video; un: an.exorcist

[likethelight]

[ Deep breath, come on, you've got this. ]

...just because someone becomes a beast, it doesn't mean they stop being human.

[ The video comes on and it's an older, slender teenager with stark white hair; pale grey eyes and a strangely delicate bright red mark slashed across the left side of his face. He seems to be in a courtyard of sorts, one of Amaterasu's guardian saplings is behind him in full bloom. He's only visible from the chest up, but the chair he's sitting in has handles behind it-- looks like a wheelchair. Whatever is taking the video also appears to be a flying sort of thing that bobs slightly. It's trying to hold this video still, but really... ]

Most of you probably already know this. [ His head cants to the side with a lightly apologetic smile. ] Some of you might even be able to still hear or reach them despite that form.

But not everyone does, and it's still too easy to say "oh, it's safer and quicker to just kill them. You don't save monsters." [ The official creed of the Hunters... but he's diplomatic enough to not say that aloud. ] Or "oh, a Sleeper can just come back." Except it isn't just us. Someone else who isn't... most of them who were human... they aren't like us. [ He smiles softly, but in a way that doesn't reach his eyes. They hood, bittersweet. ]

They're just dead then. The soul suffers until the end. Maybe beyond.

It doesn't have to be like that though. [ He seems a soft-spoken sort with a lilted voice, but his tone shifts then and becomes more certain. ] They aren't just a monster, and they don't have to stay one. Even with what they've become -- the soul is still human. Some part of them still wants to be saved; to be themselves once again. And they can. [ Mostly. At least so far in his experience. ]

Some of us have abilities that can let us purify or reverse what corrupted them and bring them back. Some of us-- [ he pauses, looking for a moment just a touch overwhelmed as his eyes drift to the side, the smallest curl of a touched sort of smile at the corner of his mouth ] ... a number of us, we're trying to do something to change things. At one of the old monasteries in Crenshaw.

[ But he closes his eyes. Deep breath, you can do this.

He lifts his eyes back up to the "camera", his expression schooled now with a quiet sort of determination. Chin up, eyes forward. ]

My name is Allen Walker. I'm an Exorcist. [ Clearer, more certain: steady. Rung like a quiet bell. ]

Who's been able to save someone who became a beast?

[ More importantly: ] Who wants to?

[ It's more determined and clearer still. ]

[ ooc: for those who want to poke around in person, there is also an open mingle log for Sanctuary!
CW: mentions of prior character death throughout ]

Comments

[burnitblack]

[you went snooping where you weren't supposed to go. of course you're going to learn things he doesn't want someone to know. that's rude, ya know. major invasion of privacy. but heroes don't usually care about when it comes to villains.]

ain't talkin about those.

i mean the people those beasts are gonna hurt and kill while ya sic hunters on wranglin them instead of killin on sight.

all that's gonna be on your head.

[likethelight]

[ Snooping would imply any of that was intentional. It wasn't. That it happened at all is his one regret, even if he also appreciates the chance to better understand someone who is probably really hard to understand otherwise. ]

You're making a lot of assumptions.

Seems if more people are willing to fight in order to save something when they otherwise wouldn't want to fight at all, when there are more people trying to find better ways of how to fight, then that means more people fighting at all. Which means more people able to protect those who are still "human".

My math might be wrong, but that seems more likely to save more people than to not. And my math isn't ever wrong. [ massive money complex and having to account for all his master's debts, y'know ]

But you're right, people who shouldn't die in a war. In any kind of protracted fight that doesn't have an end in sight. It's inevitable, even if it's tragic.

Choosing to fight is choosing to take that responsibility too. And about just trying to save whoever we can.

One life isn't more important than another.

