deernet | Video | 1stStrike | Karate Tournament Video Companion

[The feed opens up to an aerial shot of the Gate but things are a little different than normal. The normal blood curdling screams of monsters being slain is absent. There is no blood being spilled. In the middle of the arena two large wooden sparring stages have been erected instead, both lined with blue mats with a golden fist in the middle. Johnny Lawrence knew that would bring in the crowd. The omen broadcasting the feed swoops down toward the matts directly at the fist, just before it looks like it might crash it twirls in midair before breaking away and flying toward a podium set up where the two robotic commentators of the tournament are seated. The omen lands on a perch before settling in on a shot of the two commentators.]

Salutations, Trench, and welcome to the First Annual Great Trench Karate Tournament! My name is Penny Polendina--

--and I'm K.

--and together we'll be providing commentary for the competition. Let's meet our instructors!

First, we have Professor Ozpin of Beacon Academy!

Wait, I think...

[ There's a rustling of papers. ]

--Oh, a slight correction. Professor Ozpin is here representing Clockhouse Academy.

[ From the crowd, Black Alice interjects: ] I wanna see all you morons kick butt!

[ Ozpin steps forward, hands folded very delicately over his filigreed cane. ]

Good morning, citizens of Trench. Today, we come together to share a moment of unity among Sleepers... and to celebrate the strength, skill, and bravery of those who would train to fight as heroes. In this world, we live under the constant shadow of violence. If I may share a lesson--

[ Ozpin doesn't get to finish his introduction, however. At this point Johnny pushes his way forward and shoves Ozpin out of the way. ]

--We don’t have time for one of your lessons, nerd! But I’ve got a lesson for you all!

[ Johnny holds a fist close to his chest. ]

That lesson is that the older you get the more you're going to learn that life isn't fair. You wake up in the morning feeling great. Then life turns around and gives you a spinning heel kick to the balls and takes a steaming shit in your mouth. Your pal gets stuck in a cocoon, you break out into literal beehives or turn into a giant fucking monster. You fall in love with a guy… He breaks up with you and starts kissing a nerd.

[ From the gathered competitors one can hear Deku, angrily and slightly feral, interject with: ] SENSEI! WE'RE ALL KISSING!!

Someone drops a tongue at your door, then goes batshit when you try to feed it to him. Just when you think things are going good it falls apart, that's how it goes. Life shows no mercy so neither do we! We do whatever it takes to keep our heads above water, we do whatever it takes to keep moving forward, we do whatever it takes to win!

Remember who you are: You're badass, you don't give a shit, you kick ass, you're Cobra Kai.

[ Also from the students, Sayo gives a shout of: ] Cobra Kai!

...Or Super Awesome Ninja School, or Dongspin's Boys, or the Holy Eagle. Okay that last one is actually pretty badass.

Uh.. that was Johnny Lawrence of Cobra Kai!

Certainly an... inspiring speech from sensei Lawrence, providing an illuminating glimpse into the lives of his students. ...A tongue?

Second, we have Terry Silver of... wait, what?

Yes, I believe they're both...

... Ahem. Terry Silver, also of Cobra Kai!

[ Terry's been awkwardly watching Johnny this entire time like his speech just made him die inside a little. ]

Let's all just have fun, be good sports, and play fair.

A sentiment I think we all can get behind.

And here is Sasuke Uchiha and his Super Awesome Ninja School!

Don't screw this up.

Always a man of few words. Speaking as a student of the Super Awesome Ninja School, I'd just like to say that Sasuke has proved himself to be a very capable teacher, as his other students will no doubt demonstrate. Also, the bear rumours are entirely true.

And finally, Amaterasu! ... Is that an actual dog?

And isn't she adorable. Look at that smile!

[ She is, indeed, a dog, and her speech consists of a single bark. ]

... Well! You heard it here folks: "Woof!"

Truly wise words from miss Amaterasu. Who's a good girl? Is it you? Yes, it is! --Ahem.

And that's it for our competing schools! Hayato Ichimonji will be serving as referee, and Clark Griffin will be the medic on call.

To all of our participants, good luck and have fun!

[ Johnny steps forward with one last message for the students. ]

Alright guys now let's get out there and kick the shit out of everyone!

[ He then raises his arm up before pointing it specifically at Sasuke.]

I want to see that twink obliterated.

[OOC: Please find the Tournament Log here and feel free to jump in.

Red is for Johnny Lawrence
Green is for Penny Polendina.
The darker Green is for Ozpin.
Navy Blue is for K.
Blue is for Terry Silver
Violet is for Sasuke.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Luna, despite having friends competing in the tournament, has thought it best to very much keep away from the event. Considering there's a certain someone she might has... murdered last month, with the help of the demon inhabiting her boyfriend. So she's watching from the comfort of her own home, and just because she can't be there in person doesn't mean she can't support her favourite Huntress.

