Equius Zahhak (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
alternia_strength) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deernet2022-06-01 12:09 am
alternia_strength) wrote in deernet2022-06-01 12:09 am
Entry tags:
Accidental Video: UN - CentaursTesticle (CW for potential troll reproduction talk)
[There was no warning, really. The first day of June rolled around and Equius was just sitting there in his house, sipping a glass of milk freshly poured for him by his loyal centaur omen Arthour. He was relaxing, grunting as he looked through bow schematics when he noticed a soccer-ball sized eyeball sitting on top of his centaur's head. The hell? A tendril reached out, touched his forehead, another reaching out to his omni, and suddenly he and all of Trench were getting treated to a vision of another world's past! It was hard to tell if this was Maul's curse or just bad luck. It didn't matter. The video played.]
"You never know what this kind of knowledge could do to a person" [The words of the announcer seemed all too poignant as Equius sputtered and started screaming bloody murder.]
WH...WHAT?!? WHY DID YOU SH..SHOW ME THIS... THIS... [Oh look, the Pthumerian had zipped off to teach someone else a new lesson!] THIS BLASPHEMY!?!
[He was squawking, flailing his arms. His glass full of milk had flung across the room and Arthour was ducking and covering as Equius seethed and screamed bloody murder right at his omni, like it had done something wrong. A fist came out and punched it. OW! THAT HURT! It also just made the profusely sweating, horrified looking troll freak out more.]
This is a glob-infested, horror dragged out of the spinal crevice of a demented Squeal Pippete! What monster would let this festering splooge pass through their porous cranial plates to cause this to be reality?
EVERYTHING IS NOT A FUCKING BUCKET!
[Breathe]
IT CANNOT BE A FUCKING BUCKET!?!
[A vein was throbbing in his forehead.]
I AM NOT A GRUB LICKING BUCKET!
[He was grabbing at his forehead like he had an existential crisis]
YOU ARE NOT A BUCKET!
[He looked like he was about to tear some hair out.]
THIS WORLD IS NOT A BUCKET!
[He shook his head in the hopes of making it go away.]
WHAT KIND OF SICK PERVERSE FUCKING WORLD IS A BUCKET?!?
[Whoop, there went a chair, right through a window.]
I WILL DESTROY IT!
[This is fine. Everything is fine.]
(OOC: Teensy heads up. Yeah, he's going to be more than a little crazy in this thread.
Calming him down will be HARD. He'll get over it eventually though.)
"You never know what this kind of knowledge could do to a person" [The words of the announcer seemed all too poignant as Equius sputtered and started screaming bloody murder.]
WH...WHAT?!? WHY DID YOU SH..SHOW ME THIS... THIS... [Oh look, the Pthumerian had zipped off to teach someone else a new lesson!] THIS BLASPHEMY!?!
[He was squawking, flailing his arms. His glass full of milk had flung across the room and Arthour was ducking and covering as Equius seethed and screamed bloody murder right at his omni, like it had done something wrong. A fist came out and punched it. OW! THAT HURT! It also just made the profusely sweating, horrified looking troll freak out more.]
This is a glob-infested, horror dragged out of the spinal crevice of a demented Squeal Pippete! What monster would let this festering splooge pass through their porous cranial plates to cause this to be reality?
EVERYTHING IS NOT A FUCKING BUCKET!
[Breathe]
IT CANNOT BE A FUCKING BUCKET!?!
[A vein was throbbing in his forehead.]
I AM NOT A GRUB LICKING BUCKET!
[He was grabbing at his forehead like he had an existential crisis]
YOU ARE NOT A BUCKET!
[He looked like he was about to tear some hair out.]
THIS WORLD IS NOT A BUCKET!
[He shook his head in the hopes of making it go away.]
WHAT KIND OF SICK PERVERSE FUCKING WORLD IS A BUCKET?!?
[Whoop, there went a chair, right through a window.]
I WILL DESTROY IT!
[This is fine. Everything is fine.]
