video; un: seeingtheworld

[schoolingfish]

[When Luca comes onto the screen, it looks like he's been crying.]

So...um...I just wanted to let everyone know that Varian and Fern are gone. They...probably turned back into squids. Which...I mean, they're still together, so it's fine. They're fine. They're happy out there in the ocean, doing squid things, and really it's not like it's the first time I've realized I'm going to be separated from the people I care about, so...

[After all, when he went to school he was separated from Alberto and his family, expecting to not see them until the summer. Then he ended up here and realized he might very well never see them again. Still, having a feeling of loss strike him like this even in his new life when he's still longing for the people he loves from his previous one to show up...it hits him hard, and he looks like he might start crying again.]

So I'm fine, too.

[This is obviously a lie.]

That's all. I just thought everyone should know.

[He ends the recording right there.]

Comments

[grice]

It won’t hurt less. I don’t think anything can do that . . .

[ falco then realizes that that is probably a huge downer on things that’re already down as is, but it’s a truth that’s better known than avoided. how many friends have come and gone, and how many to this day did he miss so much that it hurt? dead or gone home or otherwise— ]

It just feels different, after.

[schoolingfish]

So it's just always going to feel like this? Because it really hurts.

[grice]

Well, um— [ it looks like falco's trying to find the words in his silence, at the tip of his tongue— eventually, his shoulders give and he sighs. ] . . . You'll always miss them. It's always going to hurt a little, because they meant something to you.

You'll just— learn how to handle what you're feeling better.

[schoolingfish]

That sounds...really hard. I know it'll probably happen eventually, but it feels so impossible right now.

[grice]

I don’t think you have to worry about . . . Feeling better, so soon.

[ he’s still grieving. it’s going to slow down the entire process and make things worse for him. ]

It’s— hard, like you said. Everyone has their time. I think you should give yourself yours.

[schoolingfish]

I guess you're right.

[It's tempting to want to skip past it. This feeling hurts, after all, and it's natural to want to not be in pain. But, he supposes, there's no way to avoid it, and he just has to give himself time to heal.]

[grice]

Do you . . . Still want to talk about them?

[ with him, he means. ]

The good things about them.

[schoolingfish]

I...I do, it's just hard to think about what I want to say.

[He pauses, taking a breath.]

They were great friends. When I first showed up they both invited me to live with them separately, even barely knowing me. And Varian was always showing me all sorts of science stuff, and never got tired of answering all my questions. And I always felt like they'd look out for me, no matter what.

[grice]

[ falco nods at every point, quietly allowing the boy to speak but observing each little thing. ]

They did, didn’t they? [ not a question— he’s affirming something that he believes is also true. ] I was at the beach once, not doing well— Varian sat there with me and started talking. We didn’t know each other.

[ but that palpable kindness was there, even in another situation. ]

Same with Fern. I did something . . . Awful, and he still wanted to make sure I was okay after.

[schoolingfish]

I can't imagine you doing anything awful. At least, not on purpose.

[Because Falco's really nice, too.]

But...they are really understanding. Were.

[It's still so strange to talk about them in the past tense.]

And Varian was always willing to help me do experiments to test out my powers. And we had plans to work together on testing out a waterproof prosthetic for his leg.

[grice]

[ falco dips his head a little. not on purpose, well, that was the deal, it wasn't actually him, but it was partially his fault. he still shared in that and acknowledges so, but for now . . . he agrees, except for one thing. ]

Well— They didn't stop being understanding, did they? [ it's something that falco has changed about how he speaks, especially with those who have left. ] They're only somewhere else. They could still be understanding, there.

[schoolingfish]

Oh, right. I guess so. I mean, they're squids now, and I don't really think of squids as understanding, well...anything really, but I could be wrong. Especially since they're squids that are also Varian and Fern, and I really don't know how that works.

[grice]

Oh- Right. [ it’s hard to imagine people as squids, but, behold! their reality! ]

—Maybe it’s easier to think their, um. Kind of sleeping?

[schoolingfish]

Yeah. Maybe that'll help.

And maybe if I just remind myself they could wake up...I mean, other people have come back from being squids for a while, right?

[grice]

Yeah. I think they have.

[ falco nods to it. ]

Luca— if you want to come over sometime, feel free, okay? I can visit you, too.

[schoolingfish]

I'd really like that. Maybe we can go do something fun to get my mind off things.

[grice]

Mm . . . [ well, why not share hobbies? ] What do you think about cooking?

[schoolingfish]

That sounds like fun! I don't have a lot of experience but I've learned a lot more about it since I got here!

can start wrapping here i think! (and if you'd like, we can handwave cooking!)

[grice]

I'll show you how to make bread rolls. You can come over any time, Okay?

That works for me

[schoolingfish]

Yeah, I'll be there!