(Darth) Maul (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
survivalthroughhate) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deernet2023-02-12 04:33 pm
survivalthroughhate) wrote in deernet2023-02-12 04:33 pm
Video; un: darkness
[Maul usually only posted once to the network per month, so the fact there was a second post from him and so soon after the first might have been cause for alarm, except he didn't look at all serious. He had a rolled scroll with him. After seeing Savage post on the network, he'd felt it was time to take action.]
It has come to my attention that my little brother Savage is going to be without a date for the second year in a row here in Trench as Valentine's Day approaches. This is unacceptable, so I am rectifying the situation by finding him one. To that end, I have complied a list of his traits for those of you who have not had the pleasure of getting to know him well.
[Then he unrolled the scroll. Yep, Maul had written down a numbered list of all his brother's good qualities.]
Item one: He's tall. Ridiculously so. Which is not pertinent to those of you who are also tall, but for the short ones in this city, it is always good to have someone who can get things off the top shelf and step on those who oppose you.
Item two: He's extremely loyal. It takes him a very long time to open up to you and learn to trust, but once he does, you will have his trust for life. You can't ask for someone who will stick by your side for a longer period of time than he will.
Item three: He's very caring. Related to the above, he always puts himself last and so he'll make sure all your needs are met first. Indeed, sometimes it can be hard to get him to take care of himself even when he needs to.
Item four: He comes with a very cute pet named Ruin who is a rathtar he will gladly show off to you if you come over to visit.
Item five: He is a decent fighter. Considering the perilous nature of this city, it's useful to have someone who knows how to wield a lightsaber or who can gore an opponent to death with his horns on your side. Do keep in mind he may challenge you to a battle in order to start proper Nightbrother courtship, so you may want to bring weapons on your first date.
Item six: He's good-looking. I will accept no arguments on this fact simply because some of you are used to human-centric worlds. Don't be speciesist. The proof speaks for itself.
[He held up a sketch he'd put down next to this item on the scroll to prove his point.]
Item seven: He's good at hunting. When this place eventually collapses into dust, there will be little food left, so it will help to have someone who can track down and kill game for you to eat. Not to mention there might be lean months as it is for one reason or another.
Item eight: He is family-oriented. He is very good with kits and I'm sure wouldn't mind having five or six of his own down the line if the relationship progresses that far.
[He rolled the scroll back up.]
I will now take applicants to be vetted by me first before I set you up with him. Do keep in mind if any of you break his hearts, I will be forced to break you in return, so be kind to him. Go out for a nice dinner or hunt in the woods or have a good sparring match and this will all go according to plan.
[.......Stick around long enough on this post and one might have the pleasure of seeing Savage toss Maul through a wall for trying to set him up on a date.]
It has come to my attention that my little brother Savage is going to be without a date for the second year in a row here in Trench as Valentine's Day approaches. This is unacceptable, so I am rectifying the situation by finding him one. To that end, I have complied a list of his traits for those of you who have not had the pleasure of getting to know him well.
[Then he unrolled the scroll. Yep, Maul had written down a numbered list of all his brother's good qualities.]
Item one: He's tall. Ridiculously so. Which is not pertinent to those of you who are also tall, but for the short ones in this city, it is always good to have someone who can get things off the top shelf and step on those who oppose you.
Item two: He's extremely loyal. It takes him a very long time to open up to you and learn to trust, but once he does, you will have his trust for life. You can't ask for someone who will stick by your side for a longer period of time than he will.
Item three: He's very caring. Related to the above, he always puts himself last and so he'll make sure all your needs are met first. Indeed, sometimes it can be hard to get him to take care of himself even when he needs to.
Item four: He comes with a very cute pet named Ruin who is a rathtar he will gladly show off to you if you come over to visit.
Item five: He is a decent fighter. Considering the perilous nature of this city, it's useful to have someone who knows how to wield a lightsaber or who can gore an opponent to death with his horns on your side. Do keep in mind he may challenge you to a battle in order to start proper Nightbrother courtship, so you may want to bring weapons on your first date.
Item six: He's good-looking. I will accept no arguments on this fact simply because some of you are used to human-centric worlds. Don't be speciesist. The proof speaks for itself.
[He held up a sketch he'd put down next to this item on the scroll to prove his point.]
Item seven: He's good at hunting. When this place eventually collapses into dust, there will be little food left, so it will help to have someone who can track down and kill game for you to eat. Not to mention there might be lean months as it is for one reason or another.
Item eight: He is family-oriented. He is very good with kits and I'm sure wouldn't mind having five or six of his own down the line if the relationship progresses that far.
[He rolled the scroll back up.]
I will now take applicants to be vetted by me first before I set you up with him. Do keep in mind if any of you break his hearts, I will be forced to break you in return, so be kind to him. Go out for a nice dinner or hunt in the woods or have a good sparring match and this will all go according to plan.
[.......Stick around long enough on this post and one might have the pleasure of seeing Savage toss Maul through a wall for trying to set him up on a date.]
no subject
no subject
[Lies. Complete and utter lies.]