Deer Country Network

[The classic accidental video: the image starts, aimed at the corner of a messy dining room, with a table piled high in half-assembled cardboard boxes and stacks of paper covered in various pizza-related logos. There's no people in the frame, so it must be just a Trench-ish mishap, as is wont to happen.

Except there is a living thing in the video -- maybe? It's a horse that many folks in the town might be familiar with, though even more might be completely unfamiliar with it. It stands in the corner of the dining room.

And it stares.

And it stares.

Unblinking, unmoving, unbreathing, eyes cold and pale like a dead thing, the only light in the endless black of it's nightmarish horror body. It stares and it knows. It sees the innermost thoughts of man and beast and it is unmoved. It is endless, it is eternal. There is nothing but the horse.

And then, with a flicker of static, it's just -- gone. There's no moving, no steps out of frame, it's just suddenly not there anymore. Instead the video continues for a moment, focused on nothing, before flickering out.

In the silence, comes a voice, like the slithering of dark, wet things, ghosting over your fingertips in the middle of the night:]

Buy the pizza.

[A very creative ad campaign, maybe? But still, Upsetting.]

I need something else to concentrate on.

What do you do when you think you like someone?

How can you be sure?

And if you are sure, how do you proceed?

PIZZA MARKET RESEARCH SURVEY #1

1. What are the best pizza toppings (and nothing weird like anchovies)?

2. Thin crust or thick crust?

3. Do you like orange soda?

4. Do you know how replicate orange soda here?

5. What are your preferred pizza eating hours?

6. How often would you use a horse-based delivery service? Would it depend on what kind of horse showed up at your house with the pizza? Would it matter if the horse was fucking terrifying?

Thank you all for your input.

[The video starts off with Maul smiling which everyone who has been in Trench for more than a few months will realize is never a good sign. Fortunately, he's not here to terrorize everyone, just be a troll and gadfly to his mate.]

Hello everyone. Since I'm sure he'd never tell you himself, I'm here to inform you that Reaper has just turned sixty. That's right, he's officially OLD. There's nothing for him but going downhill now, becoming more decrepit and decaying and plodding along until he just drops dead one day or I mercifully smother him with a pillow. [He's still got that wicked grin on his face but he's managed not to laugh so far.] I suggest you all send him birthday wishes, preferably from a safe distance away or over the Omni since otherwise there is a very good chance he'll try to blow a hole through you with one of his shotguns.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stay one step ahead of him so he can't find me and do the same. [He can't contain himself any longer and there's a cackle of delight as he turns the video off.]

[ The feed clicks on to reveal a blonde woman with green eyes staring into the camera. It takes a few moments before she adjusts the angle to give a better view of her face, one that it isn't so close up. She gives a warm smile. ]

Sorry about that! Still, getting used to this, uh, device.

[ Her accent is unmistakenly American. ]

Anyway. I'm Laurel Lance and I've been here for a little over a week now. Not going to lie, it's been a lot to take in, but I think I'm getting there. I just have a couple of questions for people.

Firstly, where has the best coffee?

Secondly, is there a gym or something like it around?

Last but not least, I'm wondering if there's a need for legal advice in this place. I'm a lawyer back home.

Thank you for taking the time to listen.

[ With that, Laurel ends the feed. ]

[The video turns on and it’s Usagi, Varian, and… Maul? Yes, Maul, all in her living room. Usagi is sitting on her couch.

She waves to everyone with a bright and cheery smile.]

Hey everyone! Usagi Tsukino here! It’s October! And it actually hasn’t been awful! Isn’t that AWESOME?! [Both Usagi and her Omen, a margay cat seem excited, the cat letting out a happy chirp of a meow while Usagi pumps her fist in the air.]

Anyway! Even though we’re not all dead from starvation, insanity, or literally drowning in corpses, I know some of you are still struggling to get a good night’s sleep! Well!

May I present to you a really great solution to that problem!

[Usagi uses both hands to gesture to Maul.]

You all know him as… well I’m sure by many names, but this is Maul for those of you who don’t know him and for those of you who don’t call him nice things. Maul will be able to help you sleep!

And not by killing you! I should emphasize!

Maul, why don’t you explain!

[Maul looks rather grumpy and like he’d rather be anywhere but here. But he starts to talk in that whisper-soft voice of his slowly, sounding a bit reluctant as he does so.]

The Dark Side of the Force can be used in many ways. It’s not magic but spiritual energy, something many of you here fail to grasp. It’s not always dramatic like moving things around without touching them or breaking someone’s leg in two just by thinking about it. I can go into someone’s mind and use the Force to help quiet it down, making it pliable to the suggestion of needing sleep. Think of it as using deep meditation to allow your body and mind to rest. It is not painful and takes very little time in the grand scheme of things. Should you need me, I am at your disposal.

[Then he gets a familiar glint of anger in his eyes and his voice hardens.]

But if any of you want to take this opportunity just to tell me how it’ll be a cold day in hell before you take up my offer for help, you can save your breath. I won’t sit here and listen to your judgment--

[It’s at this point that Varian interrupts to keep Maul from digging himself into a hole. The boy himself looks marginally better than he did in his last network post. He’s still looking a little haggard and his skin’s still not a super colour - but there is a tiny improvement. He clears his throat, doing his best to save Maul from himself. ]

Uhhhh, what Maul is trying to say that as a sign of good faith that he’s trying to steer away from the...literally murdering people thing and that he wants to work on being a...uh functioning member of society here- he’s willing to help people out with their sleep problems.

[He knows this is a hard sell, rubbing the back of his neck.]

He helped me out? I mean… I know I still don’t look great, but at least I’ve managed to get some sleep? Which I haven’t really since I got here because...being a coldblood is just that fun. Yay. And I get a lot of you don’t trust him, heck, I didn’t- I’m one of the people he literally killed once.

[He pauses, clears his throat. This is going great.]

Um! But what I mean is, everyone should have a chance to prove themselves if they want to change- and no one’s gonna be able to do that if you don’t give them the chance to do that. Sooo, yeah, we’re willing to vouch for him- in the whole...sleep helping process. And that he really is trying to… well, make good here?

[Usagi is staring at the both of them in disbelief, having had to resist covering Maul’s mouth several times with the way he keeps insulting people. She lets out a sigh at Varian’s "recommendation" and wonders how both of them are THIS BAD at convincing people of anything.]

The both of you are terrible at this. [She clears her throat.]

In any case! Yes, that is… basically the idea here, and! Maul helped me out too! I was having a really hard time sleeping last month but he was very kind in helping me, using the method he just explained, to get some real sleep, oh! And I’m a Paleblood so this DOES work on other blood types since… it’s a mind thing, not a blood thing.

And… yes, we are also working on Maul not insulting people in every other breath but this seemed like the more important matter… so… ya know, baby steps, we’re getting there.

So please don’t hesitate to ask if you need help!


((OOC: Usagi is pink Maul is red and Varian is blue. All three are available for response))

[The boy making this video looks both sleep-deprived and grim. There's an enormous black horse -- his Omen, presumably -- looming large in the background, but Will has more important topics. In times such as October, it's best to be succinct:] Sooooooo, not everyone can see those...weird zombie things. Can they.

[Will sighs, heavily. Behind him, the horse lowers it's head minutely and makes a noise like a faulty garbage disposal mixed with the cries of the damned.

Will barely blinks, responding like that had been a coherent comment:] Yeah, no, I don't know, that's why I'm asking, you can't just eat everything that bothers me...