lipochrome: (18)
kiriona gaia. ([personal profile] lipochrome) wrote in [community profile] deernet2022-06-22 10:56 pm

URGENT: HELP US FEED A LIZARD (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!)

[ The video opens on a close-up shot of a lizard’s face. Its eyes are unfocused and unblinking. Its jaw is slack. Sometimes, a tongue flops out, and a hand reaches out to shove it back in.

Without warning, the camera DRAMATICALLY zooms out to reveal Kaworu, holding up a large, floppy lizard. This lizard is literally the size of him. Bigger even, if you include the length of its tail]


Okay, Kaworu! [ A very loud, very enthusiastic woman’s voice. ] You’re up! Time to tell everyone about this extremely important mission! Don’t – Kaworu, come on, you have to hold him up, like we practiced.

[ This is interrupted by some unfortunately shaky camera work. ]

Shinji-kun. His name is Shinji-kun and he’s heavy. You should give me the camera instead.

We don’t know what to feed Shinji-kun. He has little interest in eating even though we’ve had him for months now. It’s odd, most creatures, especially basic ones like him, are driven by the need to eat to survive, yet we can’t find anything that he desires. So far we’ve tried… buttered noodles, rice, cereal, marshmallows, grass, leaves…

What else Gideon?


Dried fruit, protein shakes, nice words written on paper notes, my blood, Kaworu’s blood, a rat we found in the backyard one time, bones. You know, regular animal foods.

[ Gideon shrugs, and the camera moves up and down with it. Professionalism!! ]

We know there was this whole baking competition or whatever going down, so, you know, if any of you want to bake a lizard treat we’d buy you lunch or whatever in exchange. Or just tell us how to feed this lizard.

[ Please!! Help! ]

( ooc: Gideon is in red and Kaworu is in blue. Shinji the lizard is undead, but the two of them have no idea. They just love their re-animated lizard a lot and want the best for him.)
terriblepurpose: (085)

un: younghuman | text | locked from gideon and kaworu

[personal profile] terriblepurpose 2022-06-23 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
Be polite.
dohaeris: (come on man)

video; un: lady

[personal profile] dohaeris 2022-06-23 04:28 am (UTC)(link)
[sansa stares at the lizard. she hasn't actually seen one before, unless dragons count. and they eat meat. she has managed to glean a few things from being around people who read books about this sort of thing for fun. and she has heard that snakes eat mice, though she can't say where exactly she heard it, but lady sakura didn't correct it when she said it on the anonymous post, so it must be true enough. and she has been birds, which–aren't lizards, but which probably cumulatively cover all the possibilities for small(??) animal diets.]

If he won't eat mice or leaves, he might like insects.

[there is one definite way to find out for sure, though...]

If I could be with him I might be able to...sense what he wants, with my paleblood magic.

[she wants to warg the lizard. she hesitates.]

But...if it's been months, he's probably feeding himself.

[or photosynthesizing??]
Edited 2022-06-23 04:29 (UTC)
frogfear: (05)

[personal profile] frogfear 2022-06-23 04:31 am (UTC)(link)
[Willow doesn't know a whole lot about reptiles - she's not even a really big fan of them, really. But oh. Oh, that lizard does not look well at all.

Still. Look at this pair, just trying to do the best for their scaly friend, and look at the list of things they've tried to help find him something he might actually like to eat. Taking one look at his vacant, unblinking eyes, and the way his tongue just kind of lolls out of his mouth, the answer is pretty clear.

This is not the kind of lizard that eats. Not any more at least.

Her eyebrows raise in concern as she tries to pick the best way to frame the question.]


Are you sure he's... You know...

Are you sure he's okay? Or, um. Hungry?
mehanizovati: (30)

similar lock, text

[personal profile] mehanizovati 2022-06-23 04:50 am (UTC)(link)
Paul, what is wrong with that lizard?
terriblepurpose: (035)

[personal profile] terriblepurpose 2022-06-23 05:36 am (UTC)(link)
There's nothing wrong with him.

private to viktor

There's nothing wrong with him that can be acted on. I can assure you he's not suffering.
mehanizovati: (5)

[personal profile] mehanizovati 2022-06-23 05:42 am (UTC)(link)
I see. I suppose the Trench has its share of odd animals.

[private]

But they would with certain facts or truths, I take it. Very well, it would be pointless to deny them whatever joy the creature brings.
mehanizovati: (5)

video; un: v

[personal profile] mehanizovati 2022-06-23 05:44 am (UTC)(link)
[ok, after an enlightening little chat with paul he'll play the game here.]

Given the odd nature of the Trench he might get nourishment from an unlikely source. Moonlight, for example.
unsheathedfromreality: (spent among the slain)

not here (yet)

[personal profile] unsheathedfromreality 2022-06-23 10:03 am (UTC)(link)
[Illarion listens to this one at first, rather than having Iskierka watch it--nine times out of ten the visuals aren't necessary.