(OOC: Teensy heads up. Yeah, he's going to be more than a little crazy in this thread.
Calming him down will be HARD. He'll get over it eventually though.)
text; un: GoldenFlowers
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D --> What sort of e%cruciating simpleton and f00l do you take me for
D --> It is a metal receptacle utilized for e%traction and acquisition of genetic material
D --> The world is not such perversity
[It was a testimony to the fact that he could type while this irate, much less maintain his quirk, but such was as it was. Even furious he was a creature of habit.]
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What is the important factor? That they are made to carry genetic material (not actually true but whatever)? Do you not also carry genetic material within you?
Defend your position.
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D --> Why do they make multiple kinds of buckets
D --> What e%cruciatingly sick fetishism is there in having different sorts of buckets
D --> And wouldn't genetic material leech through the slats in a w00den bucket
D --> I should not be thinking of these things
D --> Which is to say nothing of there not being anything like a flesh bucket
D --> You do not put genetic material in a flesh bucket like some human
D --> And of course the genetic material starts in the organism
D --> The bucket is for the reception and mi%ing of the
D --> I need a towel
D --> You are doing this on purpose
[This was only going to get worse.]
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I think you are under a very perverse misconception about the general purpose of a bucket. I will not correct you because it is amusing, but I will point it out.
I want you to explain the ways in which you are different from a bucket.
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D --> This is e%actly what my species is supposed to do with buckets
D --> Just because all of these other races leave their genetic material gathering receptacles out in public for cleaning purposes
D --> Blech
D --> This does not change that it has a precise and e%act utility in my culture
D --> Without one the subjuggulators would have nothing to gather the material in
D --> And it would be a fruitless mess
D --> But now there is this insanity of other worlds that are entirely bucket
D --> You do not leave genetic material inside me
D --> I am not w00d
D --> Nor am I fashioned of mettal
D --> Why am I even humoring this disgusting conversation
[Why indeed? Oh right, he couldn't help himself and he was kind of an easy mark for Chara right now.]
no subject
[That's aout the only thing they're going to comment on there because his wildly incorrect assumptions are funny.]
Do you not have genetic material inside of you? Are you not living? Is your body not made of DNA? You are the spawn of genetic material, and you are a carrier as well until you die.
Also, as established there's no reason a bucket couldn't be made of flesh or bone.
no subject
D --> Does that mean you are not one of their number
D --> Augh that is not how this is supposed to work
D --> A bucket is the receptacle for transportation after e%pellation
D --> This whole conversation is horrendously salacious and inappropriate
D --> It is not as if procreation is even possible without the mother grub
cw for... nsfw discussion??? this is just bullying
I will say, your species' reproduction sounds wildly unnecessarily complex. You use a bucket and then take it to the... broodmother? How horrifically sexist. The poor woman.
I suppose the question I must ask you is how biologically would it be feasible for it to be something that requires solely a metal bucket. Are you not also a bucket to deliver it onto another bucket? If a bucket is to hold genetic material, you also hold genetic material, and so does your mother grub until she creates her spawn, who will then grow up to hold genetic material.
It really sounds as if all living creatures in your species are, in some way, on a metaphysical way, a bucket.
CW: Yep, totally SFW talk about awful NSFW things for bullying purposes here. Also 1/2
D --> Only one of their species can lay eggs and it is the same for us
D --> But by human standards yes it is much more comple% and I am aware of that
D --> And we are not buckets
D --> Metaphorically or physically
D --> I am a spigot
[...]
2/2
D --> Cease this trollish behavior immediately
D --> I will punch you in the think pan
D --> Platonically
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D --> You cannot dissuade me with adorable photography of purr beasts
D --> Besides that
D --> What about you
D --> If I am a bucket are you not a bucket as well
D --> No
D --> Wait
D --> That is e%ceptionally worse
D --> Forget I said that
video | un: K
May I ask why buckets upset you to this degree? What— [ He's at a loss for words. ] Did something happen?
[ Some kind of bucket related trauma? ]
no subject
AND I HAVE TO STRESS THAT I AM NOT A BUCKET!
