Accidental Video: UN - CentaursTesticle (CW for potential troll reproduction talk)

[alternia_strength]

[There was no warning, really. The first day of June rolled around and Equius was just sitting there in his house, sipping a glass of milk freshly poured for him by his loyal centaur omen Arthour. He was relaxing, grunting as he looked through bow schematics when he noticed a soccer-ball sized eyeball sitting on top of his centaur's head. The hell? A tendril reached out, touched his forehead, another reaching out to his omni, and suddenly he and all of Trench were getting treated to a vision of another world's past! It was hard to tell if this was Maul's curse or just bad luck. It didn't matter. The video played.]

Watch on YouTube

"You never know what this kind of knowledge could do to a person" [The words of the announcer seemed all too poignant as Equius sputtered and started screaming bloody murder.]

WH...WHAT?!? WHY DID YOU SH..SHOW ME THIS... THIS... [Oh look, the Pthumerian had zipped off to teach someone else a new lesson!] THIS BLASPHEMY!?!

[He was squawking, flailing his arms. His glass full of milk had flung across the room and Arthour was ducking and covering as Equius seethed and screamed bloody murder right at his omni, like it had done something wrong. A fist came out and punched it. OW! THAT HURT! It also just made the profusely sweating, horrified looking troll freak out more.]

This is a glob-infested, horror dragged out of the spinal crevice of a demented Squeal Pippete! What monster would let this festering splooge pass through their porous cranial plates to cause this to be reality?

EVERYTHING IS NOT A FUCKING BUCKET!
[Breathe]

IT CANNOT BE A FUCKING BUCKET!?!
[A vein was throbbing in his forehead.]

I AM NOT A GRUB LICKING BUCKET!
[He was grabbing at his forehead like he had an existential crisis]

YOU ARE NOT A BUCKET!
[He looked like he was about to tear some hair out.]

THIS WORLD IS NOT A BUCKET!
[He shook his head in the hopes of making it go away.]

WHAT KIND OF SICK PERVERSE FUCKING WORLD IS A BUCKET?!?
[Whoop, there went a chair, right through a window.]

I WILL DESTROY IT!

[This is fine. Everything is fine.]

(OOC: Teensy heads up. Yeah, he's going to be more than a little crazy in this thread.
Calming him down will be HARD. He'll get over it eventually though.)

Comments

video | un: K

[obeir]

[ Holy shit what's even happening here. While most will probably find the bizarre broadcast and Equius's outburst amusing, K's deeply concerned for their troll's mental well-being at the moment. ]

May I ask why buckets upset you to this degree? What— [ He's at a loss for words. ] Did something happen?

[ Some kind of bucket related trauma? ]

[alternia_strength]

You don't just leave these things out in the open where everyone can see! It's unseemly! It's excruciatingly licentious to leave a receptacle like that on a trundling apparatus like that in order to be gawked at and discussed and who even makes a hologram of a bucket? What purpose would it serve?

AND I HAVE TO STRESS THAT I AM NOT A BUCKET!

[Breathe]

You humans always leave these horrible things out where everyone can see them. They are only supposed to be brought out for the subjuggulators to collect! Not that this serves the slightest bit of purpose at this time but why why why would everything be a bucket?

[That probably wasn't helping explain things yet was it?]

[obeir]

[ Yyyeah, that explains approximately nothing and K's visible confusion only grows — until he suddenly wrinkles his nose in distaste. ]

I'm not human, and I'd thank you to remember it. [ But Equius wouldn't know about humanity systematically oppressing and enslaving androids of his kind, unless Dirk may've mentioned it to him, so he probably also couldn't know how offensive his remark was. Well. That'll be a story for another time. Then, in a baffled but reassuring tone: ] And you're definitely not a bucket. I'm sure no one thinks you are. I don't.

[ Buckets are... practically pornographic to Equius, it seems?

K's been cleaning, and upon realising there probably is a bucket visible somewhere in the background of his video feed, he conscientiously tilts his Omni back slightly, hoping to keep it out of view. ]

Who or what are the subjuggulators and why do they collect buckets?

[alternia_strength]

[That first statement caused him to blink. There was a momentary realization, like he hadn't fully grasped who he was speaking to for a little bit there. He'd just been ranting and railing without actually comprehending.]

Ah, of course. You are not human. Gah. I apologize. This has me too far out of sorts. These things are supposed to be handled delicately!

[Huh? What were... oh right. Right, of course. They wouldn't know.]

They are meant to collect the genetic material deposited within the receptacles to be given to the mother grub who will see to the propagation of the species. Seeing one of those ....those... THINGS in public, it's depraved! I realize they are used in [Shudder] cleansing rituals on other worlds but it would be as if... as if... what is the word humans use?

Gah, I try not to think of their reproductive cycles. It is not important. The idea of an existence that is fundamentally one giant reproductive receptacle for genetic material is simply disturbing.

[obeir]

[ Genetic material—?

And then it all suddenly clicks into place and K looks momentarily dumbstruck. So they fill... entire buckets... what the fuck. All at once? These are things he'd really rather not be thinking about, but now he can't help it.

Entire buckets?? ]

Yeah, I've only ever used buckets for cleaning or carrying water. [ And that just sounds weirdly dirty right now. But he gets what Equius seems to be alluding to — or thinks he does. It would be like someone using something like a condom to clean with, he imagines. ] ...I think I get what you mean, though. And that's an unpleasant mental image.

[ ... Entire buckets? It seems wildly inappropriate to ask for clarification, so he won't. This unwanted knowledge is just going to haunt him now. ]

You want a distraction? Something to help get your mind off— those things? [ He could try to provide one, at least. ]

[alternia_strength]

A horrendous mental image. An entire world that is... GAH! [He thumped his head to try and get that out. It didn't.] How could an entirely reality be... no no, have to stop thinking about this.

Yes! A distraction! Karkat is not here freaking out as he should be. Where is that overgrown grubling? Whatever. Yes. I will take a distraction. What are your thoughts.

[obeir]

His absence does seem strange. [ Maybe the content is so offensive to troll sensibilities that Karkat couldn't handle it? ] Maybe he'll screech at you later.

I have some videos... [ That will hopefully help get both their minds off the world being a giant genetic material receptacle (ew), at least for a few minutes.

So Equius has an interest in robotics and seems to have a thing about towels, K knows that much. The first video he sends is of a primitive robot learning to fold towels. What a good robo.

And the second video features a robot being cruelly taunted by a human before finally receiving its plushie friend. It's adorable. No buckets here! ]

[alternia_strength]

I will speak with Kyle-human when the opportunity presents itself and my think-pan is properly relegated to response. At present I am too out of sorts.

[He growled and considered for a moment before clicking the link and in that moment.... he was suddenly absolutely enchanted. It was a robot, however simplistic, and it was folding ... towels! Two of his favorite things in one.]

... this first video. It is delightfully appropriate. I must admit. I could watch a robot folding towels all day.

[... yeaah, he was weird that way.]

[obeir]

Yes. You should really... rest first. Or whatever helps you regain emotional equilibrium. [ K makes a note to also contact Kyle later to see what's up...

Equius's response to the videos makes him smile slightly. ]

I thought you'd like that. Why do you hold such an appreciation for towels, anyway? [ There's a faint teasing note in his tone when he says: ] Robots I can understand.

[alternia_strength]

D --> I will find something to hit
D --> Striking things assists
D --> I have punching apparati for that purpose in my apartment

D --> Ah yes that
D --> I am prone to e%tremely severe perspiration when I become distressed
D --> Particularly over such salacious material