Tachome Dhaume (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bardbarous) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deernet2022-02-14 09:35 am
bardbarous) wrote in deernet2022-02-14 09:35 am
video 🎸 un: metalhead69
[ Starring: Tuck, Vyng, Billie ]
Hey. Hey! LOOK OVER HERE, EVERYBODY!
[ Great! Now that he has your attention, he gets to the point of this commercial interruption. ]
I have, uh, something to say to all of you. [ The large man unfolds a piece of paper and begins reading from it. ]
Amara, not Laura,
You are my destiny,
A mysterious mistress fated to me—Ah fuck, wrong piece!
[ He is already floundering twenty seconds in, but Vyng, the wild haired half-elf standing beside him hands over another cue card.
"Here you go, buddy," he offers. ]
Thanks. Um, "This is our son Fat Billie." [ You better believe these lines are spoken as woodenly as possible. ] "Say hi Billie."
[ After an awkward beat, Tuck squats down and picks up his round little halfling son, covered in his usual raccoon skin to hide his ginger hair. In Tuck's giant hand he looks the size of a basketball.
"Hi Billie!" the little boy greets, hands covered in something like gravy or chocolate.
Behind him, Vyng laughs. "Nice." ]
"He needs someone like you [ And then Tuck pantomimes to the video screen, pointing stiffly to his audience. ] to be his friend! Come—" uh, "Come eat lunch! Take afternoon naps! Eat more food!" Uhm, "Pet cats!
"If this sounds good to you, please apply!" Oh, but no nerds, though! Or adults! Like 18 year olds tops!
[ "Yeah, don't make this creepy," Vyng adds with a judging eye. ]
Yeah, don't be fucking gross, old people! He's a child!
[ "So, no nerds, don't be creep-os, must love gravy! If this sounds like you, like and subscribe!" Vyng points down to the bottom of the screen, which Tuck does not get. ]
Are you pointing at your dick? Point to Billie!!
[ He takes one of his friend's hands and points it at their fat little son.
"Now like and subscribe!" ]
Hey. Hey! LOOK OVER HERE, EVERYBODY!
[ Great! Now that he has your attention, he gets to the point of this commercial interruption. ]
I have, uh, something to say to all of you. [ The large man unfolds a piece of paper and begins reading from it. ]
Amara, not Laura,
You are my destiny,
A mysterious mistress fated to me—Ah fuck, wrong piece!
[ He is already floundering twenty seconds in, but Vyng, the wild haired half-elf standing beside him hands over another cue card.
"Here you go, buddy," he offers. ]
Thanks. Um, "This is our son Fat Billie." [ You better believe these lines are spoken as woodenly as possible. ] "Say hi Billie."
[ After an awkward beat, Tuck squats down and picks up his round little halfling son, covered in his usual raccoon skin to hide his ginger hair. In Tuck's giant hand he looks the size of a basketball.
"Hi Billie!" the little boy greets, hands covered in something like gravy or chocolate.
Behind him, Vyng laughs. "Nice." ]
"He needs someone like you [ And then Tuck pantomimes to the video screen, pointing stiffly to his audience. ] to be his friend! Come—" uh, "Come eat lunch! Take afternoon naps! Eat more food!" Uhm, "Pet cats!
"If this sounds good to you, please apply!" Oh, but no nerds, though! Or adults! Like 18 year olds tops!
[ "Yeah, don't make this creepy," Vyng adds with a judging eye. ]
Yeah, don't be fucking gross, old people! He's a child!
[ "So, no nerds, don't be creep-os, must love gravy! If this sounds like you, like and subscribe!" Vyng points down to the bottom of the screen, which Tuck does not get. ]
Are you pointing at your dick? Point to Billie!!
[ He takes one of his friend's hands and points it at their fat little son.
"Now like and subscribe!" ]