video | carcinoGeneticist

[klawful]

(This was the stupidest idea he has had in at least three sweeps. At least. But he was trying to be nice. And helpful. Or something. Karkat has his omen start recording him. Karkat is sitting on the ground, legs folded together. It's immediately evident he's not a human: gray skin, black claws, definitive fangs, and a pair of candy corn horns. The only thing he has kept concealed are his eyes. A pair of black goggles sit over them so they remain hidden.)

It has been brought to my attention that some of you are mentally... --- (He physically grimaces, clenching his fangs together, voice rough. His hands curl into tight fists. You can do it, Karkat. Don't be offensive! You got this!)

Mentally underdeveloped- (His omen shakes its head. Nope. That's not nice, Karkat.) Okay, mentally...What?! (He screeches at his omen. There's some silent communication going on before finally, Karkat takes a deep breath.)

Oh, fuck it. Some of you are total noobs about technology. Shut up, Keymo, that's as nice as it's getting. These ingrates are lucky I'm not -- okay! Fuck, I'll keep-

(There's an animal growl that rumbles out of him, his teeth chattering together briefly before finally he tugs out his Omni.)

Instructional video time, asswads. This is your Omni. Most of you excuses for sentient beings don't seem to be aware of some the basic functions behind this thing's existence. Let's go through it. (DEEP BREATH.)

First off, I have no idea why people don't seem to know this yet, but these are blood magic-based. And telepathic. It's so fucking obvious... Anyway. Observe, plebs.

(He sets the Omni down and proceeds to smash the shit out of it with his fist. It doesn't break. He whips it at the nearby wall and again, it doesn't break. He puts it into his mouth and clashes it around in his fangs - it doesn't break. Not so much as a crack.) Friggan ta-da.

(Then he gets up and moves towards the edge of the area he was sitting in. Which was apparently in a cave because there's just a bottomless black pit. He drops his Omni off the side.)

Oh no, I lost my Omni. Oh, fucking...wait a second! (He turns back around towards the camera and kneels down. Whips out a vial of warmblood and pools it into his palm. After a few seconds, there's a new Omni.)

No I didn't! Damn! It's almost like this place runs on blood magic or some shit! (He holds the Omni up against his head.) What's that? You naturally connect to my brain through blood magic? Holy shit!

(He turns the Omni around and shows his touch keyboard - which has Alternian font instead of any earth letters.) Woooow!

(He sets the Omni down and flicks around a few settings. That's when the movie Hitch begins projecting on a nearby cave wall. Ableit, heavily distorted due to the rock walls.)

Oh my God, you can do what with the Omni? Wow. Amazing. I am so fucking enthralled by this rock. (Karkat, you could learn to give a lesson that isn't scathing in sarcasm and judgment.)

I will generously allow questions now. That is all.

Comments

video; UN: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

'Hitch', really?

video | carcinoGeneticist

[klawful]

What the fuck is wrong with Hitch?

video; UN: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

I mean, I guess nothing? It just kinda sucks.

video; un: GoldenFlowers

[the_obedient_servant]

Have you considered going into teaching?

video | carcinoGeneticist

[klawful]

(He takes this very literally.)

No. I would rather put a plastic bag on my head and die.

[the_obedient_servant]

What a mood. [Chara no.]

video; un: jk21a

[hearuthinking]

[Gray skin, claws, teeth, horns. Nevermind that the horns look like candy corn. The rest is too damn familiar. But the creature is talking, which is a hell of a lot more than what Joey was doing]

I got a question: what the fuck are you?

video

[klawful]

(In retrospect, Karkat should have anticipated this. He does. He braces himself.

And then, very calmly, delivers the harsh truth:)

I am your god, you writhing sack of vulnerable organs. You may thank me for your humiliating excuse of an existence.

video; un: taka

[retsuden]

[ This was actually all really useful information and the way he delivered it is making it really fucking hard for Sasuke to not sound super amused. ]

I think you underestimated how often you sound like an asshole.

[ 50% of the time is way too low, man.

ANYWAY THERE'S AN IMPORTANT QUESTION IN HERE!! ]

What is a "noob"?

video

[klawful]

(You know what? Yeah. Karkat would absolutely die for Sasuke. No one ever appreciated his impeccable sense of humor.)

Would you believe it if I told you I was actually one of the better tempered of my kind?

(He's absolutely not, but he is one of the more emotionally available ones which is basically the same thing in his perspective. Plus he's at least 65% less bloodthirsty than his kind usually is.)

Listen, the burden I carry is a heavy one. My entire existence is weighed down by the inevitable stupidity of those around me. It's only natural I would be irritated preemeptively. I'm bracing myself for everyone's godawful choices and opinions at all times.

(See!!! It makes sense!

Karkat does brighten at the chance to explain some chatspeak though.)

It's basically someone who is super inexperienced especially when it comes to modern technology. (Squint...) Or I guess for some, future technology.

video; un: stanford

[cryptograms]

[ Ford recognizes that username - it's the cult leader that likes to ramble about romance! And while it was obvious he probably wasn't human from his previous posts, Ford is excited to get additional confirmation.

Not time for that, though - Karkat's making a solid point. ]

Blood magic seems to be an uncomfortable subject for most Sleepers, even after a few months in Trench. I've encountered a handful of people that don't even like calling their Omens.

video

[klawful]

(Oh man it's this dork again!!

