video by omen;

[retsuden]

[The video opens on Sasuke, Lance is “directing” behind the “camera” (omen) with cue cards for him to read, and this music starts playing in the background. Lance gestures widely off camera in an urgent miming to Sasuke to start reciting what is written on the cards.]

[ Sasuke was clearly not expecting the music and he already looks so tired before he even looks at the cards. He’s trying. Honest. His forehead scrunches as he starts to recite, but it’s coming out in his usual flat tone, which is probably not helping anything. ]

Have you ever wanted to be cool… like the other side of the pillow? [ Sasuke looks off camera at Lance with irritation. ] You said you wouldn’t make me sound like an idiot.

[Lance is giving Sasuke the flattest look, then in a hushed urgent voice:] Dude, don’t make it weird, just keep going. No turning back now.

[He has more cards and they go with the music, stop messing with the flow! They haven’t even gotten to the memes yet.]

[ He gives him a look that makes it clear he doesn’t think he’s the one making this weird. Deep breath. He knows people better than you, Sasuke, remember?? ]

Awesome at kicking ass and taking names? Show off some cool ninja moves here. [ … Oh. Wait. He gets it. He rubs his forehead before going to takes a deep breath, and then blows a ball of fire on the cards to burn them.

There. Ninja move shown off. ]

Ninjutsu isn’t about blitzing chakras or becoming one with the shadows. I’m not using these.

[Lance isn’t affected by fire, so he just holds the burning cards in his hands and uses his powers to toss the burning pile into frame as he squints in annoyance.] Oh come on, we hadn’t even gotten to the best part!

[ Sasuke takes a deep breath, before deciding to just do what he probably would have from the start. ]

I’m offering to teach people ninjutsu and taijutsu; it’s the way the ninja in my world perform battle techniques and focuses on utilizing one’s inner life force, also known as chakra, to manipulate the physical chakra around you. Taijutsu is basic martial arts techniques that use chakra to increase the strength of both your offensive moves and your defensive blocks. I believe it will be able to help people who need to learn how to control their new found blood powers and, for those who are dedicated enough, will grant similar abilities to those who have no special blood powers at all. [ He forms a ball of water in his hand, quickly warps it with a wind current to freeze it, and then melts it by heating his palm. ] If you are interested, please let me know.

[ Boring!! But to the point. Sasuke gives Lance a look, like he’s offering to let him wrap up with whatever he wants here. Is that wise?? Probably not.

Lance rolls his eyes offscreen and adds, poking his head into frame: ] Super Awesome Ninja School, suck it Cobra Kai!

[Then he exits frame and has his Omen project a certain video, and the music is still playing:]

Watch on YouTube

Comments

[retsuden]

[ A deep breath. How does he keep ending up talking to people like this!!! He feels like informing him that he didn't even know what the fuck a Cobra Kai was would matter. ]

As you can see, I only just started offering to teach people. I have no means to engage in a competition with whoever has been unfortunate enough to have you as a sensei.

threadjack since sayo lives with this idiot

[forwantofahorse]

[From out of frame, someone bonks Johnny on the head with a rolled-up newspaper.]

Does he look like a washed-up car salesman with a weird fascination with Japanese culture, sensei?

[A sigh. Sayo pokes their head into frame, looking incredibly exhausted.]

Sorry. On his behalf. Last time someone insulted Cobra Kai in this specific fashion, said person also doubled his rent on his studio, and committed the high crime of being some jerk he butted heads with in high school.

He's still a bit tetchy about all that.

[retsuden]

[ He has no idea what a washed-up car salesman is, but bless Sayo. ]

I'm used to dealing with people like him. It's fine. Clearly I shouldn't make the mistake of letting Lance say whatever he wants without looking up what he's talking about first in the future.

[forwantofahorse]

No matter how you look at it, it was in poor taste to insult our dojo at the end of an advertisement for your lessons... but Lawrence-sensei still overreacted.

[Privately, Sayo is weighing the pros and cons of getting revenge on Lance. On the other hand, they were a vindictive bitch who loved a good prank. On the other...]

He saved my life, though, so I'm willing to give him a pass just this once.

[retsuden]

I'm not prone to insulting other teaching establishments given that we've all something different to offer people. Lance probably thought he was being humorous, I doubt he was trying to actually upset your sensei.

[ It shows vast improvement on his part that he's not adding on that he thinks Johnny was still a little bitch about it. This is the product of so many communication lessons from so many people, hopefully he has made them proud. ]

I don't know what "bone crushing karate" is, but I look forward to seeing how it compares to taijutsu when the time comes.

[forwantofahorse]

Lawrence-sensei is... eccentric... [That's one way to put "the shambling corpse of the American 1980s animated by Coors Banquet and rock music," Sayo.] But believe it or not, he means well. I'd be in a much worse place without him. [Without the courage Johnny gave them, Sayo would probably still be trapped in their own body in the Clockhouse, sinking into the darkness of oblivion as Shannon fully became their one and only life. Even imagining the prospect tests their hazy, patchwork covering of the pit of despair inside their gut.

Also, they wouldn't have had anywhere to move into after kicking themself out. Whoops.]

And don't discount Cobra Kai, either. [Sayo smiles lazily, wagging their finger.] His teaching methods might seem bizarre, but I was practically a noodle before I started training under Lawrence-sensei. Now I'm a particularly sturdy twig.

That's a lot more progress than it sounds like it is, believe me.

[retsuden]

Mmm. I don't doubt it.

