Video; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul usually only posted once to the network per month, so the fact there was a second post from him and so soon after the first might have been cause for alarm, except he didn't look at all serious. He had a rolled scroll with him. After seeing Savage post on the network, he'd felt it was time to take action.]

It has come to my attention that my little brother Savage is going to be without a date for the second year in a row here in Trench as Valentine's Day approaches. This is unacceptable, so I am rectifying the situation by finding him one. To that end, I have complied a list of his traits for those of you who have not had the pleasure of getting to know him well.

[Then he unrolled the scroll. Yep, Maul had written down a numbered list of all his brother's good qualities.]

Item one: He's tall. Ridiculously so. Which is not pertinent to those of you who are also tall, but for the short ones in this city, it is always good to have someone who can get things off the top shelf and step on those who oppose you.

Item two: He's extremely loyal. It takes him a very long time to open up to you and learn to trust, but once he does, you will have his trust for life. You can't ask for someone who will stick by your side for a longer period of time than he will.

Item three: He's very caring. Related to the above, he always puts himself last and so he'll make sure all your needs are met first. Indeed, sometimes it can be hard to get him to take care of himself even when he needs to.

Item four: He comes with a very cute pet named Ruin who is a rathtar he will gladly show off to you if you come over to visit.

Item five: He is a decent fighter. Considering the perilous nature of this city, it's useful to have someone who knows how to wield a lightsaber or who can gore an opponent to death with his horns on your side. Do keep in mind he may challenge you to a battle in order to start proper Nightbrother courtship, so you may want to bring weapons on your first date.

Item six: He's good-looking. I will accept no arguments on this fact simply because some of you are used to human-centric worlds. Don't be speciesist. The proof speaks for itself.

[He held up a sketch he'd put down next to this item on the scroll to prove his point.]

Item seven: He's good at hunting. When this place eventually collapses into dust, there will be little food left, so it will help to have someone who can track down and kill game for you to eat. Not to mention there might be lean months as it is for one reason or another.

Item eight: He is family-oriented. He is very good with kits and I'm sure wouldn't mind having five or six of his own down the line if the relationship progresses that far.

[He rolled the scroll back up.]

I will now take applicants to be vetted by me first before I set you up with him. Do keep in mind if any of you break his hearts, I will be forced to break you in return, so be kind to him. Go out for a nice dinner or hunt in the woods or have a good sparring match and this will all go according to plan.

[.......Stick around long enough on this post and one might have the pleasure of seeing Savage toss Maul through a wall for trying to set him up on a date.]

Comments

[Video] un: justanadventurer

[aetherweaver]

[He stifles his laughter (poorly) and nods at this list. Clearly a brilliant idea, Maul.]

Well, I for one would appreciate someone good at hunting around.

[He wonders if the gods have cursed him with terrible aim when it comes to hunting.]

Is sparring a common part of courtship where you're from?

[survivalthroughhate]

You should take him out for a hunt even if you don't plan to go on a date with him. He can certainly use more friends.

[Maul was happy to explain just why he was seeking out Savage a date and why his brother's background made it hard for him to find one just on his own.]

For Nightbrothers, yes. In Nightkin culture, the Nightsisters select a mate by going to the village, selecting the males they consider most worthy, and fighting them until only one is left. That one becomes their mate to do with as they wish, usually to sire children but occasionally for other purposes as well.

text post; un: peerless_hobo

[xiaoxiuya]

[The sad part is he's kind of considering it. The guy he's crushing on is getting married in two days after all, so that ship's clearly sailed. Would it be so bad to maybe...meet new people?

Plus having Darth Maul for a brother in law would be fucking amazing, everyone either agrees or their name is Obi-Wan Kenobi :P]

I have a question. Does your brother know you're doing this?

[survivalthroughhate]

[Just keep going with those thoughts, Shen Yuan, it would help keep feeding that already impressive ego he possessed.]

.......Not yet.

[Video][UN: JustLuke]

[faithfulson]

...I get the feeling Savage doesn't know you're doing this...

[ He pauses a moment. ]

I'll be sure to avoid the house in the next few days.

[survivalthroughhate]

I'm sure he'll find out soon enough. Hopefully by then I'll have a few takers.