[burnitblack]

[ *sarcastic meta tone forever* -> so it wasn't allen who kept pushing deeper inside, some spasm of the tongue to make those questions come out of his mouth, not at all in the other man's control to put an end to. the whole soul thing once he was inside, that is. not intentional at all, when he probably could've stopped and left (dabi assumes). no, he doesn't blame allen (mostly) for getting into his head, since it didn't sound like the priest had ever done that before and was just as surprised, but... he's the one who voluntarily engaged in conversation while inside. that was intentional.]

so're you.

ya missin the point. i ain't talkin some grand who saves what hero crap ya keep spoutin.

i'm askin if ya willin to take the blame for someone getting gutted by a monster ya wanna save, when that same monster wouldn't have been able to hurt anyone if you'd killed it before draggin it back here.

just cause they're "human" inside doesn't mean they're gonna stop fightin.

[in other words, is allen gonna shoulder the guilt of the caged wolf biting someone when brought back alive, when the same wolf killed out in the forest never would've bitten anyone afterwards.

he refuses to talk about their personal history together, but imagine how much property damage and pain could've been avoided if allen had used that sword immediately to kill instead of dragging it out in an effort to save. for one thing, allen wouldn't have lost his life...]

a single person with a single conviction has the power to change the world, right?

[likethelight]

[ He didn't know how to leave because he didn't know how he got there! It isn't like his paleblood had awakened at all prior to that! Though true, his missteps once basically stuck there were... bad. Really bad, even if it was because he thought that being stuck there then, reaching the other man -- the boy -- and pulling him from what he presumed were obsessively corrupted thoughts would be the only way to save him. And he does regret that. After all, personal responsibility for the choices he did make-- ]

If it came to that, yes.

Someone who fights without being willing to take responsibility for what their actions can cause...

...they don't have any right to fight at all, do they?

[ Tch, assumptions Dabi. Allen's sword can't kill. He's literally born to purify corruption and is honestly shit at fighting humans. His claws might be able to kill, but they're also not as powerful versus a corrupted entity as his sword. There's literally no difference, versus a corrupted entity, in how he would hypothetically fight to "kill" versus how he would to exorcise. It's why his fighting can look so savage to others who don't know that the end result still saves something. Why Shouto misunderstood so badly, because Allen never explained his power to him because he never asked.

It's why his mentality is the way it is. This is the only way he can fight. ]

No. That isn't how the world works.

But anyone can help make part of it a little more bearable.

[burnitblack]

[a likely excuse. if allen learned anything about touya that day, it was the guy could hold one hell of a grudge against people. let it color his entire viewpoint of them and make what wasn't true concrete veracity. though in this case, it's a mixture of irritation that allen did go wandering where he shouldn't and plain old being a dick because dabi's an asshole and won't entirely let the priest live it down.]

anyone can "say" they got a reason to fight. what matters is how strong that reason is and how far they're willing to go for it.

gonna be interestin to see how many people ya sacrifice in the name of savin monsters.

[then if "kill" isn't the right word, throw all the details to the wind and simply note it's a shame he didn't do the ending blow thing first instead of fighting with the monster long enough the entire town square and nearby forest were left in burnt ruins. of course since dabi doesn't really know shit about allen's abilities outside of the faint flickers of their conversation within the soulscape, he can't talk much. but one can't deny that allen's efforts to "save" the monster resulted in more damage than otherwise would've been doled out on the surrounding area.

so long as he's willing to accept the reality that, death included, instance is likely going to happen again, multiple times, all to save a monster that'd be reborn anyways, then allen's resigned to his fate.]

that's how people don't like the think the world works. but it can and does. just takes the right person.

also goes the same in reverse.

[likethelight]

[ That... tch. Can't let the guy get his goat. That's what part of this is, isn't it? Trying to needle at him to get a reaction, maybe figure him out a little. Though ironically the fact it's text helps him temper that. Still pisses him off though. ]

Don't twist words. That isn't what "sacrifice" is.

[ Ah, but isn't that the thing Dabi... You might have been reborn, but most of the beasts of this world who were human won't be. They just die.

--also wow "ending blow thing first". Did you see the kind of beast you became? It wasn't exactly that easy. ]

I'm surprised, that seems optimistic of you.

