[(Accidental)Transmission 03] [UN: A_Wesker013] [Filtered to Sleepers over 18 ]

[subject_013]

[CW: Dysphoria, sexual repulsion/dysphoria, misanthropy]

[The view appears to belong to Cypher as the Omen perches on a nearby ledge, as his Sleeper stands of the roof of Arklay House, leaning on a push broom, clearly in the middle of clearing snow off the roof, with his back to the Omen as he speaks to a pale figure in armor standing before the house.]

,,,she haunts me here. Seeing the face of the son we created has awakened the memories of her. Now the part of me that remains human.... aches for her. [He says this as if he can barely admit to this.]

I haven't exactly been a monk since her, however.... it was always with a professional whose appearance reminded me of hers. It quelled the longing, but it did nothing to fill the void.

[A harsh sigh, almost a growl.]

I am infected by her. If I could sacrifice half the years I have ahead of me as an immortal.... [He stops himself from completing this thought.] Can one possess both invulnerability of person and the vulnerability of intimacy?

I suppose mimicking some semblance of normalcy, coupled with the memories which keep returning, has turned my thoughts toward wanting a companion, a spouse, even, some semblance of a nuclear family, just as the desire for one led me to the chain of events which lead me, in time ...to her.

If not her, then one like her. One who does not fear me or who does not let the fear of me paralyze her. One who possesses a quietly fierce soul. One who can unlock the door to my heart, just by a touch, but who does not always require the heat of passion. There are too many people who seem to think a man isn't a man unless he's always on the verge of arousal. Progenitor wasn't an aphrodisiac, and simply because it's inactive, doesn't mean I've suddenly morphed into the sex god some people think I must be with looks such as mine. And while it isn't a 'deal-breaker', as the kids put it, it would delight me if she was small with red hair.

[He emits a sound like a dry sob as he turns away.]

Sometimes I suspect you Pthumerians are more personable than some persons. I'd use the term 'human', but that ignores the experiences of those persons for whom the label does not fit. Which makes me wonder where I stand. Humans must be as bacteria to you, while someone like me, a near god among humans, must be as an insect.
The more I've sought to quench that pain, the harder it cuts. Had I someone as gentle but firm to pull the blade from my heart.... [A pause, quiet breathing, less pained than before, as if he's managed to clear his head.]

[A pause and some slow easy breaths.]

It helps. Having someone listening, who will not judge what I have said, who won't tell me merely to couple with the first person who'll have me. The hole in my heart, or where my heart was, needs filling before I fill anything else.

[He falls silent, at which point, Doorway ...just isn't there. Once he is alone, he slowly turns toward the Omen]

...Did you transmit that, you little weasel?

[The view backs up a bit, then Cypher's voice speaks. 'Oy! Boss, I am a weasel. Statin' them obvious, aren't ye?']

Comments

( text | un: salvatore )

[prescind]

Not something you wanted shared, I'm guessing?

[Text][UN:A_Wesker013]

[subject_013]

No. However, my Omen is determined to find the first reasonable woman to match me with.

[prescind]

Can't say I can help much there. Your Omen think you're lonely or something?

[subject_013]

I suspect they do. They have to look at my memories, including the partner whom I lost. Something happened recently to bring those memories back to the front of my recall.

[prescind]

Sorry to hear you lost them.

I guess your Omen's heart's in the right place. If they have a heart? I don't know, I try not to think about it.

[subject_013]

Metaphorically, they may have bigger hearts than some persons. Physically, they're creatures of shadow and smoke and we think, some of our essence. If they have physical hearts, they're not of the same stuff as the ones their Sleepers' may possess.

[prescind]

I'm still trying to catch up on what's what here. I've been here since the beginning but going from one place that I spent years in to a new one is jarring.

Omens, blood, blood ministers, patrons, it's all a lot.

[subject_013]

I spent a couple of years in my world of origin between Deerington and this one. Deerington almost faded to a dream in that time, but I kept glimpsing deer from time to time, when I least expected them. Even a statue or a painting would seem to leap out at my awareness.

