deernet | Video; un: darkness (Backdated to November 28th)

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Video; un: darkness (Backdated to November 28th)

[Maul looks very grim when he starts off the video.]

Since some of you might wonder where he is and since he had messages for me to pass along to some of you, I'm here today to tell you Wesker is dead. I killed him.

[He quickly goes on before any screeching or condemnation can start being thrown his way.]

It was not out of malice, amusement, or anger. It was an act of mercy. The zealots took him and by the time I found him he was little more than a corpse but somehow still breathing. There was no hope for his recovery.

[Maul's eyes shut for a moment, still seeing the eviscerated body lying on the table that looked more like an autopsy victim than someone still alive, lungs and heart able to be seen and still working despite all that had been done to Wesker's body by those seeking his blood.]

I'm not sure how he lasted even that long with what they did to him. I ended his suffering. Hopefully, he will be back in a short time.

[There is a private message afterwards which is only sent out to a handful of people. Vira-Lorr, Luz, Orpheus, and Ariadne.]

He asked me to pass on a message to you.

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I've killed my friends before.

[Varian and others in Deerington of course, but going all the way back to the beginning of his history of killing, Maul had been forced by Sidious to kill those he'd come to care about. It had torn him up then, but just like right now, he'd buried the feelings deep within rather than dwell on them and face up to the facts that he wasn't quite as much of a monster as he claimed to be.]

I'm aware.

[He still has the scars from it, after all. But he also knows ignoring the pain from this is a bad choice.]

It doesn't make it hurt any less.

Doesn't it? The longer you go on killing, the easier it becomes. And by now it is very easy for me to do it.

[He's hurting, it's true, but Maul suspects it will fade in time. He'll just put off thinking about it until he's forced to confront it right in the face.]

I don't know if that's true. Surely it has to be different for different people. It can't all be the same.

[There might be a touch of desperation in his tone. Projection maybe. He'd like to think HIS death caused pain afterwards. That he wasn't just...nothing. An easy kill. Much like he wants the same to be for Wesker. ]

I was molded to be a weapon. Weapons don't feel anything when they kill someone. That's just what they are meant to do.

[But he sounds like he's trying to convince himself as much as he is Varian.]

Well. I think you and I have spoken more than enough about how I feel about you thinking you're only a weapon. You know you're more than that. We both do.

[He'll stick by that conviction forever. ]

[Maul doesn't argue the point. He can't for there's no counterargument he can make. Varian is right but Maul can't agree because it'll be admitting he's vulnerable. Instead, he just sort of talks around the subject.]

I haven't had to perform a mercy killing in a long, long time. Most of the time I have killed someone it is because I wanted to.

[Maul, don't think he can't see what you're doing. ]

And this time you didn't want to. So give yourself some time to adjust. Sort through your feelings about that.

[Maul looks unhappy and it's clearly because someone is asking him to examine his emotions. For someone who wears them on his sleeve, he might be one of the least-introspective people in all of Trench.]

I....don't know. Weary, I think. Just very, very tired.

[Too bad, uncle, sometimes you need to Learn A Thing.]

That's understandable. Emotions are taxing. Don't push it, just...do it at your own pace.

It's easier knowing he'll likely come back. There's not as much to weigh on my mind.

[But there's still something there, a knot of bothersome feelings wrapped tightly up in his mind that Maul wishes that he could just detangle and put to rest.]

...True. But we can't let that fact remove the weight of death completely. Doing that is...well, nothing good can come of it.

I know that. It is just.... [Maul does that verbal tic where he pauses for a long while as he tries to formulate what he means to say without it coming off wrong.] ....Am I always going to meant for nothing more than killing? I would have saved him if I could but even now, the only thing I could offer him was a swift death. Maybe I'm not meant to ever do better. Maybe all I'm meant to do is be a good killer.

You know that's not true.

[His tone is tired but unmoving. He will not buy into this belief. He refuses, and it's clear in his voice. ]

You're worth so much more than that. You gave him something that could help him. You can be a good killer, fine, but that doesn't have to be everything. Like, if I said I was only good for alchemy and absolutely nothing else, what would you say to that?

[For being so young, Varian is a rock when it comes to convictions he holds dear. That can be a comfort at moments like this.]

I'd say you were acting foolish.

[He rubs a hand over his face, mindful of his claws.]

It's hard to define one's self as more than just a killer when that is exactly what I've done for over half my life.

[Varian is a stubborn fucker and won't budge an inch once he's dug his heels into something. If nothing else, he can be relied upon to be bloody-minded.]

Well, then you need to try. You're only going to get past this if you try.

[Do or do not. There is no try. Maul knows that well. Still, he seems a bit bothered by what has happened.]

What if that's all I'm meant to be even here? I would have shuddered to think what would have happened if one of the younger Sleepers here had found him and had to make the decisions whether to end his life or not. Maybe.....maybe this is a burden I must bear because no one else can.

It's only what you're good for if you let it be, Maul. Maybe it can just be a...part of you? It doesn't have to be all of you.

It's already been a large part of me for so long. I was told for half my life my only purpose was to kill. To lose that....is difficult.

But it's something you need to do if you ever want to get better. It's not supposed to be easy.

The Dark Side is easy. That's what makes it so appealing. A quick and easy path to getting what you want. And that isn't always a bad thing despite what the Jedi will tell you. Sometimes, you need a path that is not complicated to tread to find a solution to a problem. But so often.....it leaves you wanting more no matter how much you have to begin with.

Well, the better road does tend to be harder but hurting people isn't the right way. It's...never going to be the right way. However complicated it is to not hurt people, it's...it's what you should do. I understand that it's easy...believe me, I do. But you've got to hit a point where you have to do the hard stuff. Like it or not.

[He knows Varian is right. But he's tired right now and listening to talk such as this isn't helping to clear his mind as much as he would like.]

I've never had that opportunity before. To not hurt people and do something different. I'm not sure if that's going to change even here. Maybe a good person, a hero, might have been able to save him. But I'm no hero. I'm just the villain in the story playing out here.

[Varian lets out a frustrated sound. He's done this song and dance himself, and he knows how...stupidly wrong it is.]

Well. You have an opportunity now. To not be the villain. It's up to you if you choose to take it or not.

Yes. [He says pensively.] For the first time, I have that choice.

[Always his actions have been dictated directly or indirectly by his master. Now he's finally away from him for good and so he finally gets what he has never had before: a choice.]

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droptheious - 2022-04-02 23:02 (UTC) - Expand

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