Deer Country Network

[CW: Talk of violence, bloodshed, murder.]

( Can a monster ever stop being a monster? )

Whatever you do, DO NOT eat the vanilla chocolates being passed out by the Chocolatier! I am serious, if you do, the results are dire and will be a catastrophe. Throw them away, destroy them, but don't eat them or give them to anyone else.

[That's it, just a few cryptic lines sent out anonymously. Maul's fucked it up good this time and he knows they're only going to snowball from here.]

[ Sasuke thought about asking this through text. He likely should have, because his emotions have been strong lately, a lot stronger than he wants them to be, and his anger has been nearly as quick and hot as it was when he was on his path of revenge. But it feels cheap somehow to ask such an important question via text. He can't do video due to his eyes, so he tries to keep his voice even to conceal just how much this question means to him.

The feed is silent for a little longer than is probably natural, but he's still figuring out how to us his omni, so. Y'know. Be gentle here.

Finally, it picks up a sigh that almost sounds annoyed. ]

How did the world treat orphans where you're from? Was there an age where someone was considered a child versus an adult? Were there children who were considered unworthy of help or were the rules in place blanketed towards all children?

[ There's a pause where he realizes he should make it seem like this is less about, y'know, him, and more about curiosity on how to help kids here maybe. Uhhhh... ]

... Would there be things from your world that you would want to see offered to the children in this one?

[ Starring: Tuck, Vyng, Billie ]

Hey. Hey! LOOK OVER HERE, EVERYBODY!

[ Great! Now that he has your attention, he gets to the point of this commercial interruption. ]

I have, uh, something to say to all of you. [ The large man unfolds a piece of paper and begins reading from it. ]

Amara, not Laura,
You are my destiny,
A mysterious mistress fated to me—Ah fuck, wrong piece!

[ He is already floundering twenty seconds in, but Vyng, the wild haired half-elf standing beside him hands over another cue card.

"Here you go, buddy," he offers. ]

Thanks. Um, "This is our son Fat Billie." [ You better believe these lines are spoken as woodenly as possible. ] "Say hi Billie."

[ After an awkward beat, Tuck squats down and picks up his round little halfling son, covered in his usual raccoon skin to hide his ginger hair. In Tuck's giant hand he looks the size of a basketball.

"Hi Billie!" the little boy greets, hands covered in something like gravy or chocolate.

Behind him, Vyng laughs. "Nice." ]

"He needs someone like you [ And then Tuck pantomimes to the video screen, pointing stiffly to his audience. ] to be his friend! Come—" uh, "Come eat lunch! Take afternoon naps! Eat more food!" Uhm, "Pet cats!

"If this sounds good to you, please apply!" Oh, but no nerds, though! Or adults! Like 18 year olds tops!

[ "Yeah, don't make this creepy," Vyng adds with a judging eye. ]

Yeah, don't be fucking gross, old people! He's a child!

[ "So, no nerds, don't be creep-os, must love gravy! If this sounds like you, like and subscribe!" Vyng points down to the bottom of the screen, which Tuck does not get. ]

Are you pointing at your dick? Point to Billie!!

[ He takes one of his friend's hands and points it at their fat little son.

"Now like and subscribe!" ]

( In which Vira-Lorr accidentally hits live instead of record... )

WAIT.... WAS THAT LIVE?!?

( For the most part, Frisk has remained quiet on the network. Not for any huge reason in particular. They've always been better at listening, rather than speaking. Perhaps that's why they've chosen to use text at this moment.

Well, whatever their reason may be -- they have something to say now. Flirting's been a way that they've been able to successfully enter the friend zone in the past...! )

Is everyone's parents a baker? Because everyone here is a cutie-pie!

( ... Someone's been eating the chocolates that were handed out. But either way, Frisk's someone who's at a point where they wish well onto others, which is why they don't let it end there: )

Uhm... I know that things can be bad here sometimes, but I hope everyone's Valentine's Day is good and that everyone has someone special to be with.

[The feed turns on to show...a wolf. At first the wolf's yellow eyes take up the screen, and then its nose as it loudly sniffs at the camera until a young girl's voice with a strong Irish brogue addresses it offscreen.]