[Maul was optimistic about this whole idea!]

Wimp.

Video; UN: Cuddlebunny

[lightthedarkness]

You can stay with me, Lukey! House is emptier than usual so the more the merrier!

(TXT) — UN: BOMBSHELL

[opheliac]

if no one takes him out, i will!! hes fun and i like him.

i got a girl so it cant be romantic, but ill make the day fun for him after my date w/ her.

[survivalthroughhate]

Hmmm, you might be a bit young for his tastes--

[Maul wasn't sure just how old his brother was but it had to be at least in his thirties.]

--But if you wish to do something with him just to cheer him up I'm sure he'd enjoy that.

Video; UN: Cuddlebunny

[lightthedarkness]

[Usagi DOES stick around long enough to see Savage toss Maul through a wall.]

Good job, Savage sweetie! Maybe you should rip off his ears too since he's clearly not using them!

[Action]

[opress]

[Savage had been rather pleased with himself posting to the network and actually having conversations with people that didn't involve him threatening them over Maul. He'd been working through the replies when he became aware of a disturbance in the Force and checked the network...

...which matched up with the post that he could hear coming together in the next room. Maul was... being Maul. Helpful and horrifying all at the same time.

Suddenly, there was a roar of challenge from the other room that Maul was finishing up the post in.] MAUL!!!!!

[He charged into the room at top speed, knocking furniture over so he could have a straight line to Maul who he moved to shoulder straight through the wall just as the post seemed to come to a close.]

[survivalthroughhate]

[He'd figured something like this was coming and also thought he partially deserved it, so Maul didn't try to run when Savage inevitably found out and grew furious with him.

At the roar of challenge, he only managed to set down his Omni and scroll before he was smashed right through the wall and landed in the room on the other side. He propped himself up on his arms and looked up.]

This would not have been necessary if you had taken the initiative yourself!

voice | un: duty

[martyrofduty]

He could attend speed dating.

[ Maul's even written him a bio. ]

[survivalthroughhate]

I suppose he could. Maybe I will suggest it for him.

[Any activity that helped find his brother a mate was only a good thing in Maul's eyes!]

video; un: kolchek

[hearuthinking]

[Is this an older sibling thing? Because Jason can easily imagine his sister doing something like this to him]

Look, I ain't interested in a date, but if your brother wants a hunting or sparring buddy, I'm game.

[survivalthroughhate]

[This is definitely an older sibling thing. Maul has to make up for all those years he was separated from Savage and couldn't give him a hard time by messing with him.]

Hmmmm, you seem like you'd make adequate company. I suppose you'll do.

voice: un: vi

[faceblocks]

I'm not really looking for anything with strings, and I'm not into breakin' any hearts, but I'm down for dinner, a spar, a bit of hunting and I'll even throw in a Nightmare ride.

You know, from the sound of this, he's got a lot of takers for a cool time, even if it's not a date/i> date.

[survivalthroughhate]

That sounds like it'd be wonderful. I'll see what he says after he calms down a little.

[Maul knew Savage was likely going to be angry with him for at least a few hours afterwards. He was definitely being nosy and overstepping his bounds here but it was all for a good cause!]

text: un: 30hotdoglimit

[stilljustyou]

Everyone should have a date for Valentine's Day.

Do you have one, too?

[survivalthroughhate]

I do! I'm going to spend it with my husband. Still figuring out his gift since it's hard to top the year I gave him anatomically-correct chocolate hearts.

Do you have one?

video | un: K

[obeir]

[ Poor Savage, K can't imagine the guy enjoys having such a blatant spotlight being shone on him. At least not like this. ]

I know you mean well, but I have my doubts that Savage will appreciate this. [ A beat. ] Though you're not wrong, with the list. [ Even K can admit as much. ]

[survivalthroughhate]

Hmph. He'll appreciate it if he ends up going on a good date!

[Maul stubbornly was digging his feet in on this. After all, he only had his little brother's best interests at hearts!]

I am glad someone else around here can see his good qualities besides me. He's so reserved, you know, so it's not like he'll ever be eager to talk about himself with any potential suitors.

video; un: ritsu

[centi]

[ This is very visibly a teen boy so he's probably not here to offer himself as a date. But he still had to say something. ]

Hey, you're a pretty good brother!

