text; un: warden

[bigfinish]

how do you do magic if you're not a mage

fake magic for not mages?

where do you buy meat for dogs

[These are not, in fact, incorrectly-aimed omni searches, this is simply how local not-a-mage Carver Hawke chooses to communicate. He has all the grace and poise of a preteen trying to google puberty, when it comes to Doing a Magic, but he also doesn't know how to be anonymous, so here he is.

Also if you've ever received a message from a one Palamedes Sextus and are wondering what's up with this severely different un: warden post, oopsie doodle? The click-through userid is different, if you make the effort to check.]

Comments

video; un: dovahkiin

[fusrodaaaah]

Um, you can usually - trade for meat. Or fish. That - that counts as meat, right? But - fish is um. Hard right now.

What do you mean... fake magic?

[Hi Carver, sure hope you don't mind a man-sized lizard on your screen.]

[bigfinish]

[Hmm. Okay. Now, he doesn't know all that much about dragons, but like, is this a talking dragon? Weird that it happened twice, he supposes.

He switches to video, if only because the omni replies to videos with video automatically, and not because he knows what he's doing. As such, it takes him a second to blink at the lack of keyboard, ahem:]

Maker, what's it done to the letters— I'm not a mage. I'm not supposed to have magic.

[this explains everything. anyway, he's going to ask-]

Are you a dragon?

[fusrodaaaah]

[Enjoy those two weird happenings, Carver.]

But... but now you - you do? Um. Sorry, I - I'm not a mage, either.

[He's an alchemist. There's a difference, thank you.]

... huh? [Melius - Melius you are a walking lizard man.] O-Oh! Oh, no. No I um. I'm Argonian. Sorry...

[bigfinish]

Are you apologizing for not being a dragon? [Sir... sir.] That's— I mean, don't do that. I just thought- you know what I thought. Never mind.

[AHEM... okay.]

You don't have... new magic? Here?

[fusrodaaaah]

I... Okay. I'm s- Okay.

[Don't worry, he's just kind of like that. The problem with no social skills.]

Oh! That! I mean um. Kind of. But um, it's... it isn't anything I couldn't do before.

[bigfinish]

[Oh no, the not-a-dragon man is-- shy? Is that shy? He doesn't know enough about normal interactions for this. Ah.]

So— then you are a mage? That sounds like a mage to me.

[fusrodaaaah]

N-no. No, it's um. It's different...

[Shy, socially anxious, you name it.]

Do - do you know - what 'Dovahkiin' means? [PLEASE SAY NO then he can downplay the crap out of this.]

[bigfinish]

[Boy, if this is another "I know it's called blood magic but it's not blood magic," he swears—]

Not even a little. What's it mean?

[fusrodaaaah]

It... It means "Dragon-born".

So um. I can. Kind of use their... power. But - but not regular magic. So I'm - not a mage.

[It's a technicality.]

[bigfinish]

[Okay, here's what he's got:

1. Looks like a dragon but shaped like a dude.
2. "Dragon-born"
3. Dragon magic?
4. Somehow all of this means neither dragon nor mage!

Carver has never been more confused in his life than this. He's processing, give him a second.]

... Okay. I believe you. What's your name, before I start calling you Ser Not-a-Mage.

[fusrodaaaah]

Sorry! I'm sorry - I'm um.

Melius. Melius Senyan.

[He very nearly leaves it at that, you know, because that's a great point to leave off on without reciprocation.]

... Um. What's - what's yours?

[bigfinish]

Stop- stop apologizing, will you? You haven't done anything.

[Maker, please. He makes a face directed somewhere offscreen, doing his damnedest not to look exasperated and inspire More Apologies. It's fine? It is alright. He's reminded the smallest amount of Merrill, apologizing for babbling, but only just.

Well, it's easier to talk to people outside of this dumb little device anyway, he supposes...]

I'm Carver. Hawke. Just call me Carver.

[fusrodaaaah]

I - I'm s-- [His whole face scrunches up. Kind of like Kermit if either of them knew who Kermit was.] Okay. I will um. I will try.

[It's so hard NOT to apologize for apologizing too much.]

Carver. Okay. Um. What... what can you... do? With the not-magic?

[bigfinish]

[homie.]

Well, you know... [Boy, is it embarrassing.] I froze my beer. Twice in a row.

[Maybe this doesn't sound like 'panic online' levels of magic, but it is!!]

[fusrodaaaah]

... Oh.

Um. Okay you um. Have the same as me... then. Did you try - thinking warm thoughts? About your beer?

[Melius that doesn't help.]