deernet | voice; un: lowell

...

[the cut to electric silence is a leaden weight set in his stomach. this...cannot be right, that every person Blue connects to finds a miserable, tragic end.

as Yuri had clung to Blue's hands to keep his focus on what is right and true, so to does Blue owe it to him to try to do likewise.]

Yuri.

[Repede returns to their person with Blue in tow - part of him, at least. Blue's form is like a glimmering ghost, pale and the color of his namesake, save for the red ringing his eyes. clad in the Soldier's garb he's always identified with, he drifts near, but halts at a safe distance to avoid giving him too big a fright.]

Yuri, wait.

[he realizes that had it not been for that omen, Blue would find Yuri's mindstate almost unrecognizable from a distance. he's still him, but the miasma that this tragedy colors him in makes him something of a different facet of himself - a facet new to the Mu.

they've not known each other long at all, after all.]

[ The voice in his head is familiar by now. Familiar, and not welcome, not right now. He doesn't want anyone seeing in his head, seeing how much this hurts, seeing how much Flynn matters to him. He's everything. His whole life, since he was seven years old, it was the two of them. Yes, he has other friends, relationships that added to his life, budding friendships here in Trench, but the undercurrent to it all has always been Flynn.

But all the same, Yuri stops, but he doesn't turn around. ]

I said don't come here.

Yes, you did.

[yet he's here, present for this fresh hell.]

But the pain in your voice spoke more than just your words. Things I've heard before.

[ Things he's heard before. He's been through a lot. Yuri already knows that, after the few weeks they've known each other.

They've only been here for a few weeks and Flynn is dead. He survived everything back home to be taken down by this place. Even the knowledge that there's probably a Flynn back home, leading the knights, living and breathing and performing his duty, that doesn't make him feel better.

Words stick in his throat. He has nothing he can say, but if Blue can see into his head, he can see these thoughts, about how important Flynn is, about how nothing really matters if he's gone.

He feels untethered, there's nothing holding him here. Flynn was that, he was the point of all of this. ]

[what is there to be said? even without reaching out for it, Yuri's pain is palpable, not unlike trying to walk against the current in knee-deep water, but Blue draws nearer all the same.

again he stops, just out of arm's reach.]

Tell me about him. About both of you. Because your pain is why it matters to be heard.

[ Talking about him? Right now? Even just thinking about it hurts. It hurts so much, like he's the one who's hand was cut off, like searing pain choking him, pressing into his chest, clutching his throat.

Repede noses against Yuri's hand before sitting next to him. Repede is sad too. Repede loves Flynn too. ]

About... Flynn.

[ He doesn't know why he does it, why he doesn't just ignore Blue, except that Blue is a good person. He's helped Yuri more than once, he's kind and considerate and he's hurting too.

Yuri looks up at the sky, dark overhead. It's clear, at least, stars twinkling in a canopy of black. ]

Flynn, he always wanted to help. He wanted the world to be a better place, we both did. We, we had nothing, but we had each other, we had... hope.

[ His voice cracks on the word and he squeezes his eyes shut. ]

Shit. I don't want to do this.

[ Because if he does, he's going to cry. He's going to have to accept that Flynn is gone. But even just Blue asking that, it makes some of the numb anger break, letting in the rawness, the love, the things that made being around Flynn good. He was infuriating and stiff and obnoxious, but he was good and funny and the only person Yuri could really talk to, about anything. The person who didn't immediately turn his back on Yuri when he made mistakes, the person who believed that Yuri could be more than what he was.

Repede whines at his side, and Yuri's shoulders drop, some of the tension leaving them, leaving behind exhaustion. ]

You using your magic on me?

No.

[gradually, Blue's shade has drifted to stand at Yuri's side, his own gaze upward.]

Only my words. The rest is your grief.

[grief can do many a terrible and wonderful thing for a body. healing tears, harmful spasms...he's lost Mu to the overwhelming consequences grief can have on their frail bodies and hearts.

Yuri is not frail, even though there's a splintering in his spirit that would seem as delicate as sugarglass. but he is not a solid, stone wall, despite what this dreadful scenario has triggered his heart to rapidly wall off the emotions tied to being cut loose from his most important person.

Blue's been through a lot, but he can't say he's known the full scope of a purely human's grief; is it better or worse that it feels so much like what Mu know?]

But I want to know it. Because you don't need to endure it alone, despite what you may think.

Why do you have to do it? You don't have to feel this.

