network misfire 3/11

[forwantofahorse]

Moderator Dorato opened meme on private bulletin board S.S. Owens.

Dorato: psssssst
Dorato: pssssssssssssssst
Dorato: Helloooooo~
Dorato: C'mon, I'm talking to you! Don't you know it's impolite to ignore a ladyyyy?
Dorato: ...
Dorato: Ninety-nine bottles of blood on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of blood, take one down, pass it around-

jstolethepreciousthing joined the memo!

jstolethepreciousthing: sigh
jstolethepreciousthing: don't you know not to bother a retiree
Dorato: Don't be a sourpuss!
jstolethepreciousthing: that literally was in my job description
jstolethepreciousthing: *was*
jstolethepreciousthing: why are you bugging me again
jstolethepreciousthing: how did you even get this number actually there's no way you should be able to contact me here
Dorato: I'm boreeeeeeeeeeeeed!
jstolethepreciousthing: i don't care
jstolethepreciousthing: go cry about it
jstolethepreciousthing: or go think about murdering about it
jstolethepreciousthing: and that doesn't explain anything
Dortao: It's magic, biiiiitch! I don't need to explain *SHIT!*
Dorato: Anyways, that's the problem! I haven't gotten to do *anything* lately!
Dorato: Why, I'll shrivel up and die at this rate.
Dorato: Do you want that to happen to me?
jstolethepreciousthing: yes
Dorato: I know we've had our... disagreements...
jstolethepreciousthing: IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL KILLING ME IN INCREASINGLY GRUESOME WAYS
Dorato: In the past... and yes...
Dorato: But I am an ESSENTIAL part of this team!
jstolethepreciousthing: you make all of our lives uncountably harder
Dorato: I am your SENIOR!
jstolethepreciousthing: that doesn't mean i have to listen to you!
Dorato: It sure dooooeeeeeeeeeees! At least right now.
jstolethepreciousthing: ...damn it
Dorato: Sooooo, in absence of my usual partner—I swear, we should think about unionizing, that poor girl is getting worked to the bone too—I have some DELECTABLE ideas I'd like to bounce off you. To stave off the boredom.
Dorato: And also enact them if I can convince everyone else, since they are DOWNRIGHT DELIGHTFUL, and we happen to have the perfect target!
jstolethepreciousthing: why me
Dorato: You have no one to blame but yourself.
jstolethepreciousthing: ugh
jstolethepreciousthing: you got me there i suppose
Dorato: So. The old man.
jstolethepreciousthing: why are we coming back to him
jstolethepreciousthing: you are UNBELIVABLY greedy, you actually got to do your thing with him and you still want to come back for more???
jstolethepreciousthing: i swear there's a children's book about this
Dorato: Shuuuuuuuuuuuush. All those times don't really count!
jstolethepreciousthing: wait, all those times
jstolethepreciousthing: what are you on about
Dorato: Those were just practice runs!
Dorato: Now we have the chance for the real thing.
Dorato: I was CURSING his name for daring to resurrect himself before I realized that this is our CHANCE!
Dorato: We can finally get real, actual revenge!
jstolethepreciousthing: hold on a minute, i
jstolethepreciousthing: which old man are you talking about???
Dorato: The one who ruined our lives!
jstolethepreciousthing: that doesn't narrow it down much and you know it
Dorato: Hahahaha, fair, FAIR! But "his lordship," specifically.
jstolethepreciousthing: i've completely lost the thread here, he was dead before you even entered the picture
Dorato: But now he's back!
jstolethepreciousthing: i have no idea what you're
jstolethepreciousthing: wait
jstolethepreciousthing: my god you've finally snapped
Dorato: I am already perpetually snapped! That's my appeal... That and my dynamite body.
jstolethepreciousthing: no you have gone crazier than fucking normal
jstolethepreciousthing: you are SEEING things, he's dead and most importantly he's not HERE
Dorato: Well, seeing things is hardly outside the norm for us, isn't it?
jstolethepreciousthing: you know what i mean!
jstolethepreciousthing: just. take a look. please

jstolethepreciousthing uploaded It'sHimYouKook.png

jstolethepreciousthing: why am i the one doing this. this is supposed to be sister's job
Dorato: I don't see the pr... ob... lem...
Dorato: oh that's our landlord
jstolethepreciousthing: OF COURSE IT IS
jstolethepreciousthing: i knew that we were all in a bad way but this is going above and beyond even our awful normal
Dorato: Wellllll...
Dorato: Even if we can't get our revenge...
Dorato: He is STILL really annoying... and overbearing... and shifty...
jstolethepreciousthing: for once i'm in agreement
Dorato: So why don't we use my brilliant plan on him instead!
jstolethepreciousthing: wait no i immediately retract my agreement
Dorato: It's too good to waste! See, we find someone else—perhaps the boy? He's about the right build...
jstolethepreciousthing: He has *nothing* to do with this. Back off.
Dorato: Huff. Whatever, it needs to be SOMEBODY of the right height.
Dorato: Next up we chop both of their bodies into unrecognizable chunks... see, like this...

Dorato uploaded HYPERLINK BLOCKED.

jstolethepreciousthing: i'm gonna barf
jstolethepreciousthing: this is too much even for you
Dorato: And then we-

Administrator YASU joined the memo!

YASU: OH MY FUCKING GOD
jstolethepreciousthing: hey boss
jstolethepreciousthing: did you kiss the girl yet
Dorato: Shalalala~
YASU: SHUT UUUUUP! SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU! I NEED TO CONCENTRATE, FUCKING *HELL!*
YASU: AND HOW ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE???

jstolethepreciousthing uploaded spookyscaryskeletons.mp4

YASU: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
YASU: wait
YASU: OHHHH I AM GOING TO HAVE A *TALK* WITH HIM
YASU: if i'm not spiraling deeper into delusions that is
YASU: ANYWAYS FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU! I'M BUSY TRYING TO NOT EXIST, I DON'T NEED THIS DISTRACTION!
YASU: *YOU* TOO! I'M ALREADY LOSING MY FUCKING GRIP I DON'T NEED MORE OF THIS NONSENSE
Dorato: Gulp.
YASU: YOU TWO STAY IN TIME OUT AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE
jstolethepreciousthing: thank goodness the sweet release of oblivion
Dorato: Wait, wait, wait, wait, I swear I'm going somewhere good with thissssssssss-

Administrator YASU closed the memo.

Comments

[forwantofahorse]

[Oddly enough, having such a grounded conversation about a fundamentally absurd situation is... calming. Enough to forestall the inevitable breakdown by a few hours, at the very least. While Shannon continues her routine rotely, Sayo manages to let out a weak cackle under her breath.]

A few friends have offered a pad to stay at, at the very least.

...thank you. I... don't think my head is screwed on straight, but at least this turned it in the right direction.

tw alcohol abuse

[makingthetime]

Good. Move your shit out to your friends' place as soon as possible, just in case the worst happens. That way you won't need to linger as long after.

You're welcome. I can only make a guess what's going on here, [and it's so much more off-base than Leon is even aware of,] but no matter what, you deserve a safe and stable place to live. If your roommates kick you out, well, the sooner you get out of there the better.

Honestly, my best coping strategy's drinking myself to sleep, but I wouldn't recommend that for you.

[forwantofahorse]

Believe me, when this is over. IF this is over. I am doing plenty of that. I consider myself an expert, really.

[makingthetime]

Well. Same here.

If it helps, I have plenty of whiskey. Just drop by Prufrock once it blows over and you've got a place to stay. Dark blue house, kinda Victorian-looking.