Video; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

[The video starts off with Maul smiling which everyone who has been in Trench for more than a few months will realize is never a good sign. Fortunately, he's not here to terrorize everyone, just be a troll and gadfly to his mate.]

Hello everyone. Since I'm sure he'd never tell you himself, I'm here to inform you that Reaper has just turned sixty. That's right, he's officially OLD. There's nothing for him but going downhill now, becoming more decrepit and decaying and plodding along until he just drops dead one day or I mercifully smother him with a pillow. [He's still got that wicked grin on his face but he's managed not to laugh so far.] I suggest you all send him birthday wishes, preferably from a safe distance away or over the Omni since otherwise there is a very good chance he'll try to blow a hole through you with one of his shotguns.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stay one step ahead of him so he can't find me and do the same. [He can't contain himself any longer and there's a cackle of delight as he turns the video off.]

Comments

Video: ClickClickBloom

[onekindsoul]

[Sung in the tune of happy birthday.]

You’re so o-old now!
You’re so o-old now!
You’re so old now dear Reaper!
Way to be an old geaser!

Text; un: Reaper

[no_reload]

I hate you.

[survivalthroughhate]

A brilliant start. I hope everyone does similar to him.

[This is definitely why he and Ruby get along. They both just love to cause chaos.]

Text; un: Reaper

[no_reload]

[He hadn't planned on replying. No, he fully intended to fume and then visit unimaginable pain upon Maul for this. He did not enjoy attention on himself, least of all because he had passed a milestone of age.]

Enjoying yourself at my expense. You can be as many steps as you think will keep you from me, but I will find you.

I hope you enjoy swimming, space wizard.

[survivalthroughhate]

Now, now, this was for your own good. You've brooded enough the past month or two, so I had to do something to snap you out of it. My motives were purely benevolent I assure you.

[They both know that is full of bullshit. Maul did this just to piss off Reaper a little bit.]

un: eudaimonikos; video

[eudaimonikos]

[Michael barks out a laugh, though for rather the opposite reason of Maul's:]

Oh man, you're all such little babies! I always forget!

[survivalthroughhate]

That's right, you're what, a million years old?

[Maul can't quite remember how old Michael is but he's pretty sure he's been around since the formation of the Earth's universe.]

video; un: deku

[wannasmash]

[ Guess that's one way to wish someone happy birthday. ]

He, uh, isn't really gonna shoot you, is he?

[ Gotta make sure everyone's celebrating safely and all! ...This from the guy (young, plain, in a boring hoodie) whose friend back home regularly threatens his classmates with his howitzer special move. ]

[survivalthroughhate]

Oh, probably. It's alright, he's shot me before and I killed him once. We have a special sort of relationship.

[This is all said very casually. These two would fit right in with the Addams Family, that's for certain.]

video; un: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

Dude, you're such a douche.

Happy birthday to your old guy, though.

[survivalthroughhate]

What? Can't I wish my beloved mate a happy birthday with no ulterior motive?

[He's got the big wide eyes and 'I'm an innocent baby goat' tone but it's clear he knows exactly what he's doing with that smirk still on his face.]

audio; un: doublehedgedsword

[laminae]

Hey, happy birthday to him.

[Wow, sixty is pretty old. But still...]

But aren't both of you old?

[Yeah, he's going there.]

[survivalthroughhate]

[HDU! Rude child! Maul sounds affronted as he answers.]

I am not old! I'm only in my mid-thirties!

[Which he knows is still ancient to a youth like Fern. So he adds on:]

Besides, aren't you a little old for a shrub?

[Maul's emotional maturity is still in the single digits.]

[Not here... but watching]

[no_reload]

[Because he's a creeper.]

voice; un: Nox

[a_gaggle_of_ghosties]

Remind me never to introduce you to Grandmaster Shan, should the opportunity ever present itself.

It's unlikely she'd try to harm you over the insult but I'd rather remain on speaking terms with her.

[survivalthroughhate]

Duly noted. I know it's not old compared to some species-- [Given how long Munns and Besalisks live after all.] --but I have to give him a hard time about this seeing as how he is my mate and all.

[Maul still found it amazing he'd found love here at all in a place full of horrors but he's grown extremely close to Reaper. He's even finally told him that he loves him and did destroy a whole portion of the city in his grief when Reaper had been killed.]

Video; UN: Filledwithsunshine

[onebadapple]

Oh! Well happy birthday to your dear Reaper! But sixty isn't all that old depending on who you ask, Maul! Why, my very dear friend, Sleepy, was several hundred years old! And another Dopey was all of 90 and he hadn't even grown his beard yet!