I've been a scientist and a scholar all my life. It's been a very interesting learning experience, while also living inside a story that would have thrilled me as a youngster. And yet the best stories always seem to prove the hardest to live through, don't they?

[prescind]

They do.

( wasn't that the truth. )

I spent some time in various places between here and Deerington too. I went back home but it didn't really feel right to me anymore. I'd been in another place so long that that life felt expired. It's hard to put it into words. It's strange, what these places do to us.

[subject_013]

Neither did it feel like a home to me. I suppose when you've been away from one place long enough, your ties to it start to fray and unbind themselves.

I wasn't quite the person who left the world I came from. This place's predecessor shaped us more than we realized. Places can leave footprints on our psyches as much as we leave footprints behind us on the face of that place.

[prescind]

Yeah, I'm having trouble adjusting to this place because I got so used to that place.

Nothing that wrong with this place but I find myself missing Deerington which is strange.

[subject_013]

I suspect it's the Blood that colors this place, as well as our Pthumerian hosts? They're certainly unsettling. I've worked in medical research, and I'm accustomed to yo blood, but the sheer amount here is mind-bending.

I might also have had a steep learning curve when it come to the magical side of things.

[prescind]

Not something you're used to in your world? The magic? Or this type of magic?

[CW: Fictional parasite mentioned, cult referenced]

[subject_013]

Magic in general: there were some who claimed to have magical talents to fool the unsuspecting, but the truth was something in nature had modified them to give them these abilities. For instance, there was a cult which promised enlightenment to its followers if they allowed themselves to be implanted with a parasite which created a hive mind among the devotees. This has translated into catching myself seeking the purely natural source for the wonders I've encountered here.

[prescind]

There's magic back where I come from. Real magic. No one's being implanted or modified in anyway. I don't know where it comes from but it's old. Passed from generations. I had a friend who was a witch. Powerful. Could put your ass down in an instant.

[subject_013]

Something inheritable or which one can learn, I take it? I wonder if the same can be said for the magic in this place.

I wonder if I'm too set in my ways to adapt, though generally, adaptability is one of my greatest strengths. Or am I too accustomed to bracing for the worst and unexpected. What gives one a predisposition toward the magical?

[prescind]

A little of both. She inherited but she had to learn how to use it. And once she did, she was powerful.

I don't know if I can answer the question about predispositions. A long time ago, I wouldn't have believed anything like that existed. But, when it was suddenly all around me, I had to learn quick.

[subject_013]

I'd be curious to find out of there's a genetic predisposition, but I suppose that's going too far into the 'natural' in supernatural. And as I was in genetics in my world of origin, it's a case of everything looking like a nail when all you have is a hammer.

It sounds as though you were pulled into the circle of the supernatural yourself, or am I reading too much into your words?

[prescind]

Yeah, sort of. My family's been involved in it and they were without my knowledge for awhile.

But it's hard to keep that stuff a secret for long.

[subject_013]

Unfortunate that they kept that from you. But secrets in families have a habit of breaking free.

At least you found out. I take it you embraced it heartily?

[prescind]

I had to. It's kind of a backbone of the town I live in. You can stick your head in the sand, sure, but it doesn't last.

[subject_013]

Once you've seen the reality behind the world pulled over your eyes, it's impossible to pull back from that reality. Something similar happened to me, shortly before I arrived in this world's predecessor, however the revelation was based more in science and it was the final shred of the world tearing away from my eyes.

[prescind]

Yeah, I don't think I could ever go back to thinking that everything and everyone was just normal now. I've seen too much. Was it hard for you to deal with? Finding out what you thought you knew wasn't right?

[subject_013]

It was soul-breakingly hard, if I still possess a soul. It confirmed the suspicions I'd had, that everything about me wasn't something I'd earned but something handed to me, that I was someone else's experiment and I wasn't part of the control group. But I faced it, though it crushed me. This world's predecessor gave me the distance to come to terms with it and chance the course I would have taken after that revelation.

Did you, too, find a way to claim something of your story and continue it?

[prescind]

Good question. I don't know. I wasn't really sure where my story was gonna go back in Deerington. But it took some turns that I wasn't expecting. I think it might have been a good thing for me to be there.