[burnitblack]

[or checking to see if he's really able to pull this kind of crap off. so many people come in touting their "solutions" to problems that already have their ends, mostly out of some moral high ground or sense of injustice. unable to see (or uncaring) the additional issues that come with the proposed "fix" they want.

allen certainly didn't get this far in his sanctimonious plan without thinking about the ramifications, right?]

nah, that's just the definition ya most comfortable with.

[what helps soothe the guilt or pave over the uglier reality. and if he's talking about saving beasts who aren't sleepers, that's an even more foolish endeavor. cause now he's trying to play god over a system that's been in the works for a while.

huh, with that kind of attitude, he'd make a pretty decent villain.

and no he did not. he was blacked out. sucks to be you, priest.]

if that's "optimistic" to you, ya really did come from a shitty life.

[likethelight]

[ According to a lot of people in his world, he was a villain. When the system sucks it sucks, no matter how long it's been around. You try to do better in whatever way you can, even if it's small: that's what he believes. And there are consequences to that. Boy, does he realize there are consequences to that.

But you know what, fuck all this. He's tired of feeling pushed back on his heels. ]

I don't suppose there's a reason you're so concerned. [ narrow-minded ]

Checking in on me? I'm touched.

[burnitblack]

[so long as he's willing to accept the consequences, that's all this asshole's digging into. it's simply an amusement for him to see someone try to do "good" to "save" something, and end up doing a lot more damage in the process. how many villains could've been prevented from hurting, killing, or destroying if the heroes had focused more on putting them down rather than simply stopping them like they were so "heroic" for doing so without killing?

every person dabi killed was on endeavor for not ending his son earlier, for a brutal, close-to-home example.]

don't confuse curiosity for concern. i don't give a shit what ya do.

[narrow minded works very well for him; he won't knock it on someone else. for that, at least.]

you'd've thought that even if i only left a "good luck" on the screen.

[likethelight]

[ His whole life has been about horrible consequences. Ten when he was tricked into trying to bring his dead father-figure back to life and instead ended up turning him into his world's equivalent of a Beast. Ten when he was cursed by said tortured father-figure for it and had his face slashed open to give him this scar, and 10 when he had to destroy him just to end the grieving monster he'd become -- and it's honestly just kept getting worse since then. It's always been about every well-intentioned action being thwarted and backfiring into something terrible. It's the way his world and life worked and it's shitty. Maybe he is naïve, but this is also just the kind of person he is.

It'd be a sadder world if everyone stopped trying just because terrible things sometimes happen. ]

I suppose I should be grateful that it lets me know you're still alive as well.

[ that, actually, is true sincerity ]

I'm glad.

[burnitblack]

[guess they could relate there, as far as a lifelong of horrible consequences goes. allen already saw and could presume the rest of what happened to dabi in his past. but there are two paths to go when tragedy strikes someone's life: one goes up and one goes down. both take and learn from it, but whether those things are used for positive or negative lies on the person. to accept the pain and determine to do good, or to roil in it and lash out for evil. allen's one of the heroes. rising from his shit life and opting to use what he has left for the betterment of those around him. dabi's the opposite, forcing all his rage and hate and agony onto the world in an effort to burn it down along the way to his main goal. just the kind of person they are.

that's an arguable generic extreme... far less crime and suffering if everyone slept for the rest of their lives.]

you already knew i was alive.

[he went through so much to ensure that, even saw it with his own eyes before they went dark.]

what happened after ya died?

[likethelight]

[ There's always a bittersweet truth in that: paths that begin the same before they diverge. He'd told Lenalee that when they called him 'enemy' and had to leave her and his whole life -- his home -- behind. Being true to yourself means loneliness like that sometimes, and suffering for it. Doesn't mean you have to stop loving them, though, even if they caused you a lot of pain. The opposite for Allen, really.