Although, I only turned 15 myself back in December, so I imagine I must seem quite young.

[survivalthroughhate]

Ah. Are these two related to Grumpy?

[He's sensing a theme here with the dwarves...But also--]

You're only fifteen??

[He honestly had no idea.]

[Video][UN:A_Wesker013]

[subject_013]

Reaper... the youngster I'd met in Flesh Falls back in dear Julia's nightmare? I believe we passed through the door together, though rebirth and other events have scrambled the recall.

[A hint of a mischievous lilt, or what passes for one.] I truly thought he was younger than I. [With a hint of 'go ahead and try figuring out how old I am'.]

[A closed-mouthed clearing of the throat and now more straightforward.] Well, if he's listening to this: congratulations on completing another cycle around the sun, old man.

[survivalthroughhate]

Hmmmmm..... [Maul tilts his head curiously as he looks at Wesker. He falls into one of those in the 'sort of human but not really' category Maul has in his head that Reaper himself also falls into. He is now clearly trying to figure out how old Wesker is.]

Fifty-two? [He finally asks.]

voice; un: givemeyourown

[unsheathedfromreality]

You are both still children from where I am standing, but a happy and auspicious birthday to him.

[He's grinning.]

[survivalthroughhate]

Are you one of those species that lives hundreds or thousands of years?

[It seems likely and Maul's not phased by it given how many species in his own galaxy have a similar lifespan.]

video; un: willthewise

[deadboywalking]

...I guess I thought you both were older.

[And that's how Will is going to end up dying in Trench, I guess.]

[survivalthroughhate]

[Ohhhhhh, Maul is going to get every teenager who has called him old in this post. Yes he is.]

...............Does every child in this town-- [And yes, one can definitely hear the emphasis on the word 'child' there in Maul's reply.] --think that one becomes a geriatric octogenarian the moment they turn twenty?!

( video | un: duckling )

[danserai]

[ this is all very weird. ]

Uhm, happy birthday Mr. Reaper! I'll try to get you something nice.

Is it . . . really that awful to get older?

[survivalthroughhate]

Not so especially for some people. I hope to live a very long life myself. [Instead of dying in his fifties like he does back in his own galaxy.] I just have to give him a hard time about it.

[imaglyphwitch]

I'm afraid, in this case, there is only one thing to do, Darth Maul.

Please pass this traditional birthday song to Reaper, please.

[survivalthroughhate]

[Excuse that thump, Maul just fell on the floor as he bursts out laughing.]

Now this is a quality birthday wish for him! I knew there was a reason I was fond of you.

Text | UN : Medicinal

[meds4sale]

My, my, congratulations are in order. It is no mean feat to reach such a robust age.

I believe at this point in life, he will have many monetary discounts to take advantage of as well.

[survivalthroughhate]

I completely forgot about that. I'll have to remind him of it after his temper has cooled.

[Text][UN: JustLuke]

[faithfulson]

I take it we're not going to see you amongst the living for the next few weeks?

Should I stay at the house to keep Savage company?

[ He's teasing... mostly. ]

[survivalthroughhate]

First he'll have to catch me. Besides, if he didn't hold impaling and killing him on a lightsaber against me, he won't do much more than toss me in the ocean for this.

[Nevermind that Maul is a solid 50% metal and will sink right to the bottom if he goes in....]

text+audio | un: sharpshooter

[azurestar]

[Lance's boyfriend is back in town and has forgotten they were together, so he's just erratic, dead inside and a little intoxicated. Enough so that he sees this and thinks of the funniest fucking meme and doesn't think about anything else beyond that.]



[His thumb then slips on the setting, momentarily switching it to audio where he's heard snickering. Then there's a bit of a slurred 'oh shit' and he mutes.]

Text; un: Reaper

[no_reload]

[It was return fire or actually burn Lance's house down. He'll start with return fire.]

Video: UN - Runeseeker

[onerthes]

(OOC: You know, I could swear that I'd replied to this. Stupid DW.)

Sixty! Oh my. Such a young, fledgling spring chick he is. Why, he's still barely done with his baby face! [She laughed softly.]

You are asking for that boy to gut you. You realize that of course.

[She was just glad Maul was more calm these days. After all last month...]

[survivalthroughhate]

[OOC: /Kicks DW!]

The general consensus among the populace depending on how their own species ages seems to be he is either a mere youth or is so old he's going to drop dead any moment.

[He grins, all his sharp teeth on display.]

He can try and do his best. He will also fail.

[He says cockily.]