What are you doin' over there? I need help with this part!

[The wolf turns around to join whatever's going on, revealing that this is in Mebh's room at the Waystation. And it's an absolute mess; Mebh is currently in the process of painting various things on the walls with paint that she probably stole got from somewhere in town. She's painted it with numerous kinds of shapes and symbols; spirals, circles, arrows, simple depictions of wolves and people. What seem to be most common, though, are wolf pawprints overlapping with human handprints. The wolf Mebh called over dips one of its paws in a jar of paint, and Mebh guides the wolf's paw to the middle of a painting of a large circle of wolves, where the pawprints overlap with her own handprints that she added earlier.]

There! Sin é, that's it. It's startin' to look more like the den now.

[Seemingly satisfied, Mebh goes to another part of the wall where she's in the process of painting something else; it's meant to look like this, though Mebh's artistic ability doesn't quite match her vision so it looks a good deal cruder.

Will Mebh get in trouble with the Dog Keeper for painting on the walls of her room without asking? Probably. But at least she's preoccupying herself instead of dwelling on what she's lost. If she's going to stay in a room instead of the woods, she can at least make it look more like home.]

so everyone's cool with the squid thing
like everyone just collectively agreed that was okay
and went with it
that's a thing people just live with in this crappy city

[Jacob Stone comes from a world of both smartphones and magic (and sometimes those smartphones had magic in them), so he isn't entirely unfamiliar with this. The Omni is a little awkward at first to deal with, but he's managing.

What he isn't managing, is the rattlesnake that seems intent on curling around his shoulders in a cozy fashion.]

Hi. My name is Jacob Stone, I just got here, so there's a lotta new things I ain't quite got the hang of yet.

Uh.

So.

So can y'all tell me if there's an incantation or something to get rid of--of whatever this little critter is?

[The snake looks just as grumpy as he does, for a moment, and hisses at him. He looks mildly offended at the gesture, or maybe the snake might have said something rude.]

I'm not--I don't use magic, I mean, but this thing just sort of appeared outta nowhere and now it won't go. I didn't mean to summon it! But I guess I did and now I don't know how t'make it go away.

[He's just...a little stressed. Being a Librarian whose job it is to find magical artifacts and hide them from the world and as a rule doesn't use magic because he's terrified of it is now in a world absolutely steeped in it, and he just accidentally summoned a smoky creature right out of his chest.

It's fine. He's fine?]

[ Sal appears on video, for a moment he's perhaps a touch too close as he peers through his omni. Once he leans back and fully comes into view there's just some masked dude with a mess of blue hair staring into your souls. He has an odd looking guitar on his lap, and when he speaks his voice is slightly muffled and raspy.]

So, sup. I'm Sal, but everyone calls me Sally Face. [ He gives a small wave. ] To cut to the chase; I play guitar. So if anyone needs and or knows who needs someone who can shred it, or maybe gently shred it — I don't know, hit me up?

While I'm here, what's everyone's favorite kinda music? Any recommendations? This might be the most ridiculous thing to say given literally everything about this situation but I could use somethin' to do. Which isn't really a bad thing. It's a nice break. But, you know...[ He's just going to cap this off with a vague handwave as he trails off...he's been a bit isolated for a while, forgive the awkward. ]

[ But! Instead of just making everyone take his word for it that he knows what he's doing he decides to strum out a few notes as an example. A very energetic, alternative rock tune that might sound slightly familiar to some.

He's totally playing a rock version of Mary Had a little Lamb. He panicked, okay! ]

[A... lady that looks like she never quite finished the squid metamorphosis appears on the feed. She has elevated the crystal in the air in front of her and giving it a curious appraisal.]

These omnis are interesting. We have something like these back home called sending stones. The fact that they can serve both sights and sounds is a fascinating advancement indeed.

[Ah, but this is the first time broadcasting things in such a way. Perhaps introductions are in order?]

[She gestures a hand to her chest and bows.] Allow me to introduce myself. I am Nil. I have recently arrived, and am learning the use of this magical item, as well as learn as more of the world.

