Video: UN - CentaursTesticle

[alternia_strength]

[Oh thank god. This one wasn't Equius' eye-blistering text message for once. Why? Well, because what Equius was doing right now required a visual aid, so video was more appropriate. The troll is standing in front of the camera, growling at an anvil and holding a heavy looking mallet. He is dressed in a pitch-black dyed leather apron along with equipment designed to handle heat. There's a towel hanging over a rack nearby, three of them actually, and he looks like he's worked up a sweat already. Setting down the hammer, he pulls out a stylus and holds it up so the camera can see it clearly.]

Residents of Trench. It seems I am made to continue to exist at the whims of others more powerful than myself, and for the time being I accept this condition. [Grunt] But I am a firm believer that idle hands are Troll Satan's playthings and accustomed to making myself useful. Rather than leaving my place of occupation, because for some reason I can't seem to find my way out of this district and am disgusted with the lack of direction everyone possesses around me at present, I offer my services.

This? Is a stylus, with which I can draw. [Snort. He took a piece of paper.] That is not important. What is important is that I possess a capacity I refer to as Alchemization. It is a ... gift I learned in more recent years. What I draw on paper, I can create. Thusly.

[He scrawled on the paper, before producing what looked like metal ingots, if they were drawn by a child. Emblazoned on them was the symbol Fe, for Iron. He dared the camera to speak about his skills at drawing before putting the paper down and reaching into the drawing, pulling out a set of metal ingots and setting them on the anvil.]

Complex creations take more energy, and there are limits, but I can create non-living things. I am skilled at assembling those things into others that are more useful. My specialty is weapon and armor crafting. I am told some of you have an interest in this subject.

So. Speak. I am looking for people to work with in the fabrication of instruments of death and destruction most fearsome and willing to create objects of necessity for others. Might as well make myself useful while I am trapped here.

...

And do not mock my drawing skills, or I will throw one of these ingots at you. I only need so much iron in the forge today. They make passable projectiles in my hands.

Comments

[alternia_strength]

D --> Actually I weirdly promote a certain amount of natural animosity
D --> You might be surprised e%actly how often I am blackflirted with
D --> It is occasionally disturbing

[No, he probably wasn't surprised that people wanted to punch you in the face after one conversation, Equius.]

D --> Useful
D --> Humans
D --> This is frequently a pair of words that do not belong in the same sentence structure
D --> Certain e%ceptions in our past aside

D --> I would actually enjoy a boring e%istence

[klawful]

I AM NOT EVEN REMOTELY FUCKING SURPRISED, DUDE. WHILE YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE, YOUR PERSONALITY IS EXTREMELY HATEABLE.

IF THEY HAVE BEEN USEFUL ONCE, THEY CAN BE USEFUL AGAIN.

AS IF. YOU WOULD GET BORED AND BE LIKE, FUCK THIS, I'M SO GODDAMN BORED. OUR KIND AREN'T MEANT TO SIT AROUND BORED. WE'D ALL GO STIR CRAZY AND START PICKING FIGHTS OVER NOTHING.

[alternia_strength]

D --> I will take that as a complement

[...look, it kind of was in their culture. So...]

D --> Be ch00sy about which you e%pand the roster with
D --> Their utility is a highly variable concept across the species

D --> I simply begin creating vast robot armies in my basement and d00msday weapons for future use
D --> Eventually one of the robots runs amok and I have to smash them all before something goes wrong
D --> It is better that I stay employed
D --> Idle fronds are the Troll Devils playthings

[klawful]

WHATEVER.

(It really was...Karkat was even mildly jealous of how hateable Equius is sometimes. Not that he will ever admit that.)

I THINK I FUCKING KNOW HOW TO DETERMINE WHICH HUMAN IS USEFUL OR NOT. ALSO, HAVE YOU MET ME? I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE.

YEAH, I MEAN, I GET IT. I'VE STARTED FUCKING WITH THE NETWORK HERE TO SEE WHAT HACKS AND VIRUSES WORK. I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE SOMETHING WITH BLOOD MAGIC. BETWEEN THE TWO OF US WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO PRODUCE ENOUGH STUFF TO END THIS TOWN IN A FEW MINUTES IF WE NEED TO.

[alternia_strength]

D --> Your fascination with John human causes me to question your judgment at times
D --> Regardless of his deceptive levels of strange capacity at key moments
D --> But you have insisted you are g00d at this for sweeps

D --> Nothing can go wrong with this plan of e%traordinarily destructive implements
D --> But that does bring up an interesting point
D --> So you believe that bl00d is essentially a specialized form of grist here
D --> I may need to get over some of my concerns if this is truly the case

[klawful]

I DON'T HAVE A FASCINATION WITH HIM *ANYMORE*. AND THAT CRUSH WAS SWEEPS AGO CAN WE PLEASE LET IT DIE IN THE PAST WHERE IT BELONGS. I WAS YOUNG AND YEARNING.
BUT I WAS ALSO RIGHT. HIS POTENTIAL WAS EXTRAORDINARY AND ESSENTIAL TO OUR SESSION. AS WERE THE OTHER HUMANS.

YES, I DO. I HAVE SEEN WEAPONS ENHANCED WITH COLDBLOOD. WHAT CONCERNS? I MEAN, BESIDES THE OBVIOUS.

[alternia_strength]

D --> I was not referring to your romantic pursuit
D --> Though I will admit that it is likely e%ceptionally wise you rescinded that
D --> And I am aware he was somehow important
D --> He is still a f00l

D --> The obvious
D --> I simply have to get beyond this particular issue