text - UN: IceCream (CW mention of drowning risks)

[threelayers]

[Well, this one didn't put up public service messages often, did she? But, if there was a remote chance your spouse might show up one day in the heart of winter, well... you'd probably do it too.]

Right, so, if we're all done having oodles of fun running for our lives from crazy nutjobs in this maze of a town, I've got something we should all be thinking about. (Also, thank you Trench. I knew you'd deliver. I was almost bored there for a moment. Now this place feels like a nightmare.)

I saw something on my window while I was recovering from my last maze run. Frost. You know, that pretty white stuff that forms on your windowsills and makes you people all silly with this holiday spirit or whatever? Nice stuff. Gorgeous. So idyllic. Yeah, where there's frost, there's ice. And ice likes to form on top of water. If you haven't figured out where I'm going with this?

I'm taking bets on whether or not you think the coastline's gonna freeze for the next two months. Your first bet doesn't count. Everyone's a winner. Your prize? Grab a pickaxe.

That's right, dumb dumbs. Squids seem to show up at the same time we showed up in the dream. Very end of the month and first week of the month, and if that coast freezes, they're going to pound right into a sheet of ice. Get blankets, start fires, grab a pickaxe. Also, maybe flares or burning arrows wouldn't be a bad idea. Folks can come to you if you find a squid and need help. I have five I got lucky enough to have in my backpack and I intend to use them. Unless you want next month's new arrivals to drown in the water and/or freeze to death. And if you do? I recommend not replying to this. I'm not in the best of moods.

And if one of you hero types feels like actually organizing this thing, go for it. You know where I'll be.

Comments

text | carcinoGeneticist

[klawful]

JUST INVEST IN FLAMETHROWERS. YOU'LL BE FINE. OR GET SOME COLDBLOODS OFF THEIR LAZY ASSES AND STATION THEM ALONG THE BEACH.

[threelayers]

I'm not worried about the process so much as I am the potential drowning squids.
So, if you know any coldbloods wasting their perfectly good talents send their lazy asses when it freezes.

As for flamethrowers those are in short supply, sadly.
Not nearly enough fuel for that trick and no styrofoam to go with the gasoline.

[...this girl was not safe to have in a kitchen.]

[klawful]

SQUIDS CAN'T DROWN, YOU FUCKING BRICK. THEY LITERALLY LIVE IN THE OCEAN. IN THE COLDEST PARTS.

IT'S THE PEOPLE THEY TURN INTO THAT WILL PROBABLY DROWN LIKE USELESS MEAT SACKS.
I DON'T THINK I ACTUALLY KNOW ANY COLDBLOODS. BUT THEN AGAIN, I FIND IT EXTREMELY RUDE TO JUST ASK ABOUT PEOPLE'S BLOOD TYPES.

THEN I GUESS WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE A LOT OF CORPSICLES ON THE SHORES.

[threelayers]

Well of course it's the people they turn into, dumby.
But either way they're still squids in people suits, just like you are, just like me, angry little shouting boy.
And fuck rudeness if you need coldbloods. Just ask for them.

Not if I have anything to do with it.

[klawful]

YOU'RE THE DUMB BITCH.
I AM NOT LITTLE NOR A BOY. WELL, I AM A MALE OF MY SPECIES, BUT I AM NOT A HUMAN BOY, FUCKERELLA.

NO, YOU DO IT. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CARES ABOUT PEOPLE DYING IN DROVES. I'M GONNA WATCH FROM MY CAVE AND LAUGH.

[threelayers]

Fuckerella, eh?
I'm going to remember that one, loudmouth.

And I'm already asking, fuckwit.
Wait, what the hell cave do you mean?
The only caves are in the water.

You want to freeze to death?

[klawful]

I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHERE MY LAIR IS BUT IT IS VERY SAD YOU THINK THERE ARE ONLY CAVES IN THE WATER. I WILL BE FINE.

(...Probably. He was making fireplaces!)

[threelayers]

Fuckstick, there's no caves anywhere else in town I can see.
I'm not actually asking where your dumb lair is, because I don't actually care what happens to you.
Believe it or not, whether you live or die means precisely jack to me.
You'll be back and bitching in a week if you do die like a dumbass.

I'm just saying.
If you're in those caves by the beach?
Maybe don't be next month.
Because that's dumb.

[klawful]

THE ROCKS GO HIGH UP. IT'S NOT *THAT* CLOSE TO THE OCEAN. AND IT IS IN DEEP. I AM FIGURING IT OUT. PLUS IT'S NOT LIKE THIS PLACE HAS BARBARIC TECHNOLOGY.

IF YOU DIDN'T CARE YOU WOULDN'T "JUST BE SAYING" SO ADMIT YOU HAVE SOME FRACTION OF COMPASSION. EVEN IF YOU DISLIKE ME PERSONALLY.

[threelayers]

Don't accuse me of actually caring.
I already get way too much of that shit from Red most days.
I don't need it from you.

Might just stab you with an umbrella to prove the point.

[klawful]

WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME A BUDDY HAS STABBED ME. NOT THAT YOU'RE A BUDDY, BUT THAT BARELY MEANS ANYTHING TO ME.

YOU MADE AN ENTIRE POST ABOUT CARING ENOUGH TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF THOUGH. YOU'RE SO TRANSPARENT IT'S EMBARRASSING.

[threelayers]

This is entirely selfish dumbass
My wife may be making an appearance and I'm not letting her freeze to death.
I am absolutely willing to admit I care about her well being.

I just happen to know riling up the hero types does wonders too.
And apparently brings you out of the woodwork as well.

And keep protesting.
You sound positively chummy about me stabbing you.

[klawful]

WOW SO YOU DO HAVE A HEART AFTER ALL.

OKAY, YEAH, I WILL AGREE WITH YOU ON THAT ONE. HERO TYPES ARE HILARIOUS TO FUCK WITH. THEY'RE GOING TO DO IT THEMSELVES ANYWAY SO WE MIGHT AS WELL ENJOY IT ON THE SIDELINES.
LISTEN, I NOSE MY WAY INTO EVERYTHING, OKAY.

STABBING ISN'T THAT BAD IN RETROSPECT. I'D PROBABLY JUST STAB BACK AND THEN WE'D LAUGH ABOUT IT AND BOND OVER IT SOME DAY.

[threelayers]

For her, yep.
No promises about having any outside of that, but I'll do a favor if it helps her.
So, there's my weakness in making me useful to the town.

They're amazingly easy to manipulate, even when they know you're doing it.

You're going to have to hit me first, fucko.
I really am going to stab you one of these days at this rate.

[klawful]

AT LEAST YOU ACKNOWLEDGE IT.

YES, THEY REALLY PUT A TARGET ON THEIR OWN FACES.

GO AHEAD. THIS PLACE IS BORING ANYWAY. THIS IS ME GIVING YOU EXPLICIT CONSENT TO STAB ME.

[threelayers]

Has anyone ever told you that you're a very weird person?
Because you are an undeniably strange little person, just saying.
You almost make stabbing sound like a friendly gesture.