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video by omen;

[The video opens on Sasuke, Lance is “directing” behind the “camera” (omen) with cue cards for him to read, and this music starts playing in the background. Lance gestures widely off camera in an urgent miming to Sasuke to start reciting what is written on the cards.]

[ Sasuke was clearly not expecting the music and he already looks so tired before he even looks at the cards. He’s trying. Honest. His forehead scrunches as he starts to recite, but it’s coming out in his usual flat tone, which is probably not helping anything. ]

Have you ever wanted to be cool… like the other side of the pillow? [ Sasuke looks off camera at Lance with irritation. ] You said you wouldn’t make me sound like an idiot.

[Lance is giving Sasuke the flattest look, then in a hushed urgent voice:] Dude, don’t make it weird, just keep going. No turning back now.

[He has more cards and they go with the music, stop messing with the flow! They haven’t even gotten to the memes yet.]

[ He gives him a look that makes it clear he doesn’t think he’s the one making this weird. Deep breath. He knows people better than you, Sasuke, remember?? ]

Awesome at kicking ass and taking names? Show off some cool ninja moves here. [ … Oh. Wait. He gets it. He rubs his forehead before going to takes a deep breath, and then blows a ball of fire on the cards to burn them.

There. Ninja move shown off. ]

Ninjutsu isn’t about blitzing chakras or becoming one with the shadows. I’m not using these.

[Lance isn’t affected by fire, so he just holds the burning cards in his hands and uses his powers to toss the burning pile into frame as he squints in annoyance.] Oh come on, we hadn’t even gotten to the best part!

[ Sasuke takes a deep breath, before deciding to just do what he probably would have from the start. ]

I’m offering to teach people ninjutsu and taijutsu; it’s the way the ninja in my world perform battle techniques and focuses on utilizing one’s inner life force, also known as chakra, to manipulate the physical chakra around you. Taijutsu is basic martial arts techniques that use chakra to increase the strength of both your offensive moves and your defensive blocks. I believe it will be able to help people who need to learn how to control their new found blood powers and, for those who are dedicated enough, will grant similar abilities to those who have no special blood powers at all. [ He forms a ball of water in his hand, quickly warps it with a wind current to freeze it, and then melts it by heating his palm. ] If you are interested, please let me know.

[ Boring!! But to the point. Sasuke gives Lance a look, like he’s offering to let him wrap up with whatever he wants here. Is that wise?? Probably not.

Lance rolls his eyes offscreen and adds, poking his head into frame: ] Super Awesome Ninja School, suck it Cobra Kai!

[Then he exits frame and has his Omen project a certain video, and the music is still playing:]

Watch on YouTube

Threaded | Flat

[ brb laughing. she needs a second to wipe shimmer tears from her eyes. ]

Pretty aggressive recruitment campaign you got goin' there. Thought ninjas were supposed to be all... oooh, what's the word I'm lookin' for.

Quiet?

[Shiro, completely oblivious to the new username change...]

You're sure it works for those without blood powers? I thought that was the basis for everything, here.

Why did you take directing advice from Lance?

You say utilizing inner life force and that sounds familiar.

But I gotta say I've never manipulated heat and cold quite like that.

[What the fuck did he just watch????

Katsuki looks... disgusted, annoyed, unimpressed. But... what he saw that dude do, and everything else he said after burning the cards and ditching the act definitely has his interest. He's all about improving anything and everything he can about his combat capabilities, and that shit could be useful to him.]

Your sidekick is fuckin' obnoxious.

[Sorry Lance. But also he ain't, at all.]

Is training with you gonna be like this ridiculous train wreck of a post all the time? Cause that's a pretty big deterrent.

Edited (forgot his friggin username) 2022-03-30 20:23 (UTC)

[ Lance what have you done to Sasuke?

She's trying not to laugh, trrrrrying very hard, but she can't help hold it back, so she hides a bit behind her hand. ]

I didn't know you were so...theatrical.

[ Wu is clapping and cheering for them both, laughing brightly when he answers this post ]

Oh, boy, maybe I should hire you two to put on a rival show! You know, Johnny's been promoting his school at the Raccoon Room, now I feel bad that you haven't gotten your shot, Sasuke!

Does this make me your first student? [ He has no idea if what he's learning is what Sasuke just laid out there ]

[those sure are her two sworn swords. she should...support them? she knows what a school is now, from the videos, although she doesn't know about cobra kai (a snake, maybe?). it would be useful for her sworn swords to have squires. perhaps they might also swear their swords to her, in time? at the very least they would think of her as a sort of benefactor, which might be useful.]

