoscar]

...I can't believe you put it more to words more eloquently than I've managed to, after everything that's happened.

[Oscar smiled-- warm, open, and utterly sincere.]

It sounds like a rough experience, but also that you've come out a better person. For what it's worth: I'm proud of you.

[survivalthroughhate]

I am glad you understand me. That's a skill I'm still learning.

[Maul had wondered if anyone would truly get what he was trying to say here or if he'd fuck it up yet again.

There was a mirroring smile on his face when Oscar said he was proud of Maul.]

That means quite a great deal to me.

voice: un: vi

[faceblocks]

[this is all quite ...profound, even without the change of eye color. she's not going to prod at the details - hard truths is enough, isn't it.]

Welcome back. Let me know if you want to get some ink to commemorate.

[survivalthroughhate]

I don't think I'll get another tattoo. But it may be time to get that next piercing I was talking about.

[A major shift in his life like this one deserved to be commemorated.]