[ Your pain isn't less important than Yuri's. Yuri can handle it, he can keep it in, feel that pain, that anger, deal with it himself. There's no reason for Blue to put himself in harm's way, to have to deal with this.

Brave Vesperia would be mad at him. He knows that. He can see their faces, he can imagine what they would do if they were here. Estelle would do what Blue's doing, talk to him about Flynn, mourn with him. Patty would do things for him, bring him food, try to cheer him up. Raven would make jokes, inappropriate ones, to try and lighten the mood. Judy would sit quietly with him. Rita would pretend to be unaffected. Karol would cry.

He misses them all like missing a limb. Maybe if they were here, he would be able to handle this. Maybe if the people whose lives he's already tangled up in were here, he would feel less alone.

But Blue is trying. He's trying to be here for Yuri, and that knowledge cracks his resolve a little, and he glances over at Blue at last, and blinks.

He's not solid. He's shining and blue and so different. ]

You, you don't have to do this.

No, I don’t. But I am here all the same.

[here, something of a ghost, built of his own will and self-image.

his countenance shifts, somber and gentle, crinkled with some kindness around his glowing eyes.]

Humans do not connect the same way my people do, and yet…connection is something humans still need as much as anything else. Even when they’re hurting.

Especially when they’re hurting.

[he holds a hand out to him.]

Letting me help you…doesn’t weaken or devalue your feelings or your cause.

And sharing those feelings doesn’t dilute them.

No... It doesn't, but, [ it hurts you.

But he's offering. He didn't have to offer, and he's offering, and Yuri hurts, he hurts so bad that he's afraid he might break.

He looks down at that hand, then takes it. It's like Brave Vesperia coming for him, to stop him from doing something stupid on his own, again. He looks up at Blue, and thinks that maybe, just maybe, he has that kind of connection here, too. ]

I don't even know where to start. I can't believe he's gone.

[he can’t replace Yuri’s precious friends. nor does he try - to do so would be more than presumptuous and at least a little oppressive.

it’s in Blue’s power to touch memories, to take and seal them away as he did with Physis’…but he can’t entertain that notion. even so, his nature to help and protect has been altered to some degree by the pale blood which now flows in his veins, and it’s that blood that bolsters the ability he has to draw some of those raw hurts into himself, to leave Yuri more room to exhale and manage his pain.

so while incorporeal, Blue’s fingers curl around Yuri’s hand, his other hand settling atop them both, and from that connection he exudes consolation, offering a sense of assurance and certainty:

somehow, he was going to be okay.]

Gone in ways. Not all of them, but…many that matter.

[physical presence, the proximity necessary to feel a true connection…memories alone can never fill that gap.]

He's still gone.

[ The anger is leaving him, leaving a hole behind it, a numbness that settles into his bones. The reassurance from Blue helps, but it still can't fill the space that Flynn left behind. His body is in their-- Yuri's-- house, rotting, like he was killed weeks ago instead of hours. But the touch helps. It's strange. He usually doesn't like to be touched, not really. It's never been associated with good things for him, it's never been something he sought out or wanted, but this... is nice. He isn't along. Blue is at one side, Repede at the other. ]

Let's, can we go to your place? I don't want to spill my guts out here.

As you wish.

[Blue turns his head, looking in the direction where his body lay.]

The hospital…I have been staying there. If you don’t know the way, I can guide you.

Hospital? Why are you...

[ That doesn't seem like the place he wants to be right now, but the other options are going home, where he asked Smokey to take Flynn's body, or somewhere in public. Maybe it is for the best. ]

Yeah. Let's go.

It is alright. I’m not in danger; I only have no home.

[hundreds of years a refugee, witnessing the little piece of home his brethren built get incinerated…it doesn’t instill the compulsion to lay claim to anything here.

a little pulse or reassurance passes from the act of squeezing Yuri’s hands before releasing them.]

Come, then. Before the rain can begin once more…

You know, you can just take a house. There are tons that are abandoned.

[ He trails after Blue's... spirit? He's not sure. There's more to this guy than he thought, and he would be interested but right now his mind keeps going back to Flynn, his lifeless body, he empty eyes.

He shudders, thinking about it ]

[the chill-inducing notion reaches Blue, and his image ripples slightly with it. but if he's been done harm by it, he doesn't really show; he continues lighting the way, cape billowing in an absent wind.]

That is what I've been told, yes...

Though I think fear keeps me from laying claim to any.

At least at this building, I'm not entirely alone.

[ He doesn't want to be alone.