[survivalthroughhate]

Thank you, I'd glad someone can see my efforts and appreciate them for what they are.

[Really, Maul was doing alright, albeit a bit sore after Savage was done with him.]

Really, this is for his own good.

video | un: sds

[fogsong]

Your brother is going to beat your ass and I am here for it. [ Listen, Maul, she loves you but... you definitely deserve to get your ass handed to you for this. ] I'm not interested in dating anyone right now, just got out of a relationship, but I'd be happy to drag him out for a night out or for a hunt. Maybe he can teach me a thing or two.

[survivalthroughhate]

He can certainly try. [Maul would let him have a small bit of revenge for this embarrassing incident. It was the least he could do as an older brother.] Good, he can always use more friends. I'm sure you'll get along swimmingly.

text - UN: IceCream

[threelayers]

Your broooother's gonna kiiiiiill you.

[Pause. Uh...]

I might be up for a spar.

[survivalthroughhate]

I'll be fine......I think.

[Savage was going to give him several well-deserved lumps for this and Maul wouldn't even be able to protest it.]

Now there's an idea!

un: metalhead69

[bardbarous]

[ Woaaah, that guy is beefy. Tuck spends a fair amount of time gawking at the sketch. ]

So, uh, what're his thoughts on poetry?

[ The video feed continues to move around while he finds the best angle for his own immense muscles. Maybe if he pushes his tits closer together with his massive biceps... ]

[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul didn't know much about Tuck besides the fact he hung around with Vyng a lot, but at the moment, he was willing to give just about anyone a shot so long as they weren't a complete and utter weirdo.]

That depends. Will he be reading it or will you be reciting it?

video; un:rosestorm

[thunderingcourage]

Are you even sure he wants a date?

I guess I wouldn't have ever really thought of him as family oriented though. But good luck hopefully you find someone for him if he wants that. He is a pretty good guy, and like you said strong and loyal.

[survivalthroughhate]

I'm sure!

[No he was not. Maul was just a nosy busybody who enjoyed butting into his brother's business.]

Well, there was a month here that showed he would enjoy a family, but beyond that it gets personal so I won't say more than that.

[A vision of a life that could have been, Savage on Dathomir with Asajj as his mate and a whole host of daughters to attend to. It had been bittersweet to see but it had also gotten Maul thinking initially about this whole "getting his brother a mate" idea.]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that can see his good qualities. It takes a while to get him to open up to anyone.

Video | 1stStrike

[strikefirster]

Seriously?

You guys have multiple hearts.

I find that hard to fucking believe.

No offense.

[survivalthroughhate]

Really? You live in a city where we morph from squids into our present forms and you've died multiple times before coming back to lie, yet the fact Zabraks have two hearts is hard for you to comprehend?

[Maul just shook his head and fought the urge to roll his eyes.]

I wonder what you'd make of some species in the galaxy that don't even look humanoid. There's an entire gangster organization run by a species that resemble nothing more than giant slugs with arms.

video | un: dito

[syncopathic]

If he's such a catch, why isn't he touting himself on the network?

At least then we might be able to hear about whether or not he's good in the sack. I can't imagine you'd know that. Not unless your family dynamics are as freaky as the sisters I knew back home.

[survivalthroughhate]

He's an introvert. If he responds to someone once a month on this, that's a lot of socialization for him. I, however, have no qualms about doing this.

[Because Maul's a huge fucking drama queen.

He scowled at the second part of what Dito said.]

I have no idea and no desire to know. And unless you're willing to offer yourself up as a participant and report back, it shall remain a mystery.

video

[provenforce]

[ Rey usually ignores this stuff but -

I'm sorry, did you say he has a pet rathtar?!

[ she is completely horrified she watched one of those eat a dude ]

[survivalthroughhate]

Yes but it's only a little one.

[He held up his hands to show the dimensions, which were perhaps the size of a good-sized duffel bag.]

We initially thought something might be wrong with him since he wasn't growing properly, perhaps that Ruin was sickly or defective in some way. But Savage is fond of the beast and so we kept it. By now, I think perhaps it is a dwarf rathtar.

[Was such a thing even possible? Apparently.]