...would you like me to make a banner for your school, Lord Sasuke?

That your final name?

[ Mako does not yet know it, but in several months' time, he will be in this precise position, and at that moment a deeper understanding for Sasuke's current pain will dawn.

At this moment, though, innocent and untouched by Wu-and-Ryan's combined advertising prowess, Mako is mostly torn between empathy and amusement, and promises himself that he will stick to text for any important announcements. It's like watching himself on the feed. Is that really what he looks like? For Sasuke's sake they could have at least recorded it ahead of time so he didn't have to read off cue cards on the camera. ]

[ jury’s out on the wanting to be as cool as the dark side of a pillow??
but kicking ass and taking names – sure, vi’s always looking for techniques to add to the arsenal.
important question tho. ]

is your helper someone who’s taken your lessons

[ listen. she recognizes that voice and that face. that’s the dude she rescued from a tree. if he’s a pupil, that doesn’t say much about the teaching ability ok. ]

[ wait, hold up— will grant similar abilities to those who have no special blood powers at all, is that what he said? he's already been training weapons with sasuke, but to hear this— ]

You think— I can do that?

[ normal, squishy human him? it's less an actual question and more believing in the reality of it (I was about to type believe it but then figured you deserved better) ]

[The quality of Sasuke's pitch doesn't matter. The second martial arts and ninjutsu is mentioned sirens start to blare in Johnny's head. Lance's last words just seal the deal, his fists clench and all he can see is red.]

Listen here you pussy ass son of a bitch.

If you think you can just waltz in here and disrespect my dojo, you've got another thing coming.

I don't give a shit about your time honored traditions or secret ninja arts passed down through generations or any of that bullshit.

Trench has already got a real martial arts class and nothing. Nothing will ever be more badass than good old bone crunching karate. Cobra Kai Karate.

So consider me interested. Interested in my students whipping the floor with any of yours. Anytime, anywhere.

Anyone can do that? [ he has Doubts. ]

[ It's okay Sasuke, some Sleepers vibe with your more taciturn approach to things. K, for one. So theatrics and goofy name aside... ]

Sounds like this training would perfectly complement my Coldblood abilities that I'm still learning to control. I'm interested. Assuming you have no qualms about teaching non-humans.

I welcome the competition and wish you the best of luck.

[ Terry figures he'll be the bigger man seeing as Johnny's already decided to come out swinging. ]

Your ad is atrocious but I am interested.

[Damn, that would be cool if it wasn't magic or at least very similar to magic. He pointedly ignores the meme--at least for now.]

I was taught by someone who followed a similar philosophy, with chi. I declined to learn any magical techniques but I feel like the forces are similar if not identical, from that in my world.

Does Taijutsu always use chakra?

I think it's great that you're teaching people self-defense! Don't suppose you know if ninjutsu could help me stop pulling people into my dreams? I'd like for those to be private again.

[Tinya is smiling warmly]

So, does that mean we can't train together in the mornings? [a serious question asked lightheartedly]

Edited 2022-03-31 20:20 (UTC)

[Lexi's expression is warring between confusion and interest]

So, um. What if I have no idea how to even try to use my--my abilities? Is that something which can be worked with or am I S.O.L.?

Edited (missed the header, sorry! :() 2022-03-31 20:42 (UTC)

[At some point after he settles in and finally learns how to navigate the Omni, Naruto scrolls through the network and finds this particular post. Wow. Talk about secondhand embarrassment. Even he’s cringing. (Seriously, how did any of their classmates at the academy ever think Sasuke was cool?) After Sasuke and Lance wrap up, Naruto prepares to deliver a few choice words—which is to say, bully Sasuke—but then…

The Video plays. And, oh. It’s the most incredible, inspiring speech that Naruto has ever heard. He’s captivated by Shia LaBeouf. The passion! The energy! The arm movements! (Naruto may or may not be mirroring those flexes right now.)

Naruto watches The Video twice more, actual stars in his eyes. By the time he finally peels himself away to send a message to Sasuke and Lance, he’s completely forgotten about the original post.]

…Just do it, [he whispers to himself, sounding awed.

Yep. That's the entirety of the message he sends; this idiot thinks communication works like the phones that the shinobi world has recently started to adopt—that he won't be recorded until after Sasuke "picks up" the Omni and answers.]

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