Actually Karkat's kind of happy to see the guy. He could always respect a fellow academic of cultural norms. Mad respect.)

I can't entirely blame them. I'm empathetic to the discomfort of altered blood, but at this point, it would be wiser for people to get over it and start learning about it than pretending like it doesn't exist.

(Ignorance did no one any favors.)

Like, have your mental break downs when you gotta, but damn. This shit is our life now.

Video: UN - Runeseeker

[onerthes]

...

So, aside from the obvious functions, which are all similar to a device we had in the nightmare, the only thing you did for me specifically was note that this could be reconjured with blood.

...

I tested and my blood does not damage it, which is good. Not so good for the soil around it, but good. The literal way in which it can be conjured with the blood leads me to believe it can be altered by the blood. Have you attempted to alter yours yet?

[Nope, she was just going to fucking lunge into higher application.]

video

[klawful]

If only they were as obvious to us as they are to everyone else. Because trust me, lady, this shit is apparently not prehistoric information to most. (Woe is he.)

Guess I'm glad I could offer some new enlightenment in your world. You are welcome.

(Man, he really is so generous, isn't he.)

The appearance or the functionality? The latter, yes. I attempted combining blood magic with a computer-based virus. It kind of worked. Just not in the way I was hoping.

video | un: sharpshooter

[azurestar]

[Have Lance just staring at you Karkat, like he's just seen a delicious looking pie he didn't expect to get fall to the ground. Shock and disappointment and 'wtf' all at once.]

You're… tiny! What the hell man?!

1/2

[klawful]

(.............EXCUSE ME?!?!!?)

[klawful]

I AM NOT TINY! Fuck you. Today will be the last day you are capable of feeling joy. The camera is skewing the angles of my proportions! I am fucking huge!

Video: UN: 1stStrike

[strikefirster]

Are you seriously going to take that shit from your pet whatever?

Don't be a fucking pussy, show it who's boss. Call us a bunch of idiots like you mean it.

I have a question for you, horndog.

How do I get onto fucking youtube and facebook with this shit?

video | carcinoGeneticist

[klawful]

She's not my pet. She's an extension of my soul which means she's as annoying as I am. (If not more!)

Okay then, you fucking braindead bulgesucking excuse for an organism.

(That felt pretty good actually...

Wait what. He looks half insulted by the 'horndog' thing and probably not for the reasons would one anticipate.)

I am not a slut. (Karkat, no........!)

You don't. Go to DoeIt for basically the same experience as Youtube and other video hosting sites. DeerNet is your new Facebook. Congratulations. Preemptively, no one gives a flat fuck about what you ate for lunch.

un: agentmothman

[zib]

[At first, Zib was going to comment on how he's finally getting to see what the shouty alien that occasionally sounds a little too much like Zim looks like, but then the movie Hitch is being made to play on the Omni, and suddenly Zib is like a distracted kid all over again.]

Hold on, it plays movies? Nobody told me that--wait, can it play TV shows too? Like Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mystery?

[klawful]

(Okay this actually gets a wide grin from Karkat. He can appreciate anyone who is a maniac about media.)

Oh absolutely. I have found most of the troll versions of movies from my world. So you definitely could probably find whatever the hell that is. (Despite his abrasive language, it's clear it's not actually judgmental in tone.)

Video | UN: forgetmenot

[nilheality]

Thank you. That was most helpful.

[The tone that she mentions that is quite flat, but it is mostly just a veneer to keep herself from getting upset and to keep him from being helpful(?). Besides, she's dealt with grey goblins before and knows they have a tendency to speak without thinking.]

The magic was easy for me to understand, but some of these other features are interesting. [She removes her hand from the omni, holding it aloft mentally to draw on its potential to play something. With nothing prepare, it seems to be covering an episode of Colossal Squid.] Ah, sorry. I wanted to try that before I forgot. May I ask what "deerNet" and "DoeIt" are? I know what they are as words, but not when they are combined into one.

Any help would be appreciated.

Video

[klawful]

You're welcome. (It's gruff but sincere enough. Polite individuals were so much more tolerable than the average troll. He somehow still manages to sound grumpy, but hey, at least he's not screaming.

He definitely will speak without thinking at some point though. He watches her with her Omni.)

Is that a documentary about Sleepers? (Genuine question. He should probably be asking about the floating thing, but you know.

Okay, yeah, he can answer this. Deeeeep breath. Not everyone is from technologically advanced worlds, Karkat! Not everyone knows about social media, Karkat! Goddd.)

Both are called social media applications. Applications are services accessible on this device that allows people to establish connections with each other and communicate more effectively. (This chick seemed smart enough that he didn't think he had to dumb this down too much.)

deerNet is an application that focuses on direct communication through video, text (script, basically), or audio. It's what we are communicating through right now. It's like uh...(What's a good equivilant...) If you were sending letters back and forth to someone using a bird, deerNet would be the bird.

DoeIt is a little different since it provides us with what other people have created. We can access music or art or stories or businesses others have made. Is this kinda making sense?

[imaglyphwitch]

You can really be a jerk, but all of that IS useful information, so I'm glad you told us that.

I will now use this information to load up on cartoons and anime.

[klawful]

Damn, what the fuck. I didn't even say anything jerkish this time! (Except he is like, substantially more chill while talking than he is texting. Some miracles do exist.)

Oh yeah. There is so much goddamn anime on these suckers.