deernet | Text | un: big ben

[Pardon him. He's going to complain elsewhere about overly greasy mushroom toasties making his stomach churn in the meanwhile while this novel is being typed-- and then take his time reading it, removing the offending glasses so he can actually concentrate a little better.

He didn't actually need the glasses. They just helped him feel safer.]

Unfortunately, I neither sing nor dance-- so even though a forgiving tea is ideal due to my own habit of getting lost in the stacks, payment isn't going to be that simple for me.

It may regardless be worth looking into. I do have some stories to tell that some might find entertaining.

The first two shops you mentioned in Willful Machine sound ideal, especially given the weather that this town seems to have. I'm not unfamiliar with these kinds of rains and fogs, so any location that specializes in warming the bones up is worth visiting. Even academic work can be tiresome, and with the lamps the hike itself may not even be too terrible.

[Break considers this very serious response.

Hm.

A fuddy-duddy, he thinks. Perhaps fun to play with at such times when it is a beautiful day in the hellhole and Break thinks he shall cause problems on purpose. For the moment he will be pleasant. Newbies get a reprieve from the worst of him, sometimes, if he feels like it.]

Academic, is it? I can't imagine why you're fussing, then. With all the nonsense you can research in this place, it's not as though you'll remember to eat, or to drink your tea before it's gone stone cold.

[...a reprieve from the worst of him. Not -- not the mildly annoying parts.]

[Waver was indeed an amusing toy-- his buttons were obvious and consistent, with predictable reactions nearly every time. At this point, with the extremely accurate call out on his habit of finding his tea cold before he could drink it, he sucked in a breath--

And promptly stepped away from the Omni for five minutes.

He returned with a fresh cup of pathetic tea, a sachet of such poor quality that it may as well have been filled with the dust at the bottom of his boxes of Yorkshire Gold, and scowled at the Omni.]

Just because you're right doesn't mean you need to waste both of our time by saying it!

Or writing it!

What do you know about rebuilding archives that aren't yours and can never be returned back to the shape they were in even if you lived for a hundred and twenty years? What does it even matter here?

I'm just trying to not get sick again before dinner!

Edited 2022-04-05 03:30 (UTC)

[Good heavens, look at him go! Break forgot he was having this conversation about ninety seconds after Waver walked off and went back to his baking. Now, he watches the omni vibrate angrily across the table and is very impressed.

Impressed with himself, not with Waver. Break is getting really great at this texting thing! He has not even had to see this person's face or hear their voice to stab them directly in the nerves. Good job, Xerx, strong work --]

Not a thing! My job is to hit things with a sword, you see.

[Saber-class, then. If he were summoned as a Servant.

Also: an idiot.]

then WHY do you care about my work habits?!

Oh, I don't care a bit. Given how quick you were to snap at me over a bit of teasing, however, it seems you have a truly dreadful sore spot or three. Has your transition to squidhood been going very poorly?

[Break is actually fiendishly intelligent, in his way, which is half the problem here. He actually enjoys nerds, and doesn't mind being looked down on by them even a little bit. When there is research to be done, they handle all the boring stuff he hates while he goes off and does things like hop dimensions and beat up monsters who are guarding people's shredded memories.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut he just misses making Reim scream at him so badly, and so:]

You should have some tea. You'll feel better.

Idiot! Why do you think I left you waiting!

[He's just going to angrily dump what passes for sugar in this hellhole into his tea-- gods only knew that he needed it. A healthy slug of milk followed, so that the tea had the distinct color of toasted cinnamon and the body of a comforting fire on a rainy day, and Waver slurped at it bitterly.

It was too hot yet to drink without slurping.]

Of course it's been rough. I nearly drowned out in the ocean before some pirates fished me out-- and then I was rescued by the Dread Pirate Captain Amaranth. Her mercy is the only reason I'm here, but the gods know it wasn't easy.

Then.

THEN.

I can't find a half decent sandwich in town that doesn't make my stomach sick!

So, yes! I'm having a hard morning!

I also had the great misfortune of remembering I ought to be human shaped while still out in the water, though I avoided the local pirates in favor of getting bashed about on a bunch of sharp rocks. Happily, a magic bird and a magic dog appeared to aid me, and helped me get to shore.

Since then I have seen many musical princess movies and feel that I have a solid foundation to choose musical princesshood as my next career move.

[As with many things about Xerxes Break, this is all completely true and also complete bullshit.]

Just what was it that agitated you so? Not a disagreement with mushrooms, I hope, for your sake.

With how you're all but chirping about magical birds and dogs, I'd say musical princesshood suits you.

[He meant this with UTTER SINCERITY. As sincere as sarcasm and a complete lack of caring could be.]

Unfortunately, it WAS a disagreement with mushrooms.

The mushroom toasties at the Smite-Aid are horrible. 0/10, do not recommend.

My stomach feels as if it is thinking about ejecting itself. Since we are apparently squid, I don't doubt that it may be possible.