The other truth is that you never leave the person you once were behind though, either. Paths that split and parallel can always be traced back to how they were once the same. ]

You never know in a world like this. [ There is a wry little smile at those words though. Yeah, he did. But that question, ah...

It's probably just idle curiosity at the world, not that it makes Allen any more comfortable to open up about that. And he's really /this/ close to making it a private line because of who he knows might be reading and where this might go, except... instinct tells him that that wouldn't go over well, as it also feels like he might be being tested out a bit.

It's a gamble, but he is a gambling man. ]

I was back in the ocean... For about a week, I think, before I washed back up and Shouto found me.

[burnitblack]

[that's an idyllic way of looking at it. there are many who leave behind the person they once were and never look back. leaving the corpse behind to die and moving forward with the rebirth. there's nothing left for them to want to return to. others can trace back to those vestiges, but it means little more than a factual understand of who the now used to be then. of course, traces and tethers still remain. he's a good example of both those aspects, the severing of the past and yet still dragging things along behind him because it works out best that way.]

you wouldn't have spent that much effort on somethin ya weren't sure about.

[especially since he was willing to use one tool after another, both internal and external, to try and drag him out of the fire. too bad he'd already been long consumed by it.

as for the other question, it's very much idle curiosity. neither of them are going to convince the other of anything serious.]

that's it. a week. did ya loose anythin? memories, powers, items, or those all come back in time?

[likethelight]

[ Idyllic? Maybe, but not really. For Allen...

... for him, it's more about needing to believe and see it that way or end up down a road like Dabi's that ends in darkness. Some tailspin of despair and rage, like the kind he'd almost been consumed by as a child. Hope despite having those hopes repeatedly crushed, because it's that or snap and go insane. He already went insane once, and snapped back as a broken and empty shell of himself that took 6 years to get towards something even approaching better. It's not great, but the alternative is worse. (Wouldn't you know?)

Idealism, yes, but of the most desperate variety with open eyes. ]

Wouldn't I?

Though I suppose you're also right. [ Heh.

Maybe. It isn't about convincing really, though. More like... a dialogue, perhaps. He'll take what he can get. ]

...

I can't walk yet.

[burnitblack]

[oy oy. his road's not the worst thing to happen. he could've turned into his father. it's not so bad being warped like this. without the laws of society, the stuffy morals of heroes, and the lack of chains those annoying "feelings" have on a person, it's very freeing. be surprised at what you can do and accept without those binding resistances. he never would've been able to accomplish all he has if he'd been that sobby little brat under endeavor's thumb. the only way for dabi to be free was for touya to die. had to happen. insanity is its own logical conclusion.]

ya didn't go into that fight intending to lose.

[simple as that.]

yet?

[first time on new tentacles? too bad dabi refuses to acknowledge "squid happened" so you don't get this sarcastic comment, allen.]

[likethelight]

[ There is one funny truth in that though, isn't there? The one Allen came so literally face to face with and will stay latched onto. Did you really shed all your feelings when being fueled so strongly by hate?

Hate is one of the strongest feelings of all, especially one that twisted from what was once love. ]

No, I didn't.

I go into a fight like that because I can't not.

[ It's also as simple as that. ]

Yet. [ About two weeks now if one does the math. ]

Death has a price here even for Sleepers. At least temporarily.

[ Although in his case it's certainly taking... awhile. ]

[burnitblack]

[hate, rage, determination, pain, sadism, those kinds of feelings are certainly on full display in his life. but if you want to pretend there's any "love" left inside to fuel that hate, you're insane. just as a moth leaves its discarded cocoon behind, so he's left that. doesn't mean the cocoon never existed, but it's of no more use or meaning to the creature long since departed.]

nah, you could, if ya had something even more important weighin on ya.

[this isn't the place for him to go about proving that, and he doesn't care enough to remotely try. but it's always ironic when a hero says they "can't" not be a hero, when it's so obvious they can. all it takes is the right encouragement...]

so ya growing your legs back or they just not workin right now?

