(Darth) Maul (
survivalthroughhate) wrote in
deernet2022-01-01 03:51 am
Entry tags:
- ahiru: timmy,
- albert wesker: ref,
- darth maul: shade,
- darth nox: saint,
- fern: pan,
- illarion albireo: lark,
- izuku "deku" midoriya: tea,
- kyle broflovski: emma,
- lance: charley,
- luke skywalker: skyla,
- luz noceda: pedro,
- michael: lu,
- reaper: vette,
- ruby rose: josh,
- snow white: jax,
- the medicine seller: greenrivers,
- vira-lorr: latroma,
- will byers: cee
Video; un: darkness
[The video starts off with Maul smiling which everyone who has been in Trench for more than a few months will realize is never a good sign. Fortunately, he's not here to terrorize everyone, just be a troll and gadfly to his mate.]
Hello everyone. Since I'm sure he'd never tell you himself, I'm here to inform you that Reaper has just turned sixty. That's right, he's officially OLD. There's nothing for him but going downhill now, becoming more decrepit and decaying and plodding along until he just drops dead one day or I mercifully smother him with a pillow. [He's still got that wicked grin on his face but he's managed not to laugh so far.] I suggest you all send him birthday wishes, preferably from a safe distance away or over the Omni since otherwise there is a very good chance he'll try to blow a hole through you with one of his shotguns.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stay one step ahead of him so he can't find me and do the same. [He can't contain himself any longer and there's a cackle of delight as he turns the video off.]
Hello everyone. Since I'm sure he'd never tell you himself, I'm here to inform you that Reaper has just turned sixty. That's right, he's officially OLD. There's nothing for him but going downhill now, becoming more decrepit and decaying and plodding along until he just drops dead one day or I mercifully smother him with a pillow. [He's still got that wicked grin on his face but he's managed not to laugh so far.] I suggest you all send him birthday wishes, preferably from a safe distance away or over the Omni since otherwise there is a very good chance he'll try to blow a hole through you with one of his shotguns.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stay one step ahead of him so he can't find me and do the same. [He can't contain himself any longer and there's a cackle of delight as he turns the video off.]

Video: ClickClickBloom
You’re so o-old now!
You’re so o-old now!
You’re so old now dear Reaper!
Way to be an old geaser!
Text; un: Reaper
Text!
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[This is definitely why he and Ruby get along. They both just love to cause chaos.]
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Text; un: Reaper
Enjoying yourself at my expense. You can be as many steps as you think will keep you from me, but I will find you.
I hope you enjoy swimming, space wizard.
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[They both know that is full of bullshit. Maul did this just to piss off Reaper a little bit.]
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un: eudaimonikos; video
Oh man, you're all such little babies! I always forget!
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[Maul can't quite remember how old Michael is but he's pretty sure he's been around since the formation of the Earth's universe.]
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video; un: deku
He, uh, isn't really gonna shoot you, is he?
[ Gotta make sure everyone's celebrating safely and all! ...This from the guy (young, plain, in a boring hoodie) whose friend back home regularly threatens his classmates with his howitzer special move. ]
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[This is all said very casually. These two would fit right in with the Addams Family, that's for certain.]
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video; un: TripleJ
Happy birthday to your old guy, though.
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[He's got the big wide eyes and 'I'm an innocent baby goat' tone but it's clear he knows exactly what he's doing with that smirk still on his face.]
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audio; un: doublehedgedsword
[Wow, sixty is pretty old. But still...]
But aren't both of you old?
[Yeah, he's going there.]
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I am not old! I'm only in my mid-thirties!
[Which he knows is still ancient to a youth like Fern. So he adds on:]
Besides, aren't you a little old for a shrub?
[Maul's emotional maturity is still in the single digits.]
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[Not here... but watching]
voice; un: Nox
It's unlikely she'd try to harm you over the insult but I'd rather remain on speaking terms with her.
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[Maul still found it amazing he'd found love here at all in a place full of horrors but he's grown extremely close to Reaper. He's even finally told him that he loves him and did destroy a whole portion of the city in his grief when Reaper had been killed.]
Video; UN: Filledwithsunshine
Although, I only turned 15 myself back in December, so I imagine I must seem quite young.
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[He's sensing a theme here with the dwarves...But also--]
You're only fifteen??
[He honestly had no idea.]
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[Video][UN:A_Wesker013]
[A hint of a mischievous lilt, or what passes for one.] I truly thought he was younger than I. [With a hint of 'go ahead and try figuring out how old I am'.]
[A closed-mouthed clearing of the throat and now more straightforward.] Well, if he's listening to this: congratulations on completing another cycle around the sun, old man.
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Fifty-two? [He finally asks.]
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[CW: Fictional pathogens mentioned]
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voice; un: givemeyourown
[He's grinning.]
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[It seems likely and Maul's not phased by it given how many species in his own galaxy have a similar lifespan.]
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video; un: willthewise
[And that's how Will is going to end up dying in Trench, I guess.]
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...............Does every child in this town-- [And yes, one can definitely hear the emphasis on the word 'child' there in Maul's reply.] --think that one becomes a geriatric octogenarian the moment they turn twenty?!
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Text; un: Reaper
text;
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( video | un: duckling )
Uhm, happy birthday Mr. Reaper! I'll try to get you something nice.
Is it . . . really that awful to get older?
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Text; un: Reaper
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Please pass this traditional birthday song to Reaper, please.
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Now this is a quality birthday wish for him! I knew there was a reason I was fond of you.
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Text; un: Reaper
Re: Text; un: Reaper
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Text | UN : Medicinal
I believe at this point in life, he will have many monetary discounts to take advantage of as well.
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[Text][UN: JustLuke]
Should I stay at the house to keep Savage company?
[ He's teasing... mostly. ]
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[Nevermind that Maul is a solid 50% metal and will sink right to the bottom if he goes in....]
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text+audio | un: sharpshooter
[His thumb then slips on the setting, momentarily switching it to audio where he's heard snickering. Then there's a bit of a slurred 'oh shit' and he mutes.]
Text; un: Reaper
[It was return fire or actually burn Lance's house down. He'll start with return fire.]
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1/?
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7/7
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Video: UN - Runeseeker
Sixty! Oh my. Such a young, fledgling spring chick he is. Why, he's still barely done with his baby face! [She laughed softly.]
You are asking for that boy to gut you. You realize that of course.
[She was just glad Maul was more calm these days. After all last month...]
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The general consensus among the populace depending on how their own species ages seems to be he is either a mere youth or is so old he's going to drop dead any moment.
[He grins, all his sharp teeth on display.]
He can try and do his best. He will also fail.
[He says cockily.]
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