It is.

[Break will not elaborate.]

[Mm...mushroom toasties, was it. Privately, Break thinks the culprit in this murder is much more likely to have been the cheese. Even if it wasn't, nobody in that kind of shape is going to want cheese anyway, which puts rather a crimp in the plan currently hatching in the back of his head.

Finishing up the bread dough he was messing with, Break covers it and leaves it to rise, pats flour from his hands, and goes to examine the present icebox situation.]

Where is it you're staying? Perhaps I might know of a place close by, which could offer immediate assistance.

[He would round back to the question eventually. For the moment, he needed clarification badly.

Sipping at his tea was only doing so much for his headache and his nerves.]

I'm sorry.

WHAT?

What, what?

[Hm, hm. Carrot bacon, probably. He learned this for Black Alice reasons. The crunch will be pleasant, Break thinks, in a sandwich.]

You're saying people really puke up their stomachs here? Like we're frogs or sea cucumbers????

Do not accept food from strange entities here.

[bReAk WiLl nOt ElAbOrAtE]

[ ::kill bill sirens:: ]

Of course you don't take gifts or food from strange entities. That's an excellent way to get yourself cursed, on the wrong side of a feud between warring families, or indebted to a fairy who can and will use that to their advantage.

What kind of idiot do you take me for?

What kind of idiot lives in this town???

[There goes more ranting. Honestly, even in the form of a text message, it's a little nostalgic. He deeply misses Reim's relentless bitching.

Unfortunately no one has taught him to say "tl;dr" yet, so he simply ignores all of it.]

Do you care for tomatoes at all?

Yes. They're excellent on sandwiches.

[Then, it hit him:]

Mister Hatter. If you're anything like the Mister Hatter from popular fairy tales-- including a movie that's usually ranked among the Musical Princesses you like so much-- then I am wondering if you wouldn't count as a 'strange entity'....

What are you planning?

Oh dear. My reputation has really gotten out of hand if I'm going about in other people's fairy tales.

[It wouldn't shock him at all if that was confirmed to be the case. He was there at the end of it all, when the Juries showed up. His memories of the specifics are a little blurred, which isn't a surprise, given that he was hanging on by spite alone at that point and also isn't Glen Baskerville. Still, it's something he knows -- the Juries saw all the infinite timelines that ran through the Abyss as stories. Of course there are timelines where his story is a story that is read by someone else within their own. That just makes good sense.

He ignores the other question, though.]

[It's okay. Waver has successfully been distracted by the suggestion that he's talking to the Mad Hatter from the Adventures in Wonderland books-- and he takes a moment frowning at the words in thought before he finally types:]

If you are the same Mister Hatter, please tell me that you've been brought here the same was as the rest of us and aren't part of any large scale arcane rituals that we may have been sucked into.

I've already participated in one of those... and I've learned that once in a lifetime is still more than is strictly necessary.

[Not that he had any regrets, but he was Tired.]

Edited 2022-04-13 02:54 (UTC)

I am evidently a squid now, yes.

Anyone who had a go at summoning me elsewise would deserve exactly what they got.

I want to say that's a relief.

But, now I'm somewhat concerned about how many others who would say something similar have been squidded. It's an interesting question to think about.

[There is a pause while Break continues rummaging around in his kitchen, sorting out this and that and finding what he needs. When he returns to his omni, he decides he is not surprised that this person can be diverted from his small, mundane problems into this sort of conversation.]

Where I'm from, all alternate timelines can exist as "true". Since that's the case, it is surely possible for any person from any reality to be drawn into this dimension. Even alternate versions of myself, or of you.

[There. This should keep them busy for a bit while Break is cooking. Possibly from hideous anxiety, depending on just what they mean by "concern", but Break has that problem too so meh.]

[Throw a nerd a philosophical and the nerd will latch on in an instant for the mental exercise. It's only a very normal phenomenon. Of course the distraction worked.]

Interesting. I know of some possibly dangerous people who could be brought to these shores. But, I also know of some people I desperately wish to see again.

[Truly, the odds could go either way. Waver wasn't sure how he felt about that...]

What about you? Have you met any alternate versions of yourself?

No, thank heavens. I can think of perhaps one person who would enjoy two of me and she is a big weirdo.

[He answers this, instead of responding to the first bit. Break can't think of anyone who isn't in the exact same situation, dreading enemies and pining for loved ones all at once, and he imagines it's true of most everyone who has been pulled to Trench. To be without enemies is just too unlucky a thing for most. To be without missing loved ones, well. He can't actually envy those people. He's the sort of masochist himself who would rather have something worth mourning the absence of than be unattached and adrift, if he can't have those he loves by his side at all.

His responses will grow increasingly distracted over this next bit, as he sends Baltus to fetch a basket and gets to work for real.]

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slightlytaller - 2022-04-28 17:33 (UTC) - Expand

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