network misfire 3/11

[forwantofahorse]

Moderator Dorato opened meme on private bulletin board S.S. Owens.

Dorato: psssssst
Dorato: pssssssssssssssst
Dorato: Helloooooo~
Dorato: C'mon, I'm talking to you! Don't you know it's impolite to ignore a ladyyyy?
Dorato: ...
Dorato: Ninety-nine bottles of blood on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of blood, take one down, pass it around-

jstolethepreciousthing joined the memo!

jstolethepreciousthing: sigh
jstolethepreciousthing: don't you know not to bother a retiree
Dorato: Don't be a sourpuss!
jstolethepreciousthing: that literally was in my job description
jstolethepreciousthing: *was*
jstolethepreciousthing: why are you bugging me again
jstolethepreciousthing: how did you even get this number actually there's no way you should be able to contact me here
Dorato: I'm boreeeeeeeeeeeeed!
jstolethepreciousthing: i don't care
jstolethepreciousthing: go cry about it
jstolethepreciousthing: or go think about murdering about it
jstolethepreciousthing: and that doesn't explain anything
Dortao: It's magic, biiiiitch! I don't need to explain *SHIT!*
Dorato: Anyways, that's the problem! I haven't gotten to do *anything* lately!
Dorato: Why, I'll shrivel up and die at this rate.
Dorato: Do you want that to happen to me?
jstolethepreciousthing: yes
Dorato: I know we've had our... disagreements...
jstolethepreciousthing: IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL KILLING ME IN INCREASINGLY GRUESOME WAYS
Dorato: In the past... and yes...
Dorato: But I am an ESSENTIAL part of this team!
jstolethepreciousthing: you make all of our lives uncountably harder
Dorato: I am your SENIOR!
jstolethepreciousthing: that doesn't mean i have to listen to you!
Dorato: It sure dooooeeeeeeeeeees! At least right now.
jstolethepreciousthing: ...damn it
Dorato: Sooooo, in absence of my usual partner—I swear, we should think about unionizing, that poor girl is getting worked to the bone too—I have some DELECTABLE ideas I'd like to bounce off you. To stave off the boredom.
Dorato: And also enact them if I can convince everyone else, since they are DOWNRIGHT DELIGHTFUL, and we happen to have the perfect target!
jstolethepreciousthing: why me
Dorato: You have no one to blame but yourself.
jstolethepreciousthing: ugh
jstolethepreciousthing: you got me there i suppose
Dorato: So. The old man.
jstolethepreciousthing: why are we coming back to him
jstolethepreciousthing: you are UNBELIVABLY greedy, you actually got to do your thing with him and you still want to come back for more???
jstolethepreciousthing: i swear there's a children's book about this
Dorato: Shuuuuuuuuuuuush. All those times don't really count!
jstolethepreciousthing: wait, all those times
jstolethepreciousthing: what are you on about
Dorato: Those were just practice runs!
Dorato: Now we have the chance for the real thing.
Dorato: I was CURSING his name for daring to resurrect himself before I realized that this is our CHANCE!
Dorato: We can finally get real, actual revenge!
jstolethepreciousthing: hold on a minute, i
jstolethepreciousthing: which old man are you talking about???
Dorato: The one who ruined our lives!
jstolethepreciousthing: that doesn't narrow it down much and you know it
Dorato: Hahahaha, fair, FAIR! But "his lordship," specifically.
jstolethepreciousthing: i've completely lost the thread here, he was dead before you even entered the picture
Dorato: But now he's back!
jstolethepreciousthing: i have no idea what you're
jstolethepreciousthing: wait
jstolethepreciousthing: my god you've finally snapped
Dorato: I am already perpetually snapped! That's my appeal... That and my dynamite body.
jstolethepreciousthing: no you have gone crazier than fucking normal
jstolethepreciousthing: you are SEEING things, he's dead and most importantly he's not HERE
Dorato: Well, seeing things is hardly outside the norm for us, isn't it?
jstolethepreciousthing: you know what i mean!
jstolethepreciousthing: just. take a look. please

jstolethepreciousthing uploaded It'sHimYouKook.png

jstolethepreciousthing: why am i the one doing this. this is supposed to be sister's job
Dorato: I don't see the pr... ob... lem...
Dorato: oh that's our landlord
jstolethepreciousthing: OF COURSE IT IS
jstolethepreciousthing: i knew that we were all in a bad way but this is going above and beyond even our awful normal
Dorato: Wellllll...
Dorato: Even if we can't get our revenge...
Dorato: He is STILL really annoying... and overbearing... and shifty...
jstolethepreciousthing: for once i'm in agreement
Dorato: So why don't we use my brilliant plan on him instead!
jstolethepreciousthing: wait no i immediately retract my agreement
Dorato: It's too good to waste! See, we find someone else—perhaps the boy? He's about the right build...
jstolethepreciousthing: He has *nothing* to do with this. Back off.
Dorato: Huff. Whatever, it needs to be SOMEBODY of the right height.
Dorato: Next up we chop both of their bodies into unrecognizable chunks... see, like this...

Dorato uploaded HYPERLINK BLOCKED.

jstolethepreciousthing: i'm gonna barf
jstolethepreciousthing: this is too much even for you
Dorato: And then we-

Administrator YASU joined the memo!