Ah, for example. I had heard some inquire of my form as corrupted or beast... hood? I have taken the time to read a bit more on this, and from my understanding that may not be the case. This is simply how I am. However, if anybody has personal experience with these, I would very much appreciate what you know.

Thank you in advance.

[And so she leans back, looking intently at the omni as information comes in. After the second or third person, however, her expression changes from casual interest to flustered distress.]

...I didn't raelize there were so many people listening...

Why hello there!

[Snow White is in her kitchen, which is really pretty standard. This time, however, she's not surrounded by food that is being jarred, pickled, or dried. Her army of animal friends is around her, per the norm. The more observant will notice that Snow has on an apron and has several stray bits of dough and mixing bowls around her.]


Several friends of mine have asked, and I thought, well, why not offer it to everyone!

I would like to offer baking and cooking lessons to everyone who might want them, oh not these friends mind you [Snow gestures to her animals.] they already know how to cook! [Because of course they do]! I can teach you the very basics, or if you'd like, much more advanced lessons as far as I'm able to!

I think everyone should be able to cook. I can teach you how to cook outdoors as well! It's very easy to start a fire once you know the steps.

The only ingredients we won't use are apples, but if there's anything else you've always wanted to learn, I'd be happy to try and help you!

[A songbird tweets something and she turns to look at them.] Hmm? Price? I haven't thought of one, I'm sure we can figure something out. [In that, it will be very likely Snow will ask for nothing in return because she does that.]

I look forward to helping you on your cooking journey!

(This was the stupidest idea he has had in at least three sweeps. At least. But he was trying to be nice. And helpful. Or something. Karkat has his omen start recording him. Karkat is sitting on the ground, legs folded together. It's immediately evident he's not a human: gray skin, black claws, definitive fangs, and a pair of candy corn horns. The only thing he has kept concealed are his eyes. A pair of black goggles sit over them so they remain hidden.)

It has been brought to my attention that some of you are mentally... --- (He physically grimaces, clenching his fangs together, voice rough. His hands curl into tight fists. You can do it, Karkat. Don't be offensive! You got this!)

Mentally underdeveloped- (His omen shakes its head. Nope. That's not nice, Karkat.) Okay, mentally...What?! (He screeches at his omen. There's some silent communication going on before finally, Karkat takes a deep breath.)

Oh, fuck it. Some of you are total noobs about technology. Shut up, Keymo, that's as nice as it's getting. These ingrates are lucky I'm not -- okay! Fuck, I'll keep-

(There's an animal growl that rumbles out of him, his teeth chattering together briefly before finally he tugs out his Omni.)

Instructional video time, asswads. This is your Omni. Most of you excuses for sentient beings don't seem to be aware of some the basic functions behind this thing's existence. Let's go through it. (DEEP BREATH.)

First off, I have no idea why people don't seem to know this yet, but these are blood magic-based. And telepathic. It's so fucking obvious... Anyway. Observe, plebs.

(He sets the Omni down and proceeds to smash the shit out of it with his fist. It doesn't break. He whips it at the nearby wall and again, it doesn't break. He puts it into his mouth and clashes it around in his fangs - it doesn't break. Not so much as a crack.) Friggan ta-da.

(Then he gets up and moves towards the edge of the area he was sitting in. Which was apparently in a cave because there's just a bottomless black pit. He drops his Omni off the side.)

Oh no, I lost my Omni. Oh, fucking...wait a second! (He turns back around towards the camera and kneels down. Whips out a vial of warmblood and pools it into his palm. After a few seconds, there's a new Omni.)

No I didn't! Damn! It's almost like this place runs on blood magic or some shit! (He holds the Omni up against his head.) What's that? You naturally connect to my brain through blood magic? Holy shit!

(He turns the Omni around and shows his touch keyboard - which has Alternian font instead of any earth letters.) Woooow!

(He sets the Omni down and flicks around a few settings. That's when the movie Hitch begins projecting on a nearby cave wall. Ableit, heavily distorted due to the rock walls.)

Oh my God, you can do what with the Omni? Wow. Amazing. I am so fucking enthralled by this rock. (Karkat, you could learn to give a lesson that isn't scathing in sarcasm and judgment.)

I will generously allow questions now. That is all.