text - un; bluebird69

[venatoris]

so everyone's cool with the squid thing
like everyone just collectively agreed that was okay
and went with it
that's a thing people just live with in this crappy city

Comments

[venatoris]

I have never heard anything more true in my whole life

[explosion]

What kind of fish would you be?

Know I will judge your answer very harshly. It's the fish way.

[venatoris]

oh shit, no pressure

ever heard of a Mandarinfish? they're stupid colorful.

[explosion]

And they are blue, too, just like your name.

Did you know they are difficult fish to look after? They have a very specialized diet.

[ just casually flexing her david attenborough muscles nbd. ]

[venatoris]

I like 'em, they're pretty

I had no idea. Can't say I'm a fish aficionado, unfortunately. You a fish guru?

[explosion]

I'm a fish called Wanda. I'd have to be, wouldn't I?

It would be very disappointing if I wasn't up to scale.

[venatoris]

that's true, it would be embarrassing for you if you weren't

well, I'm a squid called Dean apparently, so it's great to meet you

[explosion]

[ ah, dean. that gives wanda some pause.

if he doesn't recognise her username—it's one of her best, if she's honest with herself—then that can only mean one (disappointing) thing. at least he's not permanently gone like sam. ]

Ah, the Dean Squid. Did you know it is a very rare and dangerous squid?

[venatoris]

I didn't, but I'd love to hear all about it 😏

[explosion]

Not only does it disguise itself in the color blue to try and dissuade its enemies from coming close to it, the Dean Squid likes to ink every fish and sea creature that comes near it. You see, the less anyone sees it, the fewer sea creatures can confirm its existence. Everyone wants the Dean Squid.

It's a very elusive squid. It's like the Lochness Monster of squids—you only ever hear about him in stories.

[venatoris]

I like it, it sounds like a squid I'd wanna be friends with.

[explosion]

It is also a very ugly squid.
Spores. Spikes. Very uneven little tentacle things.

Very, very ugly.

[venatoris]

That just seems cruel. Very, very cruel.

[explosion]

[ she laughs. ]

How so?
Keep in mind that it is a very, very important fact.

[venatoris]

Are you sure it's fact? And not opinion? Maybe it's a really cute squid

[explosion]

Incredibly factual. It is a very ugly squid. I hear if you look it in the eye for too long, you may actually turn to stone.

[venatoris]

well that part might be true

but it could still be cute

[explosion]

It is the opposite of Dorian Gray.
Terrifying.

[venatoris]

maybe there's merits to being a super terrifying squid

top of the food chain maybe

[explosion]

Underneath shark fins and feet. Down with all the plankton on the ocean floor.

[venatoris]

aw cmon

[explosion]

Beneath the tiny bits of sand it lays.

[venatoris]

this is the saddest thing i've ever heard

[explosion]

I only want to relay factual information to you, Dean. It is best.

Sometimes it even gets trodden on by sea slugs. So very sad. :(

[venatoris]

that is very sad. and now I'M sad. gonna have to drink my sorrows away for a sad squid stepped on by sea slugs