[Breathe]
You humans always leave these horrible things out where everyone can see them. They are only supposed to be brought out for the subjuggulators to collect! Not that this serves the slightest bit of purpose at this time but why why why would everything be a bucket?
[That probably wasn't helping explain things yet was it?]
no subject
I'm not human, and I'd thank you to remember it. [ But Equius wouldn't know about humanity systematically oppressing and enslaving androids of his kind, unless Dirk may've mentioned it to him, so he probably also couldn't know how offensive his remark was. Well. That'll be a story for another time. Then, in a baffled but reassuring tone: ] And you're definitely not a bucket. I'm sure no one thinks you are. I don't.
[ Buckets are... practically pornographic to Equius, it seems?
K's been cleaning, and upon realising there probably is a bucket visible somewhere in the background of his video feed, he conscientiously tilts his Omni back slightly, hoping to keep it out of view. ]
Who or what are the subjuggulators and why do they collect buckets?
no subject
Ah, of course. You are not human. Gah. I apologize. This has me too far out of sorts. These things are supposed to be handled delicately!
[Huh? What were... oh right. Right, of course. They wouldn't know.]
They are meant to collect the genetic material deposited within the receptacles to be given to the mother grub who will see to the propagation of the species. Seeing one of those ....those... THINGS in public, it's depraved! I realize they are used in [Shudder] cleansing rituals on other worlds but it would be as if... as if... what is the word humans use?
Gah, I try not to think of their reproductive cycles. It is not important. The idea of an existence that is fundamentally one giant reproductive receptacle for genetic material is simply disturbing.
no subject
And then it all suddenly clicks into place and K looks momentarily dumbstruck. So they fill... entire buckets... what the fuck. All at once? These are things he'd really rather not be thinking about, but now he can't help it.
Entire buckets?? ]
Yeah, I've only ever used buckets for cleaning or carrying water. [ And that just sounds weirdly dirty right now. But he gets what Equius seems to be alluding to — or thinks he does. It would be like someone using something like a condom to clean with, he imagines. ] ...I think I get what you mean, though. And that's an unpleasant mental image.
[ ... Entire buckets? It seems wildly inappropriate to ask for clarification, so he won't. This unwanted knowledge is just going to haunt him now. ]
You want a distraction? Something to help get your mind off— those things? [ He could try to provide one, at least. ]
no subject
Yes! A distraction! Karkat is not here freaking out as he should be. Where is that overgrown grubling? Whatever. Yes. I will take a distraction. What are your thoughts.
no subject
I have some videos... [ That will hopefully help get both their minds off the world being a giant genetic material receptacle (ew), at least for a few minutes.
So Equius has an interest in robotics and seems to have a thing about towels, K knows that much. The first video he sends is of a primitive robot learning to fold towels. What a good robo.
And the second video features a robot being cruelly taunted by a human before finally receiving its plushie friend. It's adorable. No buckets here! ]
no subject
[He growled and considered for a moment before clicking the link and in that moment.... he was suddenly absolutely enchanted. It was a robot, however simplistic, and it was folding ... towels! Two of his favorite things in one.]
... this first video. It is delightfully appropriate. I must admit. I could watch a robot folding towels all day.
[... yeaah, he was weird that way.]
no subject
Equius's response to the videos makes him smile slightly. ]
I thought you'd like that. Why do you hold such an appreciation for towels, anyway? [ There's a faint teasing note in his tone when he says: ] Robots I can understand.
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D --> Striking things assists
D --> I have punching apparati for that purpose in my apartment
D --> Ah yes that
D --> I am prone to e%tremely severe perspiration when I become distressed
D --> Particularly over such salacious material
audio; un: TripleJ
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That was a universe that is secretly a bucket. How can that not on some level be exactly that kind of bucket?
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IS SHE PUNKING ME?!?
[Yes. The indestructible eyeball is definitely punking you.]
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Probably, yeah.
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[Seethe]
This is a horrible thing to do to someone.