She has... dressed for the occasion, to show her support. Smiling widely beneath a huge rose sat upon her head, and wearing a cloak that looks entirely made out of leaves. She is..... dressed like a rose. Ruby Rose. She's clapping, cheering at the feed: ]

Go, Ruby—! You can do this—! You too, Luz—! Go, Clocktower—! [ She starts chanting, clapping her hands to the beat: ] Ruby—! Ruby—! Ruby—!

[ ... And then Johnny mentions tongues being force-fed to people.

Luna: ]

[ The silence is deafening. ]

[ One of these days he'll learn to not try and understand the purpose of the words that come out of Johnny Lawrence's mouth.

Today is not that day. ]

... "twink"...?

CLOSED TO K:

(This sure was a thing, damn. There's so much going on.)

Good job, babe. Stellar announciation. Exceptional commentary on the dog.

(This is support right??)

OPEN TO OTHERS:

Ya'll need some sick beats for the fighting. This is totally lame to watch without it. I'm mixing some shit ASAP.

(He's got you, bro.)

A HOT YOUNG MAN WITH A SLIM BUILD AND YOUTHFUL APPEARANCE. USUALLY SOUGHT AFTER BY HOMOSEXUAL MALE HUMANS. HARDLY AN INSULT, BUT I DO BELIEVE THIS IS PART OF JOHNNY'S WEIRD HABIT OF ACCIDENTAL HOMOEROTICISM IN EVERYTHING HE DOES.

Aaaawwww Amaterasu is so cuuuuuute!

[Usagi has nothing better to add cause... welp! There is a WHOLE lot going on.

So she'll just end with:]

Uh! Oh! I wish everyone the best! Good luck! You'll all do awesome!

[ bless him always. ]

I see.

He's starting to sound as obsessive with my appearance as the girls at the Academy.

[ Sharon snorts. ]

Pretty, slim, boyish, gay. [ It's not the greatest of insults Johnny could've gone for but... that's Johnny for you. ]

YOU DO SEEM TO POSSESS TRAITS HUMAN TEND TO BE ATTRACTED TO FROM WHAT I HAVE GATHERED ABOUT HUMAN ATTRACTION.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO BE UGLY?

(Because this is Karkat, it's a completely genuine question.)

[obviously it means some kind of person? who cares]

I'm more concerned about obliterated.

Better load up the Metallica, bro.

... Complimenting ones appearance when asking people to destroy them seems an odd choice.

I think he was referring to his students conquering mine in any tournament matches.

[ HE... HOPES??? ]

It means my students are going to wipe the floor with his sorry wimpy ass kids!

How would someone try being ugly?

[Maybe he'll conquer that ass.

...In bed.]

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA. HUMAN ATTRACTION IS WEIRD AS SHIT TO ME. THEY SEEM HUNG UP ON FACIAL FEATURES SO MAYBE JUST SMASH YOUR FACE WITH A ROCK?

THOUGH I PERSONALLY WOULD FIND A SCARRED FACE MORE APPEALING. IT IS PROOF OF SURVIVAL.

SEE, I DON'T KNOW. ASK PEOPLE WHAT THEY THINK IS ATTRACTIVE ABOUT YOU AND THEN DO THE OPPOSITE OF THAT?

Hey. Hey.

He's only Pretty good at getting his ass kicked.

[ You know. He doesn't actually want to smash his face with a rock. Hard pass. Thank you for the advice, friend. ]

That sounds like too much effort. I've ignored unwanted advances this long, I think it'll be easy enough to continue.

He definitely meant it as an insult. The implication is that because you look good or take care of yourself or aren't as buff or are gay, you're less of a man or some toxic masculinity bs like that.

It was a pretty common insult among assholes when I was in high school.

High school. [ Give him a second. He has to remember what he's been told about other Earth educations to figure out what age that would be. ] Mm.

I don't see how it can be insulting if you don't find any of those things to be negative traits yourself.

(...Yeah...That's really valid. No one should follow troll advice generally speaking.)

YOU CAN ALSO JUST START DROOLING EXCESSIVELY IF SOMEONE IS LOOKING AT YOU. OR PROJECTILE VOMIT. IT IS VERY UNLIKELY ANYONE WILL BE INTO YOU.

IF THEY ARE EVEN MORE INTO YOU AFTER THAT... RUN. FAST.

UNLESS YOU ARE INTO THAT STUFF IN WHICH CASE I APOLOGIZE FOR KINK-SHAMING YOU.

You would like Metallica. I do remixes so don't expect the OG stuff.

[Ruby's good eye immediately brightens up seeing that outfit over the feed. She pumps her arm into the air a few times.]

I'll do my best-

But oh my gosh, Luna! That hat-That Whole outfit is amazing! You have to get me one of those when it's over!

[ K's never done anything quite like this before, and is more nervous than what's being shown on the network broadcast — where he looks perfectly put together and composed, in a nice suit and everything — so the reassurance does help. ]

Thank you, sweetheart. I admit I'm kind of nervous up here, so I really appreciate the support.

Thanks for offering to DJ, too. Your mixing always perfectly sets the mood and I'm looking forward to hearing what you come up with for this.

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