004 // text; username: werbinich

[hauntedsavior]

[this, like most of the posts that anna makes, comes in the middle of a sleepless night. she's gone as anonymous as she possibly can, at least. maybe that will stop people from calling her out. maybe one day she'll learn how to talk about her emotions without sounding like a theater kid turned supervillain.]

How are we all feeling in the wake of January?
Are we feeling whole? Normal? Like ourselves?
Suppose you aren't. Suppose you walked, or flapped, or slithered away from the shedding ceremony feeling extremely different.
Could any of you pinpoint that change, do you think?
Would any of you even still be aware that you used to be someone different?

And on the other side of the coin, for people who returned to "normal".
Do you remember what happened? Do you remember who you were?
Or is it all turning into some kind of soup within your own brain?
Do you have any way to stay that gnawing feeling of dread inside you when you think of the way you're losing touch with your own identity?

And if you have no idea what I'm talking about... call it a thought experiment.

Comments

[hauntedsavior]

As have I.
I don't know that I understand what is happening with her, nor whether I'm being a particularly good friend to her.
But I can at least do my best to understand and support her.

It would make things complicated were she to suddenly turn back months from now, though.
I almost hope for her sake that this is permanent.

[shiro2hero]

I don't really understand it either. I've never seen a change like this last so long. Not even in the dream world. I don't know if this is something new we have to watch out for or if Vesper's situation is just an outlier.

But
That makes two of us. I told her she's always welcome in my house before this happened and that's still true. As long as she wants, I'll be there for her.

[hauntedsavior]

At the risk of making this all far too obvious, I and my partner extended her the same courtesy.
I might not have any idea what's happening... and whether it turns out to be for good or for ill is still to be seen.
But I can adapt to change (despite what this post may make it look like!), and I'm not abandoning her either.

[shiro2hero]

Thank you. I mean it. I feel like, as she is now, the more places she feels welcome, the better off she'll be.

Whether this is permanent or not - doesn't matter. She's important to me, and I'm with her, too.

[hauntedsavior]

I will admit to some difficulty adjusting.
I just hope that I'm not scaring her off.
I feel like my partner may be better equipped for that specifically than I am, but...

I'm not sure.
In some ways I suppose I'm old-fashioned, and that is making a lot of the more specific things difficult.
Accepting a third into my life in this way is something I'm not good at. And I worry that her transformation is only making the whole process harder for both of us.

[shiro2hero]

I'm sure she knows you're trying. We don't have to get things perfect the first time. Or even the second. As long as we try and make it right when we don't... I think people understand. Or I hope they do.

I'm sorry, I don't have better advice to give. But if I can help any of you - just ask.

[hauntedsavior]

I appreciate any advice you can give, including this.
It's funny.
I've seen things that would make most people run screaming in the other direction and faced those down with no problem.
But I turn into this unsure mess of emotions when faced with the world-shattering question of "what if you were dating two people at once?".
It's a matter of perspective, I suppose.

[shiro2hero]

In my experience, relationships are always harder than horrors.

I've been through a lot - in my world, Deerington, and here. And the scariest thing I ever did was try and be a better partner than I was.

[hauntedsavior]

Not to destroy the thin layer of mystique I've built over the course of this conversation,
But I'll fuckin' drink to that.
Nothing is scarier than having to face yourself.
But damn it, we get through it, don't we. And we come out better on the other end.

[shiro2hero]

If they're worth it... we do.

And, from what I know of her, Vesper absolutely is.

[hauntedsavior]

She's worth more than she'll ever admit.

Man. She's probably just as confused and lost as I am right now.
I really do regret coming out so hot against her.
She deserved a better welcome.

[shiro2hero]

Yeah. She is.


Stupid question - have you told her that?

[hauntedsavior]

Would you be too shocked if I said not yet?

[shiro2hero]

No, but I'm not going to lecture you for it, either.

I think you've got it in you. When you feel ready.

[hauntedsavior]

Well. I appreciate the vote of confidence.
Since I think I've already given you enough clues to know who I am: You did once tell me that I would do just fine here.
I didn't exactly expect to call this particular shot so well when I mentioned having our own personal histories rewritten.

[shiro2hero]

Trench is full of surprises like that.

For what it's worth, I still think that's true. You'll still do just fine.