Yuri doesn't really want to be alone now, either. He doesn't even think about ]

You can stay with me. If you want to. Guess I have the whole house to myself, now.

[ He glances down at Repede, who huffs ]

And Repede, and Smokey.

[Blue looks back at Yuri, gauging that offer and the circumstances it's been given in.

...he shouldn't be alone, either.

Blue smiles.]

I would like that. Thank you.

[the hospital looms ahead, looking less a place of comfort and healing than...well, any hospital, perhaps. in most any world, houses for the sick will never evade that unpleasant aura, no matter its good efforts.

Blue's specter fades before Yuri can enter so his mind can return to his body at rest within one of the lobbies. he stirs in the chair he's resting in, and the lion resting at the legs lifts its head to regard his return.

both pairs of eyes turn toward the door, awaiting Yuri.]

[ Something settles in him. He won't be alone, and neither will Blue. That's good. Flynn would want that. He'd want Yuri to take care of Blue.

It's disconcerting when Blue disappears, but Yuri tries the door, and see the pair of them starring at him, and he relaxes a little. ]

Lion, huh? Pretty cool.

[ He looks around, one hand on his hip. He can act normal, even if inside, he feels like he's falling apart. ]

[the lion's ear flicks a little, but otherwise doesn't seem to react to the passing remark, instead just resting its head back down on its big ol' paws.

Blue smiles faintly, a hazy mirror of the expression he held as that ghost of himself. it really should be reversed - that the physical shape of him is the ghost, and that mental form his true self; he's vastly stronger in mind than in body, and his self-image has always bolstered that. here now sits a man who simultaneously looks both young and unnervingly old: it's the weariness in the eyes, and the drawn kind of countenance he naturally wears - an acceptance of frailty the way many of the chronically infirmed share.

all this doesn't stop him from sitting up a bit more, his eyes flicking to the chair beside him as invitation before they return to fix on Yuri himself, his arm moving from its place at rest in his lap to guide his hand out for the taking, leaving it there whether it's taken or not.]

Is that...what it's called? "Lion"...

I never saw one before.

[ Yuri goes to drop down in the chair with a groan. Somehow, he doesn't feel like he needs to kill anyone anymore. The numbness is overtaking him. He can't do anything. His choices were to kill the guy who killed Flynn, or to do nothing. So nothing it is. Nothing it is, he just needs to live with the fact that Flynn is dead.

Dead. Gone.

Right, Blue said something. ]

Uh, yeah. Really? Lions are pretty cool. Mine's a bird. Smokey, he's back at home...

[ With Flynn's body. He eyes skip down to Repede, who's watching him with that calm way of his. He's upset too. Sad, angry, Yuri can see it behind his eyes. Repede would stand by him no matter what choice he made. At least that's reassuring.

Maybe he should just get into it. He should talk about Flynn, their relationship, let himself think about it, but what comes out of his mouth instead is: ]

I've done it before. Killed. I thought it was the right thing to do. Flynn didn't. He was so pissed at me. Pissed at himself too. He's a good guy. A really good guy...

[ Well, he's talking about Flynn anyway, staring blankly across the quiet lobby. No one's paying attention to them. ]

But he wouldn't want me to. You, Willow, Ruby. You're all right. He would be so mad if I killed for him. He wouldn't want that. He would want me to do it the "right way" whatever the hell that means. Even if the right way doesn't get rid of the problem. A crime is a crime.

[ Words Flynn said to him, that stick in his ribs. No crime is okay, no matter the reason, in Flynn's mind. He stayed on the straight and narrow, even when that narrow stifled him. ]

[Blue watches Yuri as he talks, watching those surface-level notions of his state-of-mind shifting along with his words. dread notions tied and touted along in a tone that's weary with the weight of his loss and the prospect of having to carry on in this state. echoes of Flynn's own voice in the reasoning Yuri works out aloud...

when there's a natural lapse in his speaking:] ...Do you believe his words?

[ It hasn't really mattered, before. Yuri isn't the type to spend too long thinking about philosophy or things bigger than the here and now, but this... He runs a hand over his face. ]

No. Not unless the laws are fair. But that's his whole thing. He's trying to make them fair, it just means he has to follow them even when they aren't.

[ Still in the present tense. He's not gone, not until Yuri has to accept that he isn't ]

There aren't laws here, but there's Flynn's beliefs. I guess, I guess that's what's important here.

[it is what's important here - that much Blue is certain of. but it doesn't matter if he's certain, but rather Yuri.]

Despite that...will you honor that belief? In regard to revenge.

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