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Firstly, I wish to express my immense gratitude to those who came to my aid and advised me last month. I realize naturally in retrospect that it was much a matter outside of my control. I do not speak to relieve myself of the burden of what happened; I still very much hold myself accountable, but objectively speaking there was little I could do and undo.

So it is better to move forward.

Secondly. There is not much in the way of constructive skill that I can offer to my fellow Sleepers. However, there is at least one thing I've much experience in, and it is with my... affliction, shall we say. It is one that I have had for decades, plus years left unaccounted for.

And so it is that I wish to offer my experience to those in a similar matter as myself. I have methods to keep myself calm and clear of mind despite my worse instincts, whatever wretched impulses rack my body and mind. The fiend within will never be tamed, but our willpower is much more significant than you might expect. Should you need my aid in this regard, it is yours. Contact me whenever you have need.

...Ah. Yes. A third thing.

[locked from ahiru]

I seek the aid of others who have some skill in construction and carpentry. I have ideas and some of that capability myself, but I admit I am a bit blind in this regard.

I am attempting to create a place for Ahiru to practice her ballet. I only know what one might need based on her description, but if one more experienced in what will meet her needs could inform or aid me, that would be much appreciated. I have found a building I believe I can use freely.

Thank you for your time and attention.

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good to see you're doing better dude

there's gotta be a lot of people around here who could use your help huh?

i can do some construction stuff if you need help
I'm really strong and good at cutting
like demonically good

I've no doubt that you can be of great assistance.

Still... is what I offer not something you too could use? I will not insist of course, but your struggle often reminds me of my own.

i'll try my best

oh uh
that's not a bad idea
talking about that kind of stuff with someone who gets it
it might help make things easier

The urges inside of us are easier with the aid of others. I have... lived a regrettably isolated life.

I would not wish it for you.

yeah
i don't want to be isolated again
that happened to me before, i mean - before i was fern
it wasn't a good time
and i got a lot of friends and family here, i want to be able to hold onto them and protect them

The notion is noble. You have much love in your heart, Fern.

Allow me to support you, so you are able to be with those you care for.

hah thanks
i don't get called noble like, ever

thanks
i'm pretty terrible at doing this kind of stuff without help
so
i'm definitely gonna need yours

A shame, for I have witnessed many who claim gallantry and yet fail to meet their own arrogance. Albeit perhaps it is better to be humble than such behavior.

Most stumble in the dark without a hand to hold. I would be glad to hold onto yours, and help however I can.

i think so

thanks man
i want to be there for you too ok?
if you need help with anything you can talk to me

im glad youre doing better mister bigby
id like to learn from you if i can please
i'm working out some things with mister childe but i think i can help with some things for a building if you need size or cutting power

I will let you know if I do. I understand there are a great many of gifted individuals here who can cut cleanly.

Falco... I am here, if you need me. You simply need to ask, and I shall make time.

thank you
i’m glad i can hear your voice
what have you been doing usually? to stay calm?

Meditation and various personal projects, typically.

Things that... remind me of my humanity. That, too, helps.

I will also pray to Light for its warmth and radiance.

can i learn how to meditate
?

Of course. I would be glad to show you how I taught myself.

Know that it is not a rigid matter; we must adapt to your needs. If my methods do not suit you, we will find another.

thank you sir
i think i would benefit from it

I've no doubt of it.

Call for me when you need, and not a moment later. You are no one's burden.

thank you
don’t forget that you aren’t either sir

I'm happy to help with construction. I'm pretty good at building things. [Understatement of the century.] I can help rig up some lighting and music for her, too.

[And then, after a beat.]

Private

I talked to Melius. Helped him out. He was really worried about you, you know. About what would happen to you. So I'm glad you're...seeing this as a chance to move forward. None of us wants to see you suffer, you- you definitely don't deserve it.

I would greatly appreciate your assistance in making it as appealing and useful to Ahiru as possible.

[And... the other thing. Ah.]

I know I would not typically deceive him, but still I... I could not help but feel responsible regardless. Perhaps because the memories were so vivid, knowing it was a possible path for me if I relented to my worse instincts.

I am trying to see it as an opportunity to work harder. That my will shall not buckle.

Still, I am relieved that he is so forgiving.

Not a problem, I can do that. I got the lighting rigged up in the Raccoon Room, a dance studio should be a little easier.

[His tone remains worried- deep concern for his friend. He understands, at least, that this is a heavy burden for his friend to carry. Striking out at someone he cares about must be horrifying. But equally, he doesn't want Bigby to hate himself for something outside of his control.

So the answer is...well, it's better than he expected. ]

That's good. That you're seeing it like that. And you know we'll help you with...with not buckling as much as we can, right? You don't have to be alone in this.

[His smile softens.]

Yeah- he's a really good guy.