YASU: OH MY FUCKING GOD
jstolethepreciousthing: hey boss
jstolethepreciousthing: did you kiss the girl yet
Dorato: Shalalala~
YASU: SHUT UUUUUP! SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU! I NEED TO CONCENTRATE, FUCKING *HELL!*
YASU: AND HOW ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE???

jstolethepreciousthing uploaded spookyscaryskeletons.mp4

YASU: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
YASU: wait
YASU: OHHHH I AM GOING TO HAVE A *TALK* WITH HIM
YASU: if i'm not spiraling deeper into delusions that is
YASU: ANYWAYS FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU! I'M BUSY TRYING TO NOT EXIST, I DON'T NEED THIS DISTRACTION!
YASU: *YOU* TOO! I'M ALREADY LOSING MY FUCKING GRIP I DON'T NEED MORE OF THIS NONSENSE
Dorato: Gulp.
YASU: YOU TWO STAY IN TIME OUT AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE
jstolethepreciousthing: thank goodness the sweet release of oblivion
Dorato: Wait, wait, wait, wait, I swear I'm going somewhere good with thissssssssss-

Administrator YASU closed the memo.

Comments

Private Text - UN: IceCream

[threelayers]

[Nope. she was not replying to that gobbledeegook publicly.]

The fuck did I just read?

un: UNOWEN

[forwantofahorse]

NOTHING!!! YOU READ NOTHING!!!!!

HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN

GAH

[threelayers]

So, bad news.
This kind of crap happens around here
We lose control of these devices sometimes.
And this is private.

So, since it's just me.
What the hell did I just "Not read?"

[forwantofahorse]

I

I

GAH

First off

Is this Neo

Based on the display name I'd assume so but I just want to make sure

1/2

[threelayers]

No, this is secretly Ruby Rose.
Posing as Neopolitan in a clever ruse using her love of ice cream.
All dark haired and full of positivity to make you feel better about yourself!
I'll save the world with the power of spunk!

2/2

[threelayers]

Pffft.

Yes, it's Neo.
Paint me a little confused.
Lots of usernames, so I want to be sure.
Who is this?

Private | text | un: diggs

[justoscar]

['owen' was a variation of a user Oscar hadn't seen on the network for a bit. Whatever was going on with the S.S. Owen, he wondered if there wasn't a connection to that gender confused person going by 'Unowen'. ]

hey.

Check your settings.

I don't think you meant this to be public.

un: jstolethepreciousthing

[forwantofahorse]

frankly speaking i have no clue how this managed to escape to the network at all. good grief

she's going to blow her top when she sees this

not that she'll show it

[justoscar]

I don't know what's happening, but is this related to that UNOWEN who posted to the network a while back?

I sometimes wonder what happened to them, and that they got their questions answered.

Also, what IS happening right here? Are you okay?

[forwantofahorse]

yes, and yes, and unfortunately none of them helped in this case

well. I'M okay. don't know about her, though. it's likely that she's going to snap soon

[justoscar]

I don't know who exactly I'm talking to. There's a few of us who have a Multiple Selves problem here.

Is there anything we can do to help her, whoever she is?

text, un: GoldenFlowers; private

[the_obedient_servant]

Struggling with infighting?

un: Dorato

[forwantofahorse]

Kyahaha, do forgive her, Chara! She's going through a bit of a tough time right now.

Alas, rejection is a difficult thing to face.

Especially when combined with a criminal confession.

[the_obedient_servant]

[...]

You told her, then?

[forwantofahorse]

Of course!

But not the one you're thinking of, alas. A different her, one far, far more important to dear little Yasu herself.

[the_obedient_servant]

And who would that be?

[Why is she calling her primary self 'Yasu' anyway. You don't see Chara calling themselves Dreemu.]

private text; un: LSKennedy

[makingthetime]

Did you mean to put your cable network family drama out in public, or can I assume this was an accident? Because it's the former, I'm very worried for you. If it's the latter

I'm still worried, but also slightly less.

un: UNOWEN

[forwantofahorse]

This would make an excellent stage script, but alas, it was completely fucking unintentional. This shouldn't even be physically possible.

[makingthetime]

Very avant-garde kind of stage script. It might even win an award.

Why wouldn’t it physically possible?

[forwantofahorse]

These people shouldn't have access to my PDA while we're in the Golden Land.

private; un: van dine

[thewhydunnit]

[....Hm.

This explains a few things, actually. It brings up several other questions, too, but first things first.]

Clair. Check your privacy settings.

un: UNOWEN, going to bed but i NEED to send this tag

[forwantofahorse]

Aside from how I'm fairly certain my "privacy settings" couldn't have prevented this...

Who the fuck is Clair? Although I'll go out on a limb and venture that you're Will.

[She knows that pun is mean but she couldn't resist.]

sleep well!!! bless this mess already

[thewhydunnit]

[Well then. The plot thickens further, apparently.]

No, nevermind. It's the name of someone who's dead. Don't worry about it.
But yeah, this is Will.
Am I talking to Kanon, Beatrice, or Sayo Yasuda, right now?

[Probably not Shannon, if their last meeting was anything to go by.]

[forwantofahorse]

You're supposed to be something like a detective, right?

So deduce.

text: un; apparition (CW: duplicity, nudes)

[unphase]

I can only assume this wasn't meant to be public. Sometimes, places like this do that. The other world I was in leaked nudes on a regular basis.