[perhaps he should've spied on him already, but lucky for allen, dabi hasn't been tracking shouto this past week.]

[likethelight]

[ Like a moth to a flame? The irony is crushing. ]

Well I guess we'll never know for sure then, will we?

[ Slight difference there though, Dabi. Touya. You can sling "hero" around to goad him, but lumping them as the same doesn't line up that neatly. The societies and worlds that produced them are entirely different. The beliefs each grows up with are different. It's not that Allen doesn't believe in them; it took time, but he told Shouto he thought it suited him. But himself? No. Many things, but not that. He is just simply wired to be this way and literally doesn't understand any other way how to live. Can't live any other way. Call it a curse, it's actually technically true. ]

? Ew.

They're just not working.

[burnitblack]

[did ya want him to do something "happier", like a star burning brightly in the sky to outshine everyone else? ignoring the fact stars burn by consuming themselves and ultimately die after there's nothing left to burn up.]

better hope you don't have to find out. might kill ya again.

[he's aware, somewhat, that allen's world doesn't have "heroes" and "villains" like his world does, but the thing is, that's what dabi's got to compare anything he comes up with. the same society and its ideals that other worlds' clash against whenever they jive together. and in his experience, people who act and talk like allen, holding so firmly onto those ideals, are heroes. and heroes suck. even if allen himself doesn't believe that he's a hero and refuses the title, it's not up to him what dabi labels him as. priest. hero. annoyance. that's the villain's prerogative. deal with it.]

hn. i'll keep that in mind.

comment not here

[dohaeris]

[sansa has been watching this post to try and see if this person was cruel or merely hardened by anger and misfortune.

she'll be watching a lot more closely now.]

cause i can't not

[burnitblack]

[ both! b begot a ]

[dohaeris]

[cool motive! still murder.

sansa at least knows some people can't be saved.]

[likethelight]

[ "might kill ya again", shit. That doesn't leave an uneasy pit of dread in his stomach because of the implication, but that that's out there linking Dabi to him in that way. Didn't really want that, he'd gone out of his way so far to make sure people didn't figure out who he had been trying to save when he died...

Should've made it private. ]

Might save you again, too. [ Fuck it, might as well own it now. ]

[burnitblack]

don't be so selfish, priest. wasn't sayin i'd be the one to kill ya.

that'd be whoever it is ya tryin to save.

[he's free to take it as dabi threatening him personally, but considering the man doesn't want to experience beasthood again, that consuming loss of himself to something that isn't him, he doesn't plan on being the cause of allen's death again.

at least that way. and only if allen gives him a reason to off him.

as for keeping things private, just like in his previous world, it'd be hard to pin the blame on someone else when all that blue flame was surrounding his death. and considering beasthood here and other sleepers knowing all about it, can dabi himself really be accountable for allen's demise? or would that be the beast? sounds like people risk their lives plenty going against these monsters already. risk of the business.]

[likethelight]

[ Ugh, he misunderstood and jumped the gun. Use proper grammar, you burnt jackass! He's an uneducated Victorian street urchin and he speaks more properly!! ... well. Except no. Before the Traumatic Mental Break he spoke like the tiny angry red-headed Scottish equivalent of Dabi... but he got better. ]

There's nothing new there then. I'm used to it.

And I'm not a priest.

[ He isn't accountable for Allen's death, the irony being that even Shouto had more of a direct hand in that than him and was even likely the tipping point between his injuries being dire but healable to his life quickly bleeding away, and Allen himself refuses to see anyone to blame in it. It was the consequences of actions he took and that is what sometimes happens; his decisions originally and ultimately, his consequences. And the consequence he thought might happen from impaling himself on his own sword didn't even happen, but it was one he had had to accept as being possible but necessary. However... he knows if some people found that out, given Dabi's abrasive sort of attitude, it might cause friction.

Like Sansa. Sansa had already said almost exactly as much, and the idea of how she might try to badger Dabi for it makes him fret. ]