Isolating myself from the world... that is the way I thought it needed to be, in order to protect others from me. And perhaps, in a way, to protect myself.

But that needs to not be the case here. If anything, I know it can be harmful. Perhaps one day I will live under a roof as a proper man again. Who is to say?

I only hope he forgives where proper. I would loathe to know any would take advantage of that kindness.

It really can be. Like I told you when you came here, we've got to look out for each other here, and that- that means letting other people get close too. And- and letting them help you.

[You know, so the opposite of what you've been doing, Bigs.]

I don't think he'd consider it...taking advantage. Forgiveness kind of...doesn't work like that.

[LOOK he knows you told him so but it's hard]

I do not know if my fears will be that easily assuaged, but I am... trying.

No, I suppose he would not.

[He told you so so hard, Buddy!!!]

Well. The fact you're trying is- it's important. Just take it one day at a time.

I think you mean a lot to him, y'know? And he...he doesn't really get close to a lot of people. I'm sure if you talked to each other it would be fine.

Will those same methods help someone who's just trying not to panic in shit situations? And could it help resist the things that happen around here, not just your worst instincts? [ She has no monster to fight against inside of her but she has a well of rage that's just waiting for the right moment to overflow. ]

Also, if you need an extra hand putting together that ballet room, I'm more than happy to offer mine. I don't have much experience with carpentry but I've been in a ballet room or two in my life.

Yes, I suppose that they could help. The skills I've developed are not just for the damned and the cursed, in retrospect. Simply what I have learned to do.

I would still welcome both your help and your company, Sharon. How do you fare?

Then I could definitely use some pointers, anything to give me a leg up here.

Then you've got them. [ Her company and her help. He's helped her out more than once now and this feels like a good way to show she appreciated it. ] I have no more horns so I'm definitely doing all right, think I'm finally adjusting to this place. I hope. [ But she's starting to get into the habit of expecting the unexpected. ] How 'bout you, Bigby?

Anything that I can do to help you is yours, you need only ask.

Trench is imperfect, as are all places, but ne'er have I seen a community so determined to help another as our fellow Sleepers. That is what I treasure most here. If I could afford selfishness, I would like to remain here through my days, long as they are.

I am as well as I can be, I think. Despite all the difficulties of myself and this land, that is.

You're the best, Bigby. [ A touch shy but genuine; bright.

But what he says next stuns her just a little. She hasn't seen enough of Trench to make a decision like that, doesn't know enough people, but she has trouble seeing herself want to stay in any place that presses so much suffering on people. Regardless of how kind or thoughtful the people of it were. ]

You'd choose to remain here despite all the crazy shit? [ This place wears on people, she's noticed, and it makes her wary. ]

[Ah. That's embarrassing, but he does appreciate it. So he just kind of mumbles wordlessly, uncertain of how to respond to the compliment.]

Tis all the more wretched in the realm I lived in before. Of that, I can assure you.

[ She smiles to herself at his reaction. Looks as if Bigby might not be used to compliments. She files that information away. ]

Mind if I ask what makes the realm you come from worse?

[ can never be cured . . . is that the same for mytho? will he never be cured. ]

I hope you're feeling better, Mr. Bigby.

[ she hesitates, as she often does when it comes to thinking about mytho in her heart. ]

What . . . are your methods?

I am improved. Much in part thanks to you, Ahiru.

Meditation, in most cases. Working on small projects, much like when I made the gift for you a few months back. Praying, at times, has helped me, but I realize that is circumstantial for some.

[ she looks at him, quizzical. ]

Meditation? What's that?

Meditation is a practice in mindfulness, training yourself to focus your attention in order to achieve calm and balance. Clearing the mind, and releasing tension. Many have their methods to do this, of course, but meditation is something I relied heavily upon during my imprisonment... and thereafter.

It sounds very intense.

[ deep thinking . . . not really ahiru's forte. ]

I'm glad it helps though.

Is ballet not very intense in its own way? [It's a bit of a cheeky remark, but he understands what Ahiru means.]

For me, it can be. For others, it is a path to enlightenment.

I guess it is? It's a lot of practice and it gets harder when you get your pointe shoes . . .

I never thought it was hard hard. I just thought I was lucky to do it.

I could not say what part of luck and skill come into it, for I have only seen your dance as Princess Tutu. But I would like to see it as Ahiru, one day.

Oh, Princess Tutu's dance is a lot better than mine. She can do all the jumps and twirls without a problem.

I usually just fall over or trip.

I wish to see your passion. It does not need to be without flaws. You are young and still learning, yes?

[ her cheeks go a little red. ]

Uhm, if you really want to, then I guess it's okay.

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audio; un: padlocks

text; un: doublehedgedsword; locked from Ahiru

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un: falcogrice (from ahiru)

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un: trienemybest; video, locked from Ahiru

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audio | un: sds | locked from ahiru

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( video | un: duckling )

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