[ Every annoying loud mouthed person he's ever met always seems to have good intentions in one way or another. He's started to just assume the traits go hand in hand. ]

He's very... passionate. I don't doubt that he has a great deal of knowledge to pass down to others. Students don't tend to stick with a useless sensei.

[forwantofahorse]

[Sayo is just grateful that he's too old to remind them of Battler, or else their relationship would be significantly more fraught.]

Indeed, indeed.

I look forward to clashing with your students at the tournament, then. Even if I lose, fighting someone of such a different style should be educational.

[strikefirster]

Ow- Shit!

[Why does he always have to get hit like this.]

No he doesn't. This guy at least looks like he actually belongs in the shit LaRuosso pulls.

But it's no the looks that matter. It's the attitude and this guy definitely eats out of the same dumpster.

[The point.




Johnny's head.]

[forwantofahorse]

[Bonk.]

Try again.

Remember who insulted your dojo in the first place. Hint: not the poor young man you're losing your mind at now.

And also remember how the vast majority of martial arts dojos teach with the intent of self-defense. Not just Miyagi-do.

[Johnny's Omni gets a text notification that Sasuke, thankfully, can't see.]

I won't interfere on any plans to get back at Lance, though. He literally saved my life so I won't mess with him, but I'm totally hands-off if he gets mysteriously swirlied.

[strikefirster]

[He will take another bonk.]

They're both in on it together. This guy's just playing dumb.

Look- I get it. But I'm allowed to be pissed off that these assholes insulted my dojo while promoting their own bullshit lessons.

[It's going to be awhile before Johnny gets back to that. He can't text and shit talk.]

He is totally getting swirlied. After I pull his underwear over his head in the most intense wedgie he's ever experienced. There's no mystery about it.

[forwantofahorse]

The same guy who was clearly reading off of cue cards and had no idea what his cameraman was talking about. Sure. They're absolutely in cahoots. As an official master of deception I agree with your assessment.

[The sarcasm dripping off of Sayo's voice would be enough to kill a small animal, if any of them could survive the hostile environment of the Cobra Kai dojo.]

I hate to resort to bribery, but I will pick up your tab at a dive bar of your choice if you at least take five minutes to go hit the punching bag about this to clear your head.

[strikefirster]

I have seen weirder shit back home. They're playing dumb as shit to sell the act.

[Johnny "The dinosaurs built the pyramids" Lawrence right here.]

I'll hit a punching bag, alright. But it'll be practice for when these two get what's coming to them. That's the best you're going to get here.

[forwantofahorse]

[The glare that Sayo sends Johnny's way is enough to make a horse keel over.]

Go on. Get.

[They slide off the couch like a particularly languid cat, but there's more than just surface-level annoyance in their expression as they stalk off to go read a nerd book or whatever. Something Johnny said is bothering them.]

[strikefirster]

[It would not help at all.]

And yet you're already running your mouth with me.

Figures.

Look. I was already planning this with a few teachers here so don't go thinking this all about you or anything.

But we're going to be holding a tournament in the next couple months. If you're really such a great teacher that should be plenty of time to gather up some students and enter them. If you've got the balls, of course.

[retsuden]

I didn't even know who you or your dojo was until Wu explained what Lance was even talking about to me. I don't tend to insult those who are trying to teach skills to others unless they've given me reason to.

[ LIKE RIGHT NOW. Sakura better be fucking proud of him for how calm he's being :|

A beat as he thinks about it though. ]

Alright. Competitions are a solid form of practice for any fighter. I'll pose the option to whomever decides to learn under me and if any of them are interested, then we'll come.

[strikefirster]

[Johnny doesn't look like he fully buys it. But with the number of people telling him he's overreacting and Sayo on his case he was starting to lose steam to keep this up.] [Johnny isn't about to apologize unfortunately. That shows weakness.]

It's one of the best ways to show how far they've come and how much they still have to improve.

[Sorry Sasuke. You are stuck with that name.]

Fair enough. I'll give Super Awesome Ninja School a shout out when we announce it. See you there if your students compete.

[retsuden]

It's not a school and that's not its name.

[ He will shout this until he is BLUE IN THE FACE dammit. ]

[strikefirster]

You say that now.

But you're going to end up with a ton of merch and a sign and there's no going back.

[Johnny is going to make Super Awesome Ninja School Gi's and a sign and send it to this guys house. He's stuck with it.

This is his revenge.]

[retsuden]

[ God he is NEVER ASKING LANCE FOR HELP AGAIN. He's burning everything Johnny sends him. ]

Lady Alayne is making me a banner that will hopefully correct this miscommunication.

[strikefirster]

[Sasuke is going to be burning things for a long time. There's going to be towels, t-shirts, all brought to him on a cart with a dorky cartoon ninja drawn on it.]

I don't know, man. The dojo doesn't pick the name. The name picks the dojo. It's Super Awesome Ninja Teams School's dojo now.

[Now he is having fun.]

[retsuden]

[ So many bonfires. He will find out where he lives and do it outside his home dammit. ]

That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard. "School dojo" is also repetitive. I'll have nothing to do with it.

[strikefirster]

Yeah. Well you can thank your pal over there. He's got a great fucking taste.

[retsuden]

He never said the word dojo.

[strikefirster]

But that's what you call a martial arts school.

That's what Cobra Kai is.

If you shorten Super Awesome Ninja School to SANS it doesn't sound as bad when you call it a dojo.

[Look he is just going to keep calling it by it's full name to be an ass.]