But when it gets to his name is Shinji-kun, the shrike's curiosity is piqued--wasn't that Tabris' Omen--and then Gideon mentions lizard treats... He summons Iskierka and borrows her eyes to see--

"He gave them my lizard?" Godspit on Sacrifice's Throne, what is wrong with that man's reasoning.

(He is a Monarch, of course; that's all that needs to be.)
]
unsheathedfromreality: (as the darkness closes in again)

un: merlinus; private

[personal profile] unsheathedfromreality 2022-06-23 10:09 am (UTC)(link)
Polite and kind are not synonymous in this case.

I brought that lizard back from death. It wasn't meant to last this long.


[Or, needless to say, become someone's beloved pet.]
Edited (cleaning up stray underlines) 2022-06-23 10:09 (UTC)
wannasmash: "Don't tell me... The limited edition is sold out?!" (oh no what don't tell me)

text | un: deku | private

[personal profile] wannasmash 2022-06-23 10:10 am (UTC)(link)
[ Paul told Midoriya why the lizard would still be okay if he ate, say, a wrapper. ]

Paul-kun I'm at work why didn't you stop them
Someone is going to figure out and tell them
What do we do?????
unsheathedfromreality: (reflect on a thousand lifetimes)

un: imyarek; private text

[personal profile] unsheathedfromreality 2022-06-23 10:12 am (UTC)(link)
I recommend against using any paleblood magic on the lizard, my lady. You will not like what you find.
terriblepurpose: (083)

private

[personal profile] terriblepurpose 2022-06-23 12:41 pm (UTC)(link)
[This must be one of the reasons he and Palamedes are more than research partners.]

I appreciate your understanding and discretion.
terriblepurpose: (059)

permaprivate

[personal profile] terriblepurpose 2022-06-23 01:02 pm (UTC)(link)
But he has, and it's been fine.
onekindsoul: (we'll stand outnumbered)

Video: UN: ClickClickBloom

[personal profile] onekindsoul 2022-06-23 01:12 pm (UTC)(link)
...Huh. You've tried a lot of the best ideas already there.

I mean he seems healthy enough even though he's not really eating? Maybe just leave him out food and he'll eat when he's ready?

That or you could always try and hook him up to an IV or something? Pump potato chips directly into his veins!
terriblepurpose: (039)

permaprivate

[personal profile] terriblepurpose 2022-06-23 01:12 pm (UTC)(link)
I couldn't stop them forever without kidnapping the lizard and believe me, I thought about it.

I'm hoping we can rely on the basic decency of our fellow Sleepers. Failing that, I'll apply diplomatic measures.


[Up to and including pointed ones.]
justoscar: (determined)

un: diggs | text | locked from gideon and kaworu

[personal profile] justoscar 2022-06-23 01:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Paul. What the hell did your teacher do to that poor guy?
justoscar: (squint)

Video | un: diggs

[personal profile] justoscar 2022-06-23 01:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Um....

Maybe he just wants a hug?
unsheathedfromreality: (reflect on a thousand lifetimes)

[personal profile] unsheathedfromreality 2022-06-23 01:26 pm (UTC)(link)
They should be told.
terriblepurpose: (035)

[personal profile] terriblepurpose 2022-06-23 01:30 pm (UTC)(link)
He didn't do anything to him. That's just how Shinji-kun is.
justoscar: (determined)

[personal profile] justoscar 2022-06-23 01:31 pm (UTC)(link)
He's clearly... Not normal.

Paul. He looks kinda dead. This isn't right.
Edited 2022-06-23 13:31 (UTC)
unsheathedfromreality: (reflect on a thousand lifetimes)

un: mr_mysterious

[personal profile] unsheathedfromreality 2022-06-23 01:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Nothing. I resurrected it. The Emperor continues to sustain it. (So far as I am aware.)

[Better to get that misunderstanding off the table before it has time to grow.]
peripheries: (long-gay-nus???)

un: tabris

[personal profile] peripheries 2022-06-23 01:54 pm (UTC)(link)
We often show him all sorts of affection. He even gets to sleep under the bed. What else is there?
justoscar: (consideration)

Private to Paul and Mr. Mysterious

[personal profile] justoscar 2022-06-23 01:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh! You remembered!

You probably had your reasons for this, but Sasha doesn't need to lead people on like this.

I've got.... Feelings about disrespecting the dead. Sorry.
terriblepurpose: (026)

[personal profile] terriblepurpose 2022-06-23 01:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Why?
justoscar: (blushy sass)

[personal profile] justoscar 2022-06-23 01:55 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't know? Maybe tell him that